I am loving this new house! The extra room! The working air conditioner! The friendly neighbors! If I weren't still living out of boxes, it'd be perfect.
Well, that and the microwave....
See my purdy microwave, all stainless and faddishly cool? We are now hip according to our home builder and all who enter our kitchen will know so instantly because apparently stainless appliances are it. It's the avocado and harvest gold of the new millenium.
I liked my stainless appliances until I got here. Did you know magnets won't stick to them? I didn't. I should have, but I didn't. One of the many useless tidbits of my brain that seeped out after I had children. I needed somewhere to store those underarm/rect*l temperature conversions, you know. This was a huge blow to a person like me who likes her refrigerator like this:
But I digress.
The real story here is how I popped in a bag of ultra-nutritious microwave popcorn our first night here and never, ever heard the pops. Hmmm. But since the husband has a Mensa IQ he rolled his eyes and attempted to "teach" me the microwave because it's all so new-fangled and I ain't never seen me no fancy microwave before and, hmmmm, no pops for Smarty-pants either.
A brand new house and the microwave doesn't work. Amazing.
You'd think the home builder would come out and help since they're just one street over chilling in the model home, but no. Once we signed the papers to say we owned this house, they ceased to care. We actually have a paper we signed that says so. Not in so many words, but that's what they meant.
So we went to the appliance company. We produced our warranties and a technician was scheduled to come out two Saturdays ago. He stayed a whopping five minutes before declaring the microwave dead (really?) and letting us know that the special make-it-work-radioactive-space-alien-magnatron-doo-dad was hopelessly backordered and as he was shuffling toward the door told us it would be at least August before we'd see the likes of him again.
Oh, how this pissed the husband so! Not only had we wasted an entire Saturday waiting around for Gone Like a Flash Man, but we just dropped a ton of money on a house without a working microwave! Do you know what it's like to live so long without a microwave? This ain't the fifties, people!
So last Monday, he called the company again and let them know that, we had an unused, unworking appliance that he wanted replaced as soon as possible which, according to our handy-dandy warranty, they should do in the absence of a repair.
Can you believe just three minutes later they found a stray part just lying around that huge corporation??! How lucky are we?
But Jesus (that's his name), the technician, could not come out again for another ten days.
Sucks, but so be it. I was getting good at warming up leftovers in a skillet.
So we waited for the tenth day which was yesterday and it was good. Jesus showed up early for his 8-5 appointment. I was going to get me a microwave. Finally. Until Jesus started packing his bag again and shaking his head and getting mad AT ME because there was no way he could remove the microwave because of the molding around the cabinets which he was not going to be liable for damages and he suggested I call the home builder and have one of their contractors come out and remove it and then play a little more phone tag with his dispatcher.
Uh, yeah. Call the home builder who couldn't care less whether we had a working microwave or not. They rid themselves of this money pit, BWHAHAHAHAH!
I called the home builder and, sure enough, they couldn't care less. Said they'd get their warranty department out here "sometime" and that was that.
But the husband wanted that microwave fixed TODAY and as the smoke flew from his ears, he removed the microwave himself and cussed Jesus, the builders, and the company the entire way.
None of the cabinets or molding was damaged during this demonstration. We thinks Jesus was just being a bit of a lazy ass.
So I wait again, from 8-5, for Jesus and his little blue bag to finally do his damn job and fix my fricking microwave. He didn't show up early today. I think we're going to be here a while.
Grand Theft Auto
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