Until then.
It started well. I found a duvet cover (like I am classy because it's a duvet instead of a cheap bedspread) I have been wanting for six months, marked down from 79.99 to 19.98! I did a little dance in the aisle and practically ripped the last queen from a little old lady from Minnesota who was not sure what a duvet was (as if). Then off to the lipsticks where, hallelujah, the ones on clearance matched my awesome coupons, so they were FREE! I think Target may have even paid me to take some. Oh, it was good times. Then Jacob decided to climb into the cart, which he never, ever does, but I saw no harm in it aside from pushing the now seventy pound cart. This made Adam want to climb into the back as well and I thought, well, what would that hurt? FYI: Two boys in back of cart equals complete meltdown disaster. It began innocently enough. Two brothers giggling in unison and hugging each other while senior citizens stop to comment on how sweet they are and I pat my back in my mind over what a great parent I must be to have raised such wonderful offspring. Then I felt the need to buy maternity shorts and diapers staying just a tad too long and in no time at all the little guy was stripping his clothes off, jeans here, shoes there, big brother wrestling him down to try to stop the fiasco. It was WWF cart style. I stopped to reclothe the boy, but to no avail. He's very quick at the strip down, so I know he has something to fall back on in his future. He can also evade the cart straps as well, so to that well meaning bitty who told me to strap him back into the seat....pshaw, ain't happening. The screaming, the nakedness, the tsk-tsks from all around. Target was no longer my happy place. It all fell apart when a pregnant chicky in the dollar spot suggested to her heavily made up friend that maybe she should call CPS because *gasp* that baby was out in just a diaper. At that point, I was ready to hand them over. CPS would have returned them within the hour. You just wait girlfriend.....you just wait.
As we were checking out and I was trying to dress Adam for what must have been the eighth time, Jacob starts shaking his head at the cashier. "I am just so, so embarrassed" he tells her with his head in his hands. Oh honey, I have been embarrassed for the past six years, starting with the incessant screaming everywhere we went, to blow out diapers in restaurant high chairs, and the tantrums at play dates. This was just a blip on the radar screen, boy. Join the club, dude.
Yeah, they look all sweet and cute, but they are trouble I tell ya!
8 comments:
Oy vey! I can just picture you in Target with a nudie and his culprit!!
I've never had a kid that strips, but my niece is a champion at it. She too, will take off everything (INCLUDING her diaper!) in stores. So at least he had his butt covered!! And you're in warm weather, right? So, you're all good... :) Next time I see a mom with a kid that is hanging from the rafters or stripping, I will offer to help and think of you, Andria!
At least you are able to relay the story with humor! I'm sorry that your happy place was ruined-- I do love Target.
Funny though, really. Jacob... "so embarrassed." Hee.
At least you found the duvet! Your story was hysterical, although I'm sure it didn't seem that way at the time. People can be so judgemental. That preggo chicks time will come. It always does.
Holy smokes, what a story! Owen can barely manage to take off his socks on his own. Your kid has a special talent. This is definitely the kind of story you'll love telling his girlfriends.
I want to know if the duvet was worth it! How does it look?
God originally didn't make kids cute. They were very average-looking. Then, he realized there was a very high infant mortality rate and it seemed to be caused because kids (in general) are a pain in the ass.
God, being the clever one that He is, found away around that. He made some kids cute. He theorized that if they were cute, their parents would be less inclined to kick the shit out of them. And then, on the seventh day he rested.
As for the kids who aren't so cute...sucks to be them.
I about peed myself from laughing so hard at your story (yes, this white-trash body can't take birthing many more babies LOL) Only because I can totally see it happening to me.
Oh, and I love the last comment ;)
Oh my gosh, how funny!!! And do you realize that they have people sitting in the back watching security cameras, and they're all probably laughing their asses off. :-) Atleast you found that nice duvet for such a bargain!
I have a Chippendale's dancer in training, too. He can strip down in ten seconds flat. In the worse places.
Sometimes retail therapy just has to be done....even if you have to take the whole freaking zoo with you.
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