Thursday, November 18, 2010


I give.

I'm done.

I'm tired and I don't think I have another ounce of energy to devote to anyone or anything else.

After all that bitching fighting and the belief that maybe I got somewhere with the school administration, Jacob was pushed down into the dirt and forced to eat some and the recess aide gave him a demerit. I'm guessing she's still a little pissed about being called out on her lack of discipline. Oh, and one of the bully's moms? She's now a recess aide. Of course she is. I think the principal, teacher, and headmaster must have had a good laugh about us after we left that day. Gotta love Christians.

I took Jacob to the pediatrician yesterday in hopes of a miracle cure medication adjustment and we didn't see eye to eye about it. I wanted one thing, she wanted another, so obviously, we did what she wanted. I haven't tried it yet since it's more than half the dosage he's receiving now and don't anticipate he'd have a good school day, but I might, next week. Maybe.

We should be going to my parents to spend Thanksgiving with them and we will. The kids and me. My husband. He will stay home. Alone. You know, I even hesitate to even call him my husband anymore because it certainly doesn't feel like I have one. He leaves the house before 5 a.m and returns after 10 p.m. You might want to feel sorry for him because he has to work such long hours but really? He stays there because he wants to. Seems he made a mistake marrying me. Having kids....well, that really ruined his life. I'd leave him if I didn't know for full certain he'd use that against me to take the kids in spite. That and I need his money. And his health insurance. Oh, and a place to live. He won't leave me because to him, this all belongs to him. So we live in the same house and rarely speak. If we do speak it's rarely cordial. My stomach is in knots and I'm uncomfortable in my own home. It sucks pretty much.

As I type, my kids are fighting and screaming and possibly beating each other to death. I should get up and do something about it, but really? What good would it do? They'll just turn around and do it again. They learn a lot at that Christian school.

I have failed at being a mother. I have failed at being a wife. And because some of my three year old students can not yet read, to their parents I have failed at being a teacher.

I suck.

Can it all stop now?


Jana said...

Oh, hun, if I knew exactly where you lived, I'd drive over there right now and give you a hug. (Seriously - I'm guessing I'm only about 30 minutes away from you.) I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time with everything. Men generally suck, don't they? And what a bunch of hypocrites at your kids' school!

Seriously, if you just need a change of scenery, let me know and you come hang out at my house. We can let the kids entertain themselves while we drink some wine, eat some chocolate and watch some really bad TV.

Crazed Nitwit said...

Oh my gosh, I kinda know exactly how you feel right now.

I'm so sorry things are sucking so badly. I wish I could say something that might give you a wee bit of comfort, I got nothing. Not a thing.

Cyber hugs and empathy is what I send to you.

Here's hoping for some better days!!!!

Sadie said...

I'm sorry. :(

sherrypg said...

I talked to my cop husband and he says, "If this were my kid, number one, I'd call the police and number two, I'd call the media."

Call the police. Show that school and those parents that you are serious.

Fran said...

Firstly, I have known Jana most of my life and she is ABSOLUTELY serious and genuine! I would offer the same thing if I did not live so far away from you.
Secondly, I agree with Sherrypg's hubby. Call the police. That'll teach the crappy school admin a lesson!!

Krys72599 said...

So sorry to read this post.
If it helps, know that you don't suck at all that stuff, it just feels like you do.
And know, too, that you have tons'o'blog friends out here sending you good wishes and prayers (even though they're Christian prayers)... Hope things get better for you.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...


I love you, honey. And I care about your kids, though I've never met them. I don't have any advice but I always have an ear to listen.

I can call you if you want to talk. My email is mctrickyb at sbcglobal dot net.

You've got too much on your plate but remember you do NOT suck at this. You're in a really rough spot right now. It won't always be like this. IT WON'T.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

I'm so sorry Andria. Things sound like they are at their lowest right now. I wish I lived closer so that I could help. Maybe some time away from the husband and in a new environment will give you a few days peace. It sounds like you need it. HUGS to you. And HUGS to Jacob. My heart just aches for him :(

Miss Hope said...

Hitting that low point sucks to the highest degree. My heart aches you're going through this crap and it aches even more because I've been there before and that means I really know how you're feeling and I kinda wish I didn't...if that makes sense.

When you're able to catch your breath and bust some butt? Plenty of us out here in Internet Land got your back.

Mommy Daisy said...

Aww, sweetie, I feel terrible for you. Things are rough right now. I hope that this is just a dip in the road and soon things will start looking up. I will pray for you and your family. I wish there was something else I could do.