What's The Deal?

With The Jeho*ah's Wit*esses?

Oh, I know, everyone knows, they go door to door and in a quest for converts. I thought it was all pretty random, but I think I have my own personal Witnesses. The same two woman have been here three times since we moved here. The first few times I thought they were making their rounds through the neighborhood, that they were sharing the wealth, if you will, with everyone. Today, however, I saw them drive their big white caddie into my driveway and since I was expecting someone here to fix a window, I opened the door. When I saw who it really was, though, I got a little ticked. Them. Again. The first time they showed up, I'll be honest, I didn't listen much. Trying to keep three children and two animals inside the doorway takes some skill and I'm not that good of a multitasker. I took their pamphlets with a smile because I am like that. Plus I was living in a new neighborhood and what if they caused a scene if I dared disagree with them? The second time they came I was literally, and no I wasn't lying, walking out the door so they shoved some pamphlets into my hand and went on their merry way. Today, they were a little more forceful. Lady One read to me from the pamphlet. Something about how Jesus really is okay with drinking wine, I mean, why else would He have turned water into it? Huh? Huh? Whatever. You can believe what you want to believe, lady. Did you see the bottles of wine in my recyclable bin and think you could convince the drinker in me to join you? Ha! The husband is the wine drinker, that argument won't go far on me. All the while Lady Two was hunched down grinning at Child Three while trying to shimmy closer to the threshold. Then Lady One switched to some part about Jesus requiring cleanliness and, again, it's okay to drink and have a good time, just don't get drunk, okay? Then:

JW: (Pointing at my Christmas tree and decorations with an exaggerated swoop of her hand)Many people are confused this time of year and we are here to set the record straight and let you know what Jesus is really all about?

Me: (I can't say anything because I'm standing there with my mouth agape)

JW: You should be shown the true way and alleviate your confusion.

Me: What makes you right and me wrong?

JW: I can see where you'd be confused, everyone is this time of year. If we could just come in and speak this over with you.

Me: No, thank you. We are busy today and I honestly don't feel very confused. (as I try to shut the door in her face)

JW: (as the door is closing) You have beautiful children! How adorable!

After thinking a bit about these encounters I am wondering this:

1. How did they get through our front gate? Who gave her the code or voiced her in?

2. They came in the neighborhood and came straight to my house. When they left, they left out of the neighborhood so they obviously came just for me. The more I think about this the more I remember that everytime a Witness has come to my door has been pretty soon after I've moved someplace new. So. How do they know we're new here? Are they in cahoots with the post office? Do they search public mortgage records? Is that part of their plan? Befriend the new folks in town and feed them the kool-aid? Hope someone is looking for someone to chat with and BAM!? What?

3. Why come at Christmas and so obviously frown at my beliefs? Are they hoping I have such low self-esteem that I'll instantly conform just so they'll like me?

4. Do they get points for every convert?

5. Was the whole "You're kids are beautiful" routine part of the schpiel? Why yes, they are beautiful! And since we agree on that we must agree about Jesus too?

Really. I don't have a problem with Jeho*ah's Witnesses. Our country was founded on freedom of religion and they are entitled to theirs. I am also entitled to mine. Maybe I should've made it clear to them the first time that I believe in God, that I (sometimes) go to church, that I'm confident in those beliefs and thank you very much. I do have a problem with people coming to my home, my home so obviously celebrating the birth of Christ with it's nativity scenes and Christmas tree, and telling me how I should believe.

My aunt became Jeho*ah's Witness fifty years ago. It nearly killed my God-fearing Christian grandmother. She moved very far away from home with her new husband and had four kids in seven years. She was lonely. And depressed. She had no friends for a long time. Until two Jeho*ah's Witnesses showed up at her door. Then she had friends. Then she wasn't lonely. She never tried to convert us. In fact, she was very receptive to any Christmas gifts given to her or her children, holiday surprises she called them. Go figure? What do you think the fold would think of that? My aunt is happy at her Kingdom Hall. I am happy for her. But I can see where my aunt may not have been strong enough in herself to stand up for what she had previously believed in. I just see her wanting someone to talk to while her husband worked long hours and she cared for her kids. And I wonder? Did they know that too?

So seriously. I'm not trying to be anti-anything. Really, I'm not. I just want to know what the deal is. I want to know why I've been targeted, so to speak, and how I can kindly let them know that their visits really don't bring out the joyful in me. Come hang and have tea or coffee with me, but please don't try to convert me.