Monday, July 30, 2007

Bringing Home Baby

As I sat here, ass in recliner with a sleeping baby sprawled across me because she'll sleep no other way, I channel surfed my way to a show called Bringing Home Baby. Have you seen this? It follows a family home from the hospital with their new baby and records their first 36 hours. Ah, ha, ha, ha, let the train wreck begin, I thought as I returned the remote to it's home. I watched and waited for the meltdowns, the all night crying, and round the clock feedings, but they never happened. Please tell me they edit the bad stuff out to encourage all the unsuspecting non-parents to hop on board the baby train. This is what I saw:



Family number one brings home a sweet baby boy. They place sweet baby boy in bassinet and go about his business. He sleeps all afternoon with nary a peep. Fast forward to dinner and family is eating peacefully while baby naps in his bouncy seat. He whimpers a bit, which disturbs the mommy, but goes immediately back to sleep. After a commercial break, Mommy talks to the camera about how little baby didn't go to sleep until 10 and was up at 3:30 to eat and she was, oh so tired when she woke up at 8 am. I would kill to sleep until 3:30, it would be like vacation to me. Don't even get me started on the 8 am thing.



Family number two, well, they got home around noon, slapped that baby into the pack and play and proceeded to throw a huge party complete with do-it-yourself margarita bar and a pony keg. If their baby woke to eat in the middle of the night they didn't know about it as they were nursing hangovers the next day. My kid is six. I still don't feel like entertaining.



Is this for real? If so, I got seriously gipped three times over.



I wish I had known about this show before I had Elizabeth. I would have so signed up. My episode would go like this:



Family gets home and immediately attempts to locate clothes, diapers, and bathing necessities for third child. In that process, first child leaves home and isn't missed for ten minutes and then crazy parents go screaming for him through the neighborhood. After that, parents plus one grandparent attempt to quiet screaming infant over and over again. Dinner time arrives and promised meal doesn't show and kids are crying for food. Finally get something on the table at 8 pm just as promised meal shows up at the door. Parents feel like ungrateful fools while trying to hide food on table by blocking the view. Episode doesn't have a sleep time segment as there is no sleep time, just a series of small naps between crying and feeding. Next day, dad heads off to work leaving grandma and mom alone with three children, one of which gets driven to school late with his teeth and hair unbrushed. No one else dresses for the day. Repeat this several times while mommy grows crankier, sleepier, and stinkier and you have our show.



Yeah, 3:30 sounds awesome......

10 comments:

JaniceNW said...

Never saw this show thank goodness. Come on. My life bringing each child home was not relaxing or restful at all! They must fake it.

Lynsey said...

I've seen that show- and yes, some serious editing must be done to make it look appealing I suppose! I hear ya on your own "bringing home baby" episode, as mine was no picnic either- was at the vet having dog put to sleep after almost malling me and child. I just caught up on all your posts (had some time to spare today!) and all of your kids seem to get more adorable by the day. Hope that makes you feel better! :)

Dana said...

My experiences with my newbies was never so bad. Ok, Jake was the exception...no napping, cranky quite often....The other 4 were all pretty mellow and slept a lot from the beginning. Not so much now. Now they are all little terds!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

That show ticks me off so much!!!

For us the first 36 hours weren't so bad. It was every hour from weeks 2-9 that were horrible.

Maybe they should film during the peak fussiness period so the show will be a bit more accurate.

And the whole entertaining thing! Their guests should be ashamed of themselves, partying at the home of new parents.

Lynanne said...

There is a reason why they only follow the first 36 hours. After that, the honeymoon is over and all hell breaks loose for the next 18 years. :)

BethGo said...

That first day out is he worst for us too.

At least you have a sense of humor about it.

Miss Hope said...

Yeah, after child one was born and got home? I wouldn't open the door unless you were blood related. To me. I really didn't care if they were blood related to my husband. Okay..I let the grandparents in. I just didn't have it in me to be a gracious hostess. I had a baby who obviously hated me because she wouldn't ever stop crying. Now she's 13 and has this eye rolling tick to go with the whining. Lucky me, huh?

OneHungMan said...

OneHung can only offer opinion based on his one experience, but it sounds like fictional TV to him.

Nikki said...

You're hilarious! That show drives me crazy too - where are the tears over sore boobs and endless worries about whether baby is getting enough? Ok maybe that's just me. It also bugs me that they always do the cliched "daddy doesn't know how to change a diaper" and mom is perfectly made up. It's even more deceiving when they flash to eight weeks later and talk about how everything the first two months was perfect and now the baby is smiling so all is right with the world. Ugh....

When I was pregnant with Logan, Connor was right around 2 and I would occasionally let him watch A Baby Story with me. He caught on really quickly and one day climbed up on the couch with me, pulled my head down to my chest and looked right into my eyes saying in all seriousness "Mommy, it's time to have a baby! ONE! TWO! THREE! SEVEN! EIGHT! Good job!" I was laughing hysterically and he had no idea what was so funny :)

Nikki said...

Oh! I also read somewhere that they only get $500 or $750 plus a tape of the show for doing that. Camera people in my home for the first 36 hours of having a new baby there? So not worth it!