Jacob's school calendar came in the mail this afternoon. Any normal person might find this helpful and peruse it with some interest, but I dropped it like a hot potato and had to leave the room to compose myself. Jacob's first day of kindergarten will be August 16. That is four months from now. I am not ready. How did this itty, bitty four pound baby turn into a kindergartener overnight? I seriously do not want him to go. I want time to stop and leave me in this cozy place where I can hang with my babies day in and day out. I want to lounge in our jammies all day and eat lunch under a fort in the living room. Better yet, I want to go back to that place in time where I could curl up in the recliner taking in his sweet baby scent as we napped while watching old game shows on the Game Show Network because for whatever reason, "Let's Make a Deal" would calm his soul. I long for the days when it was him and me, alone in the house watching Nick Jr. and Noggin shows and taking naps together after reading book after book, "Just one more, Mama" he would say. I want to be able to carry him in my arms again.
I have always known that I would have a hard time sending my kids off to school, but I never knew it would be this hard. I remember thinking last year at this time, "Thank God I have one more year with him at home, all the things we can do! It will be many, many months before I have to face SCHOOL" And here it is. I think I have dreaded this since the moment I brought him home. He was my one and only and I loved being his mom. Of course, it wasn't all wine and roses, we cried a lot, but I felt a strange sense of calm being at home with him all day. I am so stressed thinking about him being gone EVERY DAY, I can't even imagine what that will be like. I don't want to imagine that yet. I hope I can get through these next months without dwelling on it. I hope I can take it day by day and enjoy them as we have been doing. I hope no more calendars or other school propaganda come in the mail to ruin my day. I hope I am not that mom who collapses into a wailing heap at the kindergarten door, but I am pretty sure I will be. SIGH....it's coming, I can't stop it. I think I am going to sneak into bed with my first baby and see if I can find that baby smell.
Jacob's school calendar came in the mail this afternoon. Any normal person might find this helpful and peruse it with some interest, but I dropped it like a hot potato and had to leave the room to compose myself. Jacob's first day of kindergarten will be August 16. That is four months from now. I am not ready. How did this itty, bitty four pound baby turn into a kindergartener overnight? I seriously do not want him to go. I want time to stop and leave me in this cozy place where I can hang with my babies day in and day out. I want to lounge in our jammies all day and eat lunch under a fort in the living room. Better yet, I want to go back to that place in time where I could curl up in the recliner taking in his sweet baby scent as we napped while watching old game shows on the Game Show Network because for whatever reason, "Let's Make a Deal" would calm his soul. I long for the days when it was him and me, alone in the house watching Nick Jr. and Noggin shows and taking naps together after reading book after book, "Just one more, Mama" he would say. I want to be able to carry him in my arms again. 
I have always known that I would have a hard time sending my kids off to school, but I never knew it would be this hard. I remember thinking last year at this time, "Thank God I have one more year with him at home, all the things we can do! It will be many, many months before I have to face SCHOOL" And here it is. I think I have dreaded this since the moment I brought him home. He was my one and only and I loved being his mom. Of course, it wasn't all wine and roses, we cried a lot, but I felt a strange sense of calm being at home with him all day. I am so stressed thinking about him being gone EVERY DAY, I can't even imagine what that will be like. I don't want to imagine that yet. I hope I can get through these next months without dwelling on it. I hope I can take it day by day and enjoy them as we have been doing. I hope no more calendars or other school propaganda come in the mail to ruin my day. I hope I am not that mom who collapses into a wailing heap at the kindergarten door, but I am pretty sure I will be. SIGH....it's coming, I can't stop it. I think I am going to sneak into bed with my first baby and see if I can find that baby smell.
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