Remember I mentioned before that my husband's best friends was finally getting married? Well, they set a date...... the last Saturday in March. Again, who plans an elaborate wedding in three months? I know my mom ended up having to sew my bridesmaid dresses because everything we chose would take up to six months to be ready.....not to mention my own dress. She must be buying off the rack. Anyway......more dilemma. Shit, it wouldn't be my life if there were no dilemma.
The date of their wedding will be the exact day I turn 36 weeks pregnant. To any normal pregnant person, this might not be an issue. To me....big issue. My first son was born at 32 weeks, water just broke no reason behind it, he just showed up one Sunday morning. Second son was born at 37 weeks before his scheduled c-section with full blown labor. Now, very different situations, but it still stands that my kids come early.....on Saturday nights. Soooo.....it's already a given that I won't be attending the wedding (which, thank you very much, your gift won't be as nice as I was planning) but husband is the best man and expects to show up. According to him I am being extremely selfish, but I really don't want to be left alone for four straight days over a Saturday night with my track record. It might be different if it were our first child and I could go to the hospital alone, but how in holy hell would I drag two kids there and give birth in front of them??? Uh, yeah. So far, this is husband's input.......I will have a scheduled c-section in April and this isn't that day....because we all know those babies know how to read a calendar and well, I met some lady at that Christmas party that you couldn't go to because you were home watching the kids while I had a grand old time, who had her third baby while her husband listened in on the phone, isn't that neat? Uh, and what did she do with her other kids? He doesn't know, but apparently a phone birth sounds pretty cool so the hell with them that's the way to go.
Now, I am not a complete shrew. I really want him to go this *&%$ing wedding, this is his best friend and he was there for husband on his day, but WTF? Do I just hope upon hope that nothing happens and number three stays put until it's actual birth date or am I a horrible wife because I don't want to be left alone with the what ifs that close? Oh, and my mom won't be coming for this one's birth (or staying for four weeks like before either, oh shit) so pawning everything off on her like we have done in the past isn't an option, you know the whole she almost died and now can't do things like she used to thing. It just makes me realize AGAIN how alone and isolated we are here. I want to go home.
Day One Hundred Eighty-Eight
13 hours ago