Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I'm Going To Disney World.....One Day

I am sitting here, with my trusty dog and my trusty laptop.  I can hear very faintly the sounds of Jake and the Never Land Pirates under the constant and grating screaming coming from our second story.  You can never find quiet in this house.  Our walls are filled with the fighting, the swearing, the destruction of once-loved playthings.  My oldest son requests to be home-schooled and I laugh every time he brings it up.  I can't help it.  I would love nothing more than to have all my children home under one roof, soaking up knowledge that I give them, spending time exploring more than an eight hour day, but there's no way I can.  It is 9:15 a.m. and I need a drink.  Or a cigarette.  Or both.  Yet, I don't do either.  If the vidodin didn't give me a raging headache, I'd be all over those.  Instead I turn to Facebook and lose myself and my mind in my damn Frontier.  I hate that Frontier.

We have yet another therapist to add to our list of after-school activities.  She specializes in autism spectrum disorders.  His other therapist felt she would be a better fit.  Oh, she will continue to see him, but not as much, letting this other woman "do her magic".  In other words, he's being dumped.  Even his THERAPIST has given up.

*sigh*

New therapist thinks he should be tested.  Again.  We can go to Disney in the spring or retest.

You know what?

We're going to Disney.

You know what else?  Jacob doesn't want to go.   Part of me wants to grant him that wish too, because I am just so.  very.  tired.  of the drama every.  single.  day.

He'll come with us, of course.  I would hate myself for not taking him, but I am sure I will be punished every minute of our expensive vacation for it.

I spent over six hundred dollars this summer plus the gas driving twice daily two towns over so Jacob could attend art camp.  I could say, and I will, that I did it so he could finally fit in, do something he truly enjoys, and find a friend who gets him and actually wants to do things with him.

But it's my blog and I'll be brutally honest here:  I did it so he wasn't here all day.

Those art teachers were so complimentary of me doing so much to better my child's artistic skills and I just smiled and nodded and thought how so very happy I was to have some peace and quiet for seven solid hours.

School starts in two days.  I have been dreading it for five years.  My baby is going to kindergarten.  See, I just teared up typing that.  I really should be writing about that...and maybe I will, but now, it's just the constant screaming and complete unhappiness that makes me so very happy for Thursday.   I will miss Elizabeth so much, but I cannot wait for these boys to get the hell out.   I have tried all summer to create meaningful experiences for them, make memories, work as a team, and still.....Jacob doesn't like us.  We get in the way of his, I don't know, laziness?   If I won't buy him new Legos or let him spend fourteen hours a day on the computer, or ask him to please put his dish in the sink than he hates me....hates us all.....wishes we'd die and he could do whatever he wanted, yet he can't even fathom that if we did?  It would not be that way at all for him.

ADD or Tweener?

Either way.....I can't wait for school to start on Thursday.

For him.

2 comments:

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

ADD AND Tweener. It's a grand combination.

You have always had it worse with Jacob than I have with Justin, but some of the similarities are with US, as mothers. I can say here, on your blog, that I honestly don't know how I live with him in the house 24/7.

For Disney, can you guys bring someone else with you? A buffer person to sit out with him when (not IF) he flips out? When we had my MIL with us, it helped SO MUCH.

That's all I got, Andria. You are entitled to live in a home that isn't full of anger and hate. I so, so wish for you all that something happens to help Jacob VERY SOON...

Sending you a hug, as always.

Mommy Daisy said...

I agree. It's probably a lovely combination of booth. Ugh. Hang in there!