Friday, October 29, 2010


I'll get back to my Jacob story soon, but right now, I'm kinda pissed and what good is a damn blog if I can't bitch about shit here?

And really? I'm probably the only one who reads me anymore anyway.

But if you do happen to stumble across this post, it may not make much sense because I'm writing from the hip in a snit've been fairly warned.

Jacob had a field trip today. I HATE field trip day. Shit, I hate pretty much any school day where parents are invited to tag along because where some of their kids are little demons in size 1 sneakers, the parents, well, I guess it stands to reason those little devils had to learn it somewhere.

As you know Jacob attends private school so there's no bus so parents have to drive the kids to, well, everything. I could let him ride with someone else, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that especially since the last time I allowed it the mother held his lunch box hostage for three weeks and then excluded only MY KID from the huge birthday bash she threw a few weeks after that. The other "Christian" parents, well, they apparently have perfect children because after an afternoon with my kid, I start getting "the look".

I got "the look" again this morning while stomping through some wretched excuse for a nature trail while my excited fourth grader ran away from the pack to see a huge spider, pick up some cool acorns, and gather some trash. I got it again as his arm continued to shoot up to ask a question that never really was a question, but a story, and, OMG, how dare he try to share a story. I got it again when he put ten paces between himself and the girl in front of him, that girl, and stuck his fingers in his ears when I tried to reason with him.

To all these perfect parents, and I've encountered millions of them in the almost ten years we've lived with our son, I am subpar parent. They shake their heads at my supposed lack of discipline, they move away from us little by little, they shield their children from us with their arm and lead them away as if what my child, what WE, have is contagious or maybe I'll run over, the awful parent I am, and eat their child because, well, why did an animal like me have a child?

We were kicked out of Mother's Day Out because Jacob wasn't "capable of instruction" and "couldn't follow directions". He was two.

We were kicked out of Sunday School because Jacob was "too rough" and "made the head deacons a child cry". He was three.

We were not invited to one birthday party in preschool although the rest of the class was because "there wasn't enough space". He was four.

We were asked to change Gymboree classes because another mother "was scared of him". He was FOURTEEN MONTHS OLD.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. All. His. Life.

You know what? I'm fucking sick of it.

Yes. My kid is weird. He talks a lot. He has TONS of exuberence over EVERYTHING he sees and you know what? What the hell is wrong with that?

Why is my kid getting the shit beat out of him on a weekly basis because he runs funny and can't play football? Why the fuck do we give a shit if all the boys can play football? All the football stars from my high school are now fat and living off welfare, the welfare my non-athletic husband is paying for with the 45% taxes he donates every paycheck.

Why am I a bad parent because my kid talks to your kid, oh exalted Christian school mother? Why are you not the bad parent because you drag your kid away with "the look"? My kid doesn't know a stranger. To him, everyone is his friend, well, until a few weeks ago when he learned to be mean to "that girl" thanks to your kid who taught him the meaning of ugly, stupid, and retard and who now thinks this is the way boys are supposed to act. But go on, keep giving me the look, your child is "cool" and has many friends so therefore you must be doing something right.

Also, maybe next time look behind you before you start calling my kid a retard to your giggly friend. I heard every word you said. Well, at least the English part. Maybe next time speak it all in Spanish because I know there was more I didn't catch, but the finger pointing is usually a pretty good give away. I'd bring up how it was YOUR kid burying himself in pebbles and rocks on the playground after lunch and that's pretty damn weird, but you know what, he's a kid. Kids are weird.

Every day for the past nine years I have been judged. I have lost "friends". I've been given advice from strangers. I've been pitied. I've been talked about. I've been shunned. I've cried. I've been mad. I've begged for help. I've wondered why? why? why? And you know what? Fuck it. I teach my kids right from wrong. I attempt to instill in them good values and the importance of being kind to everyone. They've heard a few cuss words and certainly know what it's like to be yelled at, but they are loved. And disciplined. And they learn from living this life that some people are just assholes. Even the saintly Christian ones.


Krys72599 said...

A) I wait for a new post every day.
B) This was an awesome one.
C0 You deserve to be able to rant and rave and yell these words out to the world!
D) My heart bleeds for your son, AND for you, that you have to see someone treat him the way some of those kids AND parents treat him! My God, he's a KID, for crying out loud! By definition, being a kid means being weird and out of control once in a while. I grew up being weird. And you know what? We're all weird, each and every one of us, in our own very special way.
E) I hope and pray that your son learns from you how very special his particular weirdness is. I;m sure he already knows how loved he is...

Jana said...

Ditto Krys72599; she said it all perfectly. You are a great mom. You know your kid best and you love your kid best. Who cares what those douchebags think. They are narrow minded, snobbish and acting very un-Christianlike. ((Hugs))

kristi said...

People are asses and when they teach these behaviors to their kids it is just plain wrong and SAD. Hugs to you Mama, I get those looks too. Thankfully my little man is unaware most of the time.

Crazed Nitwit said...

So much for "Judge not, lest ye be judged". Being a Christian means walking the walk.

I always read you.

Huge hugs because of those mean cliquey mothers.

Your parenting skills rock. Do not let any one ever tell you otherwise. It's hard to see the results now but eventually you will see how much you shaped and influenced him. It may be 20 years from now but you ill see it.

Miss Hope said...

My heart literally ACHES for you and Jacob. I just want to form some kind of posse and all of us go to that blasted school and face down those people. (You can insert colorful adjectives before the people).

I firmly believe with all my heart that God gives these wonderful special gifted children to the perfect parent for them. So many times I take my son out in public and if he's coming off of his medication or just having an off day, I get looks and stares because he's not a perfect child. He's going to be him and I do what I can to keep him managed and safe. I had gotten to the point that I just didn't want to take him anywhere because I got so tired of the "suggestions" from the older ladies or the looks from those families with perfectly behaved children. UGH. Then I realized I have this amazing awesome kid and screw the world for not seeing it! He's going to do something fantastic one day and I'll be the one who gets to flip off those who shunned him.

Wow. Didn't know I had that in me? Whew.

As long as you are his strongest advocate? He's going to be just fine. Keep up the good work, Mama.

....and call me when you're ready to kick some ass. I got your back.

Fran said...

Ditto and AMEN to all the other comments!! I find that the ones who scream "Christian" loudest are the ones who act very un-Christianlike. I am sorry you have to deal with that kind of crap.

Mommy Daisy said...

Big hugs to you! I wish you lived here. I would be your friend, and I'd accept that beautiful boy too. It's too bad that people can be so mean when they don't understand something. I think it's terrible that you've had to go through this. But you are a stronger person & I know Jacob will turn out just fine. You keep doing what you know is best for your child!

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Dangit, Andria. I'm sorry...

Why do you send him to that school, anyway? I know that you have education background and I rarely hear anything good regarding it from you. I know you considered homeschooling before. Is it an option? Justin was in 4th when I made the switch and honey, I cannot imagine sending him back. Justin's weird, and exuberant, and awkward, and talks too loudly and a whole bunch of other things that really annoy people who don't know him. Within our homeschooling community, he has friends that are accepting of his weirdness and way more adult supervision so that NO ONE gets bullied anymore.

Just my 2 cents.

Also, it's been my experience that people aren't Christian so that they can be nice. They're usually Christian because it's the popular choice.