Saturday, September 08, 2018

Counting Loud Sheep

I haven't slept in almost five years.

My husband snores.  

Yes, I have ear plugs.    Still hear it.   I run the industrial garage fan on high.    Doesn't come close.   I bought that adjustable Sleep Number bed the commercials show that stops it with the push of a button.    LOLOLOLOL.  

I spent some time a couple years ago taking Nyquil every night that would get me a few hours but then I would wake up with a bad sinus headache so then I would take aspirin every morning to cure that.   I had to stop that when I developed a stomach ulcer from it.  

He won't use the snoring strips and those didn't help much anyway.  

He had the sinus surgery.   That made it worse.  

He spent $500 for a sleep study just to confirm that, yes, he snores.  

He spent another $1500 for some sort of mouth device from the dentist guaranteed to rid him of snoring forever.   That was three months ago and we don't have a clue if or when he will ever see that thing.   Can you say scam???

I see on the news where women kill their husbands and my first thought:   He must have snored.

I want mad props that he is still alive and breathing.   Every night I think about putting that pillow over his face and just pressing it a little bit too hard.    Lack of sleep makes your mind kind of crazy.

I go to bed by 9:00 most nights.   I sleep until around midnight when he comes to bed and starts his nightly percussive symphony.   I move to the couch but I don't stay there long because I have been out there for so many months it is sagging in the middle and my back starts to hurt.   I move to the recliner but I can never really get comfortable there.   I used to climb into bed with Adam (poor kid is the only one with a full size mattress) but he's older now and it just seems weird.   I have been known to kick him out and send him to the couch.  NOT A LOT.   Lack of sleep makes you less empathetic.  

After all of my attempts at just a little bit of shut-eye fail, I end up watching cheesy cable movies,  Netflix and Amazon Prime, and lots and lots of Antenna TV.   Quantum Leap is on at 2 am central.   You know you miss that show.  

I thought if I quit my job then I could start sleeping during the day, you know, do the housework at night and sleep all day, be on the night shift so to speak.   It's harder than you think to sleep during the day, even if you are seriously sleep deprived.   It's not really working out for me so far.

In this time I have gained thirty pounds, developed a thyroid condition, and now suffer from high blood pressure.    I spent a night in the hospital last November because my blood pressure was so high the school nurse thought I might have a heart attack.    The doctor told me to get more rest.  

Are you kidding?   I wish I could!

About once every three weeks he will sleep on the couch and then WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING to let me know he slept on the couch FOR ME.  Seriously?   Let me organize the parade because it isn't like I am not OUT THERE EVERY OTHER NIGHT!   I want it known that I have not assaulted him when he always says later the next day,  "I don't understand why you are so grumpy?  You got a whole night's sleep BECAUSE I SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR YOU."

I love my husband.   He provides well for us and he does the math and science homework with the kids so I don't have to.   BUT.   I look forward to his business trips.   He was supposed to leave Sunday until Thursday and I have been just hanging on this week dreaming of four long nights of slumber next week until he came in tonight and said he wasn't going.   WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GOING?????  

I am just so freaking tired.  

I have seen lots of good shows, though.  

Tuesday, September 04, 2018

We'll Agree to Disagree

We are into our third week of school today.  

The kids are all doing pretty well.   I was pretty worried about Elizabeth as this is her first year attending public school and also the beginning of middle school.    Last year she sat in three classrooms right next to each other all year and this year she has a locker, changes seven classes, and PE.

Yep.   PE.

Elizabeth likes everything about her new school EXCEPT PE.  

This summer she was really looking forward to it.   She'd learn volleyball!   They might do gymnastics!   It will be an easy A!

She HATES it now.   I tried to prepare her but she really had no way of knowing until she got there.

She goes to PE and then goes straight to lunch.   I get a text or a Facetime at the beginning of every lunch to let me know just how much she hated DRESSING FOR PE.  

I remember dressing for PE in middle school as well and hating it just as much as she did.  

WHY? in this day and age of #metoo and personal space is this still a thing?  

Yeah, yeah, I get that they are starting to stink and stuff but really?    WHY?

I am going to go even further and say WHY is PE a required class in middle school/high school?   I know many do not agree with me and I am not saying children should not be physically active, but as a parent of a child who gets plenty of exercise, is at an ideal body weight, and eats healthy foods WHY should she be required to strip down to her underwear in front of sixty other girls so she can do some jumping jacks and run some laps around the gym?  

She will have four more years of required PE class.   That is four credits she could be taking academically and actually learning something that might actually help her later on in life.   WHY do we not get that option?  

Last Thursday she was teary because a girl took her picture as she was undressed and told her she was posting it to Snapchat.   She told the "coach" and was made to run some more for tattling.  On Friday she moved around a row of lockers and was yelled at by the PE "teacher" that everyone dresses by the benches in front of everyone else.   WHY?    I am sure she isn't the only one getting this treatment and hating PE.  

I hated PE as a child for this very reason.    I was involved in basketball and track and enjoyed it UNTIL I got to middle school PE.   The dressing and the shaming and the just un-fun of it made me hate any type of physical activity to this day.    I hate it again because it is doing the same thing to my daughter.  

PE needs to be fun not hurtful.   If a kid doesn't want to do it, don't make them do it.  Let them wear their own clothes if they want.   Shit, they go outside at lunch and goof around and get just as sweaty and stinky.  

I am usually that parent who follows the rules and explains to their children why we these rules are in place but I am not really understanding the importance of this particular rule and I am wondering how many people I piss off this year trying to get it.   If my child is disrespecting you or hurting others in any way you can bet I will be all over that and I will support you wholeheartedly but if she wants to have a little modesty as she strips naked, I have to side with her and question your motives.

I am the nicest person you have ever met until you screw with my child.  

Middle School.   It's a wonder we all get through it with our sanity.   Or do we?

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Back to School

First Day of School 2018
Elizabeth - 6th grade
Adam - 8th grade

Seriously.   I have no idea where the time went.  

My children went back to school.   I did not.

I went back to work in 2010 when Adam was starting kindergarten and Elizabeth came to preschool with me.  Before that I stayed home and took care of them all day.   Now that I am home again it feels like time shouldn't have gone on and they should be five and three again.   I can't explain it.   Like life paused while I was working but, of course, we know it didn't.  

I really loved teaching preschool.   It was the one place I felt instant gratification that I was good at something.   Here at home everything is Momma's fault.   You can't find your shoes?  Momma put them somewhere.   You didn't do your homework?   Momma didn't give you enough time.   Your life is the absolute worst ever?   Momma.   Always Momma.    I don't always feel like a good mom but I always knew I was a great teacher.   For that, I really miss it.  


I don't really miss it.  

I have so much more time now.    Our mornings are so much less stressful than they have been the past eight years since I am not on a deadline to get out the door.   I cook a meal every evening and doing  homework doesn't make me want to shoot my eye out.   My house is clean.   I enjoy my children more because I am not doing lesson plans and organizing crafts or just bone tired from spending the day with someone else's children.  

My hope is that I can be the mom my children need right NOW in their lives.   I feel like I haven't been there like I should have these past few years.   Time to focus on my own kids for a change.  

Wish us luck.  

Monday, August 27, 2018

Hurricane Harvey

August 27, 2017
Hurricane Harvey
54 inches of rain in 3 days

So it's been one year since Hurricane Harvey.   We were VERY lucky to only get water in our garage (lost all of my preschool stuff, books I had already read, and most of our shoes).     There are 180 homes in our neighborhood and we were one house out of only five that did not flood inside the home.    Many of our neighbors are still rebuilding and some evacuated out and never came back.   We went through some uncomfortable weeks where people were very ugly to us because they were dealing with such catastrophe while we could sleep in our own beds and cook meals in our kitchen.      My parents built a weekend house a few miles away so the kids and I stayed there for some time.    It seemed safer.   We mucked out houses, provided meals,  washed laundry, and gave rides all over until new cars were purchased.   We were tired but thankful we had a clean and dry home to sleep.

This picture was taken around 2 pm Sunday.   The rain stopped around 9 am Wednesday.   Our good neighbors a few houses the other way were dry until 4 am that morning.   If it had just stopped raining sooner.    Our garage took water around 5 and came RIGHT TO THE FRONT DOOR at 9.   If it had rained another 15 minutes?  

I used to love to sleep during a good storm.

No one here can even watch rain anymore.   Everyone has PTSD.  

We were lucky though.  

No more hurricanes please.

Last First Day

The last time I posted a picture I had a digital camera that I had to plug into the computer to upload.   That camera broke at least three years ago and I have never gotten a new one.   My phone takes my pictures now and I still can't figure out the dang cloud and how and why and when my pictures will make it to my files.   

I can't find the pictures of Elizabeth and Adam.  

I did find this picture of Jacob.   
17 and almost a half years old
First day of 12th grade

Yep.   Senior year.  
I am not understanding the shirt and it aggravates me that he will NOT cut his hair.  

Do not ask me what his future plans are because if there are some he isn't sharing.   He has rebuked all of our attempts to nudge him towards college, the military, a job.   He wants to take "a gap year" but his idea of a gap year is sitting in the recliner watching The Office and not showering.  

Why yes.   I drink.

I have no idea what this next year is going to bring for him (or us).    

Parenting is not for the weak.  

I will keep looking for the other pictures.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Is Anybody Out There?

So now are you singing Pink Floyd?

Well?   Is anybody out there anymore?  

I sure miss blogging.   When I started Jacob wasn't even in preschool yet.     He will graduate in nine months.   From high school.   Really!

Adam is in 8th grade and Elizabeth will be starting middle school (6th) next week.   It doesn't seem possible but then at the same time it does seem possible.   What is that they say?   The days are so long but the years are short?   Something like that.

I taught preschool the past eight years and loved it (mostly).   I quit in May and will be a stay at home mom again until next school year when I hope to go back.   Hopefully this newfound free time will help me be able to blog more.  

Raising three kids to adulthood is a hard thing to do.   Who knew?   Maybe I can work through some of our issues here, maybe someone is going through the same things and could use some support?   Isn't that why we all started blogging in the first place?  

Let me know if you are out there?

Saturday, January 07, 2017

Happy New Year

So I found this "Positive Energy" tea on a clearance shelf at the supermarket last week.  

It tastes good but I cannot keep my eyes open after drinking it and I don't think it has improved my positivity.  

Of course it's only been three days but, eh.

I have gotten too old to do the resolution thing.   I know I will keep up with it a few days or maybe even weeks, but, really, I am who I am.    Fat, grouchy, and sleepy.    There.

I would like to rev this space up again.   I miss it.   I guess now that I have some tangible friends I don't need it as much, but still, I miss it.   Maybe I can get back in to a weekly groove.   LOLOLOL......I guess that could be considered some "positivity".  


I am still teaching preschool.    The curiosity got the best of me.   I wanted to see how this "new" way would turn out and mostly I just wanted to stay with my friends.    There is something to said about loving your co-workers.   They truly are like a family to me and I just wasn't ready to give that up.  

It's weird now.  

We went from six to sometimes seven teachers with aides to twelve teachers with aides.   Let's just say it's easier for 12-14 women to mesh well than 24.    I feel like I went back to high school some days and thats not just because some of these people just graduated from it.   I am consistently surprised we are in a church because, it no longer seems like a church.   Shouldn't "being kind to others" be a church thing?   Yeah.   I thought so.

The new building is fantastic as new buildings will be, there is that.  

I am at that point again where I need to decide about next year.   Should I stay or should I go now?   *sing it.  you know you want to*

I am feeling the urge to move on.   Keep Elizabeth home for fifth grade.   *GASP.   FIFTH GRADE*.   In my mind this looks all wine and roses.   We will awaken when we are ready with smiles on our faces.   I will make huge breakfasts and we will smile about that too.   We will cheerfully open our school books each day (which I keep organized and out of the way) and my daughter will hang on my every word clamoring for more.   She will thank me profusely after each lesson that she understands instantaneously, and then we will have a healthy lunch and spend the rest of our afternoon enjoying each other's company getting pedicures or taking meaningful walks.   Reality?  I wish future seeing was my super power.   Then I wonder.   Where else will I find another three day a week job with people I love?  If I leave and come back I would then be considered a "new employee" and have to do 36 more training hours on top of the 24 we have to do each year.   I am still five behind this year and I only have do the 24.   That would be, well, pretty damn awful.   I seriously should have a doctorate by now with all the freaking training I have done since 2010.

I love preschool.   I really do.   I love preschool.   I love preschool.

Parents don't love preschool teachers though.   Nothing has changed there.

One of the parents told my assistant when dropping her child off late, again, that she was not buying teachers a Christmas gift because she didn't get a Christmas gift for doing her job and maybe she'd pull some cookies off a plate someone else had given her, put them in a baggie and be done with it.   The sad thing about this exchange was that she was referring to her older kid's teachers.   She thought she was being all funny and cute and didn't even think about US being her preschooler's TEACHERS.   It would have been hysterical if it hadn't been so sad.  

I did not get two degrees in education for the gifts ya'll, but let me just tell you something from the other side:   If you appreciate your child's teacher, say so.   How hard would it have been for this woman to pick up a card from Dollar Tree and scratch Thank You on it?   Apparently very, but I digress.    Your child's teacher is spending her own money on the hot chocolate for the winter unit, the play dough for forming letters, the Christmas/Valentine/Mother's Day/Father's Day gift you received from your child.........fill in the dots, there is so much more.  She comes in on her own time to change the bulletin boards (after spending her own money buying the cute things for the bulletin boards).   She answers your (usually unnecessary, for Christ's sake read the newsletter) emails while her children need help with their homework.    It's a thankless job.   Literally.   If your four year old has a brand new pair of shoes every week and you are driving a car that cost more than her first house but you can't sign a Christmas card, it really does show that you don't care at all about her or think she is doing a good job with your child.   When your teacher feels this, it makes them wonder if they should stay in that job.   Your teacher might even quit because she feels she isn't making a difference.   If your teacher is making a difference to your child, tell them somehow.    Positive feedback is helpful because the paycheck is not.

Part of "new preschool" was that it was to be part of the "elementary school".   In the elementary/middle/high school they have a whole club (very exclusive and snotty, just what you would expect from "christian" school) where they bring food in for the teachers each month, buy them all gifts for their birthdays, leave treats in the teacher lounge.   The ELEMENTARY/MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL teachers love it.   Some of my student's parents take part in this.   Do you think they do anything like that for preschool?   Of course not.   I think the message is pretty clear.  

I don't work any less during the time I am at that school than any of those teachers.   In fact, I think I *might* even work a bit more.  Let's see.   They get a planning period.   I do not.   They have time to sit at their desk and send email while their kids do seat work.   I do not.   They have a chair.    I do not.   Go ahead and enjoy your cocktail weenies.   My assistant will help me up off the floor.

Positive energy tea my ass.  

For the record, I kept the beautiful plate her husband forgot with the aforementioned cookies she sent to the party.   She has not asked for it back.   Yet.  

Friday, September 16, 2016

Part 2

Try as I might, I cannot get the lids off the Oil Pulling and Coconut Oil any longer.    I think I might have liked them, but my right hand is so freaking messed up now I could hardly push the vacuum today and couldn't hold the brush to fix my daughter's hair.   I am taking ibuprofen three times a day for the pain which isn't going to help my stomach ulcer, but whatever.    These might be the best coconut oils ever made but I wouldn't know, I can't access them and I refuse to hurt myself any longer to try.

So I have used the Facial Oil, the Body Butter, and, once, the Sugar Scrub.    I leave the lids just sitting on the top of those so I can get to them again ;).   Anyway,  I do really like the Facial Oil and the Body Butter.    They are oils so, obviously, they are oily which is not what I usually go with, but I like the smell and they make my skin soft.    The Sugar Scrub smells really, really good.    One of the suggested uses for it was as an additive to coffee or tea which is what I did,  it was good.   Would I do it again?   Probably not as it was way out of my comfort zone to put something that should be a body scrub into my drink, but it wasn't bad.     If I can keep the lid off it I may try it in the shower.   We'll see.