Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sleeping Like a Baby

My kids suck at sleeping.

I have no idea why this is. They did not inherit this bad habit from me. Ahem. If I could sleep a full twelve hours I would. I have. Like long, long ago before these children were released from my womb. Now, I am lucky to get four hours a night. Why am I being punished this way?

Seriously though.

There has to be some sort of reason why all three of my kids do not require much sleep.

This weekend at Adam's party, two of the kids had to leave early so they could get home and nap. This resulted in a lengthy discussion about children sleep habits and at what age the nap should be dropped and bedtimes and so forth. I choked on that expensive cake when I learned that the other three year olds in the room were still napping 3 hours every afternoon. WTF? The same kids also went right to bed willingly at 8 pm and slept soundly until 8 the next morning? HUH? So this is how other mothers have hobbies and look rested. Interesting.

Let me tell you what it's like at our house.

Shall we begin? Get comfy.

You know how newborn babies supposedly sleep eighteen hours a day? Not mine. I was lucky to get twelve out of them even that first week. They all typically slept an hour and then were awake two to three hours. Lather, rinse, repeat all day AND night. Sleeping through the night? Bwahahhahaha! When people ask me if my baby is sleeping throught the night I secretly want to hurt them. Nighttime sleeping for all of my babies is/was: Rock until my arms are numb. Stand up one time to attempt bed transfer to hear all hell break loose. Rock until my brain is numb then make it to the bed. My bed. The crib is the work of the devil you know, so yeah, my bed. By this time it's about 9:30. And then it goes something like this:

9:30 - 11:40 Sound sleep

11:40 Screaming baby banshee attempts to wake the dead or at the very least other children.

11:45 - 12:15 Baby demands b*&bs or will wake entire house.

12:15 - 1:30 Sound sleep

1:30 - 2:00 More marathon nursing to soothe the savage beast.

2:00 - 4:00 Sound sleep

4:00 Crazy baby wants to wake for the day. Are you frickin' kidding me?

4:00 - 6:30 Futile attempts to put baby back to sleep include rocking, feeding, hiding from baby under the covers, a round of johnny jump up, try not to get scratched by the sleepy kitty pet the kitty, playpen fun while watching Noggin (yeah, Noggin's on all night now!), crying, Mama crying. Mama turns up television and contemplates leaving the sleeping Daddy in the other room. Why should he get to sleep six straight hours? WHY?

6:30 Other children wake for the day while baby is sleeping soundly for the next two hours.

I. am. not. exaggerating.

This is my current nightly routine with Elizabeth, but I did the exact same thing with Adam AND Jacob. What makes it so much worse this time, though, is I have to actually get up at 6:30 and take my big kid to school. When Jacob was a baby I could go back to sleep with him because there were no other kids. When Adam was a baby I could just open the coveted silver sleeve of Pop-tart heaven and turn the tube on for Jacob and he'd veg out while I slept. Gee, I miss those days.

I know other mother's nap when the baby naps, but you know what? My baby no longer naps. Neither does my three year old. They both quit naps around eight months just like their older brother. I do not understand the napping that other mothers speak of. It just doesn't happen here. Never has. But you know what else? They seem happy this way. In fact, the only time I ever encounter a meltdown is when one has fallen asleep in the car. Just the mere fact that they were napping sends them over the edge. Of course, I guess I could look at the bright side and realize I never have to revolve my schedule around naptime which is a plus. And I can now drink caffeinated drinks in the evening without worrying about them interfering with my sleep.

Just know if you're getting eight hours of sleep at night, I hate you.

You will never sleep again, Lady!


Anonymous said...

OMG...Are you telling me I am not alone!! I have had HORRIBLE sleepers, no naps past a year, and it is not fair. Just not fair. But, they are super cute, so that helps!! I hate people who have easy babies. Hate them. LOL

Becky said...

Oh sister, you know that I feel your pain. Seriously and for reals. It's awful. It's terrible. And it makes you hate the world. The only piece of advice I could potentially give you is that Benedryl works sometimes.

Other than that, I'm right along side you.

OneHungMan said...

God, that was an entertaining read. The Hungs have been very blessed with YoungHung's sleeping. OHM won't go into details, but for argument's sake, let the record reflect that Andria hates the Hungs.

Having said that, they did/do struggle on the weekends with the naps. Even now, with YoungHung being 4, the nap thing is probably not a bad idea as he gets cranky on Sunday late afternoon/early evening.

When YoungHung was just beginning to refuse to nap on the weekends, it would sometimes take OneHung literally locking the child in his room til he fell asleep.

If you've got the stomach to listen to your children scream for 10 or even 15 minutes, OHM highly recommeds the Alcatraz method of child napping.

Casdok said...

8 hours sleep! Whats that!
V cute photo!

Lynanne said...

I have 4 kids who don't know the meaning of sleep. Scratch that...3 kids. The only one able to get his own breakfast, the preteen, can sleep until 11 am if I let him. I can only chuckle when the pediatrician asks me if my 9 m-o is sleeping through the night. HAH, surely you jest. Our record is 5 hours. When he was sick. Usually he goes to bed at 10 pm and gets up at 7 am, waking every 2-3 hours in between. So, I feel for you and am ready to stand behind you when you slug the parents who tell you it's easy to get your kid to sleep for 8 hours.

Tracey said...

I don't know that I dare to post here, lest the other parents of non-sleeping children attack me. I don't really know your pain, as I only had one child who had a hard first 8 months. I won't talk about the awesome naps or easy sleepers I may have had, but I will send you my love and say that I'm so sorry you're sleepy!! :)

SydneyDawn said...

I feel your pain. My son has always fought sleep with all his might. He's afraid he's going to miss something.

And here I am about ready to do it again... What was I thinking?!

Lynsey said...

all I can say is WOW...I truly feel awful for you. Please don't secretly wish to kill me when I say this, but my little meatball sleeps from 7 to 7. Not always- but usually. BUT- I feel I am being reimbursed for the 9 months of severe reflux that I had prior to giving birth, which kept me from sleeping AT ALL. So that's my defense! Again I apologize!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I fully intend to sleep when I'm dead. Until then, I am at the mercy of the Toddler and she demands a visit or two in the middle of the night.

BTW, she naps at daycare for two to three hours. At home? Not at all. I'm beginning to think maybe it's me.

Lynsey said...

by the way- when did you get a cat?

Momster said...

Oh how I feel your pain! My kids, 4 and 7, still don't sleep through the night. "Tired" just becomes a way of life, I guess. We tried everything, but it's just not meant to be! Our pediatrician recently told us that our older son is the "worst sleeper he's ever come across in all his years of practice." What a lovely distinction! Oh well, at least I'm not still having to nurse them every 2 hours. Hang in there. By the time they graduate from high school, they'll get it figured out!

Lynsey said...

there's a fair chance we may be moving to houston for a year because of husband's job, is it as bad as you say? :-(