Sunday, January 28, 2007

Burn Out

I need a break from my kids. I love them, immensely actually, and their little smiling faces light up my day, but I am tired, I am worn down, I am fed up. I have a fricking Masters degree for goodness sake and I spend my day putting the couch cushions back on the couch and scraping chapstick from under my little dude's fingernails. I cook, I clean, I teach, I tidy, I chaffeur, I run errands. Day after day after day.

Many years ago when we first dove into this parenting thing, the husband and I agreed to a few certain conditions. Saturday morning was to be my free time and Sunday morning was to be his free time. This worked well for, oh, about eight months. As the weeks went by Derick would find things that direly needed to be done on Saturday morning, like hold garage sales, change the oil in the vehicles, and sit on the throne all morning long. Now, in his mind, he was still watching the kid (only 1 kid at that time), but I think it's probably not right to lay under a truck while your two year old is tooling around alone in the house, a house that has knives and tall furniture, so I began staying home on Saturday mornings and "helping" my husband watch the child. That was the end of my free time. BUT, do you think my husband has missed a day of his free time in all these years? Nope, sure hasn't. He spends 13 hours a day away from his children in the privacy of his office AND he gets every Sunday 9 - 1 alone as well. THAT is starting to piss me off. Now, technically, I only have one child since Jacob goes to church with Derick and, really, I could probably start sending Adam to church as well, but I don't like the idea of my baby being in that germ infested nursery being ignored by a bunch of gossipy women who have never even met him before. Dang, they don't even know we have another kid there, so it would really, really throw them off. Who might they send him home with ya know? Also, I don't like that the ONE time the husband is asked to spend time with his kids, he dumps them off and leaves that to someone else. I know the whole point is to get a break, but I would really like him to see what it's really like with two kids hanging off of you for just a few hours. That will never happen, though. The odds of my husband EVER missing church are miniscule. I mean, I had both my kids on early Sunday mornings and he was put out that he couldn't go and even tried to figure out a way to make it to the service after Adam's 8:36 birth. Yes, he really did. It is pointless to even discuss this with him because in his mind, just being in the house on Saturday morning, WHEN he is in the house on Saturday morning, is loads and loads of help to me even though I still prepare the breakfasts, dress the kids, and am the hang on parent of choice. He just doesn't get it.

He has plans every weekend in February. He is actually going on a business trip over a weekend....does that really happen? What kinds of work related conferences are held on Arizona golf courses over the weekend? Then there's that whole damn wedding.....that whole drink-til-you-drop wedding that I cannot attend. I am pretty much going to be parenting around the clock, 24-7, for the entire month. I am not looking forward to it. All I want is four hours to take a shower ALONE, nap, and possibly watch the Food Network AND hear it while I knit without someone climbing all over me. Maybe in March?


kelly jeanie said...

It seems so obvious, why can't he see it? Andria, maybe like Ann Landers says, you need to clip this post and put it on his pillow or something. You need a break. Isn't there anywhere you can go to get out of the house on Saturdays? Weekly trip to the coffee shop with a bag of knitting? Is there somewhere you can go for a weekend? You could always come to Michigan for the weekend... :) but seriously, can you go somewhere? Friend, family, spa? Sorry if this is assvice, just what popped into my head.

ChupieandJ'smama (Janeen) said...

Sometimes I think being a mom is the hardest job in the world and no one but other moms will acknowledge that. We are on 24/7 with no break. "My time" comes every 6 weeks when I go to get my grays colored. That's really about it. I've been getting head aches and the Dr. thinks they are stress related (I think he's full of crap) so he asks me if I have someone who comes to watch the kids 1-2 days a week so I can have "my time". Yeah, right buddy. My husband is a business man not, superman. We don't have that kind of money. It would be nice though. Maybe you could talk to your husband and at the least try and get some free time every other Saturday. The new baby is coming soon, and girl you better get some time in now or it'll never happen. I know it's hard, but if you don't make yourself a priority, no one else will either. Good luck and I hope you can make your hubby understand that you need a break.

sweet memories said...

wow, I just dropped in because I felt a little down, and wanted to see how you were doing...sounds like you are working harder than is so hard for the dads to realize, because we have given in so much and enabled them to have their time, I get this, yes, I do get your post and it hits home tremendously. I like blogging but really dont get the time too, decided this morning I would keep it to a little each week and do it strictly as a way to enrich myself, treat myself better and committ to myself and reading your post, well I am with you girl...I got up at 430am to get some time to myself before I have to head off and drop my daughter off...I love the comment that was made yesterday, that I had free time yesterday *because I had my kaylas friend over and was able to pick up downstairs while the two of them played...oh boy, joy joy....I dont even know what I like to do is wierd, I dont know who I am anymore! I need to start though, and reading your post this morning definately made me think some dont even have time to think of what you would like to do! I always wished for a little kid swap around here, although I am always the one entertaining and rarely get invited anywhere...and it just pisses me off...ALWAYS at my house...I just had a week off, decided not to go anywhere and i am going back to work unfullfilled and, sorry I didnt make you feel better...maybe just let the house go one day a week and soak your feet, i did that one day on my vacation...and I found a local hotel with a pool and brought my husband with the moms only night out because I wanted to see him do all the work with her in the pool...

Shane H. said...

There was a time not long ago that I was feeling the exact same way you are now. It's so hard when there are no relatives around to help out sometimes, huh? You really need to sit your hubby down and lay it all out on the table. If you don't you're really going doing yourself (and kids) harm. You NEED to break, it's only common sense. You need to recharge your batteries, especially before #3 comes. Just tell you he has no choice! Wouldn't it be great if you could go visit your mom or something one whole weekend without the kids? I mean that in the best way. If you could leave them with your husband and he be solely responsible for them for 48 hours? Then maybe he's sympathize with you a little more.

OneHungMan said...

Wow, OHM left a tremendously helpful post earlier, only to find out it's not there. Thanks Blogger.

Sadie said...

I wish I had anything remotely insightful or helpful to say. But I'm not a mom, and I can't even come close to comprehending what you're going through.

I would agree with Shane, though. you've got to talk to him or it's just going to get worse. And you'll resent him so much it'll be hard to repair.

OneHungMan said...

Since Blogger decided to eat OneHung's helpful post, he's going to try it again and hope that the word verification below is something his fingers can actually type.

Before saying anything, OHM doesn't want to condone anything...he's just saying.

Sometimes Daddy's think they're being very helpful. OHM likes to think he's the best daddy ever, despite what YoungHung tells everyone else. The truth is, even when trying his very best, things don't always work out for the best.

A lot of times at home, OHM feels like a single parent. Mrs. Hung is good at some things, and really a fucking trainwreck at others. So, because of the potential impending wreck (and the fact that OHM goes out of his way to be a better father than he had), OneHung does a lot for the little boy.

However, a lot of people (like say a mother, a mother-in-law, and the daycare people) don't always understand what OneHung was thinking.

Dinner the other night was a perfect example. OneHung had a blueberry Pop-Tart, chunky peanut butter eaten directly from the jar with a spoon, and some donut balls. YoungHung was very content and was quiet as he was enjoying the feast.

Mrs. Hung came home (she comes home at basically anytime she pleases, always blaming it on the work) and then told OneHung what a tragic meal it was that he fixed.

Of course, the next night she fed him Tombstone pizza, so OHM felt that was the pot calling the kettle black.

Anyway, the point is that sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.

Which brings up another point. A while back, OHM decided to take YoungHung for a drive to get him out of the house and to give Momma a break. YoungHung likes cars and car noises, so they went in the Corvette. YoungHung started making "vroom vroom" sounds, so Daddy opened her up til they approached triple digits. Momma was none to happy about that.

So, again, while not condoning what Daddy did, it might be best for you just to accept that men are a few cards short of a full deck and realize maybe Jacob and Adam are in better hands without Daddy's help.