Friday, December 05, 2008

What's The Deal?

With The Jeho*ah's Wit*esses?

Oh, I know, everyone knows, they go door to door and in a quest for converts. I thought it was all pretty random, but I think I have my own personal Witnesses. The same two woman have been here three times since we moved here. The first few times I thought they were making their rounds through the neighborhood, that they were sharing the wealth, if you will, with everyone. Today, however, I saw them drive their big white caddie into my driveway and since I was expecting someone here to fix a window, I opened the door. When I saw who it really was, though, I got a little ticked. Them. Again. The first time they showed up, I'll be honest, I didn't listen much. Trying to keep three children and two animals inside the doorway takes some skill and I'm not that good of a multitasker. I took their pamphlets with a smile because I am like that. Plus I was living in a new neighborhood and what if they caused a scene if I dared disagree with them? The second time they came I was literally, and no I wasn't lying, walking out the door so they shoved some pamphlets into my hand and went on their merry way. Today, they were a little more forceful. Lady One read to me from the pamphlet. Something about how Jesus really is okay with drinking wine, I mean, why else would He have turned water into it? Huh? Huh? Whatever. You can believe what you want to believe, lady. Did you see the bottles of wine in my recyclable bin and think you could convince the drinker in me to join you? Ha! The husband is the wine drinker, that argument won't go far on me. All the while Lady Two was hunched down grinning at Child Three while trying to shimmy closer to the threshold. Then Lady One switched to some part about Jesus requiring cleanliness and, again, it's okay to drink and have a good time, just don't get drunk, okay? Then:

JW: (Pointing at my Christmas tree and decorations with an exaggerated swoop of her hand)Many people are confused this time of year and we are here to set the record straight and let you know what Jesus is really all about?

Me: (I can't say anything because I'm standing there with my mouth agape)

JW: You should be shown the true way and alleviate your confusion.

Me: What makes you right and me wrong?

JW: I can see where you'd be confused, everyone is this time of year. If we could just come in and speak this over with you.

Me: No, thank you. We are busy today and I honestly don't feel very confused. (as I try to shut the door in her face)

JW: (as the door is closing) You have beautiful children! How adorable!

After thinking a bit about these encounters I am wondering this:

1. How did they get through our front gate? Who gave her the code or voiced her in?

2. They came in the neighborhood and came straight to my house. When they left, they left out of the neighborhood so they obviously came just for me. The more I think about this the more I remember that everytime a Witness has come to my door has been pretty soon after I've moved someplace new. So. How do they know we're new here? Are they in cahoots with the post office? Do they search public mortgage records? Is that part of their plan? Befriend the new folks in town and feed them the kool-aid? Hope someone is looking for someone to chat with and BAM!? What?

3. Why come at Christmas and so obviously frown at my beliefs? Are they hoping I have such low self-esteem that I'll instantly conform just so they'll like me?

4. Do they get points for every convert?

5. Was the whole "You're kids are beautiful" routine part of the schpiel? Why yes, they are beautiful! And since we agree on that we must agree about Jesus too?

Really. I don't have a problem with Jeho*ah's Witnesses. Our country was founded on freedom of religion and they are entitled to theirs. I am also entitled to mine. Maybe I should've made it clear to them the first time that I believe in God, that I (sometimes) go to church, that I'm confident in those beliefs and thank you very much. I do have a problem with people coming to my home, my home so obviously celebrating the birth of Christ with it's nativity scenes and Christmas tree, and telling me how I should believe.

My aunt became Jeho*ah's Witness fifty years ago. It nearly killed my God-fearing Christian grandmother. She moved very far away from home with her new husband and had four kids in seven years. She was lonely. And depressed. She had no friends for a long time. Until two Jeho*ah's Witnesses showed up at her door. Then she had friends. Then she wasn't lonely. She never tried to convert us. In fact, she was very receptive to any Christmas gifts given to her or her children, holiday surprises she called them. Go figure? What do you think the fold would think of that? My aunt is happy at her Kingdom Hall. I am happy for her. But I can see where my aunt may not have been strong enough in herself to stand up for what she had previously believed in. I just see her wanting someone to talk to while her husband worked long hours and she cared for her kids. And I wonder? Did they know that too?

So seriously. I'm not trying to be anti-anything. Really, I'm not. I just want to know what the deal is. I want to know why I've been targeted, so to speak, and how I can kindly let them know that their visits really don't bring out the joyful in me. Come hang and have tea or coffee with me, but please don't try to convert me.


Maggie said...

Oh my gosh, don't you hate that when you open the door to someone who think will be the someone you are actually expecting but then it turns out to be THEM?! Ugh.

I answered the door the other day, and I had no time to spare with preparing the house for a party that was to start in 30 minutes w/ food, decorations, etc., and it was the same kind of people giving me pamplets and all wanting to talk. I'm like, "Guys, come on. I don't have time for this!" I did the same song and dance trying to keep the toddler, cat, and dog, IN the house with my leg wedged in between the door. That is the most annoying thing ever.

And after the 3rd time of those ladies coming back, I'm sorry, but I think I would have had to have been like, "Yeah, no thanks, and if you come back, I just might have to get a restraining order!" UNBELIEVABLE!!!

Miss Hope said...

I just use the the old thing I've heard before. Look 'em in the eye and say, I'll be glad for you to come in and talk to me, BUT I want your address so I can to YOUR house later and talk to you about MY beliefs and help you with YOUR confusion.

I resort to that if this doesn't work: "Me and Jesus are cool, thanks very much."

Back in South Carolina this elderly lady who lived down the road hand painted this HUGE sign and nailed it to a tree in her front yard that said, "No Jeehovah Witnesses at all". Your HOA might not go for that, though.

Dawn said...

I think we have the opposite thing happen to our house...instead of a target we get a big X. After having a chat with my husband (a Baptist minister) they never come back. lol!

Anne said...

My goodness, just please tell the Witnesses you are NOT interested, and to NOT COME BACK!!! They don't want to waste their time witnessing to people who truly aren't interested in their message! This really doesn't have to be that hard!!! Or did you just want an "interesting" story to blog about? BTW, it wasn't very believable.

Leslie said...


WE moved a year ago, and the same thing has happened. I noticed that they came straight to our house, and skipped the nighbours, in their van. ANd then left, driving past all the nighbours. They only visit us. It was an old / young man team. Eventually, I told them to stop coming. haven't seen them for awhile.

Now, instead, I have an old/young woman team!! I suspect the wife & daughter or daughter in law of the last pair. The other day they "shared a Christian message."

I also told them... we go to church, we're involved etc.

ugh... if you get rid of yours, let me know how you did it!!

A Principle said...

Don't lie to Jehovah's Witnesses, or pretend to not be home. Just tell them you never want them to come back under any circumstances. Tell them you want to be on the "do not call" list. They don't want to call on people who truly aren't interested.

Erin said...

I had a group of JWs coming by my house at unpredictable times and I finally told them that 1) I am already a Christian and 2) that I have an unpredictable dog who doesn't like strangers and it would be best if they didn't ever come back. It helped that I was holding said unpredictable dog by the collar as he snarled and growled and barked at them.

I agree that honesty seems to be the best policy.

gingermagnolia said...

I don't get it, either. Live and let live, I say! Who wants to believe in a God who doesn't care for all, regardless of their faith?