Friday, May 31, 2013

My Head Still Hurts.....

I have had a massive sinus headache for the past three days.    I can barely lift my head and when I do, it's worse.   I have spent a small fortune at CVS on all kinds or "proven remedies" that proved not to remedy anything at all.    Today I found some sort of nasal spray that seems to have made a small dent. Hopefully it will begin to help because I am sure the drug store employees are tired of seeing me stumble about moaning in my pajamas.

Usually being piled up in bed for three days would have my house in complete shambles,  BUT miraculously it is not.   Believe it or not,  Jacob has been taking care of it.  Without even being asked.

All these meds have kind of made me a little dizzy and drunk like so I am hoping I am not imagining it, but the laundry is done and folded and the towels, at least, have been put away.   The beds are made.  The floors are swept and mopped.   The trash has been taken out.  The garbage cans put away.  Dishwasher emptied AND refilled.  The little kids have been cerealed and souped at the appropriate times and the evidence of such is no longer there.  Toys mostly put away.

Can this be the same kid who refused to lift even ONE finger last week?

Did I die?  Because at one point,  I really was sure I was going to.

What is happening here?

Seriously, I just laid here (laid, lain, lay, lie? I was absent every time they taught that I think) and cried over it.

This.  Is a big deal.

One of the traits of Aspergers is the lack of empathy.    Oh, you feel bad?  Whatever.  I don't get that because it's not happening to me so let me go back to what I was doing and not really care.  

But yesterday, he cared.  He cared enough to feel bad for me and step up and do something about it completely on his own.

I am sure there is probably some motive behind it, I bet he'll ask for something in a couple days, but still, he helped out.  When I really needed it.  Without begging and cajoling and bribing.  He just did it.

Of course, it isn't right, it's not done my way,  the towels are hanging off the shelf and not tri-folded the way I like and the blankets are poking out from under the comforters, and he put the bathroom Scentsy cubes in a living room burner, but still.   I have let it go.  The dizzy drugs have helped with that.

I'll get better and he'll go back to being his usual self, but this one time, he stepped up.   This makes me so hopeful that maybe he's turning a corner, maybe he's maturing, maybe we can work with this.

Friday, May 24, 2013

My Head Hurts


First day of summer is upon us.

It is 12:30, half day in and already it begins.

Only took half a day.

I don't think I was being unreasonable when I let the children know that they had to complete their daily chores each day before the television went on, the Wii was played, or swimming was to be done.   They have three chores each and need to make their beds, pick up their toys, and wipe the toilet and floor down of their piss that never, ever seems to make into the toilet.  

Jacob has declared that he will doing none of it.   His reasoning:   If you want me to do these things, you have to do something for me.

Is he freaking kidding me?

Let's see.   Seven years of private school tuition = $30,000
                  Six years of various medications = $2000
                  Five years of various therapy = $5,000
I can't even do the math on the clothing, food, and toys.

I know, I know, that means nothing to a kid, but COME ON.

The other kids got up did their jobs and went about their day.  

Jacob is still screaming about how unfair his life is and what a horrible mother I am and how he is just a  kid, Oh woe, oh woe is he.  I mean, the cops are going to be called very shortly by said twelve year old because.  O.  M.  G.   Child labor laws and child abuse and neglect......oh my.

I don't know where his logic became skewed, but he has yelled down at me that if I want the dishwasher emptied, I will need to drive him to Game Stop and buy him a fifty dollar game.  

Nevermind that he got his DS removed weeks ago for running his mouth in this fashion previously.

And for the record, Adam emptied the dishwasher and did all his other chores without nary a word.  Three hours ago.

The art camp closed down.

I can't afford the behavior camps.

He absolutely refuses to do any type of sports camps.

My parents are too scared to take him for any length of time.

I think there's some law about dumping your kids off miles from home and making them walk back just to kill time and give you some peace.

So for the next 14 weeks, I guess I have to put up with it.

Neat little fact about switching schools.......that school gets out two weeks later so therefore goes back two weeks later.  Oh joy!  He gets two extra weeks of summer!

I can't wait to see what will happen next week when I introduce the television timer and the daily workbooks.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Turn, Turn, Turn

First Day......

Last Day.........

Kindergarten-Sixth Grade
August 16. 2006-May 23, 2013
On to better things.   Hopefully.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

One More...

Jacob's turn:

What is something your mom always says to you?    Clean this mess up

What makes your mom happy?   When we have a good morning

What makes your mom sad?   When we have a horrible morning

How does you mom make you laugh?  When she punishes Adam

What was mom like as a child?   young

How old is your mom?   48

How tall is your mom?   five foot eight

What is mom's favorite thing to do?  Go shopping at Vera Bradley

What does your mom do when you aren't around?   Watch Bob Newhart

If your mom became famous what would it be for?   cooking

What is your mom really good at?   teaching

What does your mom do for a job?   teach preschool

What is mom's favorite food?  PF Changs

If she were a cartoon character which one would she be?   Bat Girl

What do you and mom do together?   go out together sometimes

How are you and mom the same?   We look the same

How are you and mom different?   We don't talk the same

How do you know mom loves you?   Cause she always says it

Where is mom's favorite place to go?  PF Changs

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

More Questions and Answers

Adam's turn:

What is something your mom always says to you?    I love you

What makes your mom happy?    Doing what is right

What makes your mom sad?   Doing bad

How does mom make you laugh?   Making funny faces

What was mom like as a child?   Very nice

How old is your mom?   44

How tall is your mom?    four feet

What is mom's favorite thing to do?   Watch Bob Newhart

What does your mom do when you aren't around?   Take naps

If your mom became famous what would it be for?  singing

What is your mom really good at?   typing

What does your mom do for a job?   work at preschool

What is mom's favorite food?  spaghetti

If she were a cartoon character which one would she be?   Superwoman

What do you and mom do together?   sleep

How are you and mom the same?   looks

How are you and mom different?    I don't take naps and she does

How do you know mom loves you?   Because she provides me food and clothing

Where is mom's favorite place to go?   PF Changs

Monday, May 20, 2013

Questions and Answers

Totally stole this from Michelle at Big Blueberry Eyes.   These are my kid's answers, but I can't wait to use these next year at Mother's Day with my preschoolers.   THANKS!

Here are Elizabeth's answers:

1.  What is something your mom always says to you?   No

2.  What makes your mom happy?   Seeing her friends at preschool

3.  What makes your mom sad?  When I keep getting older

4.  What makes your mom laugh?  Me

5.  What was your mom like as a child?   Just like Elizabeth, she played ball with Aunt Teresa

6.  How old is your mom?  100

7.  How tall is your mom?  Seven feet

8.  What is your mom's favorite thing to do?  Watch me at the park

9.  What does your mom do when you're not around?  shopping

10.  If your mom became famous what would it be for?   Playing with me

11.  What is your mom really good at?  Watching Bob Newhart

12.  What does your mom do for a job?   Work at preschool

13.  What is her favorite food?   Garlic Noodles from PF Changs

14.  If she were a cartoon character who would she be?  Stella from Winx Club

15.  What do you and mom do together?   Give kisses

16.  How are you and mom the same?   We love preschool and tea parties

17.  How are you and mom different?   Her hair is red, mine is not

18.  How do you know your mom loves you?   She was happy to have a girl and always wanted one.

19.  Where is mom's favorite place to go?    PF Changs

Monday, May 13, 2013

Roll With the Changes

So.  I signed the "Decline Re-Enrollment" form for Jacob.

His tuition and book fees have been deleted from our account.

In less than two weeks he will no longer be a student at the private school.

Am I relieved?  Yes.

Am I happy?   Eh.

Am I sad?  A little.

Am I scared to death?  ABSOLUTELY!

Jacob has been in the same very small building for the past seven years.   The thought of throwing him in a place where just his grade level hallway is bigger than half of his previous K-6 is very daunting.   The kids there?  Huge.  As in, bigger than I am.  Some of them are bigger than his dad.  He's the size of a third grader.  This could get ugly.

I am constantly second guessing myself.   I know in my heart we did the right thing.  We have had two additional meetings with the sixth grade teachers and they have done nothing but reinforce our feelings that he needs to leave there, but still, with all of his "issues", he doesn't do change well and, well, this is going to be a HUGE change.

The new school had originally told me I could enroll him in April, but when I got there, of course, that wasn't an option.  We have to wait until two weeks before school starts and I am pretty stressed wondering if he will get the electives he desires and most especially the leadership corp that goes in place of gym.  I really, really, really don't want him to take gym.  Never again.  Especially when the other kids can eat him for lunch.  The tours they promised me.  Haven't happened.  Yet.  They keep promising, but it's not looking good.  I feel like I got suckered.  If we aren't even there yet and they're lying to me, it doesn't bode well for the school year.

But still, I don't want him in the private school.   I don't want to pay the money, I don't want him near those children, I don't want him with those teachers, I don't want him with that administration.  It's just not right for him.  At all.   They gave me two lines to write my reason for not returning and all I could write was "many".  There just wasn't enough room for it all.

I cried after I turned it in.

My child should've been treated well at a CHRISTIAN school.  He should've felt safe at a CHRISTIAN school.   If people aren't kind at the Christian school, what is it going to be like at the NON-Christian school.

Oy.  What have we done?

Even then, though, I know deep down we've done the right thing.   We have yet to see what will become at the new place, but I just know he couldn't stay at the old one.

So things are going to change soon.  Hopefully for the better.   The best we can do is roll with it.

Monday, May 06, 2013

And Now You Are Six

Six.  SIX.  I cannot believe you are six years old, Elizabeth.  You are my baby and, yet, you are not a baby anymore.  Six.  Wow.

Six years have flown by.    The lipstick on the walls, the nail polish in the carpet, the belly-button pinching, and the funky haircut are all distant memories.  You are a big girl now.  You can count well over 100, add and subtract numbers, read chapter books, and write and illustrate a story.   You are more than ready for first grade your teacher says, but I would like you to repeat it just because I will miss you in the afternoons next year.  You won't be repeating it though, so it will be an adjustment for me.

You go to school until 11:45.  I am done at 12:15.  You trot on over when you're done and my three year olds enjoy having the big girl there.  Well, when you stay there.  You usually go on up to the office, get a snack, and chat with the directors until all the little kids have gone and then you make your way to all of the other teacher's rooms to chat with them.   I know I will not be the only lonely one next year.  All of us get a little teary thinking about no Elizabeth after school come September.  You know, I  really struggled with whether I should take that job because I felt I was short-changing you, dragging you off to school at three while the boys got an extra year to veg out and watch Nick Jr. all morning.  Although I loved the job, I cried a lot.  It just didn't seem fair to you, but you never once complained.  You enjoyed school and your teachers and over time your pretty much free reign over all that was preschool.   I see now that your earlier exposure to school helped hone your academic skills and also your ability to interact and socialize with both children and adults.  Elizabeth, you are my most well-adjusted, easy-going, roll-with-the-punches, work-it-all-out child.  I don't know if that's because you are the third one, or because of school, or just the way you were formed in the womb, but let me just say after all I've dealt with since the beginning of my motherhood, it is a refreshing change.

Your favorite color used to be pink and sometimes purple and then sometimes both.   Now you tell me it is yellow, which is my favorite color.   I remember loving green at your age because it was MY mom's favorite color too.  I love that you love yellow, but I hope you continue loving pink.  And purple.  And other things just because YOU want to love them.  You don't have to love my stuff for me to still love you.

You love to draw and I have to buy paper every week just to keep up with you.  There are pictures of princesses, and Disney World, and the Duck Dynasty dudes hanging on our walls.  There are also many, many pictures of Ezra, one for each day he's been gone.  He is usually sitting with me and you and we are smiling and there are lots of hearts.  Sometimes Phoebe is there too and there a few with the boys, but mostly it's me and you and Ez and we're happy.  I love them all.  I am so sad that you had to experience his death, but I am relieved you remember him and still love him and carry his memory in  your heart every day, because you know what?  I do too.   I am glad you still have Phoebe and I know she's glad to have you although I am sure she'd love it if you quit dragging her around and trying to dress her.

Let's see......what else?  Your teacher says you are a good friend and you are kind to others.  Every single person in your class came to your birthday party except the one kid who was on a cruise with his parents but his mom did say he cried and cried when he found out he couldn't go.   You were hugged so much and everyone wanted to be with you and you found a way to hang with each and every one and you did it effortlessly.   It was plain to see that you are very much loved not only by me and your family but your friends as well.  It was a good feeling.

You love the Disney Princesses, Belle is still your current favorite.  You are really good at archery and we can thank Merida for getting you interested in it.  You can swim like a fish and ride your bicycle without training wheels, and you love to go outside and swing for a while as soon as you get home from school.  You still love bubbles and I love to listen to you squeal in delight over the big ones just the same way you did when you first saw them as a baby.  Bubbles never get old.   You love to shop at Gymboree and by that I mean, I love to shop at Gymboree, but you are more than willing to tag along and sometimes suggest it yourself and, of course, I never turn you down.   You would look lovely in a flour sack, but it makes me practically giddy to find a sweet outfit and then see you in it.  I waited a long time for those girly clothes.  They also never get old.

The only thing you really like to eat are french fries,  peanut butter sandwiches, Hormel Honey Deli Ham, applesauce, Cinnamon Toast Cruch,  plain spaghetti noodles doused in soy sauce, and the garlic noodles at PF Changs.   I don't think you've eaten anything I've cooked for dinner in three years.   I love that we can out to a restaurant, just us, and we can chat and eat and I don't have to chase after you or pack up as soon as you are done.    I will miss our afternoon lunches, but I'll try to fit a few Saturday ones in next year.  I'll let you have first pick.  I am sure you will pick Five Guys.

Yesterday we took a walk and the first thing you did as we set out was to grab my hand.  I didn't take yours as a mother will always do with her child and I realized then it's been a while since I was the one to reach for your hand, but we always hold hands.  Always.   Please never stop holding my hand.  It's one of my favorite things.

There is so much more of you I could write about it, but it's time to pick you up from school.  Only two more weeks and then you'll be a full day student.  *sigh*.  I've been lonely all morning for you, don't know how it'll be when you're there four more hours.  It's been six years since I heard that doctor announce "It's a girl!".    Still easily one of the best moments of my life.  I remember the flashes of hair bows, dance classes, Gymboree dresses, and Disney princesses while listening to your first cries and seems like yesterday and, yet, here we are doing all of those things and I could not be happier.

My life was not complete until you were here.  I love all the "girl stuff", but I could live without it all if you decided today to love sports, and pants, and Pokeman because I am just so lucky to love YOU and all that you are!     You have been such a blessing,  a true gift from God.

I love you Goose, and I always will.

Now you are six.  Can you stay that way for just a while?