One Year Ago Today.....

My baby boy was born at 8:36 am on a dreary Sunday January 23, 2005. I had a c-section scheduled on the 27th, my Granny's birthday, but I guess he couldn't wait that long. I actually went into labor this time and it hurt, don't see how other women make it through the whole thing. The c-section itself was an ordeal. It took the anesthesiologist forever to get the epidural in and everytime he tried he hit a nerve making me jump, those nurses were starting to yell at me after a while to be still but it just wasn't happening. I cried and cried, the pain of the needle and the pain from the contractions was just too much for me at that point. I was mad at myself for putting myself in that position, I could have avoided it all if I had just not gotten pregnant. By the time they got it done and had me strapped to the table (which sent me into a panic attack)I was just praying for it all to be over, I wasn't savoring the moment like I wanted to, like I thought it would be like. In what seemed like a split second I was pregnant and then I wasn't....they held up that beautiful child and all that previous misery was forgotten. There is nothing like hearing your baby cry for the first time. My first impression of him was that I knew he was healthy and to me big...after having a preemie he seemed like the biggest baby I had ever seen, although he was quite small: 6 pounds, 1 ounce. He was so alert and alive it was hard to believe he had just made it to the world. They took him to the nursery and I didn't see him again for about 4 hours. When they finally brought him to me I couldn't believe how intuitive he seemed, like he just knew what he was doing there, figuring out all the things around him, and I swear he smiled, not a gas smile or a grimace, but a true, albeit small smile, right at me like he knew who I was, a mama's boy from the start. He has truly smiled since birth, we put in his baby book 2 weeks because that is the first time we have a picture of it, but he did smile and that foretold Adam at 1 year old....happy, smiling, sweet, and full of energy. What a good day it was and what a good day today will be.