Saturday, November 14, 2009

It Was Too Funny Not to Share

So my mother-in-law is here.

I am glad to say she no longer smokes which has really, really made her stay a tad more bearable. But. She's my mother-in-law. She doesn't like me. She tolerates the children. And quite honestly, it's a little like living with my grandmother. When she was 90. And sort of senile.

She does things like leave her fifteen or so non-childproof lidded medicines all over the house. She tries to let my INSIDE cat out. She takes Elizabeth outside and then comes in without her. She hovers over me while I cook, tastes my creations without being offered, and then puts the spoon back into the pot. Yum. She takes my wet laundry out of the washer and piles it in a basket so she can push hers through (now I see where her son gets it). She barges in my room when the door is closed demanding things...pencils, soup, toothpaste, and now this very time, rubberbands.

She also uses every. single. bathroom. in our house. Now, I set her all up in the main upstairs bathroom when she arrived and pretty much made it clear that, hey now, this is where YOU do your business. WE. Will use the other THREE bathrooms. Why yes, I am a wonderful hostess for assuring your absolute privacy during your stay.

Um. Yeah.

One day this week she walked in on poor Adam and demanded to know if he was done yet. He now calls her Stinky. The boy does love his privacy.

She walked into our master bath right past me Farkling on the Facebook last night in bed. I'm guessing I should have said something, but she's done this before and I figured my husband would just get mad if I said anything to her, so I let it go. I mean, it's weird, but harmless, right? RIGHT?

This morning my husband was taking a shower in our master bathroom. I was lying in bed twittering and Facebooking and generally hiding out from HER, when she came shuffling right into the bedroom. Our bathroom does not lock as it has two push doors that rate a ten in attractiveness, yet two on functionability. I mean, I have three kids. I WANT my bathroom to lock, but I digress. It will never lock and I want to finish my story.

So, anyway, where was I?

Oh, SHE came shuffling into my bedroom and I knew where she was heading so I kindly told her that, "Um, Derick's in the shower right now. You can't go in there." to which she replied, not even looking at me, "I won't look at him". And I'm guessing at that point I should've gotten up and led her out of the room or something but I was just so completely dumbfounded I just sat there. And then she did it. She opened both doors and waltzed right into that bathroom while my husband was naked and whistling.

And then he was screaming.

But you know what? She didn't leave. She went into the separate toilet room to do her business and then walked right back out completely oblivious to all the four letter words coming out of her son's mouth directed right at her.

And I. I had to pull the covers up over my head because I could not stop laughing. In fact, when I think about it now, four hours later, I laugh some more, because Oh. My. Gawd. It was just that funny.

15 comments:

Sadie said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

I LOVE it.

But I don't understand it at all. Why, in heaven's name, would she want to come use that toilet? WHY?

But it is hilarious. did he say anything to her after?

Ruby Red Slippers said...

(Are you sure that is not MY mil over there??)

andria said...

Sadie,

Did he say anything to her?

OMG, YES. He had many choice words for her after that. It is still just so freaking funny.

Dana said...

Oh hell no! I'm in shock! That woman has ginormous BALLS OF STEEL! Seriously, WHO does that? It's hilarious but man, of all the nerve. I'd be so ticked. Your poor family....when does she leave?

Kether said...

Omigosh that was so funny that i was laughing so hard that Liam wanted to know what I was laughing at...

Oh...my....

kristi said...

Oh My God. That is crazy!

Mommy Daisy said...

She is all kinds of messed up, huh.

Fran said...

That is awesome in so many horrible, horrible ways!!

Leslie said...

that is HILARIOUS!!

Krys72599 said...

Okay, he let loose with a few, okay, several choice words. But will she listen? Or will she just walk in there again, the next time he's in the shower?
If the criticism and yelling comes from him, does it matter?

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

NICE. I am so glad it was HIM that she walked in on. I'm thinking that you need to invest in cheapo hook and eye locks for when she visits. And maybe booby trap things. OH! And walk in on her. ALL. THE. TIME.

ChupieandJ'smama said...

Too funny!! It's a tad on the weird side, but still totally hilarious. I'm it was him and not you.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Do you mind if I add your story to my OMG DON'T DO THIS AS A MOTHER-IN-LAW journal I'm keeping for myself. I only have sons and I better be nice to my daughter-in-laws. Who else will change my diapers when I'm old?

Amy said...

OMG too hilarious! Thankfully neither my mother or my hubby's would ever do something like this.

Serves him right for not saying something to her himself before!

Lynanne said...

This was so funny that I had to look back and read that other post again. In it you said that your husband saw no problem with her using your toilet. How about now? ROFL!!