Roll With the Changes

So.  I signed the "Decline Re-Enrollment" form for Jacob.

His tuition and book fees have been deleted from our account.

In less than two weeks he will no longer be a student at the private school.

Am I relieved?  Yes.

Am I happy?   Eh.

Am I sad?  A little.

Am I scared to death?  ABSOLUTELY!

Jacob has been in the same very small building for the past seven years.   The thought of throwing him in a place where just his grade level hallway is bigger than half of his previous K-6 is very daunting.   The kids there?  Huge.  As in, bigger than I am.  Some of them are bigger than his dad.  He's the size of a third grader.  This could get ugly.

I am constantly second guessing myself.   I know in my heart we did the right thing.  We have had two additional meetings with the sixth grade teachers and they have done nothing but reinforce our feelings that he needs to leave there, but still, with all of his "issues", he doesn't do change well and, well, this is going to be a HUGE change.

The new school had originally told me I could enroll him in April, but when I got there, of course, that wasn't an option.  We have to wait until two weeks before school starts and I am pretty stressed wondering if he will get the electives he desires and most especially the leadership corp that goes in place of gym.  I really, really, really don't want him to take gym.  Never again.  Especially when the other kids can eat him for lunch.  The tours they promised me.  Haven't happened.  Yet.  They keep promising, but it's not looking good.  I feel like I got suckered.  If we aren't even there yet and they're lying to me, it doesn't bode well for the school year.

But still, I don't want him in the private school.   I don't want to pay the money, I don't want him near those children, I don't want him with those teachers, I don't want him with that administration.  It's just not right for him.  At all.   They gave me two lines to write my reason for not returning and all I could write was "many".  There just wasn't enough room for it all.

I cried after I turned it in.

My child should've been treated well at a CHRISTIAN school.  He should've felt safe at a CHRISTIAN school.   If people aren't kind at the Christian school, what is it going to be like at the NON-Christian school.

Oy.  What have we done?

Even then, though, I know deep down we've done the right thing.   We have yet to see what will become at the new place, but I just know he couldn't stay at the old one.

So things are going to change soon.  Hopefully for the better.   The best we can do is roll with it.