Saturday, September 08, 2018

Counting Loud Sheep

I haven't slept in almost five years.

My husband snores.  

Yes, I have ear plugs.    Still hear it.   I run the industrial garage fan on high.    Doesn't come close.   I bought that adjustable Sleep Number bed the commercials show that stops it with the push of a button.    LOLOLOLOL.  

I spent some time a couple years ago taking Nyquil every night that would get me a few hours but then I would wake up with a bad sinus headache so then I would take aspirin every morning to cure that.   I had to stop that when I developed a stomach ulcer from it.  

He won't use the snoring strips and those didn't help much anyway.  

He had the sinus surgery.   That made it worse.  

He spent $500 for a sleep study just to confirm that, yes, he snores.  

He spent another $1500 for some sort of mouth device from the dentist guaranteed to rid him of snoring forever.   That was three months ago and we don't have a clue if or when he will ever see that thing.   Can you say scam???

I see on the news where women kill their husbands and my first thought:   He must have snored.

I want mad props that he is still alive and breathing.   Every night I think about putting that pillow over his face and just pressing it a little bit too hard.    Lack of sleep makes your mind kind of crazy.

I go to bed by 9:00 most nights.   I sleep until around midnight when he comes to bed and starts his nightly percussive symphony.   I move to the couch but I don't stay there long because I have been out there for so many months it is sagging in the middle and my back starts to hurt.   I move to the recliner but I can never really get comfortable there.   I used to climb into bed with Adam (poor kid is the only one with a full size mattress) but he's older now and it just seems weird.   I have been known to kick him out and send him to the couch.  NOT A LOT.   Lack of sleep makes you less empathetic.  

After all of my attempts at just a little bit of shut-eye fail, I end up watching cheesy cable movies,  Netflix and Amazon Prime, and lots and lots of Antenna TV.   Quantum Leap is on at 2 am central.   You know you miss that show.  

I thought if I quit my job then I could start sleeping during the day, you know, do the housework at night and sleep all day, be on the night shift so to speak.   It's harder than you think to sleep during the day, even if you are seriously sleep deprived.   It's not really working out for me so far.

In this time I have gained thirty pounds, developed a thyroid condition, and now suffer from high blood pressure.    I spent a night in the hospital last November because my blood pressure was so high the school nurse thought I might have a heart attack.    The doctor told me to get more rest.  

Are you kidding?   I wish I could!

About once every three weeks he will sleep on the couch and then WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING to let me know he slept on the couch FOR ME.  Seriously?   Let me organize the parade because it isn't like I am not OUT THERE EVERY OTHER NIGHT!   I want it known that I have not assaulted him when he always says later the next day,  "I don't understand why you are so grumpy?  You got a whole night's sleep BECAUSE I SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR YOU."

I love my husband.   He provides well for us and he does the math and science homework with the kids so I don't have to.   BUT.   I look forward to his business trips.   He was supposed to leave Sunday until Thursday and I have been just hanging on this week dreaming of four long nights of slumber next week until he came in tonight and said he wasn't going.   WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GOING?????  

I am just so freaking tired.  

I have seen lots of good shows, though.  

Tuesday, September 04, 2018

We'll Agree to Disagree

We are into our third week of school today.  

The kids are all doing pretty well.   I was pretty worried about Elizabeth as this is her first year attending public school and also the beginning of middle school.    Last year she sat in three classrooms right next to each other all year and this year she has a locker, changes seven classes, and PE.

Yep.   PE.

Elizabeth likes everything about her new school EXCEPT PE.  

This summer she was really looking forward to it.   She'd learn volleyball!   They might do gymnastics!   It will be an easy A!

She HATES it now.   I tried to prepare her but she really had no way of knowing until she got there.

She goes to PE and then goes straight to lunch.   I get a text or a Facetime at the beginning of every lunch to let me know just how much she hated DRESSING FOR PE.  

I remember dressing for PE in middle school as well and hating it just as much as she did.  

WHY? in this day and age of #metoo and personal space is this still a thing?  

Yeah, yeah, I get that they are starting to stink and stuff but really?    WHY?

I am going to go even further and say WHY is PE a required class in middle school/high school?   I know many do not agree with me and I am not saying children should not be physically active, but as a parent of a child who gets plenty of exercise, is at an ideal body weight, and eats healthy foods WHY should she be required to strip down to her underwear in front of sixty other girls so she can do some jumping jacks and run some laps around the gym?  

She will have four more years of required PE class.   That is four credits she could be taking academically and actually learning something that might actually help her later on in life.   WHY do we not get that option?  

Last Thursday she was teary because a girl took her picture as she was undressed and told her she was posting it to Snapchat.   She told the "coach" and was made to run some more for tattling.  On Friday she moved around a row of lockers and was yelled at by the PE "teacher" that everyone dresses by the benches in front of everyone else.   WHY?    I am sure she isn't the only one getting this treatment and hating PE.  

I hated PE as a child for this very reason.    I was involved in basketball and track and enjoyed it UNTIL I got to middle school PE.   The dressing and the shaming and the just un-fun of it made me hate any type of physical activity to this day.    I hate it again because it is doing the same thing to my daughter.  

PE needs to be fun not hurtful.   If a kid doesn't want to do it, don't make them do it.  Let them wear their own clothes if they want.   Shit, they go outside at lunch and goof around and get just as sweaty and stinky.  

I am usually that parent who follows the rules and explains to their children why we these rules are in place but I am not really understanding the importance of this particular rule and I am wondering how many people I piss off this year trying to get it.   If my child is disrespecting you or hurting others in any way you can bet I will be all over that and I will support you wholeheartedly but if she wants to have a little modesty as she strips naked, I have to side with her and question your motives.

I am the nicest person you have ever met until you screw with my child.  

Middle School.   It's a wonder we all get through it with our sanity.   Or do we?