Monday, April 28, 2008

Mountaineers Are Always Right, Right?

Okay internetz, you need to settle a discussion for me.

Tell me what you would do in the following situation and then tell me what you think of what actually happened.

Saturday was the annual WVU alumni obligatory family function. Because, they must hold a family function to justify all the happy hours and wine tastings they sponsor and since we know no babysitters, it's the ONE time of the year I can tote my brood while I enjoy some cold ones with people who actually know about The Dungeon and start spontaneously chanting "Let's Go Mountaineers". I don't think I need to explain how very much I look forward to it every year.

See that guy? That's the new football coach. The football coach was in our crowded little Texas bar. Since I know most (or none) of you are from West Virginia, I should just explain that The Mountaineers are our state's Steelers and the coach, well, the coach is the King of our state. So, yeah, it was a good time.

Until the shit hit the fan.

Let me start at the beginning:

We got to the bar early because we knew we'd need our own table since there are now FIVE of us. Luckily for us, the girl in charge sectioned off family tables so those assholes people who don't like children did not have to sit near them. Of course, a childless couple chose to sit right next to us since we were quite close to the coach's table and everybody wants to be closer to the king. We talked to them for a little bit and found out that the husband was from WV but the wife was an Aggie from town covered in WVU tattoos who didn't like cold weather and, seriously, if you didn't go to WVU don't insult the rest of us who did by trying to deck yourself out in all things gold and blue. It's just wrong. You can not understand, even by association. Spouses do not count. Notice how my own husband respects the rule. Children can, and should, be decorated accordingly because they are legacies. And yes, this is a rule I made up in my own mind but I think other Mountaineers would agree with me.

Anyway, so I'm feeding my herd and drinking some beer and trying to hold a decent conversation when the husband starts completely freaking out because the aggie next to me is completely freaking out and before I knew it he had taken Adam to the bathroom leaving me wondering what the hell had just happened.

My sweet three year old spit on Mountaineer Wanna-be. Sort of.

You see, Jacob and Adam have this new little thing. They like to blow spit bubbles. You know, use their own saliva to blow a big bubble out of their mouths. They have contests. Adam usually wins. Another wonderful skill for which I am paying tuition, but that's not the point. Adam likes to come up to me and give me a kiss and then try and blow a bubble on me. I act all disgusted and wipe my face and then give him a big regular kiss and it's all fun and games. For us. You know because I wipe poopy butts, a little saliva doesn't bother me. It does, however, bother other people.

Miss Aggie did spend a while talking and playing with Adam before the food came. He seemed to like her and at one time she actually let him wear her Mountaineer bracelet so to him this is code for we-must-be-friends-now. And what have we taught our children about sharing and being kind and thankful? Adam decided to show his thanks by playing spit bubble kisses with his new friend. FYI: Aggies do not like spit bubble kisses.

Of course then she freaks out and tells Derick what happened and he proceeds to freak out because he doesn't know much about spit bubble kisses and just takes Aggie's word that my baby spit a big fat loogy on her Mountaineer shirt. The Mountaineer shirt she shouldn't have been wearing anyway, but whatever. By the time I figure out what has really happened, my husband has offered to buy Aggie Bitch a brand new twenty-six dollar tee-shirt (they sell them at the door) although there was not so much as a mark on the one she was currently sporting. And you know what? She accepted his offer. So he bought her the tee shirt I was planning on buying for myself WITH THE MONEY I MADE OFF THE RICH BIBLE STUDY LADIES. She was standing right there all scowly-faced while he came over to rummage through my wallet all jittery-like because he didn't have any cash "to give to this poor lady our son has accosted" I think I actually said "WTF?" but you know, not like that. And if that weren't bad enough? He gave her the change left over "for her trouble". AND SHE TOOK IT!


I really wanted to make a scene, but I wouldn't do that in front of fellow Mountaineers. An Aggie wasn't worth wasting what was otherwise a pleasant afternoon. I ordered another beer and talked hometown business with the coach (you know, because he's from my hometown and we went to the same small high school and we know the same peeps, makes me sort of WV royalty right?)

So when I get into the car without my cool tee shirt or Future Mountaineer onesie that I know the internetz would've loved to see on my gorgeous tot, I casually ask the husband "WTF?" while following Aggie in her brand new Lexus out of the parking lot. I will spare you the gory details, but it turned into Almost-Divorce 2008 which made for a wonderful drive through downtown traffic.

As I tried to explain to the husband-who-would-not-listen, I was not mad at him for offering to right the situation, although that amount of dough for a little bit of dried slobber was pretty excessive. I was LIVID at Aggie for taking it. Doesn't that go against some Mama code? I mean, would you, as a Mom or Dad, take money and hand-outs for the actions of a small child that did not cause you bodily or property harm? I mean, if he'd have knocked her teeth out with a bat or smeared her Lexus with a sharpie, oh yeah, I'd be pulling out the check book, but a spit bubble kiss? Buying her a beer, yeah, buying her a shirt and some pocket money, no.

So, wise internet, what is the parent code of conduct here?

**And if you happen to actually be an Aggie, I am sure you are a perfectly wonderful person, it's just Aggie's can't be Mountaineers as we have clearly been shown.**


Sherry said...

I think an "I'm so sorry" and a few napkins would have covered it.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

A spit bubble? I wouldn't have taken money or a new shirt if your kid threw up on me (unless the only other alternative was to walk around in my bra, then depending on how many beers I had, maybe a new shirt). Your hubby was only trying to do the right thing because that lady was throwing a fit like a 2 year old. The Lexus is probably leased and they are probably up to their eyeballs in debt. I'm a tad judgemental aren't I?

Lynanne said...

I'm with Sherry. Though, if he had to buy a shirt, how about a Nebraska Cornhuskers shirt? (Not that I have anything against the cornhuskers...really). :)

Mommy Daisy said...

Oh my goodness. Kids are kids. They do things like that once in a while. You just have to let it go. Geesh lady. I can't believe that she 1) took the shirt and 2) took the MONEY! WHAT? Who does that? Well, apparently her. But I'm with you, and there is no way that the situation should have gone down like that.

Melissa said...

I'm with Sherry too, a few napkins and an I'm sorry should have been enough, unless her shirt was completely unwearable which a little spit bubble kiss wouldn't do. I am shocked at her acceptence of his offer. I feel for your husband having had to deal with that lady.

Shane said...

How dare her actually take the money! Unreal!! An I'm sorry, let me buy you a drink, would have been just fine. Hubby loses this one big time. Oh, and.......Let's Gooooooooo Mountaineers.

Miss Hope said...

Dude, that was just ten kinds of wrong.

I bet if that broad has kids? They're in therapy somewhere.

Amanda said...


I'm in shock about the spit bubble kiss (which I think is most adorable) would cost you $26+ dollars.....SHE should have paid YOU for the sweet kiss!!!

I, very much, enjoyed reading this blog entry. I'm a Mountaineer; born and bred baby! I am from Morgantown, got my BS at WVU, and now I reside in Monroe, LA. I was "introduced" to you by your (and my) friend Erin!!! She's told me so much about you!!!!


*and I agree...don't be TRYIN to be a Mountaineer to "fit in"*

Sadie said...

OH.MY.GOD. I'm just stunned!!! I can't BELIEVE that woman would do that!! I'm too stunned to give you a lucid answer. It's just stupid!!

JaniceNW said...

Ok the woman was a stone cold, bubble head bitch. He's a little guy and he's so sweet I almost wish he had spit on her.

Now, was your argument with your husband ONLY about what happened yesterday? NOT implying anything about you, but when I had small ones and hubby travelled and did not help out much and I had few friends I could build up a lot of resentment. He just could not understand what it was like. We were in a small college town about 2 hours north of Seattle then. I was 1000 miles from my family and friends. It was rough sometimes.

I think he should have asked your son what happened before he took bitch babe at her word. Trash, that's what she is.

I hope the rest of your week is better.

I babysat for my church's women's bible study too. It was like 15.00 an hour and I got to watch the infants. I also got to meet some nice parents I never would have met cuz our kids were so disparate ages.


Sadie said...

Uh oh. My husband wears Memphis Tigers t-shirts when we go to games. I did not know this was a violation of the rule. :)

Yeah. I think she's a beyotch. I do not even have kids, and if he had done that to me I would have just thought it was no big deal.

Heidi said...

I am not an Aggie, but am from Texas and that totally goes against Texas hospitality. She did not follow the crazy Aggie motto of, "Aggies do not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolorate those who do," because she so much as stole that money & shirt. That is nuts. I wonder what the husband said to her in the car ride?

OneHungMan said...

OneHung thinks the husband did the right thing. He knew nothing of this small game the two of you created. He tried to rectify the situation properly.

The Aggie made two mistakes. First, she never should have sat anywhere near children if she wasn't prepared for what might come her way (the Hung's always try to request a table sort of away from everything since YoungHung has been known to chuck a roll across the room). Second, she had no business accepting money or a shirt from your man. He should have bought her a drink and all should have been over.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

That woman is jacked up. Your husband gets -1 cool point for making the offer, but she's like -4,963,219 cool points for taking it.

And I absolutely agree, no one should try to wear WVU stuff unless WVU blood runs through their veins.

Amanda said...

Hey Andria,

I saw your comment on my blog...wanted to comment that Erin and I both work for LDEQ, that's how she knows another WVian!!!!

And yes Burgh Baby's Mom, I agree....don't be wearing WVU stuff unless WVU blood runs through your veins!!! Love it!!!!

SydneyDawn said...

Wow. Just wow. I cannot believe she accepted his offer. She needs to get the hell right over herself. Spit happens, people.