Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas in Pictures.....

We are so giddy with Santa excitement our eyes have turned red.

Must. See. Santa.

Santa came at last! I'm not quite sure what that means, but I'm in heaven with all these tags and paper.

Now that I have all these new game cartridges, I no longer need to interact with any of you. Just let me know when it's my turn to open something.

Forget the toys. This new-fangled alien saucer thing is loads of fun.

Phew...what a morning! Are we going to do it again tomorrow?

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

We'll be off to our Christmas vacation at the sleazy motel very shortly so the blog will be closed for the remainder of the holiday season or until we get tired of all the family togetherness, whichever comes first.

Drink some eggnog for me!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Ho! Ho! Ho!

It's going to be a long night for us.

My job is to sit outside the bedroom door and make sure all boys are tucked tight in their beds. So far, so good.

Everything has been assembled and now we're just trying to figure out what to do with all the garbage. Things were so much easier before they got smart.

I hope the kids weren't looking forward to candy, though. The polar bear creature from Lost is apparently spending his hiatus in our attic. I must make a note not to store food products there anymore. I also need to get rid of that thing pronto because I would hate for him to mistake this delicious baby for a candy cane.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

All He Wants For Christmas......

is his two front teeth!

Well, among other things.

Hey, wait! If there's money involved, I'm sure I can make mine come out too. Just give me a second.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Ho! Ho! Hum!

Five more days until Christmas.

I just want it to be over.

I haven't enjoyed this holiday season. I don't know what is wrong with me. I haven't tuned into the Christmas carols, I didn't put out the advent stockings, the tree was just thrown together out of necessity and at least half of the usual ornaments stayed in the closet this year. I think it's the sleep thing. Maybe if I weren't so bone dead tired each and every day I might be able to get into it, but so far I got nothin'.

I finally got most of the kid's shopping completed on Monday and was feeling a bit relieved and possibly even a tad jolly until I emptied my pockets onto my dresser and Jacob snuck into my room and read each and every receipt I placed there. Damn him for learning to read! I don't have the time or energy to replace that stuff so Mom and Dad are going to be a lot kinder to him than Santa this year. Maybe I should find a lump of coal and a note for his stocking and hope that 2008 is a better one for him? Santa brings grocery store gift cards. Did you know that? He's all stoked daydreaming about all the gifts he discovered when in reality I just sold most of it to his best bud's mom saving her a trip to the toy store. I'm now wondering if he'll put two and two together when he and buddy compare when they get back to school. Shit.

The husband returned last night but aside from the constant yelling at the children, I wouldn't have known it. He had a "horrible headache" rendering him completely useless except for checking his email and watching Battlestar Galactanerd on the Tivo. He's working late tonight and tomorrow and most of the weekend to make up for all the time he missed on his vacation. Oh, but it sure would be nice of me to go out in all the crowds and traffic and buy and mail his family's Christmas gifts since he just doesn't have the time. Yeah. Like that will happen.

I have to bake five dozen cookies, organize a craft, and find a white elephant gift by nine tomorrow morning. I have gifts to wrap, groceries to buy, floors to mop, and clothes to iron. And I don't iron. I need a snow day. I want a snow day. I'll take a slight dusting with chilly weather day because I feel like I'm trapped in a bad tropical vacation with this balmy weather.

Oh, and the remote finally hit the floor for the last time leaving the tube stuck on Noggin which becomes The-N after five. I can get another one for 249 dollars!

Merry Christmas!

Five more days until Christmas.

Somebody make me an eggnog please!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Now, It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas!

It's amazing how much a frilly dress will put you in the holiday spirit!

Can she wear this every day?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Say It Ain't So Rich!

What a fun weekend we are having here!

The husband left yesterday for a relaxing hunting vacation with the guys. You know he needs to relax and all since he works.

Remember when I complained last February when he left me alone with two kids?

I didn't realize how lucky I had it then.

I think I may need to be committed after he returns on Wednesday, yes Wednesday, night.

My boys are in the process of killing one another as I type. I'm afraid to look.

Elizabeth thinks it's funny though. At least she's enjoying herself.

As if this weren't bad enough, when I finally find the time to check the news, I get this. What a way to end my wonderful weekend.

That Fiesta Bowl sure is going to be interesting.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Memorial Day

We had a little winter fun on Tuesday.

It was eighty degrees and sunny so,since snowball fights were out of the question, we dug the pool out and cooked out and pretended it was July.

Of course in July I had a lumpy baby who could not enjoy the swing so much.

She is quite a tasty baby. Just ask that nasty mosquito draining the blood from her leg. Can you believe that? Mosquitoes in December, man. That just ain't right.

If I were a good mom, I would have dried them all off and brought them inside to shield them from the blood-lettings, but they were having too much fun so I took pictures instead.

Come on now. Even the dog was having a good time. What's a few mosquito bites? Trust me when I tell you that it's loads of fun to jump in a pile of leaves and THEN go jump in the pool. Strange, but fun.

Of course, this could explain my kid's confusion about the seasons.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Ya know what? It's my blog and I'll complain if I want to.

I cannot dig myself out of this funk. I am just not loving Christmas this year. I'm just too tired for Christmas. Maybe I could handle all the rude people if I just weren't so damn sleepy. Why are all the people so nasty this time of year? What's up with that? Isn't there supposed to be some sort of jolly factor going on in December? Maybe it's the weather. Maybe trotting around in a thick Christmas sweater when it's eighty degrees out makes some very cranky. I think ditching the sweater might be helpful, but hey, that's just me.

I am going to bitch some more now. Feel free to mark me as read if you don't want to hear about it. Oh, and there may be swearing.

Tuesday is Little Gym day. I love Tuesday. Donuts, Little Gym, and grocery shopping....my favorite things. Tuesday hasn't been fun today. First of all, some nasty lady at the donut shop kept pushing my kid out of his chair in her attempt to make more room for her big self. She made my kid cry then chewed him out in Spanish over it. Apparently she wanted me to do something about it because she then proceeded to chew me out in Spanish when my donut dudes politely told her we were there first. Yeah, don't screw with us lady. We have connections.

I figured things would go better at LG until two new ladies appeared with their very unsocial children. Adam was thrilled to have new kids to play with and tried his darnedest to include them but they would have no part in it. Okay. Whatever. He took the hint. What yanked my damn chain was when one heavily made up, prissy ass woman asked the teacher to please keep "that wild boy" away from her sweet little princess because he was just making her "too nervous to think". Uh, WTF? My kid was running. And playing. AT THE FUCKING GYM! When the teacher lined them all up to do an activity and my two year old cut in front of the little princess because she wouldn't move her pink ass for everyone else to participate, Perfume Bitch grabbed my kid by the arm and told him to wait his turn. Uh, WTF? I took Adam out of the room, timed him out for two minutes because, yeah, he cut in line and timed myself out as well because had I stayed there, I might have pulled all Crabby's bleached blond grays right out of her head. Now I don't like being confrontational; that's why I got married, I leave that to the husband, but I don't like paying that much money to be treated that way by anyone so I went back in, let Perfume Bitch know that I had taken care of the situation and our conversation went something like this:

"Yo, Bitch, keep your skanky hands off my kid"
Me: I'm sorry Adam moved ahead of the line. He's just excited to have more children to play with today."
Bitch: "Well, he's scaring my daughter. He's not very nice and he plays too rough."
Me: "Actually he's a very nice boy. He's been trying to play and include your child and show her how things are done. LG is a time for the kids to run, jump, and roll, and if that comes off as rough, then maybe this isn't the right place for you and your daughter."
Bitch: Blank Stare. Eye Roll. Whispered scowls to equally bitchy friend.

Yeah, bubble time didn't go well after that.

I hate bitches.

But it had to get better. I was going to the supermarket. I lurve the supermarket. Especially my new, fancy supermarket with the new,ultra awesome customer with child-right up front parking spaces. Of course, they would be even nicer if actual customers with children were able to park in them. They were full when we arrived. Okay. I'm fine with that, We can walk. What pissed me off was the dude with his case of Bus*ch and no kids, the fifty something women with no kids, and the employee, yes, with no kids that I encountered leaving or entering those prime spaces on our long walk to the door. Since I had such good practice in the confrontational arena earlier, I figured what the heck and to every one of those parking space abusers I said:

"Wow, you have the most beautiful child I've ever seen, you must be so proud."

Blank stares all around except for the Bus*ch dude who used his possible drunk noodle to come up with: "I don't have any kids!" Really?! Geez.

So instead of knocking off more of my Christmas list this afternoon, I'm staying home and avoiding all that holiday cheer. I'm thinking that mean boy and I can enjoy the hot weather in the kiddie pool while eating popsicles and singing Christmas tunes.

Yep. He is such a mean, rough little boy. What will I do?

Monday, December 10, 2007


I'm sure you've heard that old parental saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

That's why I haven't said much lately. I just don't have anything nice to say.

I am tired.

I am up to my eyeballs in errands and chores and chaffeuring and Christmas shopping so much I can't even think straight.

I get no sleep. The baby is up every night at 10, midnight, three, and six and now she has another cold so there isn't much sleeping between those hours either. The husband likes to tell everyone how tired he is, too, but I can't see how he can be too tired since he's been sleeping in Elizabeth's room alone for at least eight hours a night for the past six months. I have nothing nice to say about that so I won't say anything at all.

I do remember your request to know more about my pre-child life. I've tried to do it, but I don't even know where to start. I can't even remember my pre-child days. What did I like? What did I do? Who was I? I swear, it seems like I've been a mom forever, like I never really had a life until I was one. I don't want to leave you hanging so here's what I've got so far:

I was born.
I was a kid.
I moved.
I went to high school.
I went to college.
I got a job.
I met a guy.
I moved.
I got married.
I moved.
I got a job.
I had a kid.
I had another kid.
And yet another kid.

Not what you had in mind was it?

Maybe one day I'll get that together.

You think Santa can bring naps for Christmas?

Thursday, December 06, 2007

I Am Not Old After All!

I went to a high school college fair last night.

I dressed in gold and blue and handed out pretty booklets about West Virginia University. I told goth girls and long-haired boys all about the array of majors offered. I described the scholarship opportunities for out-of-state students. I talked endlessly about the medical school because every. single. kid was going for pre-med. I dodged the number one party school questions, although I was probably most knowledgeable in that area.

The one question I got the most, though, was "Does WVU have a football team?

Ha. Ha. You teenagers!! Ya'll are so, so funny.

At least I didn't get a whole lot of "Did you know Michael Vick and did he have dogs?" questions my new friends at the Virginia Tech table were fielding.

Honestly. I met maybe ten serious students the entire evening. Apparently the kids got extra credit based on the number of pamphets they could produce today. Pamphlets that are now lying in a chewing gum lined garbage can in some smart teacher's classroom right now. Those books cost money people! If we spend all our money on recruiting paraphenalia how in hell are we supposed to boost our athletic department? Geez.

It was a lot of fun though. I spent three hours with other adults while my husband sat on his ass watching movies while ignoring my kids (FYI, dude, the six year old talks)

The best part was when I entered the "hospitality room" to scarf down enjoy my free catered dinner and I was stopped by a teacher who informed me that students weren't allowed inside. I thought she wanted me to help her turn the kids away, but she was trying to turn me away! She thought I was a student!

It was the best. night. evah.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Yes, I am Pissed

I thought I could let it die, thought I could make it without having to bitch about it, but I can't. I just can't.

The Mountaineers suck.

What in hell was going on out on that football field?

Is it the blindingly yellow, butt-ugly uniforms screwing with ya'll?

Seriously. You needed some help dudes.

Man, I would have gone to that Sugar Bowl. I would've listened to that game on the radio in the parking lot of the Super Dome if I couldn't have scored some tickets. Just the mere thought of being at a Mountaineer game, even just a tailgate, for the first time in eight years was exciting. New Orleans is a six hour drive from here. Completely doable, even with all these kids. Arizona, on the other hand, is not.

Oh, and a National championship would've been kind of nice, too.

What I saw on Saturday was excruciating. Horrible. I can't even find words to describe how messed up that was. Those boys made Pitt look good. And Pitt sucks!

I swear this is more proof to substantiate my claim that the BCS is all a sham and the players and teams are paid off to take dives to assure the big teams end up at the big games.

Either that or the entire team was high.

Pat White should win the Heisman Trophy because obviously he is the team. Oh, it was just all so ugly.

Don't even get me started on Missouri.

Can They Move Christmas to March?

Can Christmas be cancelled?

I'm just not in the mood for it this year.

I am usually very eager to begin the yuletide season, but, damn, I'm still cleaning up from Halloween. Seriously. The costumes are still draped across the upstairs banister and my middle child is sitting on the floor in the pantry eating out of his trick-or-treat bucket as I type. Can we just pretend it's Halloween a while longer? And I don't even like Halloween.

Usually, I'd be wrapping and baking and listening to Christmas carols by now, but I haven't even made a small dent in the Christmas list. I don't even know where to start. I hate going out this time of year. When I went out on Friday, I was smoked on, yelled at, flipped off, and shoved just trying to get some holiday jammies at the Old N*vy. Who says everyone's just a little nicer this time of year?

I might be a little more motivated, too, if I didn't have to listen to the husband scrutinize every single dime that's spent. My husband, he is Ebenezer Scrooge himself. He has decreed that he shall not be buying a gift for me because he does not have the time to shop and we don't have the money to spend and why should the two of us give in to the Hallmarkness of the holiday and just spend money to be spending money?? Awww, he's so romantic like that.

There's no time to string the lights outside. The tree will stay in it's box until at least Sunday. The weather's too warm, I'll be getting no Sugar Bowl tickets, and I just found out that we've been delegated to a motel for the Christmas holidays so there will be room for my sister's family, who refused to come unless they could "spread out". Bah. Humbug.

How does Santa stay so jolly? I need a little of whatever has been prescribed for him.