Hurricane Harvey

August 27, 2017

Hurricane Harvey

54 inches of rain in 3 days

So it's been one year since Hurricane Harvey.   We were VERY lucky to only get water in our garage (lost all of my preschool stuff, books I had already read, and most of our shoes).     There are 180 homes in our neighborhood and we were one house out of only five that did not flood inside the home.    Many of our neighbors are still rebuilding and some evacuated out and never came back.   We went through some uncomfortable weeks where people were very ugly to us because they were dealing with such catastrophe while we could sleep in our own beds and cook meals in our kitchen.      My parents built a weekend house a few miles away so the kids and I stayed there for some time.    It seemed safer.   We mucked out houses, provided meals,  washed laundry, and gave rides all over until new cars were purchased.   We were tired but thankful we had a clean and dry home to sleep.

This picture was taken around 2 pm Sunday.   The rain stopped around 9 am Wednesday.   Our good neighbors a few houses the other way were dry until 4 am that morning.   If it had just stopped raining sooner.    Our garage took water around 5 and came RIGHT TO THE FRONT DOOR at 9.   If it had rained another 15 minutes?  

I used to love to sleep during a good storm.

No one here can even watch rain anymore.   Everyone has PTSD.  

We were lucky though.  

No more hurricanes please.

Last First Day

The last time I posted a picture I had a digital camera that I had to plug into the computer to upload.   That camera broke at least three years ago and I have never gotten a new one.   My phone takes my pictures now and I still can't figure out the dang cloud and how and why and when my pictures will make it to my files.   

I can't find the pictures of Elizabeth and Adam.  

I did find this picture of Jacob.   

17 and almost a half years old

First day of 12th grade

Yep.   Senior year.  
I am not understanding the shirt and it aggravates me that he will NOT cut his hair.  

Do not ask me what his future plans are because if there are some he isn't sharing.   He has rebuked all of our attempts to nudge him towards college, the military, a job.   He wants to take "a gap year" but his idea of a gap year is sitting in the recliner watching The Office and not showering.  

Why yes.   I drink.

I have no idea what this next year is going to bring for him (or us).    

Parenting is not for the weak.  

I will keep looking for the other pictures.

Is Anybody Out There?

So now are you singing Pink Floyd?

Well?   Is anybody out there anymore?  

I sure miss blogging.   When I started Jacob wasn't even in preschool yet.     He will graduate in nine months.   From high school.   Really!

Adam is in 8th grade and Elizabeth will be starting middle school (6th) next week.   It doesn't seem possible but then at the same time it does seem possible.   What is that they say?   The days are so long but the years are short?   Something like that.

I taught preschool the past eight years and loved it (mostly).   I quit in May and will be a stay at home mom again until next school year when I hope to go back.   Hopefully this newfound free time will help me be able to blog more.  

Raising three kids to adulthood is a hard thing to do.   Who knew?   Maybe I can work through some of our issues here, maybe someone is going through the same things and could use some support?   Isn't that why we all started blogging in the first place?  

Let me know if you are out there?

Happy New Year

So I found this "Positive Energy" tea on a clearance shelf at the supermarket last week.  

It tastes good but I cannot keep my eyes open after drinking it and I don't think it has improved my positivity.  

Of course it's only been three days but, eh.

I have gotten too old to do the resolution thing.   I know I will keep up with it a few days or maybe even weeks, but, really, I am who I am.    Fat, grouchy, and sleepy.    There.

I would like to rev this space up again.   I miss it.   I guess now that I have some tangible friends I don't need it as much, but still, I miss it.   Maybe I can get back in to a weekly groove.   LOLOLOL......I guess that could be considered some "positivity".  

Anyway.

I am still teaching preschool.    The curiosity got the best of me.   I wanted to see how this "new" way would turn out and mostly I just wanted to stay with my friends.    There is something to said about loving your co-workers.   They truly are like a family to me and I just wasn't ready to give that up.  

It's weird now.  

We went from six to sometimes seven teachers with aides to twelve teachers with aides.   Let's just say it's easier for 12-14 women to mesh well than 24.    I feel like I went back to high school some days and thats not just because some of these people just graduated from it.   I am consistently surprised we are in a church because, it no longer seems like a church.   Shouldn't "being kind to others" be a church thing?   Yeah.   I thought so.

The new building is fantastic as new buildings will be, there is that.  

I am at that point again where I need to decide about next year.   Should I stay or should I go now?   *sing it.  you know you want to*

I am feeling the urge to move on.   Keep Elizabeth home for fifth grade.   *GASP.   FIFTH GRADE*.   In my mind this looks all wine and roses.   We will awaken when we are ready with smiles on our faces.   I will make huge breakfasts and we will smile about that too.   We will cheerfully open our school books each day (which I keep organized and out of the way) and my daughter will hang on my every word clamoring for more.   She will thank me profusely after each lesson that she understands instantaneously, and then we will have a healthy lunch and spend the rest of our afternoon enjoying each other's company getting pedicures or taking meaningful walks.   Reality?  I wish future seeing was my super power.   Then I wonder.   Where else will I find another three day a week job with people I love?  If I leave and come back I would then be considered a "new employee" and have to do 36 more training hours on top of the 24 we have to do each year.   I am still five behind this year and I only have do the 24.   That would be, well, pretty damn awful.   I seriously should have a doctorate by now with all the freaking training I have done since 2010.

I love preschool.   I really do.   I love preschool.   I love preschool.

Parents don't love preschool teachers though.   Nothing has changed there.

One of the parents told my assistant when dropping her child off late, again, that she was not buying teachers a Christmas gift because she didn't get a Christmas gift for doing her job and maybe she'd pull some cookies off a plate someone else had given her, put them in a baggie and be done with it.   The sad thing about this exchange was that she was referring to her older kid's teachers.   She thought she was being all funny and cute and didn't even think about US being her preschooler's TEACHERS.   It would have been hysterical if it hadn't been so sad.  

I did not get two degrees in education for the gifts ya'll, but let me just tell you something from the other side:   If you appreciate your child's teacher, say so.   How hard would it have been for this woman to pick up a card from Dollar Tree and scratch Thank You on it?   Apparently very, but I digress.    Your child's teacher is spending her own money on the hot chocolate for the winter unit, the play dough for forming letters, the Christmas/Valentine/Mother's Day/Father's Day gift you received from your child.........fill in the dots, there is so much more.  She comes in on her own time to change the bulletin boards (after spending her own money buying the cute things for the bulletin boards).   She answers your (usually unnecessary, for Christ's sake read the newsletter) emails while her children need help with their homework.    It's a thankless job.   Literally.   If your four year old has a brand new pair of shoes every week and you are driving a car that cost more than her first house but you can't sign a Christmas card, it really does show that you don't care at all about her or think she is doing a good job with your child.   When your teacher feels this, it makes them wonder if they should stay in that job.   Your teacher might even quit because she feels she isn't making a difference.   If your teacher is making a difference to your child, tell them somehow.    Positive feedback is helpful because the paycheck is not.

Part of "new preschool" was that it was to be part of the "elementary school".   In the elementary/middle/high school they have a whole club (very exclusive and snotty, just what you would expect from "christian" school) where they bring food in for the teachers each month, buy them all gifts for their birthdays, leave treats in the teacher lounge.   The ELEMENTARY/MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL teachers love it.   Some of my student's parents take part in this.   Do you think they do anything like that for preschool?   Of course not.   I think the message is pretty clear.  

I don't work any less during the time I am at that school than any of those teachers.   In fact, I think I *might* even work a bit more.  Let's see.   They get a planning period.   I do not.   They have time to sit at their desk and send email while their kids do seat work.   I do not.   They have a chair.    I do not.   Go ahead and enjoy your cocktail weenies.   My assistant will help me up off the floor.

Positive energy tea my ass.  

For the record, I kept the beautiful plate her husband forgot with the aforementioned cookies she sent to the party.   She has not asked for it back.   Yet.  

Part 2

Try as I might, I cannot get the lids off the Oil Pulling and Coconut Oil any longer.    I think I might have liked them, but my right hand is so freaking messed up now I could hardly push the vacuum today and couldn't hold the brush to fix my daughter's hair.   I am taking ibuprofen three times a day for the pain which isn't going to help my stomach ulcer, but whatever.    These might be the best coconut oils ever made but I wouldn't know, I can't access them and I refuse to hurt myself any longer to try.

So I have used the Facial Oil, the Body Butter, and, once, the Sugar Scrub.    I leave the lids just sitting on the top of those so I can get to them again ;).   Anyway,  I do really like the Facial Oil and the Body Butter.    They are oils so, obviously, they are oily which is not what I usually go with, but I like the smell and they make my skin soft.    The Sugar Scrub smells really, really good.    One of the suggested uses for it was as an additive to coffee or tea which is what I did,  it was good.   Would I do it again?   Probably not as it was way out of my comfort zone to put something that should be a body scrub into my drink, but it wasn't bad.     If I can keep the lid off it I may try it in the shower.   We'll see.  

Going Coconuts....Part 1

I was approached by skinnyandcompany.com about reviewing some of their all natural coconut oil products.

I received the facial oil, body butter, coconut oil, oil pulling, and sugar scrub.  

They all looked like this thirty minutes after I opened the box.   They don't look like this on the website so I don't know what happened, but what the heck?

I was very excited to try the body butter as I enjoy lotions and creams, but it was a liquid so I was a bit disappointed.  I don't know if it was supposed to be that way as the picture on the website it appears solid, but whatever.

I used the facial oil first.   It is infused with lavender essential oil and has a very nice smell, but I had to wash it off my face because I was so greasy.   It left my skin soft though.

This morning I wanted to try the oil pulling and when I picked the jar up I noticed it had a few solid droplets in it.   I checked the other jars and the facial oil was about half solid and the body butter was solid on top but liquid on the bottom.   I am not an expert on coconut oil or any other types of oil, but I found this a bit odd, but I can roll with it.

The little jars are so damn cute.  

See?

But MY GOLLY they are hard to open.   I tried to use one of those rubber opener helper thingies and it tore in half.   I was committed to trying the dang oil pulling though and eventually succeeded and in the process spilled a good bit on my granite counter.   Those jars have a big mouth, just saying.   I know they are trying to be all environmentally friendly but the neat freak in me would love to see some kind of easier, cleaner container, like I am thinking of putting this in an old ketchup bottle.   

Anyway.......I can't tell that my mouth is that much cleaner after the oil pulling but it made me feel healthy and crunchy and tasted a heck of a lot better than the solid stuff I bought in the grocery store last year when I attempted that once before.   I am going to continue with it and let you know.   

After my shower this morning I was happy to try the body butter now that it had semi-set up.    That was when I realized only the top was solid.   I got another big blob of oil on my granite again when I hit the liquid, but the solid smelled nice and I smeared it on my legs as an after-shave balm.    It wasn't what I was expecting, it was quite oily, but maybe tomorrow it will set up some more and I can get more of a lotion feel from it.   Stay tuned.   

Thank your Teachers

I just got my last paycheck.

For three days I was paid $198.75.    Not too bad huh?   The government took $150 in federal taxes along with $2.86 for Medicare (that I will probably never be able to use) and $12.32 for Social Security (ditto).

Grand total for my last week of work where I worked all day PLUS one whole evening due to the graduation:

$33.55

That's about 85% straight to the government.

WTF?

And they tell me we get a tax break because we work for a church.

The hell.

And I got four end-of-school gifts out of fourteen students.  

I don't teach to get gifts, I actually really, really love it and I am really, really good at it.   My boss even told me I was the best one there, so there's your proof.   But.   How hard would it be to write a sentence telling me thank you on an index card as you're walking out the door?   Teachers do need that because their paycheck isn't giving them the warm fuzzies.

PLEASE remember your teachers on the last day of school.    I know we just had Mother's Day and Teacher Appreciation and Father's Day is coming up and you want to go on vacation this summer, but PLEASE if you had a good teacher let them know you thought so somehow so they stay there.

I am doing one of two things next year:

Quitting

Or

Posting this paycheck stub at the entrance of my classroom just so they see what teachers sacrifice to educate their children.

It's My Blog and I'll Cry if I Want to.......

Ugh.

I swear I must be going through menopause.    If so, at least give me the joy of never buying tampons again.   I guess I just get the crappy part.

I am pissed off this week.   No one knows it because I wouldn't be a good mother, teacher, wife, friend if I let that out, so that's why I keep the blog I guess.

Let me first start by saying:   I LOVE MY JOB!   It deserves all caps.   I really, really do.   It's almost a volunteer position but I love my job.

Teacher Appreciation Week

Who the hell came up with this?

ONE day for Mothers Day and a whole freaking week for teachers?

You would think I would be all over this but NO, I am not.

I spent $164 bucks on Elizabeth's teacher and French teacher and Adam's three teachers PLUS his two band teachers (whole other story, but they totally deserved it).   Never mind that I did absolutely nothing for Jacob's seven high school teachers because by then I was just so hopelessly overwhelmed I could not even remember their names (I will hook them up at the end of the year).    I didn't do much more than a candy bar, a bag of chips, some school supplies and a very low amount gift card in a thank-you card.   $164.   The same week as Mother's Day.  

Dear, Whoever-Came-Up-With-This-And-Makes-The-Rules,  please separate these holidays.   Some of us don't have well paying jobs.   Thank you.

No.  You don't have to do anything for the teachers, but here's the list of what we are doing every day.   Please let your teacher know you appreciate her said the mass emails.   Of course you have to get something.   Who wants to be the only family appearing unappreciative?

My student's families.   I guess they have no problem appearing unappreciative.

You know how that makes a preschool teacher feel when the "real teachers" get a gift but you don't because, "it's just preschool"?   You feel like a babysitter.   I feel like my student's parents think of me as their babysitter and it really does make me feel unappreciated.

When is Babysitters Day?  

I do have to say a handful did bring a small token and the best were the notes, sweet ones from the kids but heartfelt ones from the moms just saying, hey, thanks.  That's all I needed.   Thanks for getting my child from knowing no letters to reading small words.   Thanks.   Thanks for cleaning my kid's puke off of him after I sent him to school with a 101 degree fever thinking it was just allergies.   (Yeah right) Thanks.   Thanks for not yelling at my kid when he wiped his nose on your pant leg.    Thanks for getting completely soaked in a flooding rainstorm to walk my child to the other side of the car when I locked the door and screamed at you to go around away from the dry overhang because, HEY, that's easiest FOR ME.   Thanks.

I get that they pay tuition and feel like they shouldn't have to pony up more money but what they do not realize is that I just spent almost fifty bucks on picture frames and printing of the graduation pictures so they could have a nice graduation gift.    My school did not pay for that.   That butter your kids had so much fun making, I spent $10 on the cream and $7 on the baby food so each child could have their own jar to take home to YOU to share.   That memory book you love so much?   I spent $137 on photo developing and $77 on scrapbooking supplies to make that happen.   That was an entire paycheck for me.   I got $30 to spend on classroom supplies at the beginning of the year.   I bought a lesson plan book and a bulletin board set.   Everything else that made the room pretty throughout the year came from my Discover card.  The birthday book each child gets, made by me.   At home, while my own children are doing their homework.   While I frequently ignore them because, I am making that damn birthday book.   I could list so much more, but I have lesson plans to finish and name sheets to scan, animal paper plates to go buy because wouldn't it be fun to have them for Animal week next week?

I really don't think Teacher Appreciation Week should be a thing.    No one should have to be told to show your teacher that they are appreciated.     People who are appreciative have already shown it.

How?

One of our preschool students died this week.

She was in kindergarten now, but still, she was still one of our preschool students.

I wasn't her teacher but last year I subbed as an aide on Mondays in her class.    I spent a lot of time with her those days.   She liked to talk and tell stories and sit by the teacher and give hugs.    Exactly the things I like to be on the other end of.  

The funeral was today.  

That mother.   Oh my dear sweet Lord, that mother.  

I had a dream last Saturday that my Adam went on a camping trip and went canoeing, hit some wild water, fell out, hit his head and died.   I watched him die and then I was transported to a funeral home where someone was asking what I wanted to do about things like caskets and flowers.   In that dream, in my sleep, I felt like someone had reached in a ripped out my whole heart and, THANK YOU JESUS, I woke up in a cold sweat trying to catch my breath and crying.

I woke up.  

I woke up.  

But I felt it.   I know it wasn't real, but I felt it.   I hope to everything that is good and holy that I never ever feel it again.

That mother.   She will feel it forever and there is nothing I can do for her.   Nothing anyone can do for her to take that raw ache away.  

How do you go on after something like that?  

I hope I never have to figure that out.  

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's been over TEN years since I started writing on this thing?

Gracious.

Teenagers and school and extra-curricular activities didn't even seem possible then.    How did this happen so fast?

I miss all my blogging friends, logging in every day to see what everyone was doing.    Watching their children grow.   I am glad to see most of them still on FB but it isn't quite the same.  I can't speak freely there as someone's sole job at our school is to monitor all of our social media.   I guess this counts as that, but I don't get much traffic anymore so I am doubting anyone there knows I am out here in the spider-web, dusty world that is my formerly beloved blog.

I say every year I am going to blog more but life gets in the way.   Up at 6, out the door by 7:30 (hopefully), five hours working non-stop, two more hours catching up on every other little thing before the children come home and the three hours of homework, making dinner, cleaning it all up and starting it all over again.   Whew.   I did not know how well I had it ten years ago.  

I love my job.   That has been established.   I have grown so much more frustrated with it lately.   Changes are coming there and I think I have decided not to follow them on their new journey.   It makes me very sad.   I have the opportunity to move up yet again with three of my students I have this year and had last year.    I want to do that.    Their parents want me to do that.   My boss wants me to do that.    That, though, will be five days a week due to the aforementioned changes.    I just do not think I can work five days a week and still have any amount of energy to give back to my own family.   Yeah, yeah, it's only half a day they say but if you've been a teacher, you know once you are there, you are pretty much there all day.   It would be the best job for me minus the pay and the time commitment.

Oh well.   I still have a couple months before I "decide".

Anyway,  since I can't complain on FB……

Am I being a huge southern prude by expecting a thank you note from my children's teachers for the Christmas gifts I purchased for them?

I buy fantastic gifts for my kid's teachers even the ones I do not really care for (stay tuned).    I have had to garage sale so many coffee mugs, coasters, and dried flower arrangements, not that I didn't enjoy them but, well, you can only have so many.  

*FYI……gift cards are good.*

So, I spent $30 on each of Adam's three teachers, Elizabeth's teacher, Elizabeth's French teacher, Elizabeth's art teacher, Adam's three band teachers, both kid's three gym teachers, and $10 Starbucks cards for each of the nurses.  Then there is Jacob…..$70 bucks for $10 gift cards for seven teachers.

I'll wait while you do the math.    *playing the Jeopardy theme*

$450

That is more than a month's pay for me.

I had a friend who makes custom jewelry do something suited to each person based on the likes sheet that was sent home to all of us at the beginning of the year (except for the gift card teachers)

Only Elizabeth's teacher sent me a thank you note.    Mailed it to me over break actually.   The nurses told me thank you, one of Adam's teachers stopped to say she thought her necklace was beautiful.   Jacob's Engineering teacher shot me an email full of gratitude as soon as he received it.  Elizabeth's art teacher had surgery during Christmas week so she gets a pass.  Crickets from the rest.    Every one of them has my email address.   They have each used it this year.  Shoot, each one of them sees at least one of my kids at least twice a week.

$450

I know I should give just to feel good about the giving and I did as I was buying them.   I hope they all enjoyed what I picked out for them but what happened to just being grateful?  

For the record, I hand wrote all 11 of the kids who gave me a gift a note last night while waiting in the cold car during football practice.    I just felt like it was the right thing to do.  

Man, it feels good to complain online again.   I should do this more often.

Will Teach for Food

Last night I drove my son and his girlfriend (sigh) to a trampoline place for a date (sigh).

His girlfriend is actually very delightful and talkative and maybe just a little bit like Jacob so I can totally see the connection there.    Did I hear her say she had ADHD?   Very interesting.   Anyway, not what I was going to write about.    Today.

So she asked me about my lanyard hanging on the rearview mirror (the working man's fuzzy dice) and I told her I was a teacher.   My son told her, well, she's kind of a teacher.   She doesn't work every day and she doesn't work in a "school".    If I didn't know any better I might think he was a little embarrassed about that.

Excuse me.

I am a TEACHER.

I spent five years plus two summers in undergraduate school (because that was the length of the education program factoring in observation and student teaching semesters) earning a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education with emphasis in Early Childhood/Kindergarten.

I spent two years plus two summers in graduate school earning a Masters Degree in Special Education with emphasis in Learning Disabilities and Behavior Disorders.

I was certified after taking two six hour exams in the states of West Virginia and Virginia to teach grades Pre-K-8 and Special Education K-12.

I became a TEACHER.

I taught a special ed self-contained class, a pull-out class, a collaborative class, third grade, sixth grade, Gifted 4th-6th grade, fourth grade, first grade, second grade, had some children, and have, for the past six years, taught preschool.

I officially work five hours a day, three days a week and earn $427 and some change every two weeks for that.  I bring home $207.07 from that amount.   That means I deposit $414.14 each month.   That is not a typo.   I pay more in taxes than I keep.   No.   We do not get a refund.   In fact, we pay at least $600 each year to the IRS.   At least.

I know you are thinking now that I must be an idiot.   I think this as well many, many days.

BUT.   BUT.

I LOVE my job.

After years of feeling like a sub-par mother and not quite fitting into the stay-at-home play date crowd, I  am finally back in my happy place.

I know Jesus wants me to be modest and say I just do my best, but while I will say that about my mothering and wifing, I am going to stand whole-hog and say I am A FANTASTIC teacher!    They make great teachers at WVU.   Just saying.   And at some point along that way for all those years I realized I was good at it and poured myself into it (helped I was single most of that time).   I have folded in my purse a note my first teaching year principal left for me that said, and I can quote because I look at it all the time, "When I watch you teach, I cannot believe it is your first year.   I would love for others to come see what you can do."   THAT.   Was my ever-changing moment.   I didn't just imagine I was good at it.   Someone else saw it too.    I have never, EVER wanted to do anything else (aside from the mothering but that's another story).

Anyway.

I am a TEACHER.

I do not work only my allotted fifteen hours and go home.   I spend at least an hour each Monday afternoon preparing for the three day week ahead.   I stay all day Thursday as we have a one hour staff meeting that is not part of our pay.   I spend the rest of that day breaking down my room and rolling it upstairs to storage as I do work in a church and the room has to be clean and looking like a church on Sunday.   Usually I spend most of Thursday evening at home finishing my lesson plans for the next week.   I do take all day Friday off but that's the day I catch up on all the things our household needs like cleaned and groceried.    I cannot imagine how I would get anything done with all the football and dates on the weekends without that Friday.   I am in awe of the real teachers who don't have that luxury.   I spend one week earning at least 24 hours of training time at a conference each summer.   This means I have to arrange for child care that I pay for but I do not get paid for this time.   I spend a week in meetings before school starts preparing for the year and another week preparing my classroom for the year.   I do not get paid for either of these with the exception of one staff meeting and a meet-the-teacher morning.

I love my students with the fire of a thousand suns.    It doesn't matter if they are now in the third grade, I will stop what I am doing and accept a hug and make a huge deal about their recent lost tooth or new shoes.   I want them to learn to the best of their ability while they are with me.   At three/four/five that may mean they only learn how to share and their colors.   Maybe they are reading small books when they leave me.   Whatever it is I have taught to their individual needs and by doing that my lesson plans are longer, more detailed, and take much more of my time to prepare, but why teach them all the same way if they don't all learn the same way?   I purchase so much out of my measly paycheck for them and I WANT to do that. because I love them and want them to succeed.   It's M week next week.   Mangoes were on sale.   They will like that.    Or maybe they won't.   At least they have that experience.   I took Elizabeth to Dollar Tree yesterday for ONE thing (One dollar) and left spending 23 dollars and some because I know one girl would love the Star Wars stickers and those square blocks will really help them get the one-to-one correspondence as we add and subtract, and the jumping frogs are fun and will work their fine motor skills.   I can't wait for them to find them on the table Tuesday morning.   When I did the math, I put a quarter of the paycheck I just received back into my classroom.

That fake classroom in the fake school.

I am a TEACHER.   I LOVE my job.

But.

I have a kid who will hopefully go to college soon.   And two more after him.     I can't keep paying the government so I can feel good about myself.

They offered me a part-time job at Gymboree once.   They know me there.   I love me some Gymboree.   One of my student's mom works there now.    She makes more money than I do.   She works less hours and doesn't do any of it at home.   (sigh).   My teenage neighbor makes more than me at the McDonalds down the street.

It's very sad when good teachers have to work somewhere else just to make the money they really deserve.

At this point, I will not be teaching next year.   I love it, but I feel like I am volunteering a lot of my time.   I want to make a difference in all of my student's lives, but at what cost?   At some point I need to think of our family and what I can do for them.    What if I put all of that energy into teaching my own child?   Maybe I will homeschool Elizabeth next year.   At least I would still be teaching.

I will miss it though.   That's the place I am validated.   I know I am good at that.

I am a TEACHER.    But I don't get paid enough to teach.   Just like so many others who are walking away from it as well.

And then we wonder why our schools are in such bad shape.

High School Happenings

So this happened.

I am still in some sort of fog where I don't really know what to think about this.  

On the one hand…..Good for him!

On the other……um, BABY.  

Nope.   Not a baby anymore.   He even has the underarm hair to prove it.   Which.   Gross.  

To be quite honest it has never crossed my mind that Jacob would get DATE, much less a girlfriend of six weeks.   I figured we'd head down this road in a few years when Adam was ready, but here we are. Smack dab in the middle of pubescent dating.  

I am just winging it ya'll.   Have no idea what the protocols are here.

There was no Homecoming Dance, which, why?   So they went to a movie for their Homecoming date.   We have never let the child go anywhere by himself and suddenly he's walking into a cinema hand in hand with someone else who is not either of us.  Very strange.  They took pictures in the photo booth and in one they were kissing.   I did vomit just a little in my mouth.   REALLY not ready for this.  

The good news is this, this GIRL, this relationship, this, this, whatever it is, has motivated him somewhat.   Oh, he's still failing three classes and he still dabbles in daily curse words, but he bathes.   And brushes his teeth.   And sometimes he even changes his underwear.   All it really takes is a reminder that he can neither 1. drive nor 2. make money to make him self-calm.   Sometimes it actually works.   He WANTS to see this girl every weekend and he needs us to make that happen.   It's a powerful tool.  

He has not been miraculously cured.   He still has ADHD but now he doesn't fight us about his medications.    He even asked to take an extra so they wouldn't wear off on said date.  

We still have bad days but I can tell he is trying.   Sometimes.   Finally.  

I am not ready for this but I am ready for that.  

Facebook

Last week my Facebook "friend" got stranded in an airport on a layover overnight on her way home from a short vacation.   She posted all night long about how miserable it was sleeping in chairs and eating airport food.

The next day she posted a tirade about how she could not believe that out of her 1,000+ friends only 37 posted any kind of encouragement to her and she would just have to tidy up her friend list.

Then, of course, hundreds of people were virtually patting her on the back and, oh, the ((((((hugs)))))))!

Two days later we were no longer "friends".

Good riddance.

I felt badly for her.   Really.  I would be pretty upset if it were me, but after the fourteenth post, well, I get it.  It sucks.   It sucks being put out for a few hours, especially when you weren't expecting it.   Especially when you could have continued enjoying your lovely vacation had you known.  Sucks.

You know what really sucks?

Fourteen years of discomfort.

Fourteen years of other's judgement.

Fourteen years of staring eyes, whispering lips,  eavesdropping ears.

Fourteen years of screaming, crying, griping, complaining, fighting, arguing.

Sucks.

You won't see me posting my woes on Facebook.   I don't need any ((((((hugs)))))))).   I have blocked a few fabulous mothers who have actually stated as much.   I have even blocked happy families because I just couldn't stand looking at them anymore.

Jealous much?   Yeah.  probably.

What am I supposed to post?

"My son is making progress in his psychiatric facility!"

"My son actually turned in some school work today!  Yeah!"

"It's been twenty minutes and no one's cried yet!

"The police were here!  What fun for everyone!"

"We are such great parents!   Everyone is getting along.   Of course, our oldest hasn't been here for four weeks."

June was lovely.    We went to the beach, hunkered down during a "tropical storm", played some games,  saw a movie, ate donuts, and swam a lot.

Jacob wasn't here.

He came back yesterday.

July will be hell.

He hasn't been home a full 24 hours and he's broken his retainers in half (those are the third set, there will be no more, not a good choice putting braces on him.    Waste.  Of.   Money.)

He's hidden the remote and the television is stuck on an inappropriate channel.

He's pissed on the floor, stopped up the sink with toilet paper, and ripped up some of the little kid's art projects.

He has continued to call his dad at work to tell him how unfair I am so guess who is now pissed AT ME.  (Looking forward to the evening fight, he just stands there grinning as it goes on)

Today I have a headache, I have vomited, I did not sleep last night, and my husband and are at each other's throats.

None of that happened earlier in June.

Let me post on Facebook how beautiful our life is.

Go ahead Facebook "friend" delete me for not using my free time to point out how truly awful you have it.    I hope you have a fabulous day spending hours at the gym and eating all those meals such a good cook like you can make.   Enjoy your glass of wine while watching a wonderful movie tonight with your super-duper hubby like you do ever other day of your life.   So sorry you were inconvenienced for a few hours.    So sorry I could't find it in me to care.

Hard

So Jacob is home.  

Has been for a while.  

It started out okay.  

But here we are.   Back to the same.

Same shit.  Different Day.   Story of our life.

It's hard.

I am so thankful that my children are healthy.   They have never seen the inside of a hospital other than their own births and that week my mom had the heart attack (which, gratefully, they don't seem to remember and Elizabeth was protected by the womb there).   They are so very rarely ill that we didn't realize they'd moved the pediatrician office until we needed a well-check for Boy Scout trip.  They aren't rocket scientist smart but have no learning disabilities that hinder their education.  

For those things, we are blessed.

We look like a normal family.    

We look all happy and shit.    Who knew?

Who knew we'd have to call the police to find our child?  Who knew our child would shout nasty swear words at the neighbors waiting at the bus stop with their good children?  Who knew our child would tell his Sunday School teacher to "go to hell"?   Who knew our child would kick me square in the chest and tell me he hoped I'd die quickly and horribly and he would one day do it?

Yeah…..certainly wasn't what I was expecting.

Then.

If I thought it was hard having a baby scream bloody murder 15 hours a day, well, I was sorely mistaken.

I'd love to get that back.    I feel badly bitching about it now.   Why couldn't I see how easy I had it then?

It's hard when people look at you with contempt because they think your rude, ugly child is all your doing.   It's even harder when people look at you with pity because your child is wandering aimlessly, unmedicated, talking to himself, and acting like a three year old.  A fourteen year old three year old.   A fourteen year old three year old who cusses, masturbates, and attempts to hurt you.

It's hard.

Something bad is wrong with my kid.   He's getting worse.   Exponentially worse.    His body is aging but his brain is still emotionally and socially in preschool.  

I don't even know what to do anymore.

My husband and parents won't even entertain the idea of taking him to that behavioral hospital.    He'll grow out of it, they say.   If you'd just let him be, they say.   You're too hard on him, they say.    Just don't bother him, they say.    He's emotional, they say.   Don't stir the pot, they say.   He wouldn't walk down the street giving you the finger if you hadn't set him off, they say.  

Maybe I should get some help.   Learn how to deal with him.

Silly me.   I thought I'd done that when I got that degree in BEHAVIOR DISORDERS.   But, what do I know?

Maybe I could deal with him better if I weren't the only one really dealing with him, but I digress.

I wake up every morning and think maybe this is the day it changes.   Maybe this is the day he starts to get better.   Maybe this is the day he starts to care, want to be something,  want to do something, want to be a happy part of our family.   It never happens.   After all this time, you'd think I'd get that.   Fourteen years thinking this is the day, this is the day, this is the day.  

Not today.

It's hard.

Pet Peeve

I am a "member" of a local pet page.   People post lost and found dogs and the area shelters will be linked so you can feel absolutely horrible that you aren't jumping right up to rescue that dog or cat who has only a FEW.  DAYS.  LEFT.  I have no idea why I joined it (someone sent an invite) or why I keep it up there, but it's there.  

All day long pictures of pitiful animals scroll through my feed.   The majority are from random people in our community who just don't want their pets any longer.  

I don't get this.  

Case in point:    Lady buys full blooded large dog four months ago and now feels she is "too busy" to give him the attention he needs.   Can someone give him a good home?   She is only charging a "rehoming fee" of $75.   If someone doesn't come for him in two days he is going to the shelter so please someone take this sweet baby.

Number 2:    Lady just LOVES her nine year old cat, I mean, after all, he made the trip from Wisconsin to Texas with her and was such good company when she knew no one in town BUT lady had a baby and just CANNOT care for the cat and the baby too!    That's hard work!   She LOVES her so much, but if someone doesn't take her by the end of the week she'll be going to the shelter.

Number 3:   Lady has a yellow lab (it wasn't a lab but if she says so) and she just does not have the time to walk him as often as he'd like and he's just too big for her apartment.   She would love for someone to pay the $100 rehoming fee to take him to a place with some land so he could roam.   Please click her page and message her if interested.    When you click her page you see all the pictures of her with her brand spanking new great dane and in one pic you see the yellow "lab" outside the glass door looking sadly in.

And this just happened in one hour.  

What the hell?

I get "rehoming" if your dog is aggressive to you or your children.   I get it if you didn't realize you had allergies and can't co-exist.   That is misery.   But this kind of crap makes me mad.   I had three children and didn't have the time I once had for my pets.   They didn't really seem to mind hanging by my feet and accepting the petties when I had the time.    Ezra ate my favorite shoes,  a doll my dead grandmother made for me, and smeared cat poop all over my clean laundry.    BUT, we made the commitment to give that dog a home and that's what we did.   We found acceptable distractions to keep him away from the shoes.   I put my valuables away.   I never leave my clean laundry on the floor anymore.  

We had that dog almost fifteen years.   He's been dead two and a half.   I miss him every day.  

Sometimes people confuse me.  

I miss my babies.   

People who don't appreciate theirs make me mad.  

Break

It's Spring Break.  

Whew.   We've needed it.

We were supposed to be in Breckenridge learning to ski but my husband "forgot" to make the plans.

If I want something done, I have to do it myself.   This is why the little kids and I will be going to be beach by ourselves in June.    There.

So two days into spring break and we haven't really done anything.   We cleaned the house and then the kids messed it up with a big fort and then I climbed into bed to watch MeTv and that's about it.

Oh, and Jacob ran away.  

Well.   Three weeksish ago.

Oh yeah, we found him but not after getting the police involved and six hours of searching in the dark and after a Missing Persons file was created and logged and discussions of Amber Alerts being issued.

Fun times.

One morning he demanded asked for a new charger for that God-forsaken tablet the school issued and I told him I would give him half the $$$ and he could kick in the other half.   That did not go over well.   He then woke Adam and put him in a head lock, I guess in some kind of attempt to bribe me for it, so I gave him two minutes to get out of the house and walk to school (it was 6:45 am) before I called the police.  

Amazingly he left.  

When he didn't return home at 4:15 I checked his LDC (Leadership Development Corps…..oh, the irony) schedule and he might have should have been at practice that afternoon so I figured that was what he did.   I don't' know why I would think that since he's skipped every single practice of the year, but, eh, I was hopeful.

When he didn't return home by 6:30 I started to wonder.    My husband figured he'd turn up when he was ready, I figured I need to call the police because what if something happened to him?   He thought I was being irrational but told me to call them if it made me feel better.   So I called them and he was all like, "You called the police?  Why?"   Whole other post there.

Anyway,  the police come and kind of brush me off as a crazy person but they go out looking for him anyway.   Between the call and their presence (forty minutes) my neighbor saw him on the trail in our neighborhood (I called her first) and went after him and he promptly skittered like a scared cat toward the road.   She yelled for my husband and he chased after him and then he ran across a five lane highway without looking both ways.    GAH!   Why do we even teach them these things?????

After that we didn't see him again.

The police came back four more times and after about four hours looking all over town, going into restaurants and stores and still not finding him THEY started to get worried.

By this time Derick was on his bicycle and would call now and then to see if he showed home.   No.   We live in a pretty big town.   Yes, it's a suburb of Houston, but it's big.    We're not in West Virginia anymore.

Eventually Derick called to tell me he found him in the neighborhood and made him come home.   So what did he say after all of that?    "I'm hungry".    The cops were informed and they showed up three minutes later, sat his ass down and very nicely reamed his ass out.    Seriously.   The policemen were awesome even if they didn't show up until forty minutes after I called.  

This was a Wednesday.  

On Saturday I asked my mother to come get him and take him home with her.   By then I'd had four panic attacks, one so massive I thought for sure I was having a heart attack.   My left arm started shaking on Thursday to the point I couldn't hold anything with it and my preschool students thought I was playing a game and would copy me.   On Friday my husband informed me he had to fly on a private jet to all of the plants his new bought-his-plant-out company owned and wouldn't that be SO. MUCH. FUN?   Oh sure, leave me with a flight risk for seven days.   No big deal.

I thought my mother would be helpful but she was mad.    She did come and get him.   With my dad.    And they spent an hour in my face telling me they should have taken him years ago, I was a terrible parent, I needed parenting classes years ago,  if I didn't get professional help for my mental illness she would take them all from me.  

Um.   Thanks?

For the record I have been to four therapists/psychiatrists since Jacob's birth FOR MYSELF and all of them have asked my husband to come in and then they proceed to tell him that I am not depressed or anxious, that I need more help and support at home.     So there.

So off they went even though he had two more weeks of school.

Then she called me the next day asking if Jacob had exams and, by golly, he did so she came back and stayed in a Candlewood Suites until spring break started last Friday at noon.  

I love my mother with my whole heart but these last two weeks listening to her tell me how absolutely awesome Jacob was for her has made me not really want to speak to her for a while.  Of course he's good for her.   She admittedly gave him all of his electronics back and without any restrictions.    She didn't make him bathe or brush his teeth or take his medications because THAT would be stressful for her.  

Since the last time I posted we switched Jacob's medicine (again) to Strattera and some mood stabilizer of which I forget the name.   We went back for a two week check and she came with us.   She was MORTIFIED when he started yelling and kicking things and attempting to poke holes with pens in the furniture.   I almost had to leave the room when my mother told the doctor how he she'd never seen him behave that badly and the doctor says, "Oh really?   I was thinking he was actually behaving much better for me today"  Which he actually was.   This time he didn't greet her with his usual,  "Effing B*tch".  I guess he was trying to be good for his grandmother.    To her credit she would not let him have his games when we got to the car and she got another good show which prompted her to call me later to let me know how torturous this all was for an old woman like her.    Hmmmm.   Need some parenting classes?   Ah, but I digress.

Anyway…

He's at the lake with my parents for the rest of this week.   I told her to bring him home on Sunday and at first she was all like, oh no we'll go back to the hotel, but the last I talked to her it seemed she'd be bringing him home of Sunday.

I will not lie and say I have missed him.   I have not.   At all.    My kids got two weeks of waking up for school in silence.   We weren't late one time.   It was all very "normal" and we needed that.  

I hope this break has been helpful for Jacob.   I would love for him to come back with a new perspective and attitude towards his family and his school work.   I am not expecting it and I dread what will actually happen, but it would be a nice change.  

For now, we will enjoy the last of our spring "break".

2015

Where's my hoverboard?

My flying car?

2015 looked so much better in 1985.

Ho-hum.

So did you have a good Christmas?   New Year?

My children got much less than usual and they were just as happy.    Good to know.

I was a huge meanie and got Jacob only four small gifts and a gift card.   

I was sure we would have complete chaos on Christmas morning hence the guilt gift card removed from another person's gift at the last minute, but he was fine with it.   He was, though, completely out of control since they all came barreling downstairs at 5:30 and that two hour wait for the meds to kick in was blazingly obvious crammed together into the living room under a plastic tree in the dark.

My favorite mall Santa retired and it made me very sad.  

Imagine twelve more of him around my mantle and hearth.    Awww.    I mean, I cried when I found out he wasn't in the mall.   At work.   In front of three year olds.  

But then I found him!   In a private studio.   I DID NOT HAVE TO GO TO THE MALL AT ALL DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!   He is real!   And that was the best gift of all.   Oh my, I hate the mall on a slow day.   

Anyway:

This thirty minute session renewed my children's belief and I relished it knowing this is probably it for us.   Someone (the husband) needs to sit Jacob down and explain to him how this portion of Christmas works.   Part of his "disorder" is he can completely immerse himself in a fantasy world and this is just another one for him.    I know, I know, we (the husband) should've sat him down years ago but this is Jacob.  I knew the minute he knew the truth he'd use it against us with the other kids.   I just needed this one.  last.  year.   We enjoyed it.    It will be sad for me next year.   Moving on.  

My favorite gift was the splurge King Sleep Number bed.   Our old mattress was twenty years old.  It was time to go and we bought exactly what we wanted since we'd saved so much not buying one every eight years.   

It adjusts.   And it's big.   And my sleep number is 30 just in case you wanted to know that.   I am not ashamed to admit I spent an entire day in that bed.   

I thought about making New Year's Resolutions but, eh, I never keep up with those and I have 355ish more days to do any of the things I need to do like declutter the closets, organize the attic, blog more, eat better, yell less.  

I do want our mornings to get better.   I have no idea how to make that happen.  I am seriously considering just letting things go with Jacob.   I have tried and tried and tried and tried some more to do things the way a "good mom" would do.   I make him comb his hair, brush his teeth, match his clothes, do his homework, but I think I am going to attempt to let it go.  

Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymoreeeeee

Hoping the peer pressure and possible grade retention is enough to snap him into action.   I doubt it, but I am just so freaking sick of the morning fight.   I have two other children.   My energy, at least for now, is going into them in the morning.   

2015 seemed so far away as I sat in a theater watching Back to the Future 2.   Here it is.   If only my car could fly.

504

It's been a while.  

Nothing much has really changed at home.  

My trip was lovely.   Derick lost  Jacob at a Halloween festival and that was a bit stressful.   I mean, thanks for letting me know, but what is it you want me to do for you four hours away?  He found his very favorite teacher and she kept him for a while, listened to his unmedicated rants, and then brought him home.    She was happy to do it because she is THAT awesome of a teacher but, wow, I am pretty embarrassed.   Still.

I FINALLY got the 504 coordinator to get back to me.   I was passed around like a hot potato for weeks and, what do you know?, as soon as I let them know I had a degree in special education they were very accommodating.

We had our meeting Friday.

Because he has a disability he is entitled to the 504.

They are making no accommodations at this time.

O……K……

Some of his teachers were there.   They were shocked when I told them what goes on at home.  One of them said, "Well, I guess you can be happy he doesn't act like that here."  Um.   No.   Not so much.   If he can be pleasant and hard-working and helpful at school, I want that here at home.   None of those women birthed him.   Why all the disrespect for the people who have made his life possible.

We are still on the contract and now all kids are required to choose from a list of chores to earn minutes for Wii/Kindle/DS play.   That went very well the first week and a half.   Elizabeth has stockpiled six hours and twenty minutes of time.   Adam worked like a dog for a while and then he decided playing outside was a better option (I agree).   Jacob complains and complains and complains.  Anyway, Derick let him take the Kindle to Boy Scouts (that's new, will explain later) because all the boys take their
games!   And then the next day I asked for it back (because NO ONE is allowed to have electronics before school) and he said he'd lost it.   I immediately figured this was a ruse because he obsesses, part of his issue.   If he had lost that thing, he'd have been pacing the floor all night long but Derick was like, oh, okay.   And I was like, please go up and check, which he did and didn't see it.   Of course.   And then Derick is making plans later that evening to go back to the Boy Scout church and look for it and he just shrugged and could care less and I told Derick, um, he is playing you.  

The next morning I got up pretty early and noticed his light was on.   Hmmmm……I mean, it was really early, you know, that damn elf.    I am a 4 am riser during the month of December.   Anyway, I walk so very quietly up the stairs and push the door open and, sure enough, there he was spread out on the floor playing that Kindle.   I just walked right over, unplugged it, and took it off the floor where he'd dropped it and ran saying, "I just found it right here, Dad must have put it there"   Yeah.  

Well, Dr. Amen talks about how much ADHD kids desire the argument.   It actually calms that part of the brain affected by the lack of whatever chemical that is he lacks.  I did not say another word to him until ten minutes later I explained he had three minutes to get dressed, find shoes, and walk his ass to school or I was calling the police.  

And I meant it.  

My goodness what he destroyed and the names he called me and his siblings in ten minutes.

This was the worst fit yet.  

Not as long lasting as others, but he was crazed.

As he was leaving I told him he was not to come back to my house that I was not taking abuse from a thirteen year old child.  

When we got home around 5 he was at the park across the street.

I did not let him in.

It got dark.

My friend Rosemary called me said he was at her house.   I explained how we got there and she insisted on keeping him for the night.  

She kept him for two.

Of course, she said he was wonderful and well-behaved for her.

He was okay the rest of the weekend.    He is still mad that the Kindle has been indefinitely removed from his possession because of his lying.    He lets us know pretty often how unfair we are.   We tune him out much of the time.

A week more of school and then he is home for two weeks.  

I really don't want him here.   That is awful, but I don't.  

I don't want the police here either, but anything is possible.   It's just a matter of time before we get to that point.  

I hate ADHD.   Wish it would go away.   It's not welcome here anymore.

Not

Well, she refused to add any more medications.   In fact, she took away the Methylphenidate we use as an override as the Daytrana is kicking in.  I guess that is my punishment for asking about it again.

She showed me all the symptoms of depression and bipolarism and I have to agree that, no, he probably doesn't have those.  BUT, BUT, he has something.   Surely all this angst is more than ADHD.

No.  He just has ADHD.  SEVERE ADHD.  Oh, and he's pretty angry.

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

We can do the clonidine for anger management again, but he had many choice words about that so I just let it go.

*Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore…..*

He pitched a huge fit in her office about how he is 13, almost an adult, shouldn't have a contract to get his way, should be able to do whatever he wants, eat whatever he wants, not go back to anymore doctors, and I had to just laugh inside because all that bitching about what a big adult he was and all he looked like sitting there was tantrum-throwing two year old.

As we were leaving her office he turned around to her and said to her face:  "F#$% You" and then we got to the car and he was all like,  "Can I have my games when we get home?"   Seriously.   He thought he was getting his stuff for "behaving".  It'd be freaking funny if it weren't so sad.

The husband is out of town on business and since he knew there would be no chance he would be subdued or whipped or kicked out of the house, he really let me have it last night.   I finally took the little kids into the bedroom with me, took a triple dose of nyquil and passed out.   Thank you Man-Who-Invented-Nyquil.   Because of you I sleep.

While in my stupor slumber, he took all of his games out of his dad's study.  I thought they were in the safe but I was wrong.  I found him with one this morning and he lied right to my face about it.   When he wouldn't return it, I locked the tablet up.   He went apeshit, but still insisted he didn't have the game, OH, the humanity of being blamed for something he just DID. NOT. DO.  

I was finally able to get him out to the car and was only fifteen minutes late.   I dropped him on the highway halfway there because he just would not shut his mouth.  Don't call CPS on me.  We live 7/10 of  a mile from the school.   He and many others have walked to and from many times.

We go on to school and the kids start laughing.  I get there and lo and behold, there is that 3DS and three of it's games lying on the car seat.   I guess he missed those when he got there.    I am such a bad mother for never trusting him.

I shook until 9:30 this morning.   My heart pounded out of my chest until 9.   Adam's Mary Katherine Gallagher finger sniff tic was raging.   Elizabeth cried when I took her to her classroom.  Just another day in our lives.   Oh the joy.

I am going out of town with friends tomorrow.   I can't wait.   I can't wait to NOT see that child for three whole days.   The other kids, I am worried about.   I hate leaving them, but I have just got to get away.   I need my blood pressure to go down some.   I want to eat a full meal for once.   I want to sleep without Ny-quil.

ADHD.   It's a made up affliction.   If I were just a better parent it would all go away.

Not.

It's Been a While

Two months.

I'd love to say things have turned 180 and I have a respectful, kind teenager, but that would be a lie.

Some days are okay.   Just okay.   Some days are bad.  Pretty bad, but not quite as bad as it was this summer.   Although I do wait for it.   I feel like it's there, just waiting for the right time.

Starting school helped.   He has always been a child of habit and once he learned his schedule and routine he seemed to calm some.   Just some.

We did have a few mornings where he cussed me out and was rude to the other kids so I emailed his LDC captain who demoted him from the position he worked so hard for last year.  

That didn't help me much.    He still doesn't take responsibility for the behavior that led up to that, he's never wrong, you know?  But for four weeks all I had to do was remind him I had that email and he'd straighten up.   After he called me a few choice names and laid the blame for his LDC demise at my feet.   *sigh*

They issued tablets to the entire eighth grade at his school.   I know there are articles on the internet about ADHD kids and their addiction to video games.  If I were a crafty person I might find that for you, but well, if you want to know about it, google it.   You're smart.  Anyway, Jacob is very definitely addicted to video games, hence the contract and Jacob's grades were fantastic until that tablet came home.   I don't know whose great idea it was to load three games onto it, but yeah, there are three games on it.   I have contacted teachers, principals, and tech supervisors and no one can remove them for me.   I now have been corresponding with the 504 coordinator and hope to have a meeting with her soon.   I guess I'll have to get a 504 to either have the games removed or the tablet removed.   He finished the first quarter with an 80 average where he had a 100 average the day before T-Day (Tablet Day).

We went back to our regular therapist.   He had a lot to bitch talk about.

We go back to the psychiatrist tomorrow for a medication check.    Everyone still thinks he needs depression meds except her.   I hope to convince her.   At this point I will try anything and if nothing else, I do think his Daytrana needs to be upped.

The little kids had teacher conferences last week and both said they were doing very well.   For this I am relieved.   They are still exposed every day to so much they shouldn't, but at least they are thriving there.

Our ADHD is still here.   Like a bad houseguest, it has really stunk, but I continue to hope.