One more day! Thank Goodness!
Sometimes I sit down, like now, and wonder what in the world I was doing sending my children to public school. And by public, I mean in a big building with other kids. Public was so much better than private for us, just saying. But anyway....
I remember sending each of mine to ninth grade and worrying so much. The rumors about drugs, assaults, petty fights, unqualified teachers, shootings......Could there be a shooting at my kid's school? Damn, I hope not. Then it became one of those things where you wake up, send them off, go about your day, they come home, lather, rinse, repeat. THEN. Then Santa Fe happened. Ya'll. That's right down the road from us. I was considering sending Adam there to play football. One of the teachers was one of our preschooler's grandmothers. Way too close. Yes. I seriously considered homeschooling from there on but my kid's are very social creatures and wouldn't hear of it. Deep down I figured, well, it won't happen at their school, so very near their school. Their HIGH SCHOOL.
And then here we are again.
We do not live near Uvalde, but my dad goes there each year to hunt ducks in the fall. He knows people there, it's a friendly town. I wonder which, if any, of those families he has interacted with have lost their children. What in the world was an 18 year old very young adult, CHILD REALLY, doing with an assault rifle? It's a hunting town there, they make money on that type of tourism, but do you need THAT to kill a small bird?
I've been fielding out resumes and applications to teach in public school again next year. I have a degree in Elementary Education and a Masters in Special Education. 1992. I was excited to make a difference and spend my days back in elementary schools and lately I have felt the same way, hoping for a second or third grade classroom, how I would decorate, what the kids would need from me, the staff I would forge relationships with.....now. I am scared. Would I die protecting my students or would I run screaming from adrenaline because I still have kids to raise? No one should have thoughts like that. The last year I taught preschool we had shooter drills. It was insane. Not because, eh, what are the odds? Insane watching these 2-5 year olds hiding, attempting to be silent, blinds drawn, huddling in a shared bathroom with little boy pee on the floor wondering aloud if they would be able to finish their painting before time to go home. We were in a meeting following and they were asking us the steps to take if you were caught outside during an active shooting and I said straight up, I am running them all to my car and getting the hell out of there. I might have been reprimanded. But, seriously, a drill would never prepare you. Look at those poor kids stuck in a room with the shooter, man, you just pray and trust your gut. Those poor teachers. They knew they were going to die. They died for $50.000 a year, measly benefits, disrespect from parents, administration, and most students, and a government that believes they are so dismissable that a 1% raise isn't always guaranteed and definitely no supplies to actually teach. But, hey! maybe your town needs a million dollar thing for no apparent reason.
I don't think I want to teach anymore.
Elizabeth spent three months in alternative high school this winter. I worried daily about her safety there. She learned absolutely nothing as they did no work there. It was essentially a daytime prison for teenagers. She was groped, pushed, spit on, and one day the police were called because a kid had a knife (but they were all frisked going in and he was caught before entry). Yep. It was scary. BUT, no shooting. Even with all the drills we endured, it never occured to me that a shooter might target an elementary school as much as they might want to target a high school. Even just typing that is WRONG. "Oh, let's see, I think now that you are in ninth grade your odds of being killed going to learn increases". NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. (and yes, I remember Sandy Hook).
What do I do now? What will you do now? My son will be senior TOMORROW! My daughter is starting over and has four more years. There's no football team at the Mama's Scared HomeSchool. Or Math. My kids are still social. Would interacting with a dog be okay? No. And then, they graduate. Are they now completely safe? No, they are not.
I completely agree when people say this violence (and it's not all school violence) is a people problem but, hell, why would you arm the people with the problem? With assault weapons no less?
I know I will piss some people off but so what? All of the men I know have guns. They shoot animals with them. I am not a fan. I figure they can go to HEB and get all the meat they want, but the stores don't carry dove or duck or deer so whatever. I do not believe they hunt with assault rifles. I know they also carry pistols on their person and that's a new occurance......mostly due to all the shootings and attacks out there. I guess they like to consider themselves heroes but so far, never used them other than at a range. Not that I have to justify anything for anyone but there it is.
Texas has made it even harder since COVID to be a teacher. More tests, more classes, more full summers, more paperwork, more expensive licensure, more expensive courses, less pay, less benefits, now more violence. I wonder how many quit now. I wonder how many are changing their majors. What happens to our kids when there is no one there to educate them? Are they even getting the education they deserve? Obviously something is missing somewhere to make them want to kill innocent babies. I went to school in the 70s and 80s.....if someone had conflict they had a 1-2 punch fight in the parking lot after class and that was that. If that. Usually by the end of the day everyone just wanted to go home. Or hang out. I think psychiatric help needs to be a mandatory class for everyone now. I don't want to teach my grandchildren science because people are not stable enough to be around others.
Your thoughts?
You are welcome to disagree with me. I won't hurt you.
Now. What should I do with my career life now?
