Jacob will be home in less than three weeks.
I have truly missed him.
But with him gone I have been able to put out of my mind the fact that he will be starting first grade in August. Maybe.
I am still struggling with his ADD issues and whether first grade is the right place for him. Somedays I think it is, other days I change my mind.
He's a smart little kid. He could read every kid in his class under the table and could creatively write them out the door as well. Academically he's a star. Socially, not so much. I have to decide, and soon, how we will proceed here. Right now he's enrolled in first grade but there is still a spot in that transitional kindergarten if we want it. Do we want it? I don't know. Somedays he seems right on track with other kids his age and I am so encouraged and then other times he acts like a three year old and my heart breaks when I watch his peers make fun of him. Maybe this is just the way life will be for him. Maybe he's just weird and no amount of retention will make a difference. Maybe if we up his meds he will finally settle down enough to pick up on the social cues and finally calm himself to a point where other kids want to befriend him. What if I send him to first grade and the other kids mature so far ahead of him and tease him and he starts hating school and possibly himself? What if I put him in kindergarten and he watches his classmates, the classmates he knows aren't as bright as he is, go on to first grade and his self esteem plummets or he's a ticking time bomb due to the boredom in class? I am going crazy over here. My mind changes a hundred times a day. I fear that whatever decision I go with, it will be the wrong one.
A big part of me just wants to keep him home with me. I know full day school is going to be hard for him. Shoot, he's going to VBS this week for four hours a day and already complaining. He even fell asleep there today. He struggled that half day last year. By the time lunch time rolled around, he was done. How in the world will he last eight hours? I have always thought that children of five and six weren't ready for full days of schooling. When I taught kindergarten and first graders the afternoons were complete wastes. Even the second graders had a hard time focusing after lunch until around Christmas. Wouldn't it be nice if kindergarten started at age seven or eight? That would be the perfect solution for me. Then my kid wouldn't have to start college until he was 21 which I think is the perfect age for that also. I mean, I wasn't ready to live on my own at 18, he surely won't be. Yes, let's just change the way the world does things to better suit my needs. I have solved my problem. If it were only that simple. I would probably go ahead and home school him this year if Elizabeth didn't take up so much of my time but, really, how can he mature socially with others if he isn't around others? I just want to do the best thing for my kid, I just haven't figured out what it is yet. August should be loads of fun.
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