Monday, February 23, 2009

I Really Hate to Complain But.....

It's Monday and I'm blogging.

Amazing, isn't it?

I usually clean pretty well on Monday, but I figured, hey, the mess doesn't bother the kids and I could learn to live with it for a week since the one person I keep the house clean for won't be here all week.

Yes, that's right. The husband will be gone all week.

That poor, poor man. His job. It does suck. His boss. He does hate him. His hours. They are long.

But he's not going on a business trip. Oh no.

He's going to Colorado skiing with a friend.

Because, how did he put it? He'd go cccrrraaazzzyy if he didn't get away from here.

And by here he meant HERE. Our house. Our family.

You know, because we drive him so fricking crazy for those twenty or thirty minutes he actually sees any of us in a day.

He deserves it, really, because he works so hard to make money so that WE can live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood and eat. Oh. My. Gawd. The nerve of us to do all the eating that we do. And we play, play, play all day. There is much laughing and happiness, why shoot, our every day is nothing but lazy, delightful vacation days because what I do cannot be considered work. NO. How so very lucky I am to watch television and go shopping every day! I am living the life of Riley. Oh, yes I am.

That's two vacations in two months, you know, if you're keeping track.

And that's seven vacations to my zero. Oh, but I forget. My whole life is a vacation.

I totally get that my husband hates his job and wants some time away. Boy, do I get that. I want him to have that time away, really, because he does deserve it because he does work in a crappy job he hates to keep a roof over our heads. I am not, though, understanding why he cannot eat dinner with us, like, ever, because his schedule is so full, but he can suddenly take a weeks vacation. Twice. And how, also, his friend's pregnant wife is going with them, gonna just hang out and rest while they ski, but I wasn't even invited. Sure, I don't ski, but damn, I sure can rest.

I did not complain when he forgot to arrange my fortieth birthday party.

I did not complain when he bought items for the house for MY birthday.

I did not complain when he did not buy me a Christmas gift.

I did not complain when he did not even acknowledge Valentine's Day.

I did not even complain when he told me he was going on this ski trip.

But I am complaining about not getting the respect I deserve from him.

I blame his mother.


She was not stable and in the end didn't even raise him. He had no role model to show him what a mother does. His dad raised him alone and worked two jobs to do so. He was never around. The husband became a latch-key kid at nine and while that made him a complete whiz at laundry and sandwich making, it did not show him how a dad actually deals with his children. For this, I am sad for him.

As I have gained more tenure in my mothering career, I have gotten better at it. I know I am a better mother than my MIL. I can deal with my three kids more easily than I dealt with my one kid. It took some time but I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. Kids make messes. They act strange in public. They need their butts wiped. Not my idea of a vacation, but I can deal with it. I like it even. Yes, it's my life, but it's also my job. I work at it. It's not sugar and candy every day. I'd like a vacation from it also. It's hard to work 24/7/365 and get no respect. Or a break. Or a little help.

The husband should get that.

And for that, I am complaining.


Sherry said...

I think I'm going to go hug my husband right now!

Can you get someone to watch your kids and take a girls weekend?

Dana said...

I SOOOOO understand your feelings. My hubby always needs to "get away" too. From what? When do I get to get away? My hubby complains that he doesn't have enough time to work on his hobbies. Hello! No hobbies for me anymore. I am mom and nothing else. I guess he's ok with that. Man, I could go on about clueless men for DAYS! Good luck to you! I hope you get the break you so greatly deserve....soon!

gingermagnolia said...

You are absolutely right. Just because you don't get paid for your daily activities doesn't make it any less of a job, and you deserve a break. In the very least, it was insensitive not to even ask you if you'd like to come along. Maybe you should speak up. Sounds like it hasn't even occurred to him.

Jana said...

I completely understand how you feel about this. I hope you get to at least have an evening to yourself sometime soon!

Ruby Red Slippers said...

I am so sorry you are going through this right now! If you were closer, I would say drop the kids off with me and go have a girls weekend-
It is stressful being a mom-it is the 24 hour job without a break!
((Hugs)) to you today-

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Complain away. You deserve too. I can maybe understand 1 vaction, but 2? And I know how you are crunching the numbers to stay on a budget, and I don't think multiple vacations help. My husband said that to me once. "My job is killing me. If I don't go on vacation I might lose my mind". I booked the 4 of us at the beach. Why couldn't you ALL take a vacation somewhere together instead of his "ski" weekend? HUGS to you!! Maybe he'll make up for on Mother's Day (then again...)

Kether said...

I have no words.

I'm sorry.

Tracey said...


Excuse my language, but the mood I am in right now, I want to slap someone and I wish I could smack the crap out of your husband for you.

Miss Hope said...

If my husband tried to pull that mess on me? I'd have to hurt him. After him going out to sea and leaving me with three kids? After him going six hours away to another base for a short while (turned into 18 months, Thank You USNAVY).....yeah. I've told him next time he tries to go anywhere and leave me behind with three kids? He wouldn't make it far.

Oh heck. I'm PMS'ing. Wrong time to be reading this post!

I'm sorry, girl. I know you're doing the best you can. I just wished you lived closer so we could thoroughly do some bashing over some good coffee.

Cloudy said...

My husband bought himself a big screen TV for my birthday.


Heidi said...

Wow. Honest and true, and relateable. I totally get it. Schedule yourself a vacation girl! I'll go with you.

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

I can feel your hurt radiating from this post and I'm sorry. I mean that with all of my heart :)
I used to be married to a man such as this. Key word is "used" to be.
I too had small children but only two, not three.
I just........well anyway, that's so long ago and yet it seems like yesterday. This brought back so many memories......and emotions...
I have since found my Prince and every single day that we breathe he makes me feel like a Princess. This is my wish for you......
Oh please, take good care and....

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Shane said...

I would just have to shoot my husband! No way would he be taking a vacation without me. Let alone two in two months. You are one patient woman I tell ya.