Monday, June 30, 2008



Something she'll eat that isn't attached to my body.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

GE, This Sucks

I am loving this new house! The extra room! The working air conditioner! The friendly neighbors! If I weren't still living out of boxes, it'd be perfect.

Well, that and the microwave....

See my purdy microwave, all stainless and faddishly cool? We are now hip according to our home builder and all who enter our kitchen will know so instantly because apparently stainless appliances are it. It's the avocado and harvest gold of the new millenium.

I liked my stainless appliances until I got here. Did you know magnets won't stick to them? I didn't. I should have, but I didn't. One of the many useless tidbits of my brain that seeped out after I had children. I needed somewhere to store those underarm/rect*l temperature conversions, you know. This was a huge blow to a person like me who likes her refrigerator like this:

But I digress.

The real story here is how I popped in a bag of ultra-nutritious microwave popcorn our first night here and never, ever heard the pops. Hmmm. But since the husband has a Mensa IQ he rolled his eyes and attempted to "teach" me the microwave because it's all so new-fangled and I ain't never seen me no fancy microwave before and, hmmmm, no pops for Smarty-pants either.

A brand new house and the microwave doesn't work. Amazing.

You'd think the home builder would come out and help since they're just one street over chilling in the model home, but no. Once we signed the papers to say we owned this house, they ceased to care. We actually have a paper we signed that says so. Not in so many words, but that's what they meant.

So we went to the appliance company. We produced our warranties and a technician was scheduled to come out two Saturdays ago. He stayed a whopping five minutes before declaring the microwave dead (really?) and letting us know that the special make-it-work-radioactive-space-alien-magnatron-doo-dad was hopelessly backordered and as he was shuffling toward the door told us it would be at least August before we'd see the likes of him again.


Oh, how this pissed the husband so! Not only had we wasted an entire Saturday waiting around for Gone Like a Flash Man, but we just dropped a ton of money on a house without a working microwave! Do you know what it's like to live so long without a microwave? This ain't the fifties, people!

So last Monday, he called the company again and let them know that, we had an unused, unworking appliance that he wanted replaced as soon as possible which, according to our handy-dandy warranty, they should do in the absence of a repair.

Can you believe just three minutes later they found a stray part just lying around that huge corporation??! How lucky are we?

But Jesus (that's his name), the technician, could not come out again for another ten days.

Sucks, but so be it. I was getting good at warming up leftovers in a skillet.

So we waited for the tenth day which was yesterday and it was good. Jesus showed up early for his 8-5 appointment. I was going to get me a microwave. Finally. Until Jesus started packing his bag again and shaking his head and getting mad AT ME because there was no way he could remove the microwave because of the molding around the cabinets which he was not going to be liable for damages and he suggested I call the home builder and have one of their contractors come out and remove it and then play a little more phone tag with his dispatcher.

Uh, yeah. Call the home builder who couldn't care less whether we had a working microwave or not. They rid themselves of this money pit, BWHAHAHAHAH!

I called the home builder and, sure enough, they couldn't care less. Said they'd get their warranty department out here "sometime" and that was that.

But the husband wanted that microwave fixed TODAY and as the smoke flew from his ears, he removed the microwave himself and cussed Jesus, the builders, and the company the entire way.

None of the cabinets or molding was damaged during this demonstration. We thinks Jesus was just being a bit of a lazy ass.

So I wait again, from 8-5, for Jesus and his little blue bag to finally do his damn job and fix my fricking microwave. He didn't show up early today. I think we're going to be here a while.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I'm Glad I Didn't Pay For Those Speech Lessons

Just a little snippet of my all day, every day.

Friday, June 20, 2008

That Was A Lot of Diapers!

See that?

That's the last of my major award.

What was supposed to be a three month supply of size three diapers for one child, turned into an eight month supply for sometimes two children. Eight months! It was like the loaves and fishes, man, there was always enough.

Those diapers cruised me right through the semi-sorta potty-training so I still only need to buy diapers for one now.

So if anyone is giving away size TWO diapers, give me a shout okay? With two mortgages, I could use all the help I can get.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Ah, Nature

One of the nice things about our new neighborhood is that it borders a nature preserve and has a creek, an actual made-by-God creek, that runs through it. We don't actually live on the creek, because, well, we like to eat, but it isn't a long walk to go down there so it's all good.

When we dropped the first box here two weeks ago, Jacob started asking if he could go down to the creek and look for a turtle because he was so sure there were turtles down there. I was all like, "Sure" and "Maybe later" in that I-am-really-busy-right-now-please-leave-me-alone kind of brush off that tends to happen when you are stuffing all your worldly goods into a three car garage.

Eight hours later when I tried to sit down and take a breather, there was Jacob with a hand decorated box wanting to know if I was ready to hunt turtles.


So off for turtles we went.

We searched for an hour and got nothing but a ton of mosquito bites.

The next day more of the same, yet a lot of me saying things like, "Turtles probably don't like neighborhoods." and "I am not going turtle hunting every day." and "Don't you have a new Game Boy cartridge you want to play?" except I got smart and unpacked the repellent that time.

No turtle = very disappointed little boy.

For the next few days we hunted turtles for shorter and shorter periods of time until the boy decided that maybe there really weren't any turtles down there after all so ending Turtle Quest 2008. Hallelujah!

And then. Then the turtle found us.

The husband opened the door one morning and there it was. Right there on our front porch. Just hanging out like he was supposed to be there.

I'll be damned. The kid was right. There were turtles out there.

This neighborhood is so fricking awesome, the turtles come to you!

Meet Shelly, ya'll.

Turns out, though, that Shelly is a snapping turtle and since we all enjoy having all our phalanges, we thought it best to set Shelly free to enjoy the creek once more.

So long, Shelly! It was fun while it lasted.

So now that we know there are turtles down there we're on Non-Snapping Turtle Quest 2008.


We're going to need more repellent.

Friday, June 13, 2008

I Really Should Be Unpacking

*tap, tap, tap*

Is anybody still out there? (((((out there, out there, out there)))))

Man, has it been a week already?

I feel so lost and out of touch. I know, now, that I could never cut it on Big Brother or Survivor. One week without my connection to the outside world was close to torturous. I just found out this morning that Hilary conceded. Totally missed that. Yeah, yeah, I know they sell newspapers, but what fun would that be?

And the one thousand updates on my reader. Wow. I'll need a vacation just to catch up on you all.

But, thankfully, we are back in the land of the technologically dependent. Cable television, phone, and (drum roll, please) high speed internet. Sort of. I think they should call it highish speed kind of internet out here, but whatever. It's better than dial-up. Of course, my back is killing me having to stand at my dining room niche just to check my email because I can't even sneak into the study. It is locked my friends. Yes, locked. Something about keeping the kids out of it, but I know who he really meant. You can cut him some slack, though, because I am slowly taking over our shared closet and I'm squeezing him out of the laundry room as well. Oh, and I am so getting complete control over the tivo. Bye, Bye, Battlestar!

I have missed my old house. It's strange to wake up in another room, still, a week later. It makes me cry to go over there to pick up things. Yesterday, I just spent the afternoon there watching my good, old, Dire*TV and napping and enjoying it when I really should have been boxing up my winter clothes and craft supplies. It's just strange, like I feel like I'm cheating on that house with this one. Like I should apologize everytime I walk in that door.

This house, though, is awesome! Aside from the fact that the brand new microwave doesn't work and we have to wait here all day Saturday for the GE man to come and fix it, it's been great. The neighbors are really friendly, some even brought gifts! We actually know our next door neighbors names! After only a week. Did I mention there's a jacuzzi tub? Because, yippee! There's a jacuzzi tub.

I tried my hardest to get one last pretty picture at the old house.

Maybe we'll have better luck in this new house.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

How Will I Live So Long Without Noggin?

So the cable company is coming on Wednesday, you know, between 8 and 5, to set us all up with the goodies that make my life worth living.

It's going to cost a fortune, but I've found me some high speed. I think. I've had to give up my DirecTV, for whom I am mourning, but ya gotta do, what ya gotta do, right?

I'll be Amish until then, so don't miss me too much.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The End of This Chapter

Today is our last day in our old house.

I watched all my babies take their first steps here.

I survived Thomas here.

I watched my first baby become a brother here.


I drove my big kid to kindergarten from here.

There've been eight Christmases,

eleven birthday parties,

And one graduation.

We've been through so much in this old house, but now it's time to pass it on to the next little family who I hope will make just as many good memories in it.

I am sad, but I am ready to see how our life will unfold at the new house.

If it's anything like this one, we're in for a wild ride.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I Need More Cowbell

I served chicken for dinner last night.

The adults enjoyed it as is, but my children, as usual, needed condiments to make it all more palatable. Jacob went for mustard and Adam kept asking for "the cowbell water".

Cowbell water?

Maybe he was saying ketchup. No. Not ketchup. He even said it slower and enunciated so well. Miss Janet would have been so proud.

"Cow. Bell. Wat. Er."

Well then.

It wasn't horseradish or mayo or soy sauce.

Have you guessed yet?

He wanted the BBQ sauce! Duh. Makes perfect sense.

How cute! There's a cow on the bottle so it must be cow water! Not only that but did you know that b-u-l-l spells bell? To my three year old it does.


I didn't even know he knew his ABCs much less string them together to make words.

Wow. Maybe next spring he'll be able to do our taxes.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

I Really Should Be Packing

I am totally ignoring my children right now so I can spend some quality, warm-fuzzy time with my internetz because who knows what might happen on Monday. I shudder to even think of it. I did find out that, yeah, I can get me some high speed through a cable company but that would require 1. a cable modem that we don't currently have ($$$) and 2. Signing up for a ridiculously priced package with lots of things we really don't need or can really afford (more $$$) and 3. Quite possibly my fifth born child because, man, they think really highly of it.

And to answer Melissa's questions, who was the only one to participate:

I am 5 foot 3.

I prefer cooking over baking, although I like them both. I have won awards for my orange brownies (twenty bucks and a cheap medal) which are really Paula Deen's orange brownies, but no one in my real life needs to know that. I am asked to bring them to all of Jacob's school functions. You can find the recipe here.

I have learned to be a pretty good cook thanks to the library and The Food Network. My husband's friend calls here at least once a week begging me to drive six hours to give his new wife lessons. I don't really think there's a trick to it. I just know how to follow a recipe. Tonight we're having chicken piccata. Quick, easy, and delicious.

And since ya'll didn't have any more questions, I'm giving you the ones I stole from Becky.

So there.

What is your biggest pet peeve? Rude people. If it's really that hard for you to smile and be friendly, stay home. And all the crazy people breaking the pick-up/drop-off rules at Jacob's school every day. Again, I am surprised we made it through the year without being in an accident and/or being mowed down by a Christian giving me the finger.

Anyone going to see the Sex in the City movie? No. Can you believe I've never even watched the show? But apparently I am most like Charlotte according to some Facebook quiz I took a while back.

What is your favorite crappy song to jam out to? I don't listen to crappy music. I do, however, turn on The Smiths, Volume 1 every. single. day. I have also been caught singing along with "Let My Love Open The Door" on the ipod. This may explain why the current neighbors don't speak to us.

What makes you gag? Taking a pill. I have a hard time swallowing pills. Cleaning vomit is pretty bad, too.

What’s your least favorite thing to do? Clean pee off the floors, toilet seats, and walls in all three bathrooms of my house every. single. morning.

What’s your favorite part of blogging? The friendships, the social interaction, the feeling that someone, anyone, might feel the way I do. I think my husband's favorite part is that he doesn't have to hear all my complaints now that I can gripe online from time-to-time.

Monday, June 02, 2008

I Am Wearing Black Today

Life as I know it is over. It's horrible, really.

My new neighborhood does not get high speed internet access. No DSL. No Broadband. Just dial-up. Hopelessly slow, can't download photos, dial-up.

Oh, the rest of the little town can get it, just not my neighborhood. I have begged, pleaded, contacted every cable, phone, and satellite company in the area, but have been repeatedly told, "that service is currently unavailable".

WTH? I live but a few exits from the fourth largest city in America and I can't get high speed internet?

I'm suddenly not liking my new house so much.

No wonder it was so cheap.