My daughter slept six straight hours last night!
I, on the other hand, did not.
Can you believe I was stricken, yes stricken, with insomnia!!
What kind of cruel joke was that??
Damn daylight savings. I am sure it was at fault in some way. It couldn't have been the entire bag of peanut butter eggs I ate in the tub last night. No.
I am dying today. I awoke before midnight and never fell back to sleep. I slept for a total of 41 minutes last night.
At one, I got up and surfed the internet and was disturbed to learn of this woman. I then spent thirty more minutes lying awake wondering how that was possible. Did she eat in there? What the hell was wrong with her? More importantly what the hell was wrong with her boyfriend? I wonder how she slept. If she could sleep, surely I could sleep.
At two, I watched half a tivoed episode of Men in Trees. Then I was reminded of Northern Exposure. Then I missed Northern Exposure. Then I got sad that it's been so many years since Northern Exposure was on and, man, I am so fricking old because I bet there are tons of people who haven't even heard of Northern Exposure. Damn.
At three, I attempted to fall asleep next to my slumbering, pink-pajamed goosey, when I remembered, holy crap batman!, I haven't begun planning her birthday yet, so I set about planning that in my mind. I can throw a hell of a party in my mind.
At four, I realized we have been here eight years, we still have no friends, and my goose has no baby friends, so we don't have anyone to invite to the awesome party. Damn. I want some friends.
At four fifteen I was wishing we lived in Alaska because apparently it's very easy to move in there and fit right in. It worked for Dr. Fleishman and Marin Frist, it could work for us too. I like snow.
At four thirty I ate a half pound of black pepper cashews and went back to bed.
At five I drank a ton of water to rid myself of the pepper taste.
At five ten I gave in and brushed my teeth surprising the husband who had just awakened for the day. I told him my plan to move to Alaska. He didn't seem very enthused about it. Something to do with the lack of employment opportunities for him yada, yada, ya.
At five fifteen I secretly hated the husband for sleeping all night long. And for leaving the extra bed for me to make. again.
At six Elizabeth screamed her breakfast order.....milk. again.
At six fifteen I gave up and watched Degrassi on tivo. Sssshh. Don't tell anyone.
Day-um, I need some sleep.
Maybe I'll drop the kids off at a friends so I can nap.
Oh yeah, we don't have any friends. Stupid Texas.
I bet my Alaskan neighbors would watch my kids.
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