Broken Dreams

Bad picture, I know. I guess my camera is so used to catching moving subjects that it can't adjust itself to still life.



Anyway.....how do you like the Christmas present Jacob made me?



That started out as a beautiful blue, yet breakable obviously, Christmas ornament with Jacob's handprint and fingers forming five little snowmen complete with sappy, tear-inducing poem about the snowmen never melting and those little prints will always remain the same even after he has grown...yada, yada, sniff. It is the only crafty thing they have done with the kids all year long and it had his handprint on it......I am a sucker for handprints!

So, of course, the goal is to hang it on the tree year after year but this one sat in it's bag throughout the season because I was sure Adam, my baby, the little one who doesn't know any better, would break it, and I would have been completely devastated if he would have had his way with that ornament like he did the six or seven other ornaments that saw their demise on our tile floor and had a ceremonious passing in the recyclable bins.

Last night Jacob and I were playing a rousing game of Trouble upstairs when suddenly he felt the urge to flee downstairs....bathroom? itch? I don't know. I few minutes later he came up to let us know that we were no longer allowed to go in the "toy room" aka our dining room. He was quite matter of fact about it, like, well, that room's off limits, it's your turn now, mom. Of course, as comfy as I was stretched out on that bed, I had to go see why in the world we were banished from that fun room. Let's just say I didn't take it well and leave it at that. Sentimental snowman ornament shattered all over the raceway rugs makes pregnant mommy quite crazy. Jacob just stood there like Ralphie did when they found Flick stuck to the flag pole.....hmm, I don't see anything. I was completely devastated. Yes, it was just an ornament, but I imagined placing that on my tree with my grandkids around marvelling at Jacob's tiny handprints just like my mom does with the similar ornament I made in kindergarten. Now, this is what I am left with.

I would like to say that I gave him a big hug and let him know that I knew it was an accident and I still loved him and all was right with the world, but I did not. It was a scene out of a bad episode of Super Nanny and I am regretting it a whole lot today. When he wouldn't explain to me why he climbed up onto a shelf, took the ornament down and then dropped it halfway across a different room I hit the ceiling. I was mad. I sent him to his room to bed without a bath, without a night light, and without *gasp* the tooth fairy. It was a bad night, hearing him cry in that dark room, yet too angry to go do anything about it, too upset hearing the vacuum run to pick up the last remaining bits of snowman hand, upset with myself for knowing the right way to handle it, but being to emotional to do so. It was just an ornament, but it meant a lot to me. A symbol to mark to passing of time in my son's short childhood, something we were meant to enjoy for a lifetime, now has become a broken shard of colored glass there to remind me of yet another parenting faux pas, a broken opportunity in more ways than just a visit from the tooth fairy. Kids are resilient, though, he made it through his dark night and slept like a log and at the very least, he hasn't touched anything that belongs to me, yet.

So on page 1,254 of the parenting Jacob manual presented at his birth:
1. ornaments are just things, they really aren't important in the grand scheme of things
2. make him vacuum the pieces himself and calmly put him in time out and explain the consequences for touching important items in the future.
3. Do not take away important life events, you will regret it.


If only........


Excuse me while I explain to my son that the tooth fairy had a long weekend due to the MLK holiday and should be back on the clock tonight.