Our life seems so strange, I know it is that way for everyone, but everything was "normal" when we left for Colorado and changed quickly while we were gone. When we returned there was no school, no work, no hanging out. My kids are depressed, I am depressed, my husband seems happy as a clam, but what do I know? He's never been one to show much emotion.
Pre-lockdown my days were like this:
Wake up, shower, wake kids, get them off to school, watch the Today show, teach 2-3 year old three days a week, chat with friends, stop at someplace for lunch maybe hit the grocery store, Check the computer for all the "news", connect on Facebook, clean my house, do the laundry, start supper, take kids to activities, pick kids up from activities, watch said activities, eat supper, watch tv, watch more tv, go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat most days.
Today: Wake up around 9ish, lie in Jacob's bed and decide if it's worth getting up. Eventually rise because Jacob's window faces our street and our neighbor is still doing cross-fit classes in his garage and they are loud. Go downstairs and disinfect all doorknobs, counters, switches, basically anything I know Derick has touched or breathed on. I no longer turn on the Today show because when I was my anxiety levels were way too high. I do try to catch Hoda and Jenna, they are a little more light-hearted, but usually the television is off. I log onto the computer to check school assignments but I no longer cruise my Yahoo News or anything remotely similar. Sometimes I check Facebook but if there are too many scary ads, nope, it goes off. At the beginning I wasn't eating at all, much less Jersey Mikes Subs and Sonic. I lost ten pounds in two weeks. I am right where I have been trying to be for the past year but I can't put on my two piece swimsuit and go to the beach. Now I am eating more but it's sad. I don't want the things in my pantry and then I feel guilt because my poor parents have no milk, fresh produce, or snacks. Sometimes at this point I might sit and cry. I attempt to nap some days but that never comes. My anxiety and heart rate is too high for this. I do the laundry, mostly just towels now because no one is going to school so pajamas are the only things in the baskets. I attempt to come up with something for a meal, sometimes I am luckier than other times. My kids never like what I cook so I am just cooking for Derick, really. After dinner I used to bathe and then wind down from my busy day but climbing into my adjustable bed and watch Antenna TV (Archie Bunker's Place, Alice, It's a Living, Three's Company) and some days catch the shows I love: Manifest, 9-1-1, The Resident, Chicago Med. Not anymore. I haven't been in my bedroom for over a week. I always took that time for myself, I needed it, my self care I guess. Derick always complained while he watched his own shows out in the living room but, really, most evenings he had chamber meetings or boy scout meetings. Now we usually watch Netflix. Together. In the living room. It's actually kind of nice. Or was until Derick stayed up later than me one night and moved too far ahead on Ozark. Maybe we will find something again after he finishes it.
Its just interesting that what was once so important isn't so much anymore. I play games on Sporcle, it's fun, but I actually brought my computer to Colorado and West Virginia so I couldn't miss a day. The site gives badges for all kinds of things and I couldn't miss because I had to get the 100 day and 150 day etc. It seems ignorant now to even think of it. I was up to 170 days until it went back to 0 last week. I wasn't even phased by it. I haven't even logged in since.
Yesterday afternoon.
Well, late in the afternoon. They slept until 3:30 and I finally decided we needed a family meeting to discuss that situation and, let's just say, I was pretty persuasive. Also, they would do anything to have their internet back.
It was a nice evening. I would be okay doing this again. And again.
Our lives will never go back to normal. Some of those things I will really miss. Some of the changes are welcomed.
No comments:
Post a Comment