Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Red Stick

Call us fools, but we took a baby and a six year old to Baton Rouge this weekend (Adam spent quality time with the grandparents). I guess you would call that our "vacation" if by vacation you mean attempting to spend time with friends and family while corraling children and jiggling a baby. As expected, it was complete chaos.

The trip was initially planned in May and was just going to be Jacob, Elizabeth, and I going to spend time with my best friend Erin and her oldest son who happens to be Jacob's bestest friend in the whole wide world. Erin recently moved into an apartment, sans husband, so I was quite looking forward to some beer by the poolside minus the adult male factor. A few weeks later, husband decides to tag along so he can see best friend who also lives in Baton Rouge. Ok, not part of the plan, but I can dig it because if he drives, I can drink more, works for me. A few weeks later, my sister catches wind that we are going to be in Baton Rouge and decides she wants to meet us there so that she can finally meet Elizabeth, never mind that she hasn't called or emailed me since that baby was born and she's holding a grudge about same baby's name (another long story) , but I don't want to be rude and say, come on down anyway because she promised she wouldn't bring her husband. The husband I hate. The husband who hates me and my kids. Guess who climbed out of that car when we got there. Yeah. Where my sister agreed to "hang out" for the weekend, her husband would not because that was their vacation dammit so my husband was recruited to ferry him all over the sights of Baton Rouge, you know big vacation metropolis, so I did what I always do, break up fights and soothe the baby, but at least I had a friend hanging out with me while I did that.

And Jacob finally decided he liked swimming and even jumped off the diving board. Finally.

I guess it was all worth it for Jacob to spend so much time with his best bud.

Of course, Abigail is always a hoot. She's starting preschool in August. She'll teach those teachers a thing or two.

Of course, nothing beats a tasty, delicious baby, especially a tasty, delicious, happy baby.

When do we go back?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Bringing Home Baby

As I sat here, ass in recliner with a sleeping baby sprawled across me because she'll sleep no other way, I channel surfed my way to a show called Bringing Home Baby. Have you seen this? It follows a family home from the hospital with their new baby and records their first 36 hours. Ah, ha, ha, ha, let the train wreck begin, I thought as I returned the remote to it's home. I watched and waited for the meltdowns, the all night crying, and round the clock feedings, but they never happened. Please tell me they edit the bad stuff out to encourage all the unsuspecting non-parents to hop on board the baby train. This is what I saw:

Family number one brings home a sweet baby boy. They place sweet baby boy in bassinet and go about his business. He sleeps all afternoon with nary a peep. Fast forward to dinner and family is eating peacefully while baby naps in his bouncy seat. He whimpers a bit, which disturbs the mommy, but goes immediately back to sleep. After a commercial break, Mommy talks to the camera about how little baby didn't go to sleep until 10 and was up at 3:30 to eat and she was, oh so tired when she woke up at 8 am. I would kill to sleep until 3:30, it would be like vacation to me. Don't even get me started on the 8 am thing.

Family number two, well, they got home around noon, slapped that baby into the pack and play and proceeded to throw a huge party complete with do-it-yourself margarita bar and a pony keg. If their baby woke to eat in the middle of the night they didn't know about it as they were nursing hangovers the next day. My kid is six. I still don't feel like entertaining.

Is this for real? If so, I got seriously gipped three times over.

I wish I had known about this show before I had Elizabeth. I would have so signed up. My episode would go like this:

Family gets home and immediately attempts to locate clothes, diapers, and bathing necessities for third child. In that process, first child leaves home and isn't missed for ten minutes and then crazy parents go screaming for him through the neighborhood. After that, parents plus one grandparent attempt to quiet screaming infant over and over again. Dinner time arrives and promised meal doesn't show and kids are crying for food. Finally get something on the table at 8 pm just as promised meal shows up at the door. Parents feel like ungrateful fools while trying to hide food on table by blocking the view. Episode doesn't have a sleep time segment as there is no sleep time, just a series of small naps between crying and feeding. Next day, dad heads off to work leaving grandma and mom alone with three children, one of which gets driven to school late with his teeth and hair unbrushed. No one else dresses for the day. Repeat this several times while mommy grows crankier, sleepier, and stinkier and you have our show.

Yeah, 3:30 sounds awesome......

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Elizabeth at Three Months

I can't believe my baby is three months old!

I can't believe she is wearing the dress I bought for cousin Abigail when she was born. I was so excited to have a neice and buy dresses; I never imagined at that time I would have a baby girl in my house wearing the same dress. Surreal.

Boy, has Elizabeth changed in a month! She's happy. A lot. She laughs and coos and smile and, oh, how we are enjoying it. She still cries, but you can calm her most of the time and if you hold her all day long and not set her down you never hear a peep out of her. Yeah, she's easy that way. She definitely prefers being held to not being held and I oblige because I never want to hear the devil shreiks again. Everyone asks, "Do you ever put her down?" The answer is no, no I do not. Achy arms are a small price to pay for her happiness. If you had lived through the past three months that we have lived through, you would do the same.

Let's see....what else can Elizabeth do at three months? She can:

* kick and flap her arms to play
* move her head to follow people and objects
* grasp her hands
* hold her head up and pull her upper body up from a tummy position
* scoot just a bit by pushing with her feet while on her tummy
* blow raspberries

She sleeps much better now that she's sleeping with me. I still swaddle her every night, but she has recently starting pulling her arms out no matter how tight I wrap her. I fear the end of the swaddling is near and, well, I just don't know how she'll do without it and, frankly, I don't want to know yet. I am liking my colic free evenings, don't want to go there again.

She has lost most of her newborn hair and she no longer has that calico thing going on. What she has left is a brownish so I figure she inherited Jacob's hair as well as all his other features. She does have some funky eyelashes though....her right eyes are black and her left eyes are red and they are super long. When she cries and gets teary she looks like Tammy Faye Baker missing an eyelash.

How did a quarter of a year rush by so fast? I miss my tiny newborn, yet I am thrilled to finally get a glimpse into her real personality. Now, if I could just get a little sleep. Maybe sleeping through the night will be on her agenda as a three month goal.

Monday, July 23, 2007

I Swear, He Really is Smart

Here is further proof that I have completely lost my mind........

As we were leaving church Sunday night I looked down to find Jacob wearing two different shoes. In the chaotic frenzy of leaving the house, I asked if he was wearing shoes but I didn't think to check that they matched!

Let's hope his teachers didn't look at his feet either.

The Next Food Network Star

DO NOT tell me who won!

I watched until 8:42 last night when more Texas storms rolled through shutting off our satellite reception until exactly 9:04. The last thing I saw was Paul and Jag hugging on the sidewalk. So pissed! But, I have tivo and I set it to tape the finale rerun at 11 and sat down this morning to nurse and watch and it wasn't there. My, oh so kind, husband stopped it from recording so he could monopolize the television. I know this is so because it says "someone in your household stopped this program from being recorded" AAGGGHHH. OH, so much more pissed! It doesn't air again until Thursday night so I have to wait until then to catch up. After that we'll discuss it all, I promise.

This calls for urgent retail therapy......if only my husband hadn't locked my keys in my car. He better come home bearing gifts is all I have to say.

Adam's Half-Birthday

Adam is two and a half today.

I can't believe my baby will be three in six months. Three is so much older than two. What will I do?

Adam is such a sweet little boy. I am not surprised by this as he was a sweet little baby, easy-going and friendly and totally agreeable. He's just like that today, although he's more opinionated than agreeable sometimes, but it's good to stick up for yourself, right? He and Jacob can fight like cats and dogs, but he always goes over afterwards to give a big hug and a pat on the back. He never holds a grudge.

He LOVES his baby sister. He wasn't sure what to think at first and all that mommy sharing wasn't fun, but his tender heart couldn't hold a grudge against her either and he immediately formed a bond with her. I am constantly amazed at how gentle and helpful he is with Elizabeth. He fetches diapers and wipes and loves to deposit the dirty ones into the Diaper Genie. He helps bathe her and will dab at her drooly or spit up mouth when needed. He comes to her comfort whenever she cries and has even offered to pump milk for her, which, in hindsight, maybe pumping while he was in the room wasn't a great idea, but he sure was cute about it. If anyone was meant to be a big brother, it was him.

Speech started for Adam last week. Although I am still ambivalent about it, he seems to be enjoying it. He does have a few new words: Blue, Diego (do-go), Lola, Bubba, boo-boo, juice, sister, Ellie, coke, a myriad of animal sounds, and most importantly, no. He loves to use the word no, even if he doesn't mean no sometimes. It's hard not to crack up when he says no while crossing his arms at me. He's just so cute even tantrums are low-key where he's involved.

He is growing, slowly, but he's growing. While at the hospital for Vitamin Caper 2007, he was weighed at 25 pounds and 40 inches.....roughly the size of your average 18 month old because that's what size clothes he's wearing these days, at least his shirts are that size. He's still wearing 9 month pants/shorts because he's just that skinny. He can also still wear size 2 diapers, although I keep him in size 3 these days just because it would be awfully strange when his sister catches up with him.

His favorite things are still Matchbox cars. He can never have enough. He likes to line them up, sort them by color, crash them and race them and build block garages for them. Maybe he'll be an architect....or a mechanic. He just started watching television, thanks to Mommy's need for quick chair naps in the afternoon. He loves Wonder Pets, Blue's Clues, and Go, Diego, Go. He loves to read Charlie and Lola books and Curious George. He loves to go the Sunday school, the library and Chuck E. Cheese and, if we would let him, he would jump right off the diving board into the swimming pool, but he's happy just splashing around in the water too. He's definitely my little daredevil.

I am sure I could write volumes about Adam and his kind, loving spirit, but instead, I will snuggle in the chair and watch some Noggin with him and then get started on his favorite - cupcakes. Thirty months of Adam.....what a gift.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Take 138

I just want a nice picture of my three kids. Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Too Tired For a Title

I don't like waking up early. Never have. I am not a morning person. My children, on the other hand are morning people. As soon as the sun rises they bound out of bed. This annoys me. Now, I knew when getting into this that my days of sleeping until nine were over, but six? Come on now. That's just too damn early. If I don't need to drive myself to a paying job then I don't need to crawl out of bed at that hour either.......but I do.....and I hate it.

I am so tired. I need some sleep. Elizabeth is sleeping better, but she's still up nursing every three to four hours so I'm not getting a good stretch in there to feel even the slightest bit refreshed in the morning. This makes me cranky and moody and, frankly, makes me want to leave my husband or, at the very least, refuse to cook his dinner this evening.

Disclaimer: Husband is a good dad to his kids and usually a good husband, but this is my blog and I reserve the right to complain about him as appropriate.

Husband is having a hard time at work this week. I don't ask how, because I don't understand a lick of what he does, but I know he is because he flings open the door an hour later every evening and announces: "I had the worst possible day" and stomps around with a big old scowl on his face. Yes, I know this means I am supposed to drop everything and run to his rescue with a big hug and a listening ear and, in his mind, probably forget we have children and let them play with knives and poison while I drag him upstairs for some hot monkey love, but umm, I have three children and I'm tired. I did the listening thing on Monday, isn't that enough? Anywho.....having a bad work day apparently gives you a pass on kid duties because he ain't doing any. Oh, he thinks he's doing things, but he isn't. Telling the boys they need to take a bath isn't helpful. Running the water and getting them there and actually bathing them is. Last night I ran back and forth between two tubs supervising and bathing each time passing the computer where the husband sat holding sleeping Elizabeth and each time he would state, "I would help, but I've got the baby" Ummm, yeah. That excuse works when she's screaming, but not sleeping. After baths, I spent over an hour with a splitting migraine wrestling Adam into bed while husband watched some stupid show on SciFi and would call out "I'd help, but I've got the baby" although at some point there I ended up with the baby and then I was wrestling two of them to bed. Fun times. By the time I got Adam to sleep at 10:05, I trotted my crabby ass downstairs and told the husband that I had a headache I wanted to nurse and would he please, oh pretty please, put Elizabeth to bed?? Can you believe I even felt a little guilty asking him to hold his very own daughter? Yeah, I did, until I was awakened out of a deep sleep by my assh*le husband shoving a baby in my face and yelling that she was hungry and off he went. Oh, was it already two, the time she's been waking to nurse? I looked at the clock and noticed it had been turned around, hmm weird, so I turn it around and, guess what? It was eleven o'clock on the dot. She had been nursed at 9:30, there was no way she needed to nurse again, he just wanted to go to bed. Alone. In the bed in the baby's room. ASS! To top that off, he didn't even make the bed when he left, so that's an extra bed I have to make this morning.

Okay, I'm done.

Is it noon yet?

No, it's eight and I already feel like the sun should be setting. Not a good sign.

At least we're having pizza tonight.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Tuesday Tidbits

Finally, more Tuesday Tidbits. I know ya'll just couldn't live without them.

I woke up around five this morning jammed between three children. One was twisting my hair, another was playing footsie, and the baby was sucking on a b**b. The husband was in the extra bed stretched out snoring alone. He may bring home the paycheck, but I am definitely earning it.

Husband pet peeve number two: Does he think we live in a dorm? Husband has taken to washing his work clothes rather than throw them in the hamper with the rest of the laundry. Why? Because I don't wash them right. Whatever. That's fine with me and he still allows me the privelage of washing all his socks and underwear and casual clothes. Yippee. Anyway, just like a college guy he never remembers to do his clothes until Sunday evening. Just like a college guy, if I have a load in the washer or dryer, he just takes it out and stashes it on top of the dryer or on the floor and moves his load right on through. I never notice or remember this until Monday mornings when I walk in to find the rest of the clothes stinking wherever he placed them. Gee, thanks. In one dorm I lived in you had to sign up for laundry time.....I am thinking of placing a sign up sheet on the laundry room door.

I don't know what to do with my blog. Should I change the title? I mean, I still have two boys and they still drive me crazy so it's not wrong, but how do I add the girl? I haven't been able to come up with anything snappy, so if you have any suggestions feel free to shoot them this way. I am also itching to customize the look more so if you're handy like that or know someone who is, I have a job for you.

I ordered Jacob's school supplies online. It was quick and convenient and I am relieved to be able to avoid the crowds, but I am a little sad not to be doing the back-to-school hunt with him. I loved shopping for school supplies when I was a kid, maybe it's because we rarely went shopping, but I loved the smell of new crayons and pencils and the look of a nice clean lunch box. Now the stuff just shows up on his desk the first day of school, no choosing of character folders or the contest to see who has the biggest crayon box. They don't even know what they're missing.

Anybody else watching The Next Food Network Star? If so, we can discuss it. Let me know.

I got invited to a high school reunion this week. Weird thing is, it isn't my high school. It was the high school I would have attended had we not moved at the end of ninth grade. Erin won't go with me and since she's the only person I still know from there I won't be going either, but shoot, I think that might have been a good time.

My parents refer to my baby as Rachel. They don't like Elizabeth. I don't know what to think about that.

My kids are sharing a bag of peanut butter baking chips for breakfast. I guess they got tired of waiting for me. Shh...don't tell.

Sing with me.....On my first day back home, Google sent to me:
aspergers or just crazy
what color are Michael Buble's underwear
Texas women peeing on the side of the road
and chocolate syrup b**bs


Monday, July 16, 2007

We're Back!

I'm bbbaacckk!

Got a load of unpacking to do, an empty refrigerator, and two unruly boys tearing the place apart, but we're home.

This is my first day with three kids all alone. I have to figure out a way to take them to the grocery store without losing my mind. I need to go to the post office too. I made my first goal of having them all dressed before noon. I haven't yelled at Jacob this morning, although he is driving me crazy reading my blogs over my shoulder. I have yet to panic about the fact that Elizabeth has caught the nasty cold my dad brought down and could possible have a fever. I haven't hidden Mrs. Salt and Mr. Pepper yet. I might be able to swing this after all. Of course, I am sure I would be a much better mama if I were making breakfast rather than blogging.

Three kids are harder to travel with than two. Cramming them into that back seat wasn't too bad, it was the packing. I did okay last week packing for two kids, but packing for three to come home was chaos. It took me most of yesterday to round up everything and we still left tons of things....important things like my pillow, Jacob's medicine, the nightlight, the breast pump pieces, and Jacob's beloved Webkinz pets. I used to be super organized, what happened to me?

Elizabeth was wonderful last week. It was almost like having baby Adam back she was so jolly and sweet. There were days that the only time she cried was when she was getting her medicine. The horrible, wretched medicine. The husband usually gives it to her so since he went back home last week it was up to me to administer the goo. It comes in powder form in a small packet that says mix with two tablespoons of water which becomes a pasty, stinky, pink mess that we give to her with either a medicine dropper of a spoon. Every evening I was thinking, my golly this is taking forever and geez she seems to really hate it a lot more now, but I continued shoving that crap down her throat every day while she wailed and screamed and my mom would wonder why we were giving her so much. Turns out I was mixing the half packet she was prescribed with the water for the full packet. DUH! I have a college degree. You'd never know it.

I am hoping I can kick my brain into gear to get back into our routine today. I have to deprogram Jacob after spending weeks with the grandparents. They are good to him, but just a little too good. It's back to chores and discipline for him, poor kid. I am also eager to see if Elizabeth's good humor will spread beyond the lake. Could the colic be behind us? Dare I hope? Wish me luck.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


What day is it?

I love the lake, all the trees and quiet and lack of loud neighbors is so wonderful, but I am ready to go home. All this family togetherness is getting to me. The dog chose this week to get sick and the children all have snotty noses and it's too hot to just send them outside for the day. My dad hates Food Network and lets me know it every time I try to sneak a peek of Alton Brown or Paula Deen. I had big dreams of finally finishing that baby blanket I started last August, you know, pictures of an actual vacation in my mind, what a fool! I want to get home to get some rest.

I swear Jacob grew two inches while he was away, but his behavior hasn't improved that much. Adam was so happy to see him and they played so well together that first night, but now it's just one fight after another over the stupidest things. Adam has added a new word to his list: NO. We were so excited to hear him say it the first few times, but now, well now, it's not so cute. Especially that no with his arms crossed and spitting razberries at us. Elizabeth has actually done pretty well. Maybe the colic is ending now that she is approaching three months (three months? how?) or maybe it's just because she hasn't been put down since the grandparents arrived. Either way, I am happy to see more happy from her.

Yeah, I am ready to head home. I never thought I would say that about this place, but it's just way hard with three kids, two animals, and one crotchedy bored retired man wandering around. I need my AC, my computer, and my Bobby Flay to make it through the day. See you soon.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Have you missed me?

We're at the lake for the week in dial-up country. The grandparents brought Jacob back here and we have enjoyed his company for the most part. He's still Jacob after all, loves a good argument. He has spent the past six hours trying to convince me to drive a half hour to buy him a Game Boy cartridge. I had forgotten, as I always do, how the dust or a shut up home and the pine outside aggravates my allergies, so I have been on benedryl since we got here. Elizabeth is sleeping well as a result. We'll be back next week and I'll check in then since I forgot my computer cords and my battery is going dead. Have a good week ya'll!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

My Day So Far or Why Are We Awake so Early?

Totally stealing this from Jennifer who made me laugh while pacing this morning. Thank goodness I'm not the only one who has these kinds of days.

I heard Adam cry this morning as I was nursing the baby in my comfy bed. My comfy bed that my sweet baby has been wiggling in since 1 a.m. Look at the clock and see that it's 6:23 WAY too early for me and hope that Adam just falls right back to sleep. No such luck as he's scampering his way down the hallway and into my comfy bed in a matter of seconds. I pretend to sleep so he will too and it worked. Phew, two more hours of sleep please.

As I am dozing off I hear it, Elizabeth has chosen this moment to poop. I should change her right then, I know, but what if she's not done? Then I would *gasp* waste a diaper, so I wait and doze off just a bit until Elizabeth finishes her snack and decides 6:40 is a wonderful time to awaken so I begrudgingly play with her some as quietly as possible to keep from waking the boy. We play for a bit when I smell the smell and remember, oh yeah, she pooped and pick her up to find Huggies diapers suck and my baby and my comfy bed covered in yellow poop. DAMMIT! Look a gift horse in the mouth (what does that really mean?) and curse the gift givers who sent the Huggies diapers. I hate Huggies but I will use them because they were free.

As I tiptoe out of my poop filled room into the hallway I notice a long black line. What could that be? Shoot, Adam found the markers again, but no, he's been asleep and it wasn't there last night. Hmmm......closer, closer.....damn, stupid dog! That big oaf snuck upstairs and wiped his ass on our white carpet! Beautiful. More poop. How in hell am I supposed to clean that while holding a baby 24/7? Decide to leave that for husband to clean and figure out a way to keep the boy away from it all day.

I changed Elizabeth's diaper and then she was ready to play. She was happy! I sat down to giggle with her and we were having the best time when apparently something bit her in the ass because she went from smiling to screaming in a split second. Screaming, screaming, and more screaming, while I pray desperately that she doesn't wake Adam who's still in my comfy bed and now on my comfy pillow. Pace, jiggle, shush, repeat.

Thirty minutes later she's asleep in my lap. Adam is asleep in my comfy, yet pooped on bed (I scooted him and covered the poop with a towel, I wouldn't let him sleep in poop). I am going to find a place to crash and start this day over again. Two more hours of sleep please.

Ah crap, they're awake.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Blister in the Sun

I was driving down the road in my car this morning with both kids screaming in the back seat. Elizabeth, well because that's what she does and Adam, well he's developed a sudden dislike for the grocery store and that is where we were heading. So, kids are crying in the back seat and I turned up the music to drown them out some since I had forgotten the ipod at home when the Violent Femmes came on. I turned it up a bit louder because, oh yeah a good eighties tune, when a miracle happened. The children ceased their caterwauling! They seemed to be enjoying the tune. The Violent Femmes calmed them and all was right with the world.

Yep, no doubt about it, they are definitely their mama's children.

I wonder if they like The Cure too.