Was I crazy to even think of this?
WANTED: Mother to Three.
HOURS: Full-time, twenty-fours a day, seven days a week.
REQUIREMENTS:Must provide nutrition by preparing three square meals a day and being an on-call open milk bar. Heavy housekeeping is a must. You will be responsible for transportation to all children's activities including school, gym, sports, library, music at all times. You must be able to fix boo-boos, both physical and emotional, entertain troops during periods of boredom, tutor students in all subject areas, fix broken toys. You will clean vomit and wipe poop. You will scrub fingernail polish from the floor. There will be lots of breakage. You will wear pajamas in public at least once and you will forget to button your blouse after nursing and expose yourself to the man trying to fix your phone.
VACATION: You must remain on the job roughly eighteen years then we'll discuss
PAY: Oh, there's no pay. You were expecting a paycheck?
Always someone there to let you know if your camera lens is broken.
You can go into the petting zoo without looking silly.
You'll finally have a way to get rid of those pesky telemarketers.
You can get a little help with your blog.
Your driveway will always be pretty.
You can play Webkinz. A lot.
The grocery store is always an adventure.
And funky Easter eggs.
Three more Mountaineer fans
Yes, there are many, many requirements to this job. And the pay really, really sucks. But the benefits outweigh them all. I was meant to do this.
It's the perfect job for me.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you. I hope you're enjoying your benefits today.
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