Friday, April 11, 2008

I Swear I've Never Driven With Her on my Lap

Did I tell you about the time Elizabeth fell out of her high chair?

Well, you know, fell, jumped, whatever, but whatever she did, first she was in the high chair and the next second she was face down on the cold, tile floor doing her best Britney Spears baby impression.

So we got rid of the old high chair and set her up in her kitchen home: the high chair in a chair! So cool, so chic, so I-am-toddler-I-am-big!

But she scrambled for freedom fell out of that one, too.

Amazingly, child protective services did not show up at our door after either of these instances and she suffered no trauma whatsoever, except the indignity or being removed even farther from the goodies she sought.

Yeah, we quit boiling the pacifiers after every spill and we let her eat cheerios off the floor if the dog isn't in the house, but no one can say we encouraged her to perform feats of daring from the kitchen table. She was strapped as tight as we could manage and seated between two adults when she did it the third time.

Yes, the third time.

So, yeah, a kid CAN fall out of a high chair while she's strapped in.

I'm guessing this officially makes me a white trash parent now, huh?

I know! First the bumbo, now this!

So in an effort to curtail her acrobatic accomplishments during dinner, instead of duct tape (which was tempting), at the advice of yet another escape artist's parent, my husband broke out the bungee cords.

Stifle the Jedi resolve, you will not, oh, padawan learner.

C'mon, man. I ain't down with this. Free me from the chains that bind me! Give me five.

Oh, I am feeling woozy, oh so woozy. It. must. be. the. strap. cutting. off. all. oxygen.

You'd think that bright orange strap would be the end of it, but no, you'd be wrong. She apparently was lured by the open dishwasher and leapt right out of that tight bungee cord. Right in front of our eyes.

Elizabeth: 4
Experienced Parents: 0

You know we feed her on the floor now, right?

(She was not hurt, ever. No fractured skull. No broken arms. She was quite pissed, but never hurt. She scared the shit out of her mother whose blood pressure will never be the same, but she's just fine. I promise)


Anonymous said...

Ok, the bungy cord. LOL

That is just hilarious.
From one Mom of a climber to another...that is BRILLIANT.
Hilarious...but brilliant.
I LOVE the last picture. Too perfect.

Becky said...

Oh, I just peed my pants. Which would be better if I had a plastic cover on my white (white!) couch.

Mommy Daisy said...

Oh my goodness, she will NOT be stopped.

Sadie said...

*LOL* And I thought I was the white trash parent with my bed 'guard' (!! Thank you for making me feel a little less lonely in white trash land!!

Kids are crafty little buggers, aren't they?

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Glad she wasn't hurt! I love the bungie idea. I wonder where I can implement those?

Erin said...

Oh, that is too funny!

Sounds like eating on the floor is the safest place for her.

Lynsey said...


BethGo said...

Oh my!

I'd feed her on the floor too!

Melissa said...

Man, she is crafty! Beautiful and crafty.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

There are clearly some battles not worth fighting.

Way too funny!

Lynn said...

I'm sorry for laughing at another's misfortune, but OMG that's funny!!
Sadie just fell (jumped) out of her crib the other day. Hopefully lowering the mattress will alleviate the need for orange bungees.
(She too was fine)

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

The bungy cord was brilliant, until of course it didn't work. Sheesh, she's your THIRD kid, I thought you'd be better at this parenting gig!

(Please hear the sarcasm.)

Miss Hope said...

See? I had two girls first who NEVER did stuff like this. I could literally put them in a spot and they would be there when I returned.

My boy? OMG...he's like Houdini in small form. I've never seen a kid who could escape like this kid of mine. I hate to tell you..but it feels good to know I'm not alone here.

Never thought of a bungy cord.........