My mom left yesterday. Oh, woe is me. I have now had to step up and start raising my children again......oh, I am so tired.
You know what? I have been tired my entire life. I cannot remember a time when I was well rested. In elementary school I slept entire weekends away, catching up from the early school hours. In high school I was a walking zombie from waking up at 6 am to curl my 80s doo and make it to school on time. In college I learned very quickly not to schedule classes before 10 and if it were the only time it were offered, I typically skipped it scraping by with C's when I could have been making A's. I even had a summer job once where I drove the five minute drive back to my dorm room and napped my entire lunch hour, never once eating lunch. I chose the location of our honeymoon because there weren't many activities, therefore guaranteeing a nap every afternoon....no, I am not kidding. I am tired. That is all there is to it. I have tried caffeine, exercise, the ten glasses of water a day thing, a diet of no carbs, meats, or sugars, vegetarianism, aromatherapy, and anything else short of a frontal lobotomy and shock therapy. Nothing works. I am destined to be sleepy all of my life. I have no idea how I will be able to function with three children, especially one that will be keeping me up at night. I want to fast forward to retirement when I can sleep until noon again.
I feel sorry for my kids, I really do try to keep them entertained and busy but since I have had this parasite feeding off me for the past few weeks I have had absolutely no energy whatsoever to do anything remotely fun or even useful. My house is only clean right now because my mom cleaned it, but it is already on it's way to complete chaos again. I have lost two checks and the downloading attachments to the camera because they are somewhere buried on my desk from, oh say, eight weeks worth of non organizing. I haven't made a from scratch meal in at least three weeks. FYI: SuperTarget has cheap and good frozen dinners. Do you know what we are having tonight? The five for five Arby's roast beef sandwiches and quite possibly a can of veggies if I can muster up enough energy to run the can opener. I suck. I am a horrible mother right now and it really upsets me. I try to drag myself outside to run and play but then find myself slumped over in the hammock hoping for some piece and quiet. I know my husband is mad at me, he came in last night whistling, twitching, and popping veins when he saw that shepherds pie in the tell tale frozen tin. He always whistles when he is pissed at me. If I hear him whistle one more time I am going to explode. How unfair is it that he can go about his life like nothing is happening, drink his wine and coffee and eat three huge meals a day without puking and still wonder why I am so tired when he wakes up earlier than me. GGGGRRRRRR. Now that's not to say he doesn't help, he actually does help out a whole lot, he just doesn't do it in that cheerful, I would do anything for you way that my mom does. My poor, poor mom. She did way more than any 62 year old woman should be doing and if she didn't have, like, a colonoscopy and heart scan scheduled next week she would still be here keeping my kids company until I dig myself out of this blood sucking funk I am in. I actually got some good pictures of them all together this time and would post them if I knew where in the hell my camera doodads were. Can you just go out and buy those things or do I need a whole new camera? Crap.
Well, I didn't mean for this to be a miserable post. I guess I could tell you how my kid sang the school fight song at chapel this morning with the rest of his class and although I didn't get any pictures for all the rest of the mamas shoving me out of the way, I was able to hear him louder than the rest and he knew ALL the words. I wouldn't have been able to download the pictures anyway.....I could also tell you how at least three of the little girls have crushes on him, I can tell by the way they wave at him and bat their eyes at him and I wasn't upset at all that he ran off away from me after chapel to walk hand in hand with one of them....well, not too upset. At least it was a cute girl. Is it Friday yet?
Day One Hundred Eighty-Eight
12 hours ago