Uncle

I give.

I'm done.

I'm tired and I don't think I have another ounce of energy to devote to anyone or anything else.

After all that bitching fighting and the belief that maybe I got somewhere with the school administration, Jacob was pushed down into the dirt and forced to eat some and the recess aide gave him a demerit. I'm guessing she's still a little pissed about being called out on her lack of discipline. Oh, and one of the bully's moms? She's now a recess aide. Of course she is. I think the principal, teacher, and headmaster must have had a good laugh about us after we left that day. Gotta love Christians.

I took Jacob to the pediatrician yesterday in hopes of a miracle cure medication adjustment and we didn't see eye to eye about it. I wanted one thing, she wanted another, so obviously, we did what she wanted. I haven't tried it yet since it's more than half the dosage he's receiving now and don't anticipate he'd have a good school day, but I might, next week. Maybe.

We should be going to my parents to spend Thanksgiving with them and we will. The kids and me. My husband. He will stay home. Alone. You know, I even hesitate to even call him my husband anymore because it certainly doesn't feel like I have one. He leaves the house before 5 a.m and returns after 10 p.m. You might want to feel sorry for him because he has to work such long hours but really? He stays there because he wants to. Seems he made a mistake marrying me. Having kids....well, that really ruined his life. I'd leave him if I didn't know for full certain he'd use that against me to take the kids in spite. That and I need his money. And his health insurance. Oh, and a place to live. He won't leave me because to him, this all belongs to him. So we live in the same house and rarely speak. If we do speak it's rarely cordial. My stomach is in knots and I'm uncomfortable in my own home. It sucks pretty much.

As I type, my kids are fighting and screaming and possibly beating each other to death. I should get up and do something about it, but really? What good would it do? They'll just turn around and do it again. They learn a lot at that Christian school.

I have failed at being a mother. I have failed at being a wife. And because some of my three year old students can not yet read, to their parents I have failed at being a teacher.

I suck.

Can it all stop now?