Be Careful What You Ask For

So.....

Jacob got a detention this week.

Nothing too new about that, although it's his first one this year.  He is quite familiar with the yellow sheet of doom from years past and most of the time he has actually deserved it, but let me ask YOU if you think he deserved it this time......

The dentention form little square box was checked for fighting.  Okay, wrap your head around that for a minute.  My third grader sized sixth grader brings home a detention slip for fighting.  Okay.  The explanation underneath was he pushed another child's hand away from his desk.  HIS desk.  As in Jacob's desk.  Okay.   I also got an email right about the same time informing me that "the infraction" occurred the previous day.  Um Hm.  So.  I discuss this with Jacob and this is the story:

When he changed classes to his second teacher of the day, she did not come into the room right away instead standing out in the hallway gabbing it up with the other two teachers.  Yes.  I am paying for that, but let's move on shall we?  So Jacob finally takes out a piece of paper and starts drawing on it.   At some point Bully number 6,452 goes up to Jacob from behind and starts tickling him in the abdominal region.  ( I did not attend Christian school and can still use big words ).  Jacob asked him to stop.  He did not stop.  He asked him again.  He did not stop.  He asked him again.  He did stop BUT he took his paper and crumpled it up.  Jacob pushed his hand away and grabbed for his paper.  THEN is when the teacher's gossip session ended and she entered the room.  OF COURSE SHE DID.

That's not all....

She then proceeded to shame Jacob in front of the entire class by using him as an example of non-Christian behavior while vigorously filling out that sheet as fast as she could.

"Jacob, do you realize you have sinned?"   "Yes Ma'am"
"Jacob are you in the sixth grade?"  "Yes Ma'am"
"Jacob do we hit others when we are mad like a baby?"  "No Ma'am"

Because we have erroneously taught him to respect his teachers, he actually did.  Dammit.

I very respectfully then replied to the email asking if touching is not allowed, why was the tickling allowed and also why is it okay to throw rocks at my kid because, duh, pushing a hand away seems a wee bit less dangerous to rock contact to the skull?  Where in hell is my reply to that one?

So then Daddy got involved.

DUM DUM DUM

I let all the teachers know early on, if you see Daddy, it's not a good thing.

So he calls about the same thing requesting a conference between all three sixth grade teachers.  The teachers have now had over 24 hours to get their stories straight and OF COURSE the teacher was always in the room and only saw Jacob being EXTREMELY RUDE (because throwing rocks at someone's head is a friendly thing to do), but she'd talk to the "victim" the next day.  You know, the victim because Jacob is such a damn bully.

So Jacob returns for the day and I ask him how it went.  This is how it went:

"Reagan, did you tickle Jacob before he hurt you?"  "No, I did not, I swear"
"Tristan (Reagan's best friend), did you see Reagan tickle Jacob?"  "No Ma'am"
"Jacob, you get an extra detention for lying, you other boys can go out to play."

(I wouldn't normally use another kid's name in my blog, but I don't really give a crap at this point.  Reagan and Tristan you are bullies.  Sue me)

(And really, who names a boy Tristan?  That right there screws a kid up)

(If your kid is named Tristan I am sure he's wonderful, you can leave my blog now, I won't be upset.)

(And I think Reagan is now a girl's name.  Oh snap, no wonder these kids are this way)

Anyway,

And then Jacob says to me:  "I told her they were lying, but she just shook her head and let them leave. I don't really know why she asked Tristan about it though because he was absent on Monday."

Which is when I said, "OH FUCK NO"

SERIOUSLY?

Then Daddy got involved again.  He now wants conference to include three teachers PLUS principal.

When Jacob got in the car yesterday he was crying.  This was after I picked him up in front of two of the teachers and all the other parents and saw two kids poking him in the back with a stick.  WTF?  They quit when they saw me and denied it, but WTF?  I am near-sighted but not blind and are all the other adults there blind?  WTF?   It got worse.  WORSE:

After gym,  Jacob was in line for a drink (which I have forbidden all three of my children to use the water fountain but they do not listen, but anyway) and Bully 6,453 pushed his newly braced and newly capped teeth right into the spout and pushed him out of the way.  After many lectures from Yours Truly the previous two days about DEAR GOD BOY STAND UP FOR YOURSELF he yelled out to stop and quit pushing him to the HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR PE TEACHER.   Who told him to suck it up and then told the rest of the sixth grade that they would all be doing PT (something bad apparently) the next day because of Jacob's "tattling".  W.  T.  F?

Yes, I am just now finding out that they have let A HIGH SCHOOL JUNIOR TEACH SIXTH GRADE BOYS GYM.  I am paying for that.   Funny how we never got an email about that important development and also?  If I were paying for my kid's high school education I think I would be wanting him to be learning something INSTEAD OF DOING SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB!

Then Daddy got involved AGAIN.  He now wants a conference with the three teachers, his learning lab teacher, the principal, the actual paycheck earning coach, AND the administrator.

They were supposed to meet at 8:45 this morning but one of the teachers didn't show so they rescheduled.

I went ahead and sent him to school today.  I did not want to, but I don't want him to get behind.  I have regretted it all day.  He was in a rage this morning.    He hit his siblings, he called me names, he swore he'd kill me.  Or his dad.   Or maybe himself.   There was much screaming.   It broke my heart and pissed me off all at the same time.

His birthday is Monday.  He won't be going to school.  No one should have to deal with that crap ON THEIR BIRTHDAY!  

After that, we'll have to see.   Please don't tell me I need to pull him ASAP because I really have thought about that, but there is a lot to consider, namely he'd be the ONLY new kid coming in making him a bit of a target to the non-Christian bullies out there.

The good news is that this is a good diet plan.  I have lost seven pounds since Tuesday.  I am also not at all ambivalent about where he'll attend school next year.  It WON'T be Christian School.   I asked G*d for a sign and he gave it to me.  In spades.

Thank you?

(And seriously if you are named Reagan or Tristan I am sure they are perfectfully nice names, but right now I hate them, so sorry)

**Edited to add:
Principal comes out to my car at pick-up time letting me know that, hey, your husband wants to have a meeting and I just wanted to touch base and then proceeded to tell me I really needed to talk to Jacob because he doesn't really have his stories straight.  The tickling happened LAST week and Jacob just pushed Reagan's hand away for no good reason.  When I asked did Reagan get detention for touching my child he informed it was all in good fun and nobody was hurt...hahaha.  I respectfully disagreed and then he asked if I had called Reagan's mother and maybe that was a good place to start.  Um.  I pay your ass to do that buddy.  Then he slapped my car door and said, "have a great weekend, it was good talking to you, hopefully Jacob can get his stories straight".   You will be glad to know I neither spit on him nor flipped him off, although both crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be Christian behavior now would it?

****Oh, and did I ever mention the principal is one of his teacher's husband?  Yeah.