Half way through the year....I kept meaning to write birthday posts but all three of them have come and gone and they also just seem strange when they are mostly adults right? I wish blogging was the same as it was in the early 2000s. I miss my blogging friends.
Anyway.....life. It is so weird how quickly it passes and changes and you don't really notice until you slow down and remember. It's bittersweet to see young moms wrestling their littles in a store or a park. It was so hard. Why were there three of them? I feel like I didn't really enjoy them at the time but I would give all my money to have it all back. Of course, I am $40,000 in debt so not a lot of money to give, but you know. I love my adult children. I love having real conversations over a drink at dinner and sharing in their dreams for their futures but, damn, they were so freaking cute. (See 2005-2009)
Jacob is 23 and lives 4 hours west of here. I just returned from spending a few days with him. He gets things and knows where he is going and what he is doing and figuring out how he wants to proceed. I remember thinking he would live with us always lining up Thomas trains in a basement somewhere and he's actually surviving completely on his own. I am proud. He is also just so kind to everyone; to a fault maybe. I worry others may be taking advantage of him but at the same time after all he went through in those early school years I am glad he is not vengeful or hateful at people in general just because.
He looks a little different......
Adam is 19 and just finished his first year of college. He HATED it! He's back living at home and trying to figure out his next move. All I have seen so far is cans of Miller Lite left on my counter every night and text requests for gas money, but hey, he's young. If I could be 19 again.......
Elizabeth is "homeschooling" and by "homeschooling" I mean she withdrew from school and signed up for an online program but hasn't done a thing that I can see. Always a different excuse for why she can't go to school, do homeschool, work, help out, move a muscle. First it was anxiety, then depression, now she has been diagnosed with OCD but I don't see that so much anymore and wonder if it was just an act for the doctor. She loves her THC vapes and for a kid who doesn't ever, ever leave the house she has plenty of them. Popcorn lung? That's a lie you know. High School Education? Why would I want that? She has called me by my first name since lockdown and sometimes refers to me as the c-word because I don't give her everything she desires in a timely manner. Spoiled much? Why yes she is! She is genuinely mentally ill but, have mercy, she's a mean little shit. She is 17 now and fluctuates from trashy made-up scantily clad bar fly to 10 years old and loves her Barbies. It's manic and it's crazy and it's just plain sad really. How did she get like this? She won't take any meds prescribed to her, always another excuse and I think she is selling them to get the vapes but HOW? No one comes here and she doesn't leave.
Anyway, my intention was to stay home and help with the homeschool but when I realized that wasn't gonna be a thing and my presence in the house pissed her off I found a second grade position in November and I LOVE IT! I am so happy I went back to what I know and what I am really good at........good times were had but I am thrilled to have twelve weeks off for summer! City, mountains, beach, oh my!
I've lost 18 pounds since March on Perfect Body and frequent fasting. I looked at the Christmas pictures and I was like, nope, no way, ain't looking like that no more. FYI in case you don't know - you can't eat anymore once menopause comes. I mean, nothing. I was eating plain oatmeal three times a day and exercising three days a week and still blowing up like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon. I still haven't reached my goal or 30 pounds by June 1 but at least I won't look six months pregnant in a swimsuit at the beach TOMORROW! I do Pilates almost every day and walk the dog twice a day now that school is out. I am concentrating on health because I have no romantic life and my friends all live far away and I might be a little bit lonely or homesick for the 80s (so good, so good) or something. I like myself so working on myself seems like something to do right now. I might expand this summer if I remember I have this. Am I having a midlife crisis? Maybe? Do you think so? Where do I go from here?
Where do WE go from here?
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