Bad Boys, Bad Boys...whatcha gonna do?

Every morning when I take Jacob to school, I encounter a Houston policeman in his cruiser who is dropping off kids there as well. For the past few weeks, this is what I have noticed from him daily:

1. He rides the turning lane a quarter mile to the entrance.
2. He double parks and walks his kids into the classroom, although we were told to quit doing that after the third day of school.
3. He pulls out in front of everyone and bypasses the line to get out of the driveway.
4. He rides the shoulder around others waiting at red light so he can turn right, although most everyone has their right turn signal on. He has almost caused an accident twice.
5. He weaves in and out of traffic, changing lanes without a blinker.
6. He tailgates everyone he gets behind.
7. When he does get around everyone he speeds up to at least fifteen miles over the limit.
8. He runs red lights.
9. He doesn't use the turn signal.
10. He drove through a corner gas station to avoid waiting at a red light.
11. Did I mention the tailgating?

Yep, Houston's finest really tearing it up on our roadways. Really makes me want to donate to their cause.

Tuesday Tidbits

Jacob's birthday is less than a week away. How in the world did that sneak up? I cannot believe he will be six already. My ears are still ringing from the colic during that first year. We are having a party at the park. Please keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't rain.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning, but I never did see the doctor. This is the third time this has happened this pregnancy. I waited over an hour and a half and finally had to leave because it was time to fetch Jacob from school. I realize emergencies arise and could hear through the thin walls that the doctor was arranging hospital stays and MRIs and all kinds of scary stuff for some poor lady, so I really wasn't mad about it. I did get quite peeved, though, when I went to leave and found four drug reps monopolizing the PA and nurse's time. Can't that be done another time? Like after the office closes? When I went to the dermaguy in December, one actually followed the nurse into the exam room with us so she could finish telling her about her upcoming wedding...HELLO....I am paying for this!

Another peeve......why do the grocery baggers insist upon bagging my groceries and then placing them in another cart? Can they not see that I have my child strapped into a different one? Quit rolling your eyes at me and trying to push me out of the way as I move my twelve heavy bags into my cart....something you should have done in the first place.

Also, I think I finally quit my favorite grocery store yesterday. The cart thing was just a part of it. The past few weeks I have been in there much of the food was expired. Yesterday I found a carton of heavy cream that had expired in October. Milk that expired a few days ago and yogurt from December. A few days, maybe, months, totally not acceptable. I have brought it to the attention of the staff and they just look at me like I am crazy. The employees have also gotten ruder and the store dirtier and it's just gone way down hill the past year. I think I will be sticking with the cool, hip, new store, even if they don't double coupons. Sayonara, Kroger!

Seems like I missed a nice wedding. We never thought best friend would get married, he was like Seinfeld in that nit picky kind of way with women. He had nine cats (had, only his true love could've gotten him to part with them, I guess). We snickered a lot. Apparently, not only did he dive right into with a care in the world, he even wrote his own meaningful vows and showered his bride with gifts and love all throughout the day. Wow. My husband to be sent a Wendy's cheeseburger and a beer for me. Miracles can happen I guess. The husband gets a little reprieve in the anger department because he left the wedding at 2 am, slept until 4 am, then drove the five hours home so he could be home all day with the kids. I was shocked. He didn't bring a gift, but he brought a huge hunk of almond white wedding cake that was absolutely divine, so I won't gripe.....for now.

And the duvet......LOVE the duvet. It was a steal at that price and it came with pillow shams to boot. I am even keeping the dog off of it, I like it that much. The cute kid is pretty neat, too.

My Weekend So Far.....

You know, I went to Target Friday afternoon because Target always makes me feel good. I don't know if it's the jollyness of the big red sign or the abundance of 75 percent off endcaps, but I can have a good day there. It's chock full of fun for moms and kids alike, so I rarely have a problem there.

Until then.

It started well. I found a duvet cover (like I am classy because it's a duvet instead of a cheap bedspread) I have been wanting for six months, marked down from 79.99 to 19.98! I did a little dance in the aisle and practically ripped the last queen from a little old lady from Minnesota who was not sure what a duvet was (as if). Then off to the lipsticks where, hallelujah, the ones on clearance matched my awesome coupons, so they were FREE! I think Target may have even paid me to take some. Oh, it was good times. Then Jacob decided to climb into the cart, which he never, ever does, but I saw no harm in it aside from pushing the now seventy pound cart. This made Adam want to climb into the back as well and I thought, well, what would that hurt? FYI: Two boys in back of cart equals complete meltdown disaster. It began innocently enough. Two brothers giggling in unison and hugging each other while senior citizens stop to comment on how sweet they are and I pat my back in my mind over what a great parent I must be to have raised such wonderful offspring. Then I felt the need to buy maternity shorts and diapers staying just a tad too long and in no time at all the little guy was stripping his clothes off, jeans here, shoes there, big brother wrestling him down to try to stop the fiasco. It was WWF cart style. I stopped to reclothe the boy, but to no avail. He's very quick at the strip down, so I know he has something to fall back on in his future. He can also evade the cart straps as well, so to that well meaning bitty who told me to strap him back into the seat....pshaw, ain't happening. The screaming, the nakedness, the tsk-tsks from all around. Target was no longer my happy place. It all fell apart when a pregnant chicky in the dollar spot suggested to her heavily made up friend that maybe she should call CPS because *gasp* that baby was out in just a diaper. At that point, I was ready to hand them over. CPS would have returned them within the hour. You just wait girlfriend.....you just wait.

As we were checking out and I was trying to dress Adam for what must have been the eighth time, Jacob starts shaking his head at the cashier. "I am just so, so embarrassed" he tells her with his head in his hands. Oh honey, I have been embarrassed for the past six years, starting with the incessant screaming everywhere we went, to blow out diapers in restaurant high chairs, and the tantrums at play dates. This was just a blip on the radar screen, boy. Join the club, dude.




Yeah, they look all sweet and cute, but they are trouble I tell ya!

New Weekend, Different Party

Is it Friday already?

Well, the husband returned from his trip on Monday. A couple of weeks ago as we were discussing this moment in time where I would be solo parenting for much of it, I half jokingly told him that a thankful person would buy his wife a gift upon return from oblivion and it turned into Almost Divorce 2007. You would have thought I was requesting half his liver instead of a token of appreciation for all my hard and exhausting work. His defense was that he always thinks of me and gets me something, I am just too shallow to appreciate his efforts. Oh, and all that, it's what the mother is supposed to do shit. It got ugly. I dropped it and figured I would just go out and let Discover buy me something nifty and left it at that. So he returns home from the land of dry desert with two scorpions encased in glass for the kids (scared the shit out of Adam) and some gold flakes floating in liquid for me. Yee haw. If that doesn't scream I-am-so-thankful-you-worked-your-ass-off-all-weekend-so-I-can-further-my-career I don't know what does.

Of course, you know I played excited about that gold. It was kind of neat in that souveniry kind of way, but I was a little sad realizing my husband has no earthly clue what I like or desire. Thank goodness my friend Visa does, makes a girl feel so much better.

So for the entire weekend I let the toy room go. I mean, I picked up nothing....NOTHING, the entire time. By the time Daddy returned there were more things on the floor than on the shelves and having mentioned this to him on one of his nightly calls he so sweetly announced that no, way should I bend down and hurt myself to clean that up, don't worry about it at all, he would clean that room top to bottom when he returned home. It was the least he could do. Now, for that, I could sweep the entire gift thing under the rug. I hate, HATE cleaning that toy room and that was the worst it had ever been. Guess who cleaned it yesterday afternoon? Yeah, it wasn't Daddy. Did he even notice it had been cleaned or even realize that HE didn't do it? Of course not. So today, I can barely move, but the toy room is spotless. The children will never, ever be allowed in there again because I will NOT do that again, but it's clean.

Oh, and we also talked with Jacob's teacher about the musical and she said he didn't have to go, so I decided that, hey, the kids and I will go to best friend's wedding after all. Well, Daddy wasn't too thrilled about that. First, he couldn't find any place to board the animals, then, well, he needed to leave earlier than we wanted, then well, I don't know if they would be able to feed you it's so late, and then, well, would you want to stay there ALL DAY SATURDAY alone with the kids? So, yeah, I figured pretty quickly that, no way did he want us to go too. All this "wishing" we could go for the past two months was just a show, wife and kids will cramp the best man's style so another weekend alone with the kids. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Thank goodness for Discover and Visa, I know they will help me make it through.

So he is gone again. More fun for Daddy. It looks like I will be trapped inside all rainy weekend with two snotty children. Do I dare wonder if the man will finally get it and come back with something nice this time? Will he clean the toy room when he returns? Will I be able to move when he returns? It's all doubtful, but Visa and Discover have promised to be good company these next few days. At least someone supports my efforts.

I win!

I have the cutest two year old on the planet.

The School Saga Continues.......

So have you been wondering what we will be doing with Jacob next year? Is it keeping you up at night? If so, I have an answer for you, sort of.

As you know it is February, late February, when the deadline for renrollment approaches. We need to let the school know by next Wednesday if we are claiming our spot or else lose it to the next kid in line.

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I spent a morning observing Jacob in the classroom. I wanted to see just what was going on there that would shout retention to the teacher. Academically, he did really well. I have no problem saying he was the smartest one in the class, at least where reading and phonics skills were concerned. He did, however, have trouble focusing and frequently zoned out in a I-wonder-what's-going-on-outside kind of way. Oh, and he blew kisses and waved at me a lot and, although it made my heart melt, just wasn't appropriate.

So the teacher and I had a lengthy discussion afterward where she still recommended the transitional first grade because in her mind, and apparently all the other teachers in the school that she has discussed this with, his social skills just aren't developed enough to move on to regular first grade, then she dropped the bomb......."Have you ever heard of Aspergers Syndrome?" That's when my ears stopped functioning. Yes, I have heard of it plenty. I do have a degree in special education after all, but spoken in the same sentence as my child, never. It was hard to hear. So, of course I came home and googled and ran to the library to peruse all they had to offer on the subject and came to the conclusion that, yeah, he could have that, but at the same time, yeah, I could have that too. So, the dad and I met yesterday with a developmental psychologist (or something like that). We gave her Jacob's history and her baseline asssessment (without having met him, mind you) is that she believes he will diagnose with ADHD and anxiety, which bingo!, is exactly what the other nice lady told us three years ago. So, once we get the okay from the insurance company, Jacob will be evaluated for ADD, Aspergers, and a variety of mental illnesses. I am glad to be moving forward with this and being told that, hey, maybe my kid has an actual problem so ha, ha, ha, all of you who just thought we were bad parents, it isn't us after all! At the same time, I am so afraid of what they will find. I can't even think of my kid being diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. What will that mean for his future? How will the schools and other kids treat him? It's too much for me to fathom at this point, so I'll just wait and hope that won't be his diagnosis for now.

So that leaves us with school.........the psychologist said that retaining him or enrolling him in the transitional first grade would not be a good move for him. He needs challenges academically and he would get no better socialization skills from being left behind. After his evaluations are completed, she will write a letter to the school explaining this, so he will go to regular first grade with the rest of his class at the private school in the fall (well, summer since school starts in early August now). That is unless the school puts up a big fight or my husband decides to buy me that big, expensive home on the north side of town and we have to move.

So that's it in a long nutshell......stay tuned for more, I am sure it is to get more interesting.

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby!

Today is my baby's birthday. My big, black, furry baby. Ezra is nine years old today, ancient by Labrador Retriever standards. His vet said we could expect him to live to be ten, so I'm a little stressed out today. I don't know what I would do without that stinky old dog.

It's true what they say about labs. They are wonderful with children. Our poor baby was the king of the world before our two legged critters joined us, and although I know he misses his undivided attention, he has taken it all in stride and he loves those boys fiercely. Did you hear about those climbers who were saved because their dog kept them warm? Yeah, I have no doubt in my mind that Ez would do that for us.

So here he is.....an old dog already. He has that old dog stink going on and I don't think he sees as well as he used to. He is starting to have trouble climbing onto the furniture, but he's not supposed to be doing that anyway. His skin is itchy and his back legs are stiff, but it doesn't stop him from mowing you down to greet you when you return home. He's always happy to see us.

So, it's his birthday. He will have steak and peanut butter crackers and bananas.....all his favorite things. He will run in the park and sniff pee and be chased by little boys. For one day of the year he will be king of the house again and I know he will enjoy it. Please, please, please doggy, live many more years because I would be so lonely without you.

I am White Trash and Proud of It

I have to chuckle a lot of the time just at the reactions of people confronted with a pregnant woman. I get lots of nervous banter and personal questions, par for the course.

A couple of weeks ago I attended an alumni dinner for my old college sorority and enjoyed my child free hours amidst the wine guzzling drinking women. The lady across from me noticed I was pregnant and got all sweet and gushy about having my first child when I politely informed her that, no, this would be my third child. That's when the table went quiet, like when the dudes from Animal House walked into that ethnic bar. I think I even heard the scratch of a record player needle. The lady beside me, who I am sure will be me in twenty years, said in her demure southern drawl, "Well, honey, according to our current society that would officially make you white trash now wouldn't it?" I did not take it personally and found it extremely funny because 1. I knew she was joking and 2. She was a little bit right.

I noticed early on, like at my wedding reception, that having that first baby is very important to others. I don't know if it was because I was thirty when I took the plunge or if everyone gets that, but a month after the wedding people were pretty forward with their questions about our future children. Fast forward almost two years later when that first baby was born and everyone was relieved and happy and letting me know that baby needed a sister and we better get on that right away because, you know it's a fact, your family isn't complete until you have one of each. Yes, we got a lot of that. As if you can place your order at the counter of God and He just send down what you desire. So number two arrived and according to some, he did not possess the right parts. Some gave us the old, "you need to try for a girl" like, when my son was twelve hours old and the rest just assumed that the government allotted our 2 point something something kids so we were done, no "perfect" family for us. Imagine everyone's complete surprise (including mine) when we announced we would spawn number three. The looks. The confusion. The shaking of heads. Three children? How can that be? We got a lot, and still do, of "you know what causes that don't you?" or, my favorite, "Are you Catholic?" It amazes me, but I still get a good laugh from it. The wine loving lady seated next to me at that dinner hit it head on, having more than two kids these days is almost unheard of and people do tend to wonder, WHY a family would venture into that realm. My grandmother had three children seventy some years ago and got the complete opposite reaction. She was not living up to her womanly duties by not having two handfuls of kids. I, on the other hand, am considered either saintly for "putting up with so much" but more often stupid or h*orny for allowing it to happen in the first place. My goodness what would happen if I had a fourth or even a fifth child?

Really, these comments and thoughts don't bother me. It's my family and if I want three kids or six kids, that's my choice (well, and the husband gets a little say). I do hate that some people think we are getting it on twice a day while ignoring our kids because that is so not the case but, whatever. I am sure my husband doesn't mind it. I do mind when people tell me, in front of my boys, that it will be a shame if we don't have a girl because, heaven forbid, we have another stinking boy, but that is a whole other post entirely. Don't even get me started on that one.

I am so tired.

This parenting thing really packs a wollop on the old body. I need some rest.

I am currently angry at my husband. He left today for a fun-filled "conference" in sunny Arizona for the duration of the holiday weekend. A holiday weekend. I am seriously not even understanding that one. If I didn't know how freaking religious he was I would swear he was meeting a chick there, but alas, he knows Jesus frowns on those things so that would never happen. But a holiday weekend? Who schedules this shit?

So here I am barely able to keep my eyes open and make it to the bathroom every 45 minutes, yet I am caring for two children ALONE all damn weekend. Yep, I'm pissed. I swear to all that's holy, if he calls here telling me what restaurant he ate at and how cool Arizona is, I am tossing his shit out the window.

Now, I am fully aware that this is for "his job" but it's really not a necessity to his current job. Basically, some a-hole told him if he wanted to be considered for a promotion he better go. The thing is, he'll never get a promotion at this place. He has been chasing one since we moved here seven years ago, they promise monthly that, yes, he's next, but he never is. Why he continues to put up with it is beyond me. The money's not great, the people suck, and the work keeps piling on, but he toils on. Whatever.

Anywho.......yeah, I'm put out that I have to spend four solid days with the non-napping children from hell, but what I am really put out about is that he will only be home two days before he leaves for that God forsaken wedding because, uh yeah, as if the big ski trip weren't enough, he is expected to entertain groom, groom's father, and groom's brother in law next Thursday and Friday. My doctor said, GO, have a wonderful time. Here's the number of a great doctor in Baton Rouge, but you know Jacob's school would schedule the kindergarten musical that Friday night (Friday night? Who does that?) and he must go as it's mandatory, so no, the kids and I won't be going. I'll be spending that whole weekend alone with them as well PLUS attending a school function while trying to juggle video camera and two year old. Good times.

Now, I am lucky to be able to stay home with my kids. Most days I truly enjoy it, but like any job, it gets old now and then and sometimes you just need a little vacation. That's why "working" folk get vacation time. My husband is gone from this house 13 hours a day and one evening a week. I am responsible for all child care during that time. I am also the cleaning service, chauffeur, personal shopper, and chef for the household. I am okay with that. I am not okay with the other parent taking off on so many weekends. Weekdays I can handle, not much change there, but I need the weekend to tag team and maybe rest my bones a little bit before beginning the week anew. The thought of parenting for basically three weeks straight is making me stir crazy. Don't even get me started on how I had a premature baby once and what in hell will I do with these kids if I do it again? I don't like being alone with these kids in that situation. We don't have people. We don't have anyone nearby to call if something bad happens. I miss nice neighbors. I need nice neighbors. I need a nap.

ETA:

The husband did just call. I was pleasant because, frankly, an over the phone fight didn't appeal to me at that moment. He ended up going with the boss and two big brown-nosers so things aren't looking well for him and that promotion. I almost feel for him. Jacob is helping to hold things together as well as any almost six year old can. He entertains Adam and that, so far, is good enough for me. The dog and cat are at my constant side, a united front to the chaos I guess, but I love that they feel my need and act upon it. You can always count on your pets, no? Jacob even cleaned out the litter box which, cue the trumpets, was the whole reason I had children in the first place. As God is my witness, I shall never scoop cat poop again! Things are looking up....we can eat at Waffle House for breakfast and make pillow forts in the living room. We can leave every single Lego and car out on the floor and the best part, we can let the dog upstairs (shh, don't tell) to sleep with us again. No cold tile floor for him this weekend. Shoot, we might even enjoy all this Daddy free time.

Ok......I can see where this might aggravate some people, but at the same time WHY did they think they were really going to go anywhere IN A BLIZZARD? Have they not been watching the news? I, personally, would rather sit my ass in a stinky plane until the weather was acceptable for take off than crash to the ground so some bitchy ass can get to Cancun a little quicker. Everybody's so damn gripy nowadays, drives me nuts. Can you imagine if they had let those bitchers get out and walk to the gate and someone fell on the frozen tundra that was the runway? The lawsuits would be filed before they got to baggage claim. Instead, the airline will most likely get sued because some snake on a plane was inconvenienced a little bit......aw, poor, poor vacationers. Bring a book the next time or take a nap. Enjoy the down time. Lord, what I wouldn't give to sit for a while.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Girl Names From Our List1. Alexandra 2. Bridget 3. Sarah 4. Rachel 5. Paige 6. Natalie 7. Lisa 8. Ellen 9. Bethany 10. Isabel 11. Lauren 12. Whitney 13. Anne No, Jacob's choice isn't there....it wasn't on our list. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Happy Valentine's Day!

This year's Valentine's photo.......at least it was better than last years:

Tuesday Tidbits

We went to the lake this weekend. I did nothing. In fact, like Jenny from Forrest Gump, I slept and slept and slept. I figured since my nice husband was going to be out of town this weekend and next weekend, he could take over the parenting. If you call hanging out on the computer and watching the entire Star Wars Trilogy while the kids tear the place apart, then yeah, he was parenting, but whatever, at least I wasn't doing anything.

I am now wishing we had found out if the baby is a boy or a girl. We spent the entire three hour drive up to the lake going over boy names and could not find ONE name that we liked enough to moniker our child with. Jacob's suggestion was Baxter and, thank you, but we are having a baby not a bassett hound, so he doesn't get a say there. I found myself looking at everything on the drive home and seeing how that would work......Rooter, Valero, Sonic, Exit.....we just do not like boy names. I am considering taking out an ad on ebay giving someone the right to name my kid for the right price. It can't be worse than Peterbilt.

I couldn't believe when my home page popped up last week with the news that Anna Nicole Smith had died. What, you didn't know that? You must be living in a cave or the snowstorms have left you without power and cable for the past week. Now, it wasn't like I was a big fan or anything, I mean, what did she really do besides that horrible show on E! a few years back, but as a mom I felt for her when her son passed away this summer right after she had that baby. I cannot even imagine anything more depressing. Plus, my headline said ANS dead at 39 and, uh, I am pretty close to 39 so it made my heart stop just a bit. As if I didn't have enough lingering fears that I would die during my c-section leaving my kids motherless and missing out on all the moments of their lives, 39 was emblazoned in bold type to make me just a little bit sick. Of course, I don't have a drug habit and steer away from breast augmentations, but still. That poor, poor baby. I hope they find out once and for all who the daddy is, because all these fame seeking weirdos coming out of the weeds everyday is very, very sad.

Today is my mom's birthday. She is snowed in and can't do anything, but it's her birthday nonetheless. Did I mention before that her brother and sisters (except one) didn't make it to the age she is today? I am so, so grateful that she had that surgery and is doing well. I have no idea how I would make it without her, even if she is 1,300 miles away.






Roxanne.....

Ok, I don't dig awards shows and I don't keep up with the latest music trends because I am stuck in the 80s and refuse to leave, but when I heard The Police were going to perform on the Grammys, I tuned in. Thank goodness they sang at the very beginning so I didn't have to watch the rest of it and could tune my tube to Nancy Grace and the continuing Anna Nicole saga, but man, I loved The Police. They did not disappoint me. Must go find twenty year old Synchronicity tank top ASAP.

So after seeing all the neat things Amie's kids were doing each week in their art lessons, I could hold out no longer and purchased this book. Jacob gets absolutely NO art time in school and since he enjoys it so much I thought it would be nice for us to do some in the afternoons and since my creative bone is a bit short, this book really helps out. It is full of art projects based around a story and a theme and this week we have started The Gingerbread Boy and a unit about art in the kitchen. Aside from many spills and running out of flour at the last minute, Jacob made some play dough and did a pretty good job with it. After it cooled, he used the dough to show the characters in the story and act it out and Adam just had a good time squishing it.

Next week....bread sculptures, macaroni necklaces, and gingerbread!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Boy Names on Our List 1. John 2. Thomas 3. Samuel 4. Andrew 5. James 6. Benjamin 7. Ethan 8. Joseph 9. Noah 10. Cameron 11. Hayden 12. Peyton 13. Paul Feel free to make suggestions. Nothing is really jumping out at me. I am thinking Three is a nice name. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

One Month Down......

Since we have one month down in the new (relatively) year, I thought I would revisit my resolutions and see how that is working out for me....

1. Eating more vegetables and less sugar.......well, we had eggplant last week. And cabbage. I am trying a new recipe each week, but I wouldn't say all of them were healthy. I didn't completely dog it, but I could do better.

2. Spending more time with Jacob....I think I really have done better with this. We have done something at least once a week if not more. Of course, Adam usually tags along, but he doesn't seem to mind. I have also started supplementing his schooling in the afternoons with daily social studies, art, and writing lessons. I thought he really wouldn't like that, but if I don't do one each day, he calls me on it. Two thumbs up for me here.

3. Organizing the house.......well, I started with a fury and got the master bedroom, bathroom, Jacob's room, living room, and most of the kitchen purged and sparkling clean. After that I lost momentum and now I have a hard time bending down, standing for long periods, or breathing well for that matter. I still have no room whatsoever for this new baby, no place for it or it's stuff so I need to find the energy to at least do Adam's room and finish Jacob's closet. The toy room and computer room will just have to wait, like, until number three is walking.

4. Finding a friend.....well, not so much. But I've been here seven years with no results, doubt I can do that in a month....I have all year.

5. Moving......Well, we did go look at that nice neighborhood in the north part of town and we still talk about how in hell we would be able to afford it. It's a start.

6. Am I more glad than mad? ......sometimes. That one really depends on the amount of sleep I get, which isn't much lately. I think I did really well yesterday when Adam continued to rip his diaper off and take huge diarrhea shits on the floor (Thank you God for tile floor) and I didn't damage his psyche by screaming obscenities and duct taping that diaper to him like I seriously thought about doing....especially around the fourth time.

7. Tubes tied and swearing.....well, those will come in time. But again, if I didn't say the f word after all that poop yesterday, I am doing pretty good.

Tuesday Tidbits

OK....so I have decided to nix the boy name that Derick likes. It really wouldn't bother me one way or the other, but when I asked him if we should use his old girlfriend's name if it's a girl he thought that was downright stupid, so tit for tat. Just so you know, our child will NOT be named Brittney or Patrick.

About the fabric softener.....some prankster thought it would be way hysterical to unscrew all the lids on the Downy that was on sale and I fell victim to it. I grabbed my blue bottle, threw it in the cart, and heard what I thought was Jacob vomiting on the floor. I would have welcomed vomit. Blue, perfumey liquid was pouring all over ever single I had placed in my cart to that point. It soooo sucked. Of course, the teenage Target employees did not want to clean that mess up and would not even look in my direction as I tried to direct them to the mess. So, I dumped everything out of my cart right there on the floor, opened up packages of paper towels to clean my kids off (and left them there when I was done, I didn't need paper towels), and retrieved another cart and restocked it. I attempted to tell the employees about the mess many times, but it stayed there as long as I was in the store. Just so you know....if you get that on your skin you will smell like it for days, doesn't matter how many showers you take. I no longer desire that April fresh scent for my clean clothes. Never, never again.

We totally skipped school this morning. I could not drag my ass out of bed. I am SO sick of driving him to school and back every day! How many more months of this? Yeah, bad parent, he's actually really sick and feverish....yeah, that's it.

Apparently the local police do not want my money because I can call their number all day long and all I get is recording letting me know how busy they are. I leave messages for them to call back, but even if they did they couldn't get through because we no longer get incoming calls to our land line. The fine folks at the phone company have been contacted and have actually come out to tell us that they have fixed everything, by staring at the receiver because that's all I saw them do, but it isn't fixed. So for over 90 bucks a month I get staticy phone calls, limited computer time, dropped calls, and no phone calls whatsoever into my home. They say there is a short in the line, but they don't want to try to find it because it would take too long......yep, they really said that. Way to work for your customers AT&T.

I took Jacob to a birthday party on Saturday. It was a girl party. He was one of two boys. I didn't foresee that all the other boys would decline, must file that in the back of my brain for later use. He had a good time, it wasn't too girly, but just being around that many squealy girls make me itch. It was a genie theme and all those kindergarten bellies showing made my head hurt. Why is dressing like a tramp at that age acceptable? After three hours I had to leave. It is pretty apparent that I don't do girl, which is pretty interesting since I am one. I was eager to come home and throw footballs and play matchbox cars....who would've thunk?

This is So Hard!

My husband likes only one boy name. It's a good name and I like it but here is my dilemma: I had two boyfriends with that name although they both went by the same nickname, a shortened form of the name. I have seen neither person since 1994, but I do still correspond with a few friends who were around during those years and are likely to remember those relationships. Do I need to nix that name now and let husband know why or would it really be no big deal to use it with my next child?

Of Course!

Can you believe I got a speeding ticket?

Yes, I truly did get a speeding ticket. DAMMIT! I am so pissed at myself because I should have known better. Of course, the cops would be out in droves because it was the first dry day we'd had in weeks. The ass of a cop, and yes, he was pretty assy about the whole thing, said he clocked me going 50 in a 30, but I know I wasn't. I MIGHT have been going 42ish because I don't really understand why in hell we need to be driving 30 on a major through street through town. I can drive faster in my own neighborhood. I guess I should have begged for that brass doodad caller cop was selling.

The kicker......I can't just mail a check in and have it over with. Oh no. I have to CALL the damn police department next week so THEY can tell me what I need to do. The effing irony.




Coming tomorrow........how fabric softener ruins shoes and other funny stories.

Grrr....

I just received an early morning phone call from a police officer. I hate when they do that. The guy calls and says, "Hello, Andria (as if he knows me) this is blank from the TX state police dept." then sits there silently for a few seconds. I, of course, am not thinking like I should that they have called to solicit money, I think "Oh, dear Lord, who is lying dead on the highway?" When he finally gets around to his can't-get-a-word-in-edgewise schpiel (is that a word?) I have about passed out on the carpet. Is this their ploy? Get you scared and then so relieved you will hand them the shirt off your back? Well, if so, it isn't working with me.

I will probably piss somebody off in the next few paragraphs, but hey, it's my blog, I can bitch if I want to.

I have a problem with the cops calling every three months begging for money. I actually have a problem with lots of places calling and begging for money, but the cops annoy me so much more. First of all, I realize that the police force is paid a pittance and, especially here in in Houston, they put their lives at risk on a daily basis. Yes, I am thankful for this. Yes, I wish the city would pay them more. I was a teacher. A very low paid teacher for many years. I just got by. I spent at least a quarter of my paycheck each year supplying my classroom and purchasing things to help teach America's youth. I was expected to do that because there aren't many funds for teachers out there either. I did that because I wanted my students to have a good education. I did it because I had to. Never once did I pick up a phone and call unsuspecting citizens and ask for a hand out. Even if I did, no one would give one because teachers are second class in our great country behind NFL players and Paris Hilton.

Second of all, the cops here in my town refuse to help me out when needed. I have called them a few times for various things, like when the neighbor's pack of pit bulls crashed through our fence and tried to break our glass door down, they couldn't come and help because they were too busy and maybe in a week or so animal control could come out. I have called with noise complaints only to be told that wasn't their jurisdiction. My dog was attacked by a rottweiler on a morning walk and all the cops could do for me was to attempt to quarantine MY dog because obviously my dog on a leash provoked the whole thing. In short, UH, what have you done for me lately that makes me want to throw money at you? The teenagers smoke pot in the ditch while you cruise by, the animals roam free, and vandalism is rampant and okay here. You drive by with your Starbucks cup hanging out the window oblivious to all around you. Why should you get paid more for that?

The guy today kept on and on about how I could get some sort of huge brass doo dad that showed what a wonderful supporter I was that I suction cup to a certain part of my vehicle for everyone to see (oh, no, not a ticket deferrent) for a measly $75. $75!!!! Since I was still brought up to be polite I explained to him that, well, we're just trying to pay our mortgage this month, he got quite rude and said he would send a packet and I could send in $10. I explained again that we didn't have ten bucks to spare this month and he got downright rude pretty much telling me that, yeah, I could come up with ten bucks if I wanted to. Asshole. So, yeah, phone calls from police officers do not make my day. I guess I better drive the speed limit taking Jacob to school tomorrow. I am sure they are looking for me.