Friday, May 04, 2007

I Really Miss the Adjustable Bed....

I love going to the hospital. I hate the whole possible dying thing that goes along with it, but I find the hospital to be the closest thing to a child free hotel stay that I am going to get for a while. I mean, the bed can be adjusted...head AND feet, I get three square meals a day that I don't have to prepare and can be eaten right in that adjustable bed, even the clear liquid diet is good on those terms. When my child cries in the middle of the night, I can buzz for someone to come whisk her away so I can finish my slumber AND someone will come right to my bedside to administer good sleep inducing drugs....what's not to love about that?

Well, here are a few things I didn't really love about the last stay:

1. You know how each baby is fitted with an ankle monitor ala Martha Stewart after it's birth that is supposed to buzz bloody murder if some crazy person tries to run off with your kid? Well, one evening two nurses come barreling into my room after we sent the baby back to the pokey nursery for her daily weigh-in and they want to know if we have the monitor. Uh, no. Then they got all mad at us, like we took it off for a souvenir or something. Uh, no. Basically, the nurses lost my kids monitor, goodness knows how long she had been without it, then tried to pin it on us to keep from getting the axe or at the very least a strict talking to. It doesn't matter that eventually we found it under my fat, numb ass, but still, weren't they supposed to be monitoring her? Then, of course, my sedated mind went wild when I buzzed down for a nurse to come get my baby at 2 am and I heard her send the floor nurse in for her because she didn't have her badge and wasn't allowed to enter the room without it. My floor nurse was nice and sweet and took the baby and I went to sleep only to wake up two hours later in a sweat sure I had just let my sweet nurse hand my baby over to a deranged kidnapper. How would I explain that to Nancy Grace? Needless to say, she stayed with me after that one.

2. Just so you know....I have A+ blood. I have had A+ blood, oh, all my life, or at least known that fact since I started birthing babies six years ago. My doctor types everyone's blood at the beginning of pregnancy and the day before the birth (if you're scheduled) every single time. That means my blood has been typed, per his orders, at three different labs including the hospital, six different times. Five of those times I was A+.....the last time I was A-. How you ask? I have no freaking clue. I just know that the afternoon of Elizabeth's birth one of the nursery nurses came in and informed me that they were taking my baby to have some sort of test and shot because our blood type RHs didn't match. What? She then said I was a negative, she was a positive. Of course, I very politely disputed that and she got all pissy saying they had the results and they were shooting my baby up in ten minutes. I freaked out on her. I called my PA back at the office who called to straighten it out and they argued with her also, so OB ordered a retest....that came back negative. Then another, that came back negative. All day Friday they kept coming in typing my blood, all negative. My doctor finally came in dumbfounded and said the new lab manager told him that my blood had both negative and positive antibodies. WTF???? I flipped completely out. The lab was suggesting I change my blood type on everything....this made no freaking sense to me. I flipped out some more. OB ordered another type for Saturday morning and said we would discuss options after that. Saturday's type came back positive. Funny, but new lab manager didn't work weekends. Interesting, no? What scares me the most about this is who else's blood did he screw up who didn't know to argue about the findings? I hope there are no others, but if so, I hope they never need blood products based on that information. Really now, two blood types. Call Discovery Health Channel quick.

3. OMG.....the newborn picture girl! Why did they hire that girl? Where did they find her? She completely screwed up my only girl's first pictures....the ones I was going to hang on the wall next to identical spotted background ones of her brothers. First of all, she refused to use the spotted background and when I explained to her why I wanted it used she started that teenage eye rolling thing (because she couldnt' have been more than 15) and informed me that she didn't like it so she didn't use it. I kindly let her know that she would be using it. Then she took the baby over to a chair and started posing her on her belly all crazy like and I told the girl, hey, I just want the basic lying-on-her-back spotted background newborn scrunched up picture. Oh, no, she could do better that that so she proceeded to pluck all the flowers out of the only bouquet I received and try to surround her with them while she screamed on the spotted paper, then you know what she did? She dug in her pocket and found a pacifier and stuck it in my one day old baby's mouth! Oh no she did not! Did she not see the big fat sign on her crib that said NO BOTTLES OR PACIFIERS? I was pissed! When I explained I didn't want her having that she explained that she was such a baby expert that they all love it and take good pictures after getting one.....yep, that's the most important thing. Anyway, I keep asking for the picture I want and she posed her with the husband, complete with laptop in the background, took a picture of her wrinkly, purple feet, then laid her in that crib and tried to make her hold a pink rose like a dead person in a coffin and that's when I flipped out on her.....just take my damn picture already! Which she did finally, but I got the evil eye every time she trotted down the hall after that. OH, and that picture I coveted.....came from the company a few days later with a big ass C2 written right across it......forty bucks for a picture of my baby overshadowed by a huge C2.....asses. I called to have it replaced but haven't seen a thing yet. Good thing Derick took those hideous spotted papers off that crazy girl's hands so I can take my own now.

But even so, I still love the hospital. Every time I have ever been there on my brief vacations, I come home with the most wonderful little souvenirs.


Lynanne said...

I'm with you on the hospital beds! My nurse looked at me like I was insane because I wanted to stay as long as possible.

As for the blood type. I had the exact same thing happen to me after my daughter was born. I was B+, now I’m B-. They called in the chief of pathology on a Sunday night (it’s a huge medical center and he was none too happy) to interpret the test himself. Apparently I have something called weak-D antigen that can change how I'm typed depending on all kinds of voodoo such as the type of test they use and whether the blood is stored or not. I’ve been warned that different blood banks may get different results. To make matters even more confusing, if I donate blood, I’m considered B+, but if I need to receive blood, I would be considered B-.

During my last pregnancy, I had to receive RhoGAM shots as if I was Rh-negative because of a few reports in the medical literature that I could become sensitized to my baby’s strong Rh-postive blood type. The doctors argued whether it really was a risk or not. Guess what? I didn’t get my RhoGAM shot before I delivered this last time. The baby’s blood got into my blood stream and I became sensitized to his blood as if I was Rh-negative.

Apparently the mysterious changing blood type is becoming more of a problem now with the newest blood testing kits. Most larger blood banks/labs understand weak-D antigen. Doctors, however, do not. I tried to explain it to my son’s pediatrician in the hospital. She threw up her hands and said “this is too much for me” Gee, thanks, Dr. My son could have a potentially serious problem because my blood cells are attacking his, but its too much for you to understand. Sheesh…

Tracey said...

Oy. What an adventure! I agree. I LOVED the hospital. (except the shots and needles) but the RECOVERY!!! WhooOT!!!!! People bringing you food off of a menu (which was varied and GOOD) and "free." Want 2 main dishes? SURE. Loved it.

Well, glad you got YOUR kid, and your blood's ok. And what is the name of the hospital so I never have to go there? :)

How;s the peanut doing?

Melissa said...

I had a bad encounter with our newborn picture lady too. She smelled of beer and tobacco, with dark brown messed up teeth to go with the smell. Her clothes were visably dirty and she was very rude, moving my baby around all rough. My husband was not happy with her at all. All the nurses washed their hands before picking up my baby and this lady did not, who knows what she had previously touched. I cringe at the very thought. If people I know pick my new babies up without a good handwashing, I am fine, but this smelly old lady...I was not fine. Sorry you had that experience and the whole blood type confusion. I always loved the oatmeal in the hospital for some reason. : D

Shane said...

After both of my son's births I received an "evaluation form" from the hospital. They wanted to know how my stay was, etc. I let them know exactly what I didn't like. I even got a call from the administrator for the second birth. Does your hospital do that? If not, I would definently be writing a letter.

Sadie said...

Wow. I'm so impressed with you! I'm one of those people that never stand up for myself, so I might have been, "oh, my blood type changed? Okay."
Maybe when I give birth my inner lioness will emerge. ;)