Monday, April 16, 2007

The Question

I'm still here...hanging on for dear life. Baby already screwing with our traditions, we were really wanting another Sunday baby, we don't have much to talk about at parties and saying all our kids were born on Sunday was kind of cool while it lasted.

But how about some more hormonal bitchiness?.....

One thing I will be glad to be rid of after this pregnancy ends is the people who constantly ask "Is it a boy or a girl?" Why does this fact matter to so many people?

I find it strange that Hilda at the grocery store asks me every week and I know she remembers me because I gave her a green bean recipe that she thanks me for every time. I go to my MOPS group every other week and those girls STILL ask me if I have found out yet, like I have 24 hour access to an ultrasound machine. I have explained, patiently, that we really did want to be surprised and they just don't get it.

What I like even less is comments such as:

Are you going to try for a girl if this one is a boy?
Don't you want to be prepared to be disappointed in case it's a boy?
I will die if you have another boy!
It will be so sad if you don't have a girl!
I'll feel so sorry for you if it's a boy.
I am so lucky to have one of each, I wish you could experience that.

Do people even realize how that comes across?

A mother of one of Jacob's classmates approached me the other day to let me know that she was pregnant as well and, of course, asked the "What is it?" question, to which I replied, "a baby, that's all we know." and she went on for twenty minutes about how she was expecting a girl after having two "wild" boys and how she would have keeled over dead if she were having another boy and won't it be horrible for me to find out at the birth that it's a boy? Yada, yada, yada...she is so lucky to be having a girl she must have done something right to be rewarded that way. Since she had her ultrasound at 16 weeks, I am secretly hoping that girl sprouts a pe*is, but what? I seriously don't think she is a malicious person and maybe I took all of that completely wrong, but I found the whole conversation, I don't want to show up at the kindergarten graduation with a third boy for fear of looking like the poor, poor woman with the three boys...let us pray for her.

Sometimes, now, when people pose the question to me, I have started saying "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" just to gauge the reactions. If I am alone and say it's a boy or a girl, the asker is pretty ambivalent, if I have even just one boy with me and say it's a boy, I usually get some head shaking, or tsking, or the inevitable, "you can always try again". If I say it's a girl they are practically throwing confetti at me. Saying you are having a girl always makes everyone happy. Why is that?

I know, I shouldn't take this personally, but I kind of do. I mean, this is my kid we're talking about. I created it, gestated it, gave up blue cheese for it. It's a part of our family no matter what parts it possesses. Why do people want to make me feel badly for not conforming to society's idea of a perfect family? Maybe I do want a girl. Maybe I don't. Either way, it just makes me feel bad like I'm disappointing everyone and purposely going against the norm.

My new answer: It's a baby. Period. It will be loved by it's family and protected by it's brothers. It might wear dresses or it's brother's overalls, either way it's ours, it belongs to us and we are happy about it.

One day I'll quit being hormonal...menopause is right around the corner isn't it?

Don't you feel so sorry for me?


ChupieandJ'smama said...

No I don't feel sorry for you :) Your boys are gorgeous. You are blessed. We are both blessed. There are days when I think I'll go crazy from all the activity, wrestling, yelling, punching, fighting etc. But in my heart I know I am blessed with two beautiful, loving, perfect little boys. And if God decided I needed a 3rd, then so be it (not that we're trying or anything, Oh no, H?ll hasn't frozen over yet) but I would be triple blessed. If you had 2 girls, people would be telling you how incomplete you are because you don't have a boy. If you had one of each, people would ignore you completely and think you are nuts for having a 3rd. Ignore them. Boy or girl, your family will be complete whenever the new baby decides to get here. I'm keeping you in my prayers for an easy delivery :)

OneHungMan said...

OneHung was secretly hoping you'd have a little child with the same birthday as is. Apparently, you didn't, but you and he are still cool.

Thanks for trying.

Sara said...

I keep typing a reply, and realized it's turning into it's own blog post. I'll keep it short and just tell you at the next person to ask tell them you are having puppies and leave it at that. ;)

Lynanne said...

I'd second the puppies response. Heheh! To bad I never thought of that. :) I *still* get the question even though I have both genders. Everyone seems to have their opinion. From "Awww, too bad you couldn't have an equal number of boys and girls" to "It will be easier having more boys than girls" to "your one girl is going to be so spoiled."


Amie said...

LOL, if you look back in my archives right before I had Jonah I have a post complaining about the same questions. Hang in there.

JNas said...

People kill me when they say RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR BOYS, if I have another boy I'll the boys they have are worthless.
I get asked if we are going to try for a girl everyday by strangers and I'm not even pregnant!! So if you do have another boy that question is not going away!!!
Some people are really stupid, but I have started to answer with yeah I'd like to have a girl are you going to pay for it?
I would 4 more kids if I was rich!
Anyways have fun waiting on baby and start posting earlier you made everybody think you went into labor..LOL

Tracey said...

ACK!! I hate hate HATE that people say good or bad things about the gender of children. Boys are great. Girls are great. I would have loved a third boy. And I love my daughter. I hope you have a HEALTHY baby, and a better birth experience. Is that enough? :) Good luck.

Sadie said...

I don't know what people are thinking. I hope that if/when I get pregnant I keep myself from being rude to people that say anything like that to me.

And NO, Stranger, you may not touch my belly.

Dana said...

Andria, you can probably imagine the "I'm so sorry for you" looks I get from people when they find out that we have 5, yes, 5 boys! I always just say...."I know, I'm very lucky, aren't I?" What else can they say then?! It usually shuts them right up. As for the "oh so lucky to be having a girl" mom....I'd be a little annoyed too! I'm sure the hormones are playing a part in that though.. and you never know.....after 4 ultrasounds saying our #4 was a girl, a penis sprouted out of nowhere! So, dreams do come true! LOL Hang in there girl! I can't wait to see the pics and hear about it all!

Aimee said...

I feel your pain. I have been asked this and we're not even pregnant yet. It drives me crazy. I pray everyday that we are able to concieve another child (boy or girl). What does gender matter when you just want to add a child to your family. Sigh.

Hang in there! Love, Aimee

kelly jeanie said...

Not only are you blessed, but your boys are, too. If you have another boy, how cool is that for them, to have that trio? Just think of all the things they'll be able to do together. God willing I hope we have another baby some day, and while part of me would like to have the girl "experience," I would love to have another boy and watch them grow into close friends.

Lori said...

I don't know what it is about being pregnant that makes people feel like they can say absolutely anything to you. My best friend just found out that she's pregnant, and I've been trying to explain that to her. She'll get it in due time right?

Boys are awesome. Girls are awesome. I believe God sends you exactly the children you are meant to have. I get the same question about trying for a girl next and I'm not even pg. Crazy stupid people huh?

I can't wait to find out!! :) Hang in there girl!

Lynsey said...

What the heck is wrong with having all boys these days? I have always thought that I would have 2 or 3 boys, that's it. Or course I'll take whatever God gives me, but I have always pictured myself a boymom- like you.

I am also annoyed with all the questions about this pregnancy and cannot wait to pop him out just so that they'll stop! And stop rubbing my damn belly! It's just not appropriate!

The Deans said...

I have two boys also but am not expecting and don't think we're going to try for a third child. When my second was less than a week old I was asked when we were going to try for a girl and I broke down in tears - can't I enjoy this little bundle of joy first? I actually hoped for a second boy while I was pregnant (we didn't find out either, so I feel your pain there) but people were shocked that I didn't want a girl first and that I wasn't planning on being disappointed if it was a second boy. I don't understand it either...

I'm not sure how to deal with people who say they have the perfect family because they have one or more of each sex. I think my family is perfect just the way it is! If you find a snappy comeback let us know! :)

Shane said...

I hope you're doing good today!

amy said...

Just found your blog and I love it! Your boys are precious!