House Selling Saga Part 1

It appears our neverending house selling saga may soon be over...

We're supposed to be at the title company DOWNTOWN at 4 tomorrow afternoon. That is if they don't reschedule. Again.

Our first closing was scheduled for September 18, but when Ike blew through they wanted an extension to have the roof checked out. Of course, the roofers have been plenty busy so it took some time to get one to come out, but he did, found the roof in excellent condition and the closing was then set for September 30.

The second closing came and suddenly the buyers decided they really, really loved those solar screens that blew away in the hurricane. The same solar screens they hated just three weeks before so they could not, no, would not, close on September 30. They would reschedule when new screens were installed.

Now, we signed a contract on September 7 after haggling over a low ball deal and finally getting the price back up to asking if we kicked in 3,000 in closing costs. We didn't want to pay someone to take our house, but we know the reality that is the housing market and decided it was something we needed to do. We'll still turn a profit. Barely. The buyers also wanted us to close on the 12th, yes five days later, so they added the "as is" clause into the contract stating they would take that house "as is" and take care of any needed repairs themselves. They weren't even going to get an inspector. They needed that house. Right. Then.

But two days later I got a phone call from my realtor wanting to know where the magnet was to open the child lock under the sink because the inspector couldn't finish his work without it.

HUH?

So dumb ass inspector reports that the brand new air conditioner isn't functioning and the garbage disposal was broken and the kitchen faucet leaked a little bit. I think that's pretty good for an eighteen year old house especially considering the air conditioner and garbage disposal AREN'T broken. Seems trusty inspector dude stayed all of ten minutes and didn't allow our 85 degree set thermostat to cool down AND he didn't turn the garbage disposal switch on. So, guess what? We had to pay a hundred bucks for an AC technician to spend five minutes determining our furnace was in working order. Then we got a phone call that the buyers wanted a new disposal so the husband had to drive over and show the big doofuses how to work a light switch and while he was there he fixed the faucet and replaced some wood that was semi-sorta-if you squint you might see it- rotting under the sink.

So much for as-is.

Okay now. Let's sell this thing!

Third closing scheduled for October 2.

Oh, but hold up a second. As-is buyers decided they really, really needed a fancy-schmancy new faucet. You know, since the previous one leaked before it might do it again and, oh no, they couldn't have that because obviously they have never seen an episode of House Hunters or Property Virgins. If they had they'd realize that they're getting an eighteen year old house with new tile floor, new carpet, brand new heating/AC, free of termites and mold, and it's so effing clean you could feed your children off the floors, you're kinda stupid to be bitching about how ugly the kitchen faucet is. Especially with that capital lettered AS-IS clause they added.

We're GIVING them 3,000 bucks and it's still not enough?

If we were selling this home five years ago we would have told them to take a hike, but it's now and we don't want to pay another mortgage payment on the fifteenth, so the husband offered to refund their hundred dollar option fee to cover their "faucet expenses". Bah.

Fourth closing scheduled for October 7.

My mom came to town on the 6th to watch the kiddies while we went to the closing.

On the 7th they rescheduled for the 8th. Something about not having the buyer's proof of employment. Never mind that they were preapproved for a loan and we have a sheet of paper attached to the contract stating so. Ya think maybe this might be why all the mortgage companies are in such a bind???

On the 8th we started to head DOWNTOWN when we got a call an hour before telling us they still weren't ready. The lender hadn't sent in all the required documents to the title company. Maybe tomorrow Tara at the title company said.

Nope. Didn't happen on the 9th either. The 10th for sure. Tara assured us.

Uh, no. Tara isn't to be believed. Her word means nothing.

My mom went back home and backed away with my middle child mumbling something about how we'll never sell that home, those people won't be able to get a loan, ya'll are so damn screwed. But not just like that because she doesn't swear. Or say screwed.

Tara called at noon today. She wants to see us at 4 tomorrow. Two hours after the buyers because she probably assumed we would want to kick their asses if we were in the same room. She assures us it's a go this time. Supposedly all the paper work is in. Apparently as-is buyers DO have jobs and an income. Yippee.

Then my realtor called to see if I'd gotten her message and let me know that ASSHOLE is "still fussing about that faucet".

I think for 3,000 bucks I reserve the right to show him exactly where to shove his fancy faucet.

So maybe we'll sell our house tomorrow. I am sad knowing I'll never set foot in the house I brought my children home in, where we've watched them come and grow for the past sevenish years. Maybe I'll start a sappy I-miss-my-house post later, but right now, I am just wanting to get past this.

I hated that neighborhood. I am so glad we don't live there anymore. We just didn't fit there.

But I am thinking these new people will fit right on in.



Coming soon, part two or, Why you never, ever hire a friend to be your real estate agent.