Monday, October 08, 2007

How Can I Get Out of This One?

I'm not going to leave this one up very long, so read it while you can.

I'm mad today.

Well, maybe mad isn't the word.

I can't really put my finger on the right word.

Overwhelmed, maybe? Confused? Angry?

My mother in law is coming. Here. To my house. I am not happy about that.

I'm not going to get into my husband's family logistics here, it's not my place. But, I will be spending two weeks with a woman a barely know, with my children who do not know her.

Oh, and did I mention that she hates me?

I am trying so hard to find some positive spin in this situation, but so far I can't. What began as a few days, turned into a week, and now it's two weeks, and I'm afraid of how long it will actually be when she gets here on Halloween. When my husband mentioned she wanted to come, like three weeks ago, he was planning on taking a week off work to spend with her, so really, no biggie for me, other than the extra plate at the table and extra laundry to fold, but I heard him telling her last night he was going to take a half day off while she was there and she'd be spending the rest of the time with me. What? I know he thinks I sit on my ass all day long, but in the harsh reality that is our life, I run this place. I am up early to cart the kid to school, I clean, I cook, I diaper and clothe the children (many times throughout the day I might add), I buy groceries, I discipline, I help with homework. On top of that, we have Little Gym, speech, MOPs, field trips, and playdates to a point that I am rarely at home anymore. When in hell does he expect me to entertain his mother. Oh, I know what you're thinking. My dear MIL can help with these things! But, no, she can't. I am not going to get anymore into it other than to say that she has some mental illnesses. Pretty much, I'm going to have another person to take care of for two weeks in November. I am exhausted now. I get about three hours of sleep a night and then I'm on the go all day. I am overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things I need to do to keep a family of five going, especially now that one of those five is in school. This is just not a great time for me to be dealing with this. The last time she came, Jacob was eight months old. She stayed one night. That one night was plenty, for us and for her. Just dealing with a baby crying and such tore her nerves apart. Why does my husband think it's going to go peachily with two more kids and less room?


But, I can't do anything about it.

She's my husband's mother. Sure, she's not like my mom and she's not like most moms, but she is his mother. Since my mom comes here whenever she darn well pleases and he's happy to see her, I can't very well tell him that entertaining his mom for two weeks is a going to be a chaotic freak show. I couldn't even remind him that he will have to keep an eagle eye on all her medications without him accusing me of hating his family. Again.

Oh, and did I mention she smokes?

Did I ever mention how much I detest cigarette smoke?

Yeah, my husband is under the impression that she has quit smoking (she hasn't) and even if she is smoking, she can smoke on the porch. When she was here the last time, my house smelled like smoke for days just from her hair and clothes (she smoked on the porch). Can you imagine what it will be like after two weeks? I do not want her holding my baby because I don't want my baby having to snort that shit off of her. Criminy! What if she were to chew on her yellow fingers? Man, I am going to be a drunk before she leaves, but damn, I won't be able to drink while she's here since she is so uber religious and drinking is a sin and the drinking might send her into a fit of anxiety and, oh man, this is going to suck.


OneHungMan said...

That blows.

becky said...

I am so sorry for you. I dealt with something similar at the end of July when my MIL came to stay for about a week. My husband works a million hours and was convinced that she could really just "help around the house." She didn't help anything but make me feel even more upset than I already was, dealing with a couple of hours of sleep a night.

I couldn't be honest with my husband then, and I can't now, about my feelings but I really don't care to have her in my house again ever. She is SOOO holier than thou about everything, my children are scared of her, and she drives me INSANE.

The mere thought of her boils my blood, so I sympathize with you. A lot.

Dana said...

Oh man! I am SO sorry! I cannot imagine the anguish you must be feeling just knowing she's coming? Can you talk to dear ole hubby and ask him to maybe take some more time off? Or help out more with the kiddos to offset the extra work YOU'RE going to be doing? I know all about being overwhelmed....BELIEVE me! Luckily I've never had to deal with overnight guests of the unwelcomed variety. I think you should just go along with your plans and try not to alter them for her. Your hubby should have discussed this with you....IMHO. Again, so sorry!

Tracey said...

You're right,you can't get out of it. She IS family, and, crazy or not, she's his mom. But maybe these would be GREAT weeks to overschedule yourself? Like, doctor appts and extra playdates or errands??? Get out of the house as much as possible, kwim? And maybe you can pull out the old photo albums and have her label some of your husband's pictures? Or.... um. Have her help you weed the garden? Something that she won't be in charge of the children, and that you won't need to be talking the whole time, either... Put your foot down about the smoking, though. They're your kids, and second hand smoke, even through clothing, isn't good for them. GOOD LUCK. Oh, and you can drink in your bedroom.

Lynsey said...

The smoking alone would irritate me, porch or not. I will pray for you. A lot.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I'm sorry! I'm praying for you too. My MIL lives too close (45 minutes away). There have been times that I wish my hubby would get transferred to the other side of the country. She's actually been ok lately, but now that the holidays are coming up, I'm sure we'll feel the rath again when we refuse to take our son to one of her holiday craptaculars that specialize in every one of my sons food allergies. She can't remember what they are and I don't think she really cares to.
I wish I had some kind of suggestion to help you get out of it, but like you said, it is his mother. I really am sorry!

Mommy Daisy said...

It doesn't sound good, but here's hoping it goes well.

Colleen said...

Oh no.

I can't believe your husband isn't taking more time off. There's no way for him to change that?

I really feel for you. Hopefully it will go better than expected.

JaniceNW said...

So been there. My FIL came to visit in 1992 for 3 freaking ass weeks. Longest 3 weeks of my life. I had a 17mo and a 2 and 10 months. We had moved into the house just a week or so before. He was supposed to stay with us for 4 days, go up to Canada for 12 days and then spend another 3 days with us. He spent 2 days in Canada and 21 days with us. He expected me to entertain him. I refused. I had a nap schedule to keep and there's not a dang thing to do in Bellingham with a 74yo man. As it was I had to make extra efforts for lunch and dinners. The man watched the Olympics the entire time. I had toddlers! Toddlers like videos of Barney and firemen.......GRRRRRRR. After he left I told Geo he could never ever stay so long or he'd end up in a damn tent 50 miles away from my house.

Anyhoo, big hugs and don't let those sweet kids to breath near her!!!!!!!!!!

Krys72599 said...

I'll be thinking of you. Blessed as I was with my in-laws, there's one particular family relationship that will equal or top yours, so I can sympathize - Your husband really needs to take off more than a 1/2 day. Especially if he originally told her he'd be off a week...

Miss Hope said...

Gawd, I feel your pain. My first MIL was a Royal P.I.T.A.

That's the Lord above blessed me with a good one the second time around who I love and also lives a thousand+ miles away when she's not visiting once a year.

Stock on air freshener, man.

Shane said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm lucky enough to have a great mil but still, two weeks with her would be a stretch. I can't imagine two weeks with your mil. Hang in there, this too shall pass and hopefully quickly. I'll keep you in my prayers.

The Bissots said...

Hey!. I just ran across your blog...and thought I'd comment. This really sucks. I'm so thankful my in-laws are really great. Good luck with this!

Anonymous said...

New reader...I'm so sorry... have strength! My MIL just announced she is coming for Christmas..5 days (yes I know NOT 2 weeks) but she very nicely arranged to be here the EXACT 5 days my family will be here. After asking what days they would be in town so she could "work around their schedule" NICE... I've got stories that'll make your hair curl (or straighten) feel free to swap/vent anytime!