Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dear Disgruntled Target Shopper,

I am so sorry your shopping experience was less than wonderful yesterday. It does suck to be in a hurry and have to actually wait your turn, I know because my children struggle with this often. Thank you for allowing me to use you as an example of how NOT to behave in such a situation. Your behavior really paved the way for a meaningful discussion on proper public etiquette when frustrated. Allow me to help you now with a little helpful advice that might make your next shopping trip a bit easier.

1. You can use the carts for free. They are also located very handily at the entrance so you don't need to juggle twenty huge items in your arms throughout the store.

2. If you are in a hurry, do not get in line behind a woman with a full cart AND three wiggly children. I don't believe this needs much of an explanation.

3. The handy item divider is a useful tool in letting one know that the person in front of you has finished unloading their cart. If you do not see the divider, do not place your items on the belt.

4. Realize that others are trying to be helpful in letting you know they still have things to unload. "I just need a place to set this heavy shit down, bitch" is not an appropriate response. The belt isn't yours until the divider goes up. See number two AND number one.

5. If you call the lady in front of you a bitch, know she's only going to do everything slower to hold you up.

6. In reference to numbers three and four, if your heavy items are taking up the entire belt before the customer in front of you has finished unloading, she will have to hand each item separately to the checker to scan one-by-one. This takes up valuable seconds of your time.

7. It's funny, but "hurry up, bitch" just doesn't make anyone want to hurry up.

8. Yes, some people really do need gift receipts.

9. No one needs parenting advice from a person sans children. If children singing and laughing bothers you, maybe you should wait to do your shopping in the late evening when most children are home in bed. And again, maybe children wouldn't touch your stuff on the belt if you had waited for the handy-dandy divider. Babies grab things if put right in front of them.

10. Purple camo pants with duck slippers is not a good fashion statement.

11. If you still insist on behaving so rudely in public, be sure you have parked far away from others so you won't have to face them again in the parking lot where they might be able to get your license plate number. Or follow you home. All the way back to your house in your neon green mustang in the bitch's neighborhood. Nice to meet you new neighbor. Don't expect the Welcome Wagon for me now.

12. Neon green mustang? Really?

Sincerely,

Slow Ass Bitch Who Obviously Doesn't Know how to Control Her Children.

17 comments:

OneHungMan said...

OneHung hates number 9.

Dana said...

OMG! I would have had SERIOUS words with her! It's amazing how horrible some people can be isn't it?! Great post though.....

kelly jeanie said...

Oh my gosh, woman, I want to go shopping with you. You crack me up.

Amie said...

I love Target. I hope it's not becoming the new Wal mart.

Mommy Daisy said...

Ha, ha, ha! That just got better and BETTER! I can't believe someone would actually act/dress/be like that in public. Sad.

BethGo said...

Yes. Don't you love it when grownups act worse than the children they claim to despise? What an ass!

With that said. This person livs in your neighborhood?
Sheesh! What kind of sick crazy-ass place are you living? Evil town?

Sister, you need to move.
Enough is enough.

Melissa said...

Wow! I hope she is embarrassed especailly knowing you live in the same neighboorhood.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who seems to get in these situations with RUDE people at stores.

Becky said...

Sorry, dude. I was having a bad day and dressed as a man.

Sadie said...

Ugh...aren't people GREAT? Sorry you had such a crappy trip to target!!

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Oh no Andria. I was Target yesterday too and all I got was dirty looks. Yes, I bought a crap load of stuff but I'm on a budget and Target is cheap. My lady shot me a look and moved to another isle. Had she called me a bitch we'd have thrown down, kids or no kids. What a jack ass!!
I don't know where you live, but everyone there seems like an asshole. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

SydneyDawn said...

Holy crap. She sounds like quite the gem. Yeah....

Tracey said...

Really? See, I've always responded amazingly well to being called a bitch. Makes me so eager to help that person and feel their plight. Hmmmm... You really don't like it? Wow.

:) Glad you took your time. I think I would have turned around and looked at her, open-mouthed, and just said "Really? You're really acting this way? Wow. That was really rude..." because I'm cool like that and can think up snarky replies... :D

Shane said...

How do you do it? How do you turn every bad experience in your life into humorous entertainment for your fellow bloggers? You totally crack me up...every time! I want to know what the cashier was doing this whole time? I hope she slowed down to a snail's pace too!!

Miss Hope said...

Dude. This would have been one time I would have just shown my ENTIRE butt. To the point where the husband would have taken the kids to the vehicle and started calling family members for all spare change to get me out of jail. Seriously.

Sam, Missy and Alex said...

Boy crazy, Hi I'm Sabrina Pike from thepaulinegoatranchers! I just hopped over from Miss Hopes blog and I must say, I was laughing my butt off reading your posts thats some funny junk! I think I would have done the same thing and I am sure I would have had the kids making LOUD animal noises or some kind of noisy wonderful sound that would just irritate that person further! :}
Yea, I'd had to make it known to homegirl that we were neighbors, I would have saluted her with a special "number one"!!!
You have a great day! Enjoy all your time at Target :}!!!

Sabrina~

Karen Sugarpants said...

Our Walmart is like that - the people are so rude. I go there maybe once every 6 months - avoiding it when I can. You can feel the tension as soon as you walk in....it's awful.