Friday, May 08, 2009

My Mother's Day Post

With Mother's Day upon us, I should write a sappy post about the joys of motherhood, the undying love, the thrill upon hearing your baby laugh for the first time, seeing your child sing a solo in front of hundreds of people (we'll just pretend).

Maybe next year. Yes. I say that every year.

I'm too tired. I might have swine flu. You know, if I had a fever and couldn't get up and clean up after these little boogers and prepare their every meal and such.

My throat, though. It really hurts.

And that's about it. But it really, really hurts.

Adam is taking care of me, feeling my forehead and declaring me devoid of swine flu every half hour or when each Noggin show ends, whichever comes first.

And singing poop songs like they're going out of style. And yes, I think they're going out of style. I'm sure this isn't what his speech teacher had in mind when she told me to encourage singing.

Anyway, not one to keep my germs to myself, I figured I'd throw together a casserole for our dinner and asked Jacob to keep an eye on Elizabeth while I did so.

I figured it would be pretty easy for him since we now keep all bathrooms, all bedrooms except hers, and the pantry locked to prevent her from getting into something in any of them. Because, let's see, she's eaten cayenne pepper, emptied entire Sam's size bottles of baby soap into the toilet, hidden my engagement ring, ripped pages out of beloved books, and colored every wall, door, and floor with some sort of marker/crayon/pen/pencil. And that's just the past week.

It apparently wasn't that easy.

Me: So Jacob, where's Elizabeth?
Jacob: I don't know.
Me: Weren't you watching her?
Jacob: Yes.
Me: So where is she?
Jacob: (Eyes never leaving the riveting episode of Little Bear that he was SOOOO totally not watching) I don't know.

Yes. That's what I get for expecting an EIGHT year old to watch a TWO year old. But my throat hurts and I'm not thinking clearly, so sue me.

But, YAY! I found her:

Elizabeth: "So pitty"
Me: "OMG"
Elizabeth: "kiss" (because she so knows how to work it, I'm thinking it's a girl thing)
Me: "OMG"
Elizabeth: "I pitty"
Me: "JACOB!!!! Bring me my camera right now! Ow, my throat hurts"

Guess who forgot to lock her bedroom door?

My throat hurts. I forget things.

I would say something funny about how the terrible twos are upon us, but her vandalism and thieving has been going on since she could pull up so I think it's just an Elizabeth thing. I'd say she's the worst of the bunch, but I vaguely remember another little monkey doing almost the same thing at almost the same age.

For Mother's Day I'd like some Goo Gone to clean my tub. Some more sunscreen. Some kind of sore throat spray. And maybe a Valium.


ChupieandJ'smama said...

But she does look "Pitty". Hope you feel better soon and have a wonderful, quiet, kid free Mother's Day :)

Karen said...

I bet you thought the girl would be the easiest, right? NOT! I have two boys and a girl and the girl is the one who always gave me a run for my money.

Maggie said...

OMG, that was hilarious! Happy Mother's Day and I hope your throat feels better soon!!

BTW, that's exactly what happens at my house, too, when my FOURTEEN year old watches my two year old. And my throat doesn't even hurt. lol

Shane said...

Well, she IS so pitty!! ;)

Ruby Red Slippers said...

Funny-but not so much when you don't feel so good-hope you feel better soon...

Dana said...

OMG! Your kids are freakin hilarious. I think they'd get along just great with my little adventurers. It sounds like Elizabeth is following in her big brothers footsteps. I'm thinking Vaseline here. Somehow, I'm sure the sunscreen was easier to clean up. I hope your poor throat feels better soon.

Miss Hope said...

The just cements the fact that we will one day meet and possibly have a drink together while our kids run wild. I just relate to it all, man. I really do.

p.s. Sure hope you're feeling better.

I Am Boymom said...

Laughing so hard it made my throat hurt! just teasing you a bit. Hope you feel better. been there with the "experiments" and make up boys are always creating concoctions in the bathroom sink. But she was pitty.