Counting Loud Sheep

I haven't slept in almost five years.

My husband snores.  

Yes, I have ear plugs.    Still hear it.   I run the industrial garage fan on high.    Doesn't come close.   I bought that adjustable Sleep Number bed the commercials show that stops it with the push of a button.    LOLOLOLOL.  

I spent some time a couple years ago taking Nyquil every night that would get me a few hours but then I would wake up with a bad sinus headache so then I would take aspirin every morning to cure that.   I had to stop that when I developed a stomach ulcer from it.  

He won't use the snoring strips and those didn't help much anyway.  

He had the sinus surgery.   That made it worse.  

He spent $500 for a sleep study just to confirm that, yes, he snores.  

He spent another $1500 for some sort of mouth device from the dentist guaranteed to rid him of snoring forever.   That was three months ago and we don't have a clue if or when he will ever see that thing.   Can you say scam???

I see on the news where women kill their husbands and my first thought:   He must have snored.

I want mad props that he is still alive and breathing.   Every night I think about putting that pillow over his face and just pressing it a little bit too hard.    Lack of sleep makes your mind kind of crazy.

I go to bed by 9:00 most nights.   I sleep until around midnight when he comes to bed and starts his nightly percussive symphony.   I move to the couch but I don't stay there long because I have been out there for so many months it is sagging in the middle and my back starts to hurt.   I move to the recliner but I can never really get comfortable there.   I used to climb into bed with Adam (poor kid is the only one with a full size mattress) but he's older now and it just seems weird.   I have been known to kick him out and send him to the couch.  NOT A LOT.   Lack of sleep makes you less empathetic.  

After all of my attempts at just a little bit of shut-eye fail, I end up watching cheesy cable movies,  Netflix and Amazon Prime, and lots and lots of Antenna TV.   Quantum Leap is on at 2 am central.   You know you miss that show.  

I thought if I quit my job then I could start sleeping during the day, you know, do the housework at night and sleep all day, be on the night shift so to speak.   It's harder than you think to sleep during the day, even if you are seriously sleep deprived.   It's not really working out for me so far.

In this time I have gained thirty pounds, developed a thyroid condition, and now suffer from high blood pressure.    I spent a night in the hospital last November because my blood pressure was so high the school nurse thought I might have a heart attack.    The doctor told me to get more rest.  

Are you kidding?   I wish I could!

About once every three weeks he will sleep on the couch and then WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING to let me know he slept on the couch FOR ME.  Seriously?   Let me organize the parade because it isn't like I am not OUT THERE EVERY OTHER NIGHT!   I want it known that I have not assaulted him when he always says later the next day,  "I don't understand why you are so grumpy?  You got a whole night's sleep BECAUSE I SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR YOU."

I love my husband.   He provides well for us and he does the math and science homework with the kids so I don't have to.   BUT.   I look forward to his business trips.   He was supposed to leave Sunday until Thursday and I have been just hanging on this week dreaming of four long nights of slumber next week until he came in tonight and said he wasn't going.   WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GOING?????  

I am just so freaking tired.  

I have seen lots of good shows, though.