My husband broke my baby.
In fact, he broke all of my children.
Elizabeth will not sleep in her crib. She was doing pretty well when we first brought her home and I was cautiously optimistic that the beautiful and expensive crib might finally see some use.
Then I got the mastitis and some migraine headaches and the husband tended to the baby for a few nights so I could get some rest.....if you call one hour stretches rest, but anyway, after I took over again last week I noticed that placing Elizabeth in the crib resulted in strange banshee wails unless I rocked her silly for over an hour to ensure she was completely asleep and even then she would only stay there for about fifteen minutes before the wailing began meaning I was reunited with my new boyfriend Bobby Flay in the recliner for another hour. Lather, rinse, repeat all night long.
So this weekend the husband graciously offers to do the night shift with the baby (minus the nursing). The "nursery" used to be our guest room so it still contains the full size bed which works out well for the night shifter, no shuffling from room to room all night. So, on Saturday I was jolted awake realizing I hadn't fed my baby in over three hours (although that amount of sleep was heavenly) and went in to check on her. You won't believe what I saw......the husband drooling in a deep sleep holding Elizabeth on her stomach face down in a fluffy pillow while he was sprawled out in that bed. You have got to be kidding me! I was livid! Not only did the stomach sleeping pillow thing bother me, but dear Lord, he did the same damn all night holding thing with the other two kids and he still wonders why they don't like to sleep in their beds by themselves! Shit, Jacob was four before he quit coming into our bed and it took lots of Thomas trains and Chuck E. Cheese trips to make that happen.
So, I've been tramping up and down the stairs for weeks now working my ass off trying to get that little girl to be a crib sleeper, our first crib sleeper, and it was all for nothing. So last night I threw in the towel and figured we'd return to the old reliable co-sleeping regimen that worked with the boys and you know what? Elizabeth isn't interested in co-sleeping....hell, no. Elizabeth is only interested in being slung across a shoulder or snuggled in a lap all night long. She will sleep no other way. I slept maybe two total hours last night, it was a fight.....a fight I am losing because guess where she is now......stretched out on her stomach in my lap sound asleep while my legs tingle.
Why the heck can't my kids just sleep like normal children? What is wrong with them?
We WILL sleep in your bed and there's nothing you can do about it!
You put me down! How dare you not hold me in your arms! You will pay!
But you love me anyway because I am so darn cute and before long I will be this big and embarrassed by you, so keep on holding me while you still can.