Dear Disgruntled Target Shopper,

I am so sorry your shopping experience was less than wonderful yesterday. It does suck to be in a hurry and have to actually wait your turn, I know because my children struggle with this often. Thank you for allowing me to use you as an example of how NOT to behave in such a situation. Your behavior really paved the way for a meaningful discussion on proper public etiquette when frustrated. Allow me to help you now with a little helpful advice that might make your next shopping trip a bit easier.

1. You can use the carts for free. They are also located very handily at the entrance so you don't need to juggle twenty huge items in your arms throughout the store.

2. If you are in a hurry, do not get in line behind a woman with a full cart AND three wiggly children. I don't believe this needs much of an explanation.

3. The handy item divider is a useful tool in letting one know that the person in front of you has finished unloading their cart. If you do not see the divider, do not place your items on the belt.

4. Realize that others are trying to be helpful in letting you know they still have things to unload. "I just need a place to set this heavy shit down, bitch" is not an appropriate response. The belt isn't yours until the divider goes up. See number two AND number one.

5. If you call the lady in front of you a bitch, know she's only going to do everything slower to hold you up.

6. In reference to numbers three and four, if your heavy items are taking up the entire belt before the customer in front of you has finished unloading, she will have to hand each item separately to the checker to scan one-by-one. This takes up valuable seconds of your time.

7. It's funny, but "hurry up, bitch" just doesn't make anyone want to hurry up.

8. Yes, some people really do need gift receipts.

9. No one needs parenting advice from a person sans children. If children singing and laughing bothers you, maybe you should wait to do your shopping in the late evening when most children are home in bed. And again, maybe children wouldn't touch your stuff on the belt if you had waited for the handy-dandy divider. Babies grab things if put right in front of them.

10. Purple camo pants with duck slippers is not a good fashion statement.

11. If you still insist on behaving so rudely in public, be sure you have parked far away from others so you won't have to face them again in the parking lot where they might be able to get your license plate number. Or follow you home. All the way back to your house in your neon green mustang in the bitch's neighborhood. Nice to meet you new neighbor. Don't expect the Welcome Wagon for me now.

12. Neon green mustang? Really?

Sincerely,

Slow Ass Bitch Who Obviously Doesn't Know how to Control Her Children.