Friday, May 31, 2019
Thursday, May 23, 2019
Sick
I hate Facebook this time of the year.
I am 50 years old. I give no more fucks.
The 34 pictures from every angle and every step to the stage as your child receives the Best Student Ever? I don't want to see that. The thousands of cords breaking your kid's back in his graduation gown? I don't want to see that. The fistsfull of awards? Nope not that either. I just do not give one fucking shit about that. Yes, I know it's your Facebook page and you can post whatever you want on it and I encourage you to do so, just know I scroll right past or in certain cases I have blocked you altogether.
You would think after YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of my children barely scraping by I would be used to this but you know what?....it just gets worse. Every year I think THIS will be his, his, and her year. Please sweet Jesus remind me in August that it will NEVER be their year. My kids have no passion for anything. They are not smart. They do not care about others and they have no character to speak of. I know this because they have no awards for it. I guess in a way it's a good thing because I can go to the bar and have drinks with my friends on awards night. Well, I could only in theory because my friends are all at school watching their own kids get awards.
One of my children is failing the 12th grade at the finish line because he has a point to prove and another one is failing math and has to go to summer school because instead of turning in her homework papers we spend hours a night doing SHE THROWS THEM AWAY. My other child doesn't want to do sports anymore because he has to be at the school all summer at 7 am and ain't nobody got time for that.
Where do you get those children who have drive and ambition? I want to exchange mine.
I hope all your Facebook pictures make you feel like a fantastic parent because they should. All they do for me is make me contemplate foster homes for mine because, obviously, this is something I did.
I am 50 years old. I give no more fucks.
I refuse to throw out all that touchy feely shit about my lazy children, how I am proud of them no matter what because, you know what? I am not. If that makes me a bad parent then I am a bad parent. All three of these children could do so much more than what they are doing they just refuse to do it. Where will this lead them? The best I can hope for is skate by and be average and I would be OKAY with that but they could excel. Why won't they?
What they tell me is, "Why bother?" The same kids win the same shit every year. If you don't start out winning in first grade you never win. I watch my preschool parents retain their perfectally capable and smart children because they want them to be farther ahead of the others so they can win the awards (no joke).
Don't be expecting any pictures of my children this month. While your children have been busy getting every single award every year, my kids' motivation and esteem fell until they no longer want to attempt because it hurts less when you lose and you don't try. Trust me. Next year I won't even try.
The 34 pictures from every angle and every step to the stage as your child receives the Best Student Ever? I don't want to see that. The thousands of cords breaking your kid's back in his graduation gown? I don't want to see that. The fistsfull of awards? Nope not that either. I just do not give one fucking shit about that. Yes, I know it's your Facebook page and you can post whatever you want on it and I encourage you to do so, just know I scroll right past or in certain cases I have blocked you altogether.
You would think after YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS of my children barely scraping by I would be used to this but you know what?....it just gets worse. Every year I think THIS will be his, his, and her year. Please sweet Jesus remind me in August that it will NEVER be their year. My kids have no passion for anything. They are not smart. They do not care about others and they have no character to speak of. I know this because they have no awards for it. I guess in a way it's a good thing because I can go to the bar and have drinks with my friends on awards night. Well, I could only in theory because my friends are all at school watching their own kids get awards.
One of my children is failing the 12th grade at the finish line because he has a point to prove and another one is failing math and has to go to summer school because instead of turning in her homework papers we spend hours a night doing SHE THROWS THEM AWAY. My other child doesn't want to do sports anymore because he has to be at the school all summer at 7 am and ain't nobody got time for that.
Where do you get those children who have drive and ambition? I want to exchange mine.
I hope all your Facebook pictures make you feel like a fantastic parent because they should. All they do for me is make me contemplate foster homes for mine because, obviously, this is something I did.
I am 50 years old. I give no more fucks.
I refuse to throw out all that touchy feely shit about my lazy children, how I am proud of them no matter what because, you know what? I am not. If that makes me a bad parent then I am a bad parent. All three of these children could do so much more than what they are doing they just refuse to do it. Where will this lead them? The best I can hope for is skate by and be average and I would be OKAY with that but they could excel. Why won't they?
What they tell me is, "Why bother?" The same kids win the same shit every year. If you don't start out winning in first grade you never win. I watch my preschool parents retain their perfectally capable and smart children because they want them to be farther ahead of the others so they can win the awards (no joke).
Don't be expecting any pictures of my children this month. While your children have been busy getting every single award every year, my kids' motivation and esteem fell until they no longer want to attempt because it hurts less when you lose and you don't try. Trust me. Next year I won't even try.
Wednesday, May 08, 2019
Ramped Up
Have you ever just wanted your life to end?
I don't know what I did to deserve this, I have always thought of myself as a pretty decent and good person, but apparently I pissed off the universe sometime, somewhere.
I give. I'm done.
My husband had a Boy Scout event on Saturday so he was gone all day. In case you aren't aware, we had two Boy Scouts for a while, they quit. My husband keeps going. Of course he does. If he is there, he doesn't have to be here. This happens almost every weekend. I BEG him not to leave me with him and he just chuckles. He is not as awful to him as he is to me and I am Jacob's target. He attempts to pit him against me through lies and when I tell him Jacob did XXX and then Jacob gives him Yes, Sir, No Sir, he gives me the side-eye. Years. Years of this.
Anyway.....
Jacob started screaming at 9:54 because "It is 6 fucking AM I shouldn't have to empty a dishwasher before daylight!" and kept going. Anytime I attempt to get help from my husband his response is to call the cops. Everytime. This time I didn't even call him. I called the police. The short version of this story is the cops were complete assholes and actually had him record them telling him that until he graduates we are legally obligated to him and CANNOT kick him out.
Seriously. They seriously did that.
The cop in October told us we could evict him at 18. I guess that is not a thing.
Also, you need to go through the local government to have him evicted and he has thirty days after the forty-five days it takes to complete the eviction process. He has squatter's rights.
Today, he missed the bus.
A solid hour of stomping, cussing, slamming doors, throwing things, beating on the other kid's doors, spitting, splashing toilet water, peeing on the floor. The three of us locked in our rooms. My husband, of course, is at work. He would never behave that way if he were here.
When I finally "get up" since I need to get these other kids dressed and out the door, he bellows at me that I need to "get my ass up and take him to school". Oh yes! Let me get on that! I said no. Act Two commenced.
So here we are. He can walk to school. He walks home every day. He just won't because my lazy ass should be driving him. He called my husband, of course, told him a bunch of lies so that guarantees our evening should be just as pleasant as our morning. I guess he'll stay here all day long cussing and screaming and destroying whatever he can whenever he wants because I was told specifically the police could not help me. I told them he might kill us one day and that bald ass fuck just shrugged.
I am done. I am just fucking done. I do not know where to go from here. I just know I cannot continue. This "child" is never going anywhere. He won't graduate now because he knows he can live here forever if he doesn't. He doesn't have to work, doesn't have to contribute, doesn't have to pay bills, he just stays here every fucking single day of his life and abuses us and is allowed to do so. If he were my husband those cops would be encouraging me to leave, it's my child so now I can't? AND I need to work and support him?
I understand the desperation suicidal people feel. You feel trapped with no one to turn to and no where to go and the complete and utter unhappiness just buries you. I try. I try to fix this. Everyday I try to fix this. Everyday of the past 18 miserable years but it never gets better. At least before I always had an out. I knew the day would come that we did not need to keep him here, something to look forward to (and I realize that looking forward to the day you kick your child out is pretty perverse), and now.....it's not there. Our sentence has been extended.
It will never end. I have been given life without parole. And I don't even know what I did.
I don't know what I did to deserve this, I have always thought of myself as a pretty decent and good person, but apparently I pissed off the universe sometime, somewhere.
I give. I'm done.
My husband had a Boy Scout event on Saturday so he was gone all day. In case you aren't aware, we had two Boy Scouts for a while, they quit. My husband keeps going. Of course he does. If he is there, he doesn't have to be here. This happens almost every weekend. I BEG him not to leave me with him and he just chuckles. He is not as awful to him as he is to me and I am Jacob's target. He attempts to pit him against me through lies and when I tell him Jacob did XXX and then Jacob gives him Yes, Sir, No Sir, he gives me the side-eye. Years. Years of this.
Anyway.....
Jacob started screaming at 9:54 because "It is 6 fucking AM I shouldn't have to empty a dishwasher before daylight!" and kept going. Anytime I attempt to get help from my husband his response is to call the cops. Everytime. This time I didn't even call him. I called the police. The short version of this story is the cops were complete assholes and actually had him record them telling him that until he graduates we are legally obligated to him and CANNOT kick him out.
Seriously. They seriously did that.
The cop in October told us we could evict him at 18. I guess that is not a thing.
Also, you need to go through the local government to have him evicted and he has thirty days after the forty-five days it takes to complete the eviction process. He has squatter's rights.
Today, he missed the bus.
A solid hour of stomping, cussing, slamming doors, throwing things, beating on the other kid's doors, spitting, splashing toilet water, peeing on the floor. The three of us locked in our rooms. My husband, of course, is at work. He would never behave that way if he were here.
When I finally "get up" since I need to get these other kids dressed and out the door, he bellows at me that I need to "get my ass up and take him to school". Oh yes! Let me get on that! I said no. Act Two commenced.
So here we are. He can walk to school. He walks home every day. He just won't because my lazy ass should be driving him. He called my husband, of course, told him a bunch of lies so that guarantees our evening should be just as pleasant as our morning. I guess he'll stay here all day long cussing and screaming and destroying whatever he can whenever he wants because I was told specifically the police could not help me. I told them he might kill us one day and that bald ass fuck just shrugged.
I am done. I am just fucking done. I do not know where to go from here. I just know I cannot continue. This "child" is never going anywhere. He won't graduate now because he knows he can live here forever if he doesn't. He doesn't have to work, doesn't have to contribute, doesn't have to pay bills, he just stays here every fucking single day of his life and abuses us and is allowed to do so. If he were my husband those cops would be encouraging me to leave, it's my child so now I can't? AND I need to work and support him?
I understand the desperation suicidal people feel. You feel trapped with no one to turn to and no where to go and the complete and utter unhappiness just buries you. I try. I try to fix this. Everyday I try to fix this. Everyday of the past 18 miserable years but it never gets better. At least before I always had an out. I knew the day would come that we did not need to keep him here, something to look forward to (and I realize that looking forward to the day you kick your child out is pretty perverse), and now.....it's not there. Our sentence has been extended.
It will never end. I have been given life without parole. And I don't even know what I did.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Take Two
Still no college......still not passing.
Just in case you were wondering. LOL.
These kids are going to kill me.
Last week it was Adam.
I got a call on Friday that was cutting it out: "Son...office....truancy." I was on my morning walk. I ran home.
So apparently Adam has been leaving his coveted office aide class early since January and on Friday they finally got tired of it.
Maybe I should have dealt with it, huh? I would have been all over that if KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I mean, seriously. We go from he's-such-a-good-kid-we-felt-a-warning-was-sufficient to in school suspension in twenty minutes. Grrrr......
This is the same school that wouldn't allow him to attend a field trip because he had a library fine and when I brought to their attention that we could not find notification of a fine ANYWHERE I was told the government shutdown kept them from doing that. O-K.
Adam deserves punishment for disobeying their directions. I am not disputing that at all. In fact, I really didn't dispute anything because my first instinct when I returned that call was to cry and tell some woman I have never met, "NOT THIS ONE TOO". All I could think was what have we done? Why do we have TWO of them? Why can't my children behave? Can life expectancy be 50 again? I might have even said these things out loud. Could be why she suggested some outside psychiatric help for me........LOL.....I have some! Thanks!
So anyway, my children both come home and they are loud and using their hands to tell me what happened that morning and, you know what? I got a completely different story from them. I know, I know, you're thinking they didn't do it yada, yada, yada. That wasn't what I got. From them I got some story about Adam having Elizabeth's ID tag and the librarian (the one who couldn't send library notices due to the shutdown) noticed and sent Adam to the office and then got Elizabeth out of class to get her ID and instigated some showdown between the two accusing Adam of stealing her ID. Adam's story is he picked hers up on the way out the door which I do believe because I have asked him to take hers to her before and he's refused because he doesn't want to be caught dead with it. The librarian's story was he was trying to pull a prank by buying a dance ticket with her ID (she already had a dance ticket).
????????
Elizabeth says he pulled out his phone and the principal put her hands on the counter and said, "That's it, you have ISS" Adam says he pulled out the phone to call me for his ID because the librarian kept asking where was his ID. Elizabeth was coddled and patted on the head and sent back to class and Adam was sent immediately to the ISS room and that was when I got the half-phone call.
Hmmmmm........WTH?
I relayed the story I got and they were both confused.
Why wasn't this woman forthcoming if she felt he was being disrespectful and just say, "Adam was being disrespectful therefore he has an in school suspension" I mean, TWO DAYS SUSPENSION for taking your phone out? OR TWO DAYS SUSPENSION for leaving class early?
Either way, I think the punishment is excessive since this is the first I have EVER heard about him being a problem in any way. Now he misses the eighth grade trip, an athletic field trip, and he sure won't be getting that character award at the end of the year.
BUT. I said nothing. I thought at the time he was clearly skipping class and deserved the punishment, now I am not so sure. I feel like I was played. I called yesterday to get the full story and (surprise) haven't heard back.
He served his suspension and all it's done to him is make him hate school, distrust adminstrators, and lie in bed depressed as soon as he returns home.
Last week, different kid.
Here we go again.
I want off the roller coaster.
Just in case you were wondering. LOL.
These kids are going to kill me.
Last week it was Adam.
I got a call on Friday that was cutting it out: "Son...office....truancy." I was on my morning walk. I ran home.
So apparently Adam has been leaving his coveted office aide class early since January and on Friday they finally got tired of it.
Maybe I should have dealt with it, huh? I would have been all over that if KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I mean, seriously. We go from he's-such-a-good-kid-we-felt-a-warning-was-sufficient to in school suspension in twenty minutes. Grrrr......
This is the same school that wouldn't allow him to attend a field trip because he had a library fine and when I brought to their attention that we could not find notification of a fine ANYWHERE I was told the government shutdown kept them from doing that. O-K.
Adam deserves punishment for disobeying their directions. I am not disputing that at all. In fact, I really didn't dispute anything because my first instinct when I returned that call was to cry and tell some woman I have never met, "NOT THIS ONE TOO". All I could think was what have we done? Why do we have TWO of them? Why can't my children behave? Can life expectancy be 50 again? I might have even said these things out loud. Could be why she suggested some outside psychiatric help for me........LOL.....I have some! Thanks!
So anyway, my children both come home and they are loud and using their hands to tell me what happened that morning and, you know what? I got a completely different story from them. I know, I know, you're thinking they didn't do it yada, yada, yada. That wasn't what I got. From them I got some story about Adam having Elizabeth's ID tag and the librarian (the one who couldn't send library notices due to the shutdown) noticed and sent Adam to the office and then got Elizabeth out of class to get her ID and instigated some showdown between the two accusing Adam of stealing her ID. Adam's story is he picked hers up on the way out the door which I do believe because I have asked him to take hers to her before and he's refused because he doesn't want to be caught dead with it. The librarian's story was he was trying to pull a prank by buying a dance ticket with her ID (she already had a dance ticket).
????????
Elizabeth says he pulled out his phone and the principal put her hands on the counter and said, "That's it, you have ISS" Adam says he pulled out the phone to call me for his ID because the librarian kept asking where was his ID. Elizabeth was coddled and patted on the head and sent back to class and Adam was sent immediately to the ISS room and that was when I got the half-phone call.
Hmmmmm........WTH?
I relayed the story I got and they were both confused.
Why wasn't this woman forthcoming if she felt he was being disrespectful and just say, "Adam was being disrespectful therefore he has an in school suspension" I mean, TWO DAYS SUSPENSION for taking your phone out? OR TWO DAYS SUSPENSION for leaving class early?
Either way, I think the punishment is excessive since this is the first I have EVER heard about him being a problem in any way. Now he misses the eighth grade trip, an athletic field trip, and he sure won't be getting that character award at the end of the year.
BUT. I said nothing. I thought at the time he was clearly skipping class and deserved the punishment, now I am not so sure. I feel like I was played. I called yesterday to get the full story and (surprise) haven't heard back.
He served his suspension and all it's done to him is make him hate school, distrust adminstrators, and lie in bed depressed as soon as he returns home.
Last week, different kid.
Here we go again.
I want off the roller coaster.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
College?
I know everyone has seen all about Aunt Becky and Lynette Scavo's cheating their children's way into college. I can't remember how to link to anything, so you can google it if you've been on a long vacation on a desert island.
Anyway....
It's terrible. It's unfair. It's really, really obnoxious, but you know what? If I had $500,000 to toss around, I can't say at this point in my life I might not do the same thing.
Barring a miracle, Jacob won't be going to college. He did finally bring up his SAT score to something pretty respectable. We paid plenty of application fees. We paid even more fees to have his scores sent to said schools because "I just didn't feel like plugging those in on the stupid SAT". We paid even more fees to have his transcripts sent to five schools that have dorms and he was accepted to three that we know of. We should all be rejoicing right now because he should be going to a good school without having to pay a dime and we and our little children could breath a smile of relief knowing this daily turmoil would soon be coming to an end.
Oh, but no, that's not happening. Jacob decided he wanted to go a community college down the street and told those other schools he wasn't interested.
Community college = lives at home
He doesn't have a drivers license and is no longer interested in getting one. Guess who would have to drive him to school like a freaking preschooler.
That's if he can still even get into that one. He hasn't completed one assignment at all this last nine weeks period. He is failing everying except his three theatre classes but he's coming close with those. He is convinced he doesnt' have to supply them a final transcript. We are idiots you know.
I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't think he is going to graduate. We told him he had until April 15 to bring his grades up and affirm to one of the sleep away schools that he would be a student there or we were kicking him out on June 15. . He pretty much gave us the finger and told us to try.
I seriously have to wonder if all these rich people had kids they could no longer live with. I fully expect Adam and Elizabeth to gain entry to the college of their choice (or a backup) on their own mertis. They have to learn to do for themselves and if they want it, they will work for it. Jacob, I wish to all that is holy that there was something we could do to pull up at some school (preferably far away) and drop him off and leave him there. He can't go to the military because of his medications. All I see in his (and our) future is a 40 year old loser mooching off our dime and doing absolutely nothing while continuing to treat us shabbily. My anxiety is so amped up right now just anticipating this shit show I seriously ponder my desire to live, at least here, with him.
I don't know, if I had $500,000 I don't think I'd rule it out. If you had any idea what it's really like in our house, you might not even judge me.
Anyway....
It's terrible. It's unfair. It's really, really obnoxious, but you know what? If I had $500,000 to toss around, I can't say at this point in my life I might not do the same thing.
Barring a miracle, Jacob won't be going to college. He did finally bring up his SAT score to something pretty respectable. We paid plenty of application fees. We paid even more fees to have his scores sent to said schools because "I just didn't feel like plugging those in on the stupid SAT". We paid even more fees to have his transcripts sent to five schools that have dorms and he was accepted to three that we know of. We should all be rejoicing right now because he should be going to a good school without having to pay a dime and we and our little children could breath a smile of relief knowing this daily turmoil would soon be coming to an end.
Oh, but no, that's not happening. Jacob decided he wanted to go a community college down the street and told those other schools he wasn't interested.
Community college = lives at home
He doesn't have a drivers license and is no longer interested in getting one. Guess who would have to drive him to school like a freaking preschooler.
That's if he can still even get into that one. He hasn't completed one assignment at all this last nine weeks period. He is failing everying except his three theatre classes but he's coming close with those. He is convinced he doesnt' have to supply them a final transcript. We are idiots you know.
I have no idea what is going to happen. I don't think he is going to graduate. We told him he had until April 15 to bring his grades up and affirm to one of the sleep away schools that he would be a student there or we were kicking him out on June 15. . He pretty much gave us the finger and told us to try.
I seriously have to wonder if all these rich people had kids they could no longer live with. I fully expect Adam and Elizabeth to gain entry to the college of their choice (or a backup) on their own mertis. They have to learn to do for themselves and if they want it, they will work for it. Jacob, I wish to all that is holy that there was something we could do to pull up at some school (preferably far away) and drop him off and leave him there. He can't go to the military because of his medications. All I see in his (and our) future is a 40 year old loser mooching off our dime and doing absolutely nothing while continuing to treat us shabbily. My anxiety is so amped up right now just anticipating this shit show I seriously ponder my desire to live, at least here, with him.
I don't know, if I had $500,000 I don't think I'd rule it out. If you had any idea what it's really like in our house, you might not even judge me.
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
14
This baby.....
I miss him.
I would give my dying breath to kiss that little cheek and rock him to sleep just one more time.
Fourteen years ago when I found I was pregnant with my second child I prayed daily (sometimes hourly) for this one just to love me. Jacob was (still is) a difficult little soul and it was apparent from day one that he despised me. I don't really know what happened there, maybe it was the three weeks in the NICU or maybe it was my mom who swooped in his first night home and glued herself to him and I just let her because I was so very tired and so very unequipped to deal with the incessant screaming like I probably should have been. Maybe I was (am)a bad mother? I have been in therapy for years to answer that question to which I will likely never have the answer. I have just had to make peace with it and move on.
Anyway, this isn't about Jacob, this is about Adam.
OK....I just wanted a baby to love me and, BOY, did this baby love me. He would have nothing to do with anyone else. He would push his little hand out if another adult tried to take him. He clung to my leg while I cooked meals and crawled into my lap any time I sat down. He didn't say much those first four years but he didn't need to: Adam LOVED me.
Prayers answered.
I shouldn't put such a burden on a child but Adam was my redemption. He proved to everyone, if really only myself, that I could be a good mother. He saved me. It really wasn't until he was born that I began to feel like a mom, giving love and receiving love in return. I LOVE Adam.
With the teenage years upon us things aren't as sweet as they used to be but there is no mistaking his love continues. He is always grateful if I do something for him (like bring his track uniform to school AGAIN) and he has learned the very difficult skill of saying and showing he is sorry when needed. Although he will no longer hug his sister at school, he does oblige her one when they get home every day (usually). He always tells me he loves me when he leaves the house (or vice versa). He teaches the neighborhood kids football plays and includes the often shunned Muslim kid down the street. He sees no color, no religion, no social class.
In school he plays football, runs cross country and track, and was appointed an office aide for one class period which requires positive teacher recommendations. He makes As and Bs completely without my help and input. He has figured out his complete four year path that will allow him to attend his dream school: Texas A&M. He has many friends, I can barely keep track of them all. Giggly girls show up at our door asking for him, Elizabeth says they follow him down the hallway at school. So far Fortnite and Madden 19 have most of his attention, but he does sit with one particular girl on the bus every day, according to my accidental spy.
Adam turned 14 on January 23. It's taken this long to write this because there is always something. I am so blessed to be able to raise this child. I pray now daily that all of his dreams come true, that he has friends, becomes successful, is HAPPY.
Thank you God for answering my prayers and giving me THIS loving little baby.
Happy Birthday Adam!
Thursday, January 10, 2019
Happy New Year!
2019....
I swear I am still in 1989. That was a pretty good year. Let's Go Mountaineers! How I miss Morgantown and all that came with it back in those days. I should have enjoyed it more than I probably did at the time. I would give anything to have one more day......
Anyway.
18 Christmases.....
I remember rocking that hippie-looking baby and watching the neighbor children walk to the bus and thinking it would be FOREVER before he graduated high school. 2019? Would we even be here?
Here it is. It is very surreal.
I couldn't really see past the 9/11 coverage on the television then, it never felt like this would come.
I struggle daily because I feel like I have not appreciated it as much as I should have. I imagined it all so differently; would I have liked it more if it had been that way? I thought being a mom was the easiest job in the world......in 1999. Lord have mercy, this is a HARD gig. It NEVER ends. You don't go home and put it out of your mind. EVER. Ask my mom, she knows this well. Since being a stay-at-home mom for a few months now I can honestly say I am working more now than when I was "working". I don't know how that is, but it is. I am tired.
I want to go back and do it again with all of this knowledge and all of these feelings I currently possess......I want to bask in joy every. single. hour of their fleeting childhoods. Mom guilt. I am owning it big time.
I cannot believe I have a child approaching graduation. And *fingers crossed* college.
2019.....I want this to be the year we bring joy back. I want to appreciate my children for WHO they are instead of WHAT they could be. I want it to slow down because I am not ready to walk this path with the other two.
Adam starts high school in the fall. This is currently hurting my heart in a way I never felt with Jacob. Because:
yesterday.
Is this life? Always wanting what was? 2006? 1994? 1989? 1976? I want to want this day right here, right now. I am sure going to try.
Happy 2019 ya'll.
Love your now.
I swear I am still in 1989. That was a pretty good year. Let's Go Mountaineers! How I miss Morgantown and all that came with it back in those days. I should have enjoyed it more than I probably did at the time. I would give anything to have one more day......
Anyway.
18 Christmases.....
I remember rocking that hippie-looking baby and watching the neighbor children walk to the bus and thinking it would be FOREVER before he graduated high school. 2019? Would we even be here?
Here it is. It is very surreal.
I couldn't really see past the 9/11 coverage on the television then, it never felt like this would come.
I struggle daily because I feel like I have not appreciated it as much as I should have. I imagined it all so differently; would I have liked it more if it had been that way? I thought being a mom was the easiest job in the world......in 1999. Lord have mercy, this is a HARD gig. It NEVER ends. You don't go home and put it out of your mind. EVER. Ask my mom, she knows this well. Since being a stay-at-home mom for a few months now I can honestly say I am working more now than when I was "working". I don't know how that is, but it is. I am tired.
I want to go back and do it again with all of this knowledge and all of these feelings I currently possess......I want to bask in joy every. single. hour of their fleeting childhoods. Mom guilt. I am owning it big time.
I cannot believe I have a child approaching graduation. And *fingers crossed* college.
2019.....I want this to be the year we bring joy back. I want to appreciate my children for WHO they are instead of WHAT they could be. I want it to slow down because I am not ready to walk this path with the other two.
Adam starts high school in the fall. This is currently hurting my heart in a way I never felt with Jacob. Because:
Is this life? Always wanting what was? 2006? 1994? 1989? 1976? I want to want this day right here, right now. I am sure going to try.
Happy 2019 ya'll.
Love your now.
Monday, December 10, 2018
90 Days
My oldest child will be 18 years old in 90 days.
If you are reading and you were here when we started, he was four then. Doesn't life go by so fast?
There are many reasons I have been sporadic these past 8-9 years. I got a job and that took away much of my free time. Mommy blogging seemed to have slowed down at that time as well; I do miss it. I also didn't have much good to write about. That doesn't mean we haven't had some, but family life has been somewhat of a struggle and it just didn't feel right to throw it all out there. I was living a lot of a fake life for my Facebook "friends" and even my real friends, still am a lot of the time. I never thought we would be here, I don't really know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.
Let me first preface it all by saying I totally get that so many more people have it way worse than we do. I am grateful I am not walking my children across a continent for a better life and I am blessed that none of them have perished in a terrible accident. My husband can be a bit of a ding-dong but he's still here and provides us a very good life. We eat well (twenty extra pounds to prove it) and we are comfortable in our beds at night where I know there are so many who are not. I do have a lot to be thankful for.
So....
As most of you know, Jacob has severe ADHD, auditory processing disorder, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, and possibly Asperger's. I made a bad mistake early on by putting him in a private Christian school thinking these kids would be more accepting of him and, boy, I was very wrong. We moved him to public school in middle school and things were so much better but it wasn't until tenth grade that he started to make friends. I really thought this would be the beginning of a big turnaround for him, we were so hopeful for his future and we LOVED these kids.
Anyway, before this time, however, Jacob spent almost an entire summer at a psychiatric day facility after holding a knife on his brother for reasons that still aren't clear to this day. The other two kids recall this time as "the worst summer ever" because it was JUST far enough away to be too far to come home while he was there and they were too young to be left home alone.
Meds were changed, puberty happened and things got "liveable" but Jacob made it very clear every minute of every day that he did not like us, he did not respect us, he hated his siblings, and he did not feel he should follow any direction that was given. He failed classes on purpose: "If you don't buy XXX for me then I won't do any of my school work" and he would pick fights with the other kids over the stupidest things. He threw such a fit at his long time therapist's office a couple years ago that the police were called. We haven't seen her since.
But these friends, if there was the thought he might be able to hang out with them for a weekend he would hold it together for a few days (because that was the deal) and we were so happy he had "people". Everyone needs people. There are about eight boys and they all seem to be a little awkward as is Jacob and it seemed to work. They would come here; Jacob would go there. Things were looking up. He still hated all of us, but at least he could make relationships with others.
So Elizabeth lost her DS in May and previously when this has happened, Jacob has it. Oh yes, he steals things from us for no real reason other than maybe to gaslight us and laugh while he watches us hunt for it. I still can't find Adam's track pictures that were on my desk, but that's for another day. Anyway, he goes out "for a walk" and she asked if she could look in his backpack for it. Hooray! that's exactly where it was, but also in there were eight empty beer cans and some empty and full tiny liquor bottles. What?
Well, I thought we handled it pretty well. I mean, we've been teenagers before so we sat him down and asked how long he'd been carrying these around (since March) and explained to him that if he had gotten caught in school with that he would have been going to prison. (Texas law says felony convictions start at 17). We wanted to know where, when, why and, although he made up a load of lies at first, we eventually found out my parents allowed him to have all of those boys spend the night one night with them when we had forbidden it over here because of his grades. My dad woke up in the middle of the night (light sleeper) and found them stealing all of his 50 year old airplane liquor bottles plus the rest of his stash. My dad "made a deal" with Jacob that he wouldn't say anything to us if he swore never to do it again.
LOLOLOLOL.
Sure, whatever. That didn't happen. What did happen is that caused a small rift between my parents and us because, hello? he takes a narcotic medication, we should have been told.
So he spends a good bit of the summer up at their lake house like he has done forever. I came up with the kids one week when he stayed here at home (because he hates me and the kids and refused to be around while we were there) and one night I tried to open a bathroom drawer and it was jammed. Imagine my surprise when I finally dug it free only to find empty gallon bottles of scotch, gin, vodka, and rum. My dad keeps that stuff around in case he has company. They never even knew it was missing. They live in the woods. Twenty minutes away from the nearest neighbor. Was he drinking it all in there alone or did he stash it in something else and bring it home to his friends? We will never know because he felt his privacy was violated by finding that in his grandparent's bathroom and refused to discuss it.
I wish I could say that was the end of it but it was not. We find more from time to time and now his story is: "Well, Grandpa said you did the same thing and that's what kids do, so you have no right to get upset about it because he didn't get upset at you." and just to make it more festive a nice and loud "Fuck You!".
For the record, I drank a little beer out with friends as a teenager. I never stole, I never drank liquor, and I never hid anything in their house. My dad is apparently still holding a grudge about it because when this shit went down AGAIN in October he got super ugly about my life in the 80s and how we are not handling this well AT ALL and maybe we need some parenting classes and..........all kinds of other shit that just showed he has gone over to the dark side and at that point I left the house to save my sanity and he still refuses to speak to me.
Whatever.
I will post another time about the reason Jacob has been forced by his school counselor to see a different counselor who believes he is a narcissist. Narcissists manipulate others to feel they are wonderful and anyone in their way is completely wrong. I am currently in the middle of this with him. I am his target. He has turned my dad against me and is very close to doing the same with my mother. It breaks my heart every day because they aren't getting any younger and I am losing this time.
Anyway.
Derick went camping the first weekend in November. Jacob was still grounded from the incident that happened in the previous paragraph. He had some sort of theatre performance at an elementary school carnival and he begged and begged to be allowed to go eat out after with "the crew" and then go see a movie and spend the night with someone. I said no. He drove me absolutely bonkers for four hours texting and calling. I told him no. He did not come home. I called my mother to see if he was there and she said he told her that I said it was okay so they had driven to her house and picked up clothes and stuff and left from there. My mom said it would be okay. He is a senior in high school and should be out having fun with his friends.
Oh yes. It was so much fun to get a phone call at 12:30 a.m. requesting I come to pick him up and please bring your ID because the policeman won't let me leave without it.
PISSED. PISSED I tell you. If you read earlier you know my husband snores. It was ONE night I could sleep all the way through and, you know, my kid's in police custody.
So he's one town over and when I show up I ask the cop why was I there and he lets me know he and his "crew" broke into an empty house and were having a ball smoking weed and drinking. I told the cop to arrest him and he laughed at me. Breaking and entering, illicit substance, intent to sell (there was that much) near a school, underage drinking, and he refused to arrest him? Okay, whatever. I told him he's probably see him again then because he ratcheted it up a notch and would continue to do so.
And yes, he continues to do so. Derick went through his room last Sunday on one of his "walks" and found more weed. He was livid we went through the things that belong to US and swore he wasn't smoking anymore, he knew better, he was "holding it for a friend", drug test me if you don't believe me! Which is exactly what we did. The instructions said it would turn red within three minutes if he had smoked within 1-5 days. That cup lit up like Rudolph within ten seconds. He also found a lot of money in his desk. More money than a kid without a job should have. While all this time we've been thinking one of the friends was supplying it, now we are wondering if Jacob is supplying it.
He went for another neighorhood "walk" on Saturday and Derick found him a mile down the street walking out of Shell Station (they sell vapes and juuls there). When he caught up with him at the end of our street and asked him to empty is pockets he chose to jump in the very filthy and cold creek instead. He took off down the creek (he can't swim and hates water, sensory thing). We didn't see or hear from him until yesterday. My mother was so upset that he was out there cold and wet but we knew he wanted to spend the night with his friends, he had asked all week. Sure enough, that was where he went. I do wonder what the story was when he showed up sopping wet from head to toe. I am sure it is our fault some way, I have ceased caring what these other parents thing of me ( and they don't think much of me, he has told them all kinds of lies).
I got Texans tickets for my birthday and yesterday was the game. He knew this. Derick changed the lock codes on all doors so he could not get in. Of course he went to my parents. They were on the way back their lake house (they come here weekends) but he got there just in time to talk them into letting him stay there. My dad continued home, my mom stayed with him. Exactly what he wanted. She feeds him, washes his clothes, requires nothing of him. We tried to got talk to him last night and he locked himself in the bathroom running all of the hot water down the drain (wasnt' bathing, he doesnt' do that). My mother was shaking and sick and stressed and wanted him to come home with us. Our only option to getting him out of that room was the police and she wouldnt' agree to that so that is where he is at. I assume she drove him to school today, but who knows. He told us last week that his plan for next year (IF he graduates) is to just kick his grandparents out of that house and live there with his friends. College isn't for him. The military is ridiculous. He's too immature to get a job (what he hears from my parents). Well, he is well on his way. I worry what he will do to her. She swears he loves her so much but after living with him all these years I do know it's not really possible. He loves himself and that's pretty much it.
We have tried so hard to push him in the right direction. Some people just don't take to direction. His therapist said a couple days on the street might make him realize where his life is headed but my mother will never allow that to happen. She wants to go home but she won't let us deal with it. I had to walk out when she asked why we didn't deal with this sooner. Another one crossed over.
All we have done is deal with him. All of his life. Day after day after day...........
90 days until adulthood.
But it's never really over is it?
If you are reading and you were here when we started, he was four then. Doesn't life go by so fast?
There are many reasons I have been sporadic these past 8-9 years. I got a job and that took away much of my free time. Mommy blogging seemed to have slowed down at that time as well; I do miss it. I also didn't have much good to write about. That doesn't mean we haven't had some, but family life has been somewhat of a struggle and it just didn't feel right to throw it all out there. I was living a lot of a fake life for my Facebook "friends" and even my real friends, still am a lot of the time. I never thought we would be here, I don't really know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.
Let me first preface it all by saying I totally get that so many more people have it way worse than we do. I am grateful I am not walking my children across a continent for a better life and I am blessed that none of them have perished in a terrible accident. My husband can be a bit of a ding-dong but he's still here and provides us a very good life. We eat well (twenty extra pounds to prove it) and we are comfortable in our beds at night where I know there are so many who are not. I do have a lot to be thankful for.
So....
As most of you know, Jacob has severe ADHD, auditory processing disorder, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, and possibly Asperger's. I made a bad mistake early on by putting him in a private Christian school thinking these kids would be more accepting of him and, boy, I was very wrong. We moved him to public school in middle school and things were so much better but it wasn't until tenth grade that he started to make friends. I really thought this would be the beginning of a big turnaround for him, we were so hopeful for his future and we LOVED these kids.
Anyway, before this time, however, Jacob spent almost an entire summer at a psychiatric day facility after holding a knife on his brother for reasons that still aren't clear to this day. The other two kids recall this time as "the worst summer ever" because it was JUST far enough away to be too far to come home while he was there and they were too young to be left home alone.
Meds were changed, puberty happened and things got "liveable" but Jacob made it very clear every minute of every day that he did not like us, he did not respect us, he hated his siblings, and he did not feel he should follow any direction that was given. He failed classes on purpose: "If you don't buy XXX for me then I won't do any of my school work" and he would pick fights with the other kids over the stupidest things. He threw such a fit at his long time therapist's office a couple years ago that the police were called. We haven't seen her since.
But these friends, if there was the thought he might be able to hang out with them for a weekend he would hold it together for a few days (because that was the deal) and we were so happy he had "people". Everyone needs people. There are about eight boys and they all seem to be a little awkward as is Jacob and it seemed to work. They would come here; Jacob would go there. Things were looking up. He still hated all of us, but at least he could make relationships with others.
So Elizabeth lost her DS in May and previously when this has happened, Jacob has it. Oh yes, he steals things from us for no real reason other than maybe to gaslight us and laugh while he watches us hunt for it. I still can't find Adam's track pictures that were on my desk, but that's for another day. Anyway, he goes out "for a walk" and she asked if she could look in his backpack for it. Hooray! that's exactly where it was, but also in there were eight empty beer cans and some empty and full tiny liquor bottles. What?
Well, I thought we handled it pretty well. I mean, we've been teenagers before so we sat him down and asked how long he'd been carrying these around (since March) and explained to him that if he had gotten caught in school with that he would have been going to prison. (Texas law says felony convictions start at 17). We wanted to know where, when, why and, although he made up a load of lies at first, we eventually found out my parents allowed him to have all of those boys spend the night one night with them when we had forbidden it over here because of his grades. My dad woke up in the middle of the night (light sleeper) and found them stealing all of his 50 year old airplane liquor bottles plus the rest of his stash. My dad "made a deal" with Jacob that he wouldn't say anything to us if he swore never to do it again.
LOLOLOLOL.
Sure, whatever. That didn't happen. What did happen is that caused a small rift between my parents and us because, hello? he takes a narcotic medication, we should have been told.
So he spends a good bit of the summer up at their lake house like he has done forever. I came up with the kids one week when he stayed here at home (because he hates me and the kids and refused to be around while we were there) and one night I tried to open a bathroom drawer and it was jammed. Imagine my surprise when I finally dug it free only to find empty gallon bottles of scotch, gin, vodka, and rum. My dad keeps that stuff around in case he has company. They never even knew it was missing. They live in the woods. Twenty minutes away from the nearest neighbor. Was he drinking it all in there alone or did he stash it in something else and bring it home to his friends? We will never know because he felt his privacy was violated by finding that in his grandparent's bathroom and refused to discuss it.
I wish I could say that was the end of it but it was not. We find more from time to time and now his story is: "Well, Grandpa said you did the same thing and that's what kids do, so you have no right to get upset about it because he didn't get upset at you." and just to make it more festive a nice and loud "Fuck You!".
For the record, I drank a little beer out with friends as a teenager. I never stole, I never drank liquor, and I never hid anything in their house. My dad is apparently still holding a grudge about it because when this shit went down AGAIN in October he got super ugly about my life in the 80s and how we are not handling this well AT ALL and maybe we need some parenting classes and..........all kinds of other shit that just showed he has gone over to the dark side and at that point I left the house to save my sanity and he still refuses to speak to me.
Whatever.
I will post another time about the reason Jacob has been forced by his school counselor to see a different counselor who believes he is a narcissist. Narcissists manipulate others to feel they are wonderful and anyone in their way is completely wrong. I am currently in the middle of this with him. I am his target. He has turned my dad against me and is very close to doing the same with my mother. It breaks my heart every day because they aren't getting any younger and I am losing this time.
Anyway.
Derick went camping the first weekend in November. Jacob was still grounded from the incident that happened in the previous paragraph. He had some sort of theatre performance at an elementary school carnival and he begged and begged to be allowed to go eat out after with "the crew" and then go see a movie and spend the night with someone. I said no. He drove me absolutely bonkers for four hours texting and calling. I told him no. He did not come home. I called my mother to see if he was there and she said he told her that I said it was okay so they had driven to her house and picked up clothes and stuff and left from there. My mom said it would be okay. He is a senior in high school and should be out having fun with his friends.
Oh yes. It was so much fun to get a phone call at 12:30 a.m. requesting I come to pick him up and please bring your ID because the policeman won't let me leave without it.
PISSED. PISSED I tell you. If you read earlier you know my husband snores. It was ONE night I could sleep all the way through and, you know, my kid's in police custody.
So he's one town over and when I show up I ask the cop why was I there and he lets me know he and his "crew" broke into an empty house and were having a ball smoking weed and drinking. I told the cop to arrest him and he laughed at me. Breaking and entering, illicit substance, intent to sell (there was that much) near a school, underage drinking, and he refused to arrest him? Okay, whatever. I told him he's probably see him again then because he ratcheted it up a notch and would continue to do so.
And yes, he continues to do so. Derick went through his room last Sunday on one of his "walks" and found more weed. He was livid we went through the things that belong to US and swore he wasn't smoking anymore, he knew better, he was "holding it for a friend", drug test me if you don't believe me! Which is exactly what we did. The instructions said it would turn red within three minutes if he had smoked within 1-5 days. That cup lit up like Rudolph within ten seconds. He also found a lot of money in his desk. More money than a kid without a job should have. While all this time we've been thinking one of the friends was supplying it, now we are wondering if Jacob is supplying it.
He went for another neighorhood "walk" on Saturday and Derick found him a mile down the street walking out of Shell Station (they sell vapes and juuls there). When he caught up with him at the end of our street and asked him to empty is pockets he chose to jump in the very filthy and cold creek instead. He took off down the creek (he can't swim and hates water, sensory thing). We didn't see or hear from him until yesterday. My mother was so upset that he was out there cold and wet but we knew he wanted to spend the night with his friends, he had asked all week. Sure enough, that was where he went. I do wonder what the story was when he showed up sopping wet from head to toe. I am sure it is our fault some way, I have ceased caring what these other parents thing of me ( and they don't think much of me, he has told them all kinds of lies).
I got Texans tickets for my birthday and yesterday was the game. He knew this. Derick changed the lock codes on all doors so he could not get in. Of course he went to my parents. They were on the way back their lake house (they come here weekends) but he got there just in time to talk them into letting him stay there. My dad continued home, my mom stayed with him. Exactly what he wanted. She feeds him, washes his clothes, requires nothing of him. We tried to got talk to him last night and he locked himself in the bathroom running all of the hot water down the drain (wasnt' bathing, he doesnt' do that). My mother was shaking and sick and stressed and wanted him to come home with us. Our only option to getting him out of that room was the police and she wouldnt' agree to that so that is where he is at. I assume she drove him to school today, but who knows. He told us last week that his plan for next year (IF he graduates) is to just kick his grandparents out of that house and live there with his friends. College isn't for him. The military is ridiculous. He's too immature to get a job (what he hears from my parents). Well, he is well on his way. I worry what he will do to her. She swears he loves her so much but after living with him all these years I do know it's not really possible. He loves himself and that's pretty much it.
We have tried so hard to push him in the right direction. Some people just don't take to direction. His therapist said a couple days on the street might make him realize where his life is headed but my mother will never allow that to happen. She wants to go home but she won't let us deal with it. I had to walk out when she asked why we didn't deal with this sooner. Another one crossed over.
All we have done is deal with him. All of his life. Day after day after day...........
90 days until adulthood.
But it's never really over is it?
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Halloween
I actually hate Halloween.
I just don't even understand the concept of every other day of the year we don't take candy from anyone but today, go ahead and go to a stranger's house and ask for some.
I liked seeing my kids in their costumes but I hate wasting so much money on them when we need to pay a mortgage and buy groceries. Ditto with the candy. I like children, really I do, I am a teacher for goodness sake, but candy is expensive and to have enough for our neighbors PLUS the rest of our 20,000+ town that trucks in because we have a gate and they think that equals rich and better candy, we eat leftovers and beans for a couple of weeks.
I don't have a problem giving to teenagers if they are in a halfway decent costume (I don't want to see a fifteen year old girl's boobs, butt, and abs) but if you drive here in your convertible and get out with your five o'clock shadow in the clothes you wore to school, nope. If you can buy gas money, you can buy candy.
The same goes for the parents with the still red baby that just exited the womb with no other children holding out a Target plastic bag and telling me trick-or-treat. No way. Come back next year.
They are calling for rain, like hail and wind and possible tornadoes this evening and our town FB page is LOSING. THEIR. MIND. Some man just actually posted that he was taking his kids out even if it floods (which it now tends to do a lot now that our sewer system is clogged with Harvey waste) and we BETTER be out there handing out the GOOD CANDY or he was going to vandalize our homes. I thought he was joking but I read through the comments, he seems pretty serious.
Alrighty then.
Adam's football team is playing for the district championship tonight. There were parents who actually wanted to forfeit because they didn't want their TEENAGERS to miss trick-or-treat. WTH? This is actually a big middle school deal because we missed most of last season due to the hurricane and before that they were a losing team. They are undefeated and first in the district. Trick-or-treat trumps that?
People are freaking crazy.
Bring on Christmas.
Wednesday, October 10, 2018
PCB
So we bought a time share last year.
In Panama City Beach.
Of course we did.
It has been our family vacation spot for the past five years. We LOVE it there.
Praying and hoping for a good outcome after Hurricane Michael goes through today.
I mean, seriously? Can we get away from this shit? Harvey and now Michael?
Please don't take away my happy place.
Saturday, September 08, 2018
Counting Loud Sheep
I haven't slept in almost five years.
My husband snores.
Yes, I have ear plugs. Still hear it. I run the industrial garage fan on high. Doesn't come close. I bought that adjustable Sleep Number bed the commercials show that stops it with the push of a button. LOLOLOLOL.
I spent some time a couple years ago taking Nyquil every night that would get me a few hours but then I would wake up with a bad sinus headache so then I would take aspirin every morning to cure that. I had to stop that when I developed a stomach ulcer from it.
He won't use the snoring strips and those didn't help much anyway.
He had the sinus surgery. That made it worse.
He spent $500 for a sleep study just to confirm that, yes, he snores.
He spent another $1500 for some sort of mouth device from the dentist guaranteed to rid him of snoring forever. That was three months ago and we don't have a clue if or when he will ever see that thing. Can you say scam???
I see on the news where women kill their husbands and my first thought: He must have snored.
I want mad props that he is still alive and breathing. Every night I think about putting that pillow over his face and just pressing it a little bit too hard. Lack of sleep makes your mind kind of crazy.
I go to bed by 9:00 most nights. I sleep until around midnight when he comes to bed and starts his nightly percussive symphony. I move to the couch but I don't stay there long because I have been out there for so many months it is sagging in the middle and my back starts to hurt. I move to the recliner but I can never really get comfortable there. I used to climb into bed with Adam (poor kid is the only one with a full size mattress) but he's older now and it just seems weird. I have been known to kick him out and send him to the couch. NOT A LOT. Lack of sleep makes you less empathetic.
After all of my attempts at just a little bit of shut-eye fail, I end up watching cheesy cable movies, Netflix and Amazon Prime, and lots and lots of Antenna TV. Quantum Leap is on at 2 am central. You know you miss that show.
I thought if I quit my job then I could start sleeping during the day, you know, do the housework at night and sleep all day, be on the night shift so to speak. It's harder than you think to sleep during the day, even if you are seriously sleep deprived. It's not really working out for me so far.
In this time I have gained thirty pounds, developed a thyroid condition, and now suffer from high blood pressure. I spent a night in the hospital last November because my blood pressure was so high the school nurse thought I might have a heart attack. The doctor told me to get more rest.
Are you kidding? I wish I could!
About once every three weeks he will sleep on the couch and then WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING to let me know he slept on the couch FOR ME. Seriously? Let me organize the parade because it isn't like I am not OUT THERE EVERY OTHER NIGHT! I want it known that I have not assaulted him when he always says later the next day, "I don't understand why you are so grumpy? You got a whole night's sleep BECAUSE I SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR YOU."
I love my husband. He provides well for us and he does the math and science homework with the kids so I don't have to. BUT. I look forward to his business trips. He was supposed to leave Sunday until Thursday and I have been just hanging on this week dreaming of four long nights of slumber next week until he came in tonight and said he wasn't going. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GOING?????
I am just so freaking tired.
I have seen lots of good shows, though.
My husband snores.
Yes, I have ear plugs. Still hear it. I run the industrial garage fan on high. Doesn't come close. I bought that adjustable Sleep Number bed the commercials show that stops it with the push of a button. LOLOLOLOL.
I spent some time a couple years ago taking Nyquil every night that would get me a few hours but then I would wake up with a bad sinus headache so then I would take aspirin every morning to cure that. I had to stop that when I developed a stomach ulcer from it.
He won't use the snoring strips and those didn't help much anyway.
He had the sinus surgery. That made it worse.
He spent $500 for a sleep study just to confirm that, yes, he snores.
He spent another $1500 for some sort of mouth device from the dentist guaranteed to rid him of snoring forever. That was three months ago and we don't have a clue if or when he will ever see that thing. Can you say scam???
I see on the news where women kill their husbands and my first thought: He must have snored.
I want mad props that he is still alive and breathing. Every night I think about putting that pillow over his face and just pressing it a little bit too hard. Lack of sleep makes your mind kind of crazy.
I go to bed by 9:00 most nights. I sleep until around midnight when he comes to bed and starts his nightly percussive symphony. I move to the couch but I don't stay there long because I have been out there for so many months it is sagging in the middle and my back starts to hurt. I move to the recliner but I can never really get comfortable there. I used to climb into bed with Adam (poor kid is the only one with a full size mattress) but he's older now and it just seems weird. I have been known to kick him out and send him to the couch. NOT A LOT. Lack of sleep makes you less empathetic.
After all of my attempts at just a little bit of shut-eye fail, I end up watching cheesy cable movies, Netflix and Amazon Prime, and lots and lots of Antenna TV. Quantum Leap is on at 2 am central. You know you miss that show.
I thought if I quit my job then I could start sleeping during the day, you know, do the housework at night and sleep all day, be on the night shift so to speak. It's harder than you think to sleep during the day, even if you are seriously sleep deprived. It's not really working out for me so far.
In this time I have gained thirty pounds, developed a thyroid condition, and now suffer from high blood pressure. I spent a night in the hospital last November because my blood pressure was so high the school nurse thought I might have a heart attack. The doctor told me to get more rest.
Are you kidding? I wish I could!
About once every three weeks he will sleep on the couch and then WAKE ME UP IN THE MORNING to let me know he slept on the couch FOR ME. Seriously? Let me organize the parade because it isn't like I am not OUT THERE EVERY OTHER NIGHT! I want it known that I have not assaulted him when he always says later the next day, "I don't understand why you are so grumpy? You got a whole night's sleep BECAUSE I SLEPT ON THE COUCH FOR YOU."
I love my husband. He provides well for us and he does the math and science homework with the kids so I don't have to. BUT. I look forward to his business trips. He was supposed to leave Sunday until Thursday and I have been just hanging on this week dreaming of four long nights of slumber next week until he came in tonight and said he wasn't going. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GOING?????
I am just so freaking tired.
I have seen lots of good shows, though.
Tuesday, September 04, 2018
We'll Agree to Disagree
We are into our third week of school today.
The kids are all doing pretty well. I was pretty worried about Elizabeth as this is her first year attending public school and also the beginning of middle school. Last year she sat in three classrooms right next to each other all year and this year she has a locker, changes seven classes, and PE.
Yep. PE.
Elizabeth likes everything about her new school EXCEPT PE.
This summer she was really looking forward to it. She'd learn volleyball! They might do gymnastics! It will be an easy A!
She HATES it now. I tried to prepare her but she really had no way of knowing until she got there.
She goes to PE and then goes straight to lunch. I get a text or a Facetime at the beginning of every lunch to let me know just how much she hated DRESSING FOR PE.
I remember dressing for PE in middle school as well and hating it just as much as she did.
WHY? in this day and age of #metoo and personal space is this still a thing?
Yeah, yeah, I get that they are starting to stink and stuff but really? WHY?
I am going to go even further and say WHY is PE a required class in middle school/high school? I know many do not agree with me and I am not saying children should not be physically active, but as a parent of a child who gets plenty of exercise, is at an ideal body weight, and eats healthy foods WHY should she be required to strip down to her underwear in front of sixty other girls so she can do some jumping jacks and run some laps around the gym?
She will have four more years of required PE class. That is four credits she could be taking academically and actually learning something that might actually help her later on in life. WHY do we not get that option?
Last Thursday she was teary because a girl took her picture as she was undressed and told her she was posting it to Snapchat. She told the "coach" and was made to run some more for tattling. On Friday she moved around a row of lockers and was yelled at by the PE "teacher" that everyone dresses by the benches in front of everyone else. WHY? I am sure she isn't the only one getting this treatment and hating PE.
I hated PE as a child for this very reason. I was involved in basketball and track and enjoyed it UNTIL I got to middle school PE. The dressing and the shaming and the just un-fun of it made me hate any type of physical activity to this day. I hate it again because it is doing the same thing to my daughter.
PE needs to be fun not hurtful. If a kid doesn't want to do it, don't make them do it. Let them wear their own clothes if they want. Shit, they go outside at lunch and goof around and get just as sweaty and stinky.
I am usually that parent who follows the rules and explains to their children why we these rules are in place but I am not really understanding the importance of this particular rule and I am wondering how many people I piss off this year trying to get it. If my child is disrespecting you or hurting others in any way you can bet I will be all over that and I will support you wholeheartedly but if she wants to have a little modesty as she strips naked, I have to side with her and question your motives.
I am the nicest person you have ever met until you screw with my child.
Middle School. It's a wonder we all get through it with our sanity. Or do we?
The kids are all doing pretty well. I was pretty worried about Elizabeth as this is her first year attending public school and also the beginning of middle school. Last year she sat in three classrooms right next to each other all year and this year she has a locker, changes seven classes, and PE.
Yep. PE.
Elizabeth likes everything about her new school EXCEPT PE.
This summer she was really looking forward to it. She'd learn volleyball! They might do gymnastics! It will be an easy A!
She HATES it now. I tried to prepare her but she really had no way of knowing until she got there.
She goes to PE and then goes straight to lunch. I get a text or a Facetime at the beginning of every lunch to let me know just how much she hated DRESSING FOR PE.
I remember dressing for PE in middle school as well and hating it just as much as she did.
WHY? in this day and age of #metoo and personal space is this still a thing?
Yeah, yeah, I get that they are starting to stink and stuff but really? WHY?
I am going to go even further and say WHY is PE a required class in middle school/high school? I know many do not agree with me and I am not saying children should not be physically active, but as a parent of a child who gets plenty of exercise, is at an ideal body weight, and eats healthy foods WHY should she be required to strip down to her underwear in front of sixty other girls so she can do some jumping jacks and run some laps around the gym?
She will have four more years of required PE class. That is four credits she could be taking academically and actually learning something that might actually help her later on in life. WHY do we not get that option?
Last Thursday she was teary because a girl took her picture as she was undressed and told her she was posting it to Snapchat. She told the "coach" and was made to run some more for tattling. On Friday she moved around a row of lockers and was yelled at by the PE "teacher" that everyone dresses by the benches in front of everyone else. WHY? I am sure she isn't the only one getting this treatment and hating PE.
I hated PE as a child for this very reason. I was involved in basketball and track and enjoyed it UNTIL I got to middle school PE. The dressing and the shaming and the just un-fun of it made me hate any type of physical activity to this day. I hate it again because it is doing the same thing to my daughter.
PE needs to be fun not hurtful. If a kid doesn't want to do it, don't make them do it. Let them wear their own clothes if they want. Shit, they go outside at lunch and goof around and get just as sweaty and stinky.
I am usually that parent who follows the rules and explains to their children why we these rules are in place but I am not really understanding the importance of this particular rule and I am wondering how many people I piss off this year trying to get it. If my child is disrespecting you or hurting others in any way you can bet I will be all over that and I will support you wholeheartedly but if she wants to have a little modesty as she strips naked, I have to side with her and question your motives.
I am the nicest person you have ever met until you screw with my child.
Middle School. It's a wonder we all get through it with our sanity. Or do we?
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Back to School
First Day of School 2018
Elizabeth - 6th grade
Adam - 8th grade
My children went back to school. I did not.
I went back to work in 2010 when Adam was starting kindergarten and Elizabeth came to preschool with me. Before that I stayed home and took care of them all day. Now that I am home again it feels like time shouldn't have gone on and they should be five and three again. I can't explain it. Like life paused while I was working but, of course, we know it didn't.
I really loved teaching preschool. It was the one place I felt instant gratification that I was good at something. Here at home everything is Momma's fault. You can't find your shoes? Momma put them somewhere. You didn't do your homework? Momma didn't give you enough time. Your life is the absolute worst ever? Momma. Always Momma. I don't always feel like a good mom but I always knew I was a great teacher. For that, I really miss it.
BUT.
I don't really miss it.
I have so much more time now. Our mornings are so much less stressful than they have been the past eight years since I am not on a deadline to get out the door. I cook a meal every evening and doing homework doesn't make me want to shoot my eye out. My house is clean. I enjoy my children more because I am not doing lesson plans and organizing crafts or just bone tired from spending the day with someone else's children.
My hope is that I can be the mom my children need right NOW in their lives. I feel like I haven't been there like I should have these past few years. Time to focus on my own kids for a change.
Wish us luck.
Monday, August 27, 2018
Hurricane Harvey
August 27, 2017
Hurricane Harvey
54 inches of rain in 3 days
I used to love to sleep during a good storm.
No one here can even watch rain anymore. Everyone has PTSD.
We were lucky though.
No more hurricanes please.
Last First Day
The last time I posted a picture I had a digital camera that I had to plug into the computer to upload. That camera broke at least three years ago and I have never gotten a new one. My phone takes my pictures now and I still can't figure out the dang cloud and how and why and when my pictures will make it to my files.
I can't find the pictures of Elizabeth and Adam.
I did find this picture of Jacob.
17 and almost a half years old
First day of 12th grade
Yep. Senior year.
I am not understanding the shirt and it aggravates me that he will NOT cut his hair.
Do not ask me what his future plans are because if there are some he isn't sharing. He has rebuked all of our attempts to nudge him towards college, the military, a job. He wants to take "a gap year" but his idea of a gap year is sitting in the recliner watching The Office and not showering.
Why yes. I drink.
I have no idea what this next year is going to bring for him (or us).
Parenting is not for the weak.
I will keep looking for the other pictures.
Thursday, August 16, 2018
Is Anybody Out There?
So now are you singing Pink Floyd?
Well? Is anybody out there anymore?
I sure miss blogging. When I started Jacob wasn't even in preschool yet. He will graduate in nine months. From high school. Really!
Adam is in 8th grade and Elizabeth will be starting middle school (6th) next week. It doesn't seem possible but then at the same time it does seem possible. What is that they say? The days are so long but the years are short? Something like that.
I taught preschool the past eight years and loved it (mostly). I quit in May and will be a stay at home mom again until next school year when I hope to go back. Hopefully this newfound free time will help me be able to blog more.
Raising three kids to adulthood is a hard thing to do. Who knew? Maybe I can work through some of our issues here, maybe someone is going through the same things and could use some support? Isn't that why we all started blogging in the first place?
Let me know if you are out there?
Well? Is anybody out there anymore?
I sure miss blogging. When I started Jacob wasn't even in preschool yet. He will graduate in nine months. From high school. Really!
Adam is in 8th grade and Elizabeth will be starting middle school (6th) next week. It doesn't seem possible but then at the same time it does seem possible. What is that they say? The days are so long but the years are short? Something like that.
I taught preschool the past eight years and loved it (mostly). I quit in May and will be a stay at home mom again until next school year when I hope to go back. Hopefully this newfound free time will help me be able to blog more.
Raising three kids to adulthood is a hard thing to do. Who knew? Maybe I can work through some of our issues here, maybe someone is going through the same things and could use some support? Isn't that why we all started blogging in the first place?
Let me know if you are out there?
Saturday, January 07, 2017
Happy New Year
So I found this "Positive Energy" tea on a clearance shelf at the supermarket last week.
It tastes good but I cannot keep my eyes open after drinking it and I don't think it has improved my positivity.
Of course it's only been three days but, eh.
I have gotten too old to do the resolution thing. I know I will keep up with it a few days or maybe even weeks, but, really, I am who I am. Fat, grouchy, and sleepy. There.
I would like to rev this space up again. I miss it. I guess now that I have some tangible friends I don't need it as much, but still, I miss it. Maybe I can get back in to a weekly groove. LOLOLOL......I guess that could be considered some "positivity".
Anyway.
I am still teaching preschool. The curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see how this "new" way would turn out and mostly I just wanted to stay with my friends. There is something to said about loving your co-workers. They truly are like a family to me and I just wasn't ready to give that up.
It's weird now.
We went from six to sometimes seven teachers with aides to twelve teachers with aides. Let's just say it's easier for 12-14 women to mesh well than 24. I feel like I went back to high school some days and thats not just because some of these people just graduated from it. I am consistently surprised we are in a church because, it no longer seems like a church. Shouldn't "being kind to others" be a church thing? Yeah. I thought so.
The new building is fantastic as new buildings will be, there is that.
I am at that point again where I need to decide about next year. Should I stay or should I go now? *sing it. you know you want to*
I am feeling the urge to move on. Keep Elizabeth home for fifth grade. *GASP. FIFTH GRADE*. In my mind this looks all wine and roses. We will awaken when we are ready with smiles on our faces. I will make huge breakfasts and we will smile about that too. We will cheerfully open our school books each day (which I keep organized and out of the way) and my daughter will hang on my every word clamoring for more. She will thank me profusely after each lesson that she understands instantaneously, and then we will have a healthy lunch and spend the rest of our afternoon enjoying each other's company getting pedicures or taking meaningful walks. Reality? I wish future seeing was my super power. Then I wonder. Where else will I find another three day a week job with people I love? If I leave and come back I would then be considered a "new employee" and have to do 36 more training hours on top of the 24 we have to do each year. I am still five behind this year and I only have do the 24. That would be, well, pretty damn awful. I seriously should have a doctorate by now with all the freaking training I have done since 2010.
I love preschool. I really do. I love preschool. I love preschool.
Parents don't love preschool teachers though. Nothing has changed there.
One of the parents told my assistant when dropping her child off late, again, that she was not buying teachers a Christmas gift because she didn't get a Christmas gift for doing her job and maybe she'd pull some cookies off a plate someone else had given her, put them in a baggie and be done with it. The sad thing about this exchange was that she was referring to her older kid's teachers. She thought she was being all funny and cute and didn't even think about US being her preschooler's TEACHERS. It would have been hysterical if it hadn't been so sad.
I did not get two degrees in education for the gifts ya'll, but let me just tell you something from the other side: If you appreciate your child's teacher, say so. How hard would it have been for this woman to pick up a card from Dollar Tree and scratch Thank You on it? Apparently very, but I digress. Your child's teacher is spending her own money on the hot chocolate for the winter unit, the play dough for forming letters, the Christmas/Valentine/Mother's Day/Father's Day gift you received from your child.........fill in the dots, there is so much more. She comes in on her own time to change the bulletin boards (after spending her own money buying the cute things for the bulletin boards). She answers your (usually unnecessary, for Christ's sake read the newsletter) emails while her children need help with their homework. It's a thankless job. Literally. If your four year old has a brand new pair of shoes every week and you are driving a car that cost more than her first house but you can't sign a Christmas card, it really does show that you don't care at all about her or think she is doing a good job with your child. When your teacher feels this, it makes them wonder if they should stay in that job. Your teacher might even quit because she feels she isn't making a difference. If your teacher is making a difference to your child, tell them somehow. Positive feedback is helpful because the paycheck is not.
Part of "new preschool" was that it was to be part of the "elementary school". In the elementary/middle/high school they have a whole club (very exclusive and snotty, just what you would expect from "christian" school) where they bring food in for the teachers each month, buy them all gifts for their birthdays, leave treats in the teacher lounge. The ELEMENTARY/MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL teachers love it. Some of my student's parents take part in this. Do you think they do anything like that for preschool? Of course not. I think the message is pretty clear.
I don't work any less during the time I am at that school than any of those teachers. In fact, I think I *might* even work a bit more. Let's see. They get a planning period. I do not. They have time to sit at their desk and send email while their kids do seat work. I do not. They have a chair. I do not. Go ahead and enjoy your cocktail weenies. My assistant will help me up off the floor.
Positive energy tea my ass.
For the record, I kept the beautiful plate her husband forgot with the aforementioned cookies she sent to the party. She has not asked for it back. Yet.
It tastes good but I cannot keep my eyes open after drinking it and I don't think it has improved my positivity.
Of course it's only been three days but, eh.
I have gotten too old to do the resolution thing. I know I will keep up with it a few days or maybe even weeks, but, really, I am who I am. Fat, grouchy, and sleepy. There.
I would like to rev this space up again. I miss it. I guess now that I have some tangible friends I don't need it as much, but still, I miss it. Maybe I can get back in to a weekly groove. LOLOLOL......I guess that could be considered some "positivity".
Anyway.
I am still teaching preschool. The curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to see how this "new" way would turn out and mostly I just wanted to stay with my friends. There is something to said about loving your co-workers. They truly are like a family to me and I just wasn't ready to give that up.
It's weird now.
We went from six to sometimes seven teachers with aides to twelve teachers with aides. Let's just say it's easier for 12-14 women to mesh well than 24. I feel like I went back to high school some days and thats not just because some of these people just graduated from it. I am consistently surprised we are in a church because, it no longer seems like a church. Shouldn't "being kind to others" be a church thing? Yeah. I thought so.
The new building is fantastic as new buildings will be, there is that.
I am at that point again where I need to decide about next year. Should I stay or should I go now? *sing it. you know you want to*
I am feeling the urge to move on. Keep Elizabeth home for fifth grade. *GASP. FIFTH GRADE*. In my mind this looks all wine and roses. We will awaken when we are ready with smiles on our faces. I will make huge breakfasts and we will smile about that too. We will cheerfully open our school books each day (which I keep organized and out of the way) and my daughter will hang on my every word clamoring for more. She will thank me profusely after each lesson that she understands instantaneously, and then we will have a healthy lunch and spend the rest of our afternoon enjoying each other's company getting pedicures or taking meaningful walks. Reality? I wish future seeing was my super power. Then I wonder. Where else will I find another three day a week job with people I love? If I leave and come back I would then be considered a "new employee" and have to do 36 more training hours on top of the 24 we have to do each year. I am still five behind this year and I only have do the 24. That would be, well, pretty damn awful. I seriously should have a doctorate by now with all the freaking training I have done since 2010.
I love preschool. I really do. I love preschool. I love preschool.
Parents don't love preschool teachers though. Nothing has changed there.
One of the parents told my assistant when dropping her child off late, again, that she was not buying teachers a Christmas gift because she didn't get a Christmas gift for doing her job and maybe she'd pull some cookies off a plate someone else had given her, put them in a baggie and be done with it. The sad thing about this exchange was that she was referring to her older kid's teachers. She thought she was being all funny and cute and didn't even think about US being her preschooler's TEACHERS. It would have been hysterical if it hadn't been so sad.
I did not get two degrees in education for the gifts ya'll, but let me just tell you something from the other side: If you appreciate your child's teacher, say so. How hard would it have been for this woman to pick up a card from Dollar Tree and scratch Thank You on it? Apparently very, but I digress. Your child's teacher is spending her own money on the hot chocolate for the winter unit, the play dough for forming letters, the Christmas/Valentine/Mother's Day/Father's Day gift you received from your child.........fill in the dots, there is so much more. She comes in on her own time to change the bulletin boards (after spending her own money buying the cute things for the bulletin boards). She answers your (usually unnecessary, for Christ's sake read the newsletter) emails while her children need help with their homework. It's a thankless job. Literally. If your four year old has a brand new pair of shoes every week and you are driving a car that cost more than her first house but you can't sign a Christmas card, it really does show that you don't care at all about her or think she is doing a good job with your child. When your teacher feels this, it makes them wonder if they should stay in that job. Your teacher might even quit because she feels she isn't making a difference. If your teacher is making a difference to your child, tell them somehow. Positive feedback is helpful because the paycheck is not.
Part of "new preschool" was that it was to be part of the "elementary school". In the elementary/middle/high school they have a whole club (very exclusive and snotty, just what you would expect from "christian" school) where they bring food in for the teachers each month, buy them all gifts for their birthdays, leave treats in the teacher lounge. The ELEMENTARY/MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL teachers love it. Some of my student's parents take part in this. Do you think they do anything like that for preschool? Of course not. I think the message is pretty clear.
I don't work any less during the time I am at that school than any of those teachers. In fact, I think I *might* even work a bit more. Let's see. They get a planning period. I do not. They have time to sit at their desk and send email while their kids do seat work. I do not. They have a chair. I do not. Go ahead and enjoy your cocktail weenies. My assistant will help me up off the floor.
Positive energy tea my ass.
For the record, I kept the beautiful plate her husband forgot with the aforementioned cookies she sent to the party. She has not asked for it back. Yet.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Part 2
Try as I might, I cannot get the lids off the Oil Pulling and Coconut Oil any longer. I think I might have liked them, but my right hand is so freaking messed up now I could hardly push the vacuum today and couldn't hold the brush to fix my daughter's hair. I am taking ibuprofen three times a day for the pain which isn't going to help my stomach ulcer, but whatever. These might be the best coconut oils ever made but I wouldn't know, I can't access them and I refuse to hurt myself any longer to try.
So I have used the Facial Oil, the Body Butter, and, once, the Sugar Scrub. I leave the lids just sitting on the top of those so I can get to them again ;). Anyway, I do really like the Facial Oil and the Body Butter. They are oils so, obviously, they are oily which is not what I usually go with, but I like the smell and they make my skin soft. The Sugar Scrub smells really, really good. One of the suggested uses for it was as an additive to coffee or tea which is what I did, it was good. Would I do it again? Probably not as it was way out of my comfort zone to put something that should be a body scrub into my drink, but it wasn't bad. If I can keep the lid off it I may try it in the shower. We'll see.
So I have used the Facial Oil, the Body Butter, and, once, the Sugar Scrub. I leave the lids just sitting on the top of those so I can get to them again ;). Anyway, I do really like the Facial Oil and the Body Butter. They are oils so, obviously, they are oily which is not what I usually go with, but I like the smell and they make my skin soft. The Sugar Scrub smells really, really good. One of the suggested uses for it was as an additive to coffee or tea which is what I did, it was good. Would I do it again? Probably not as it was way out of my comfort zone to put something that should be a body scrub into my drink, but it wasn't bad. If I can keep the lid off it I may try it in the shower. We'll see.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Going Coconuts....Part 1
I was approached by skinnyandcompany.com about reviewing some of their all natural coconut oil products.
I received the facial oil, body butter, coconut oil, oil pulling, and sugar scrub.
They all looked like this thirty minutes after I opened the box. They don't look like this on the website so I don't know what happened, but what the heck?
I was very excited to try the body butter as I enjoy lotions and creams, but it was a liquid so I was a bit disappointed. I don't know if it was supposed to be that way as the picture on the website it appears solid, but whatever.
I used the facial oil first. It is infused with lavender essential oil and has a very nice smell, but I had to wash it off my face because I was so greasy. It left my skin soft though.
This morning I wanted to try the oil pulling and when I picked the jar up I noticed it had a few solid droplets in it. I checked the other jars and the facial oil was about half solid and the body butter was solid on top but liquid on the bottom. I am not an expert on coconut oil or any other types of oil, but I found this a bit odd, but I can roll with it.
The little jars are so damn cute.
I received the facial oil, body butter, coconut oil, oil pulling, and sugar scrub.
They all looked like this thirty minutes after I opened the box. They don't look like this on the website so I don't know what happened, but what the heck?
I was very excited to try the body butter as I enjoy lotions and creams, but it was a liquid so I was a bit disappointed. I don't know if it was supposed to be that way as the picture on the website it appears solid, but whatever.
I used the facial oil first. It is infused with lavender essential oil and has a very nice smell, but I had to wash it off my face because I was so greasy. It left my skin soft though.
This morning I wanted to try the oil pulling and when I picked the jar up I noticed it had a few solid droplets in it. I checked the other jars and the facial oil was about half solid and the body butter was solid on top but liquid on the bottom. I am not an expert on coconut oil or any other types of oil, but I found this a bit odd, but I can roll with it.
The little jars are so damn cute.
See?
But MY GOLLY they are hard to open. I tried to use one of those rubber opener helper thingies and it tore in half. I was committed to trying the dang oil pulling though and eventually succeeded and in the process spilled a good bit on my granite counter. Those jars have a big mouth, just saying. I know they are trying to be all environmentally friendly but the neat freak in me would love to see some kind of easier, cleaner container, like I am thinking of putting this in an old ketchup bottle.
Anyway.......I can't tell that my mouth is that much cleaner after the oil pulling but it made me feel healthy and crunchy and tasted a heck of a lot better than the solid stuff I bought in the grocery store last year when I attempted that once before. I am going to continue with it and let you know.
After my shower this morning I was happy to try the body butter now that it had semi-set up. That was when I realized only the top was solid. I got another big blob of oil on my granite again when I hit the liquid, but the solid smelled nice and I smeared it on my legs as an after-shave balm. It wasn't what I was expecting, it was quite oily, but maybe tomorrow it will set up some more and I can get more of a lotion feel from it. Stay tuned.
Friday, May 20, 2016
Thank your Teachers
I just got my last paycheck.
For three days I was paid $198.75. Not too bad huh? The government took $150 in federal taxes along with $2.86 for Medicare (that I will probably never be able to use) and $12.32 for Social Security (ditto).
Grand total for my last week of work where I worked all day PLUS one whole evening due to the graduation:
$33.55
That's about 85% straight to the government.
WTF?
And they tell me we get a tax break because we work for a church.
The hell.
And I got four end-of-school gifts out of fourteen students.
I don't teach to get gifts, I actually really, really love it and I am really, really good at it. My boss even told me I was the best one there, so there's your proof. But. How hard would it be to write a sentence telling me thank you on an index card as you're walking out the door? Teachers do need that because their paycheck isn't giving them the warm fuzzies.
PLEASE remember your teachers on the last day of school. I know we just had Mother's Day and Teacher Appreciation and Father's Day is coming up and you want to go on vacation this summer, but PLEASE if you had a good teacher let them know you thought so somehow so they stay there.
I am doing one of two things next year:
Quitting
Or
Posting this paycheck stub at the entrance of my classroom just so they see what teachers sacrifice to educate their children.
For three days I was paid $198.75. Not too bad huh? The government took $150 in federal taxes along with $2.86 for Medicare (that I will probably never be able to use) and $12.32 for Social Security (ditto).
Grand total for my last week of work where I worked all day PLUS one whole evening due to the graduation:
$33.55
That's about 85% straight to the government.
WTF?
And they tell me we get a tax break because we work for a church.
The hell.
And I got four end-of-school gifts out of fourteen students.
I don't teach to get gifts, I actually really, really love it and I am really, really good at it. My boss even told me I was the best one there, so there's your proof. But. How hard would it be to write a sentence telling me thank you on an index card as you're walking out the door? Teachers do need that because their paycheck isn't giving them the warm fuzzies.
PLEASE remember your teachers on the last day of school. I know we just had Mother's Day and Teacher Appreciation and Father's Day is coming up and you want to go on vacation this summer, but PLEASE if you had a good teacher let them know you thought so somehow so they stay there.
I am doing one of two things next year:
Quitting
Or
Posting this paycheck stub at the entrance of my classroom just so they see what teachers sacrifice to educate their children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)