Brotherly Love

Random Thoughts

Adam was 13 months old on Thursday. The day almost came and went without my so much as giving it a second thought until someone asked me how old he was and I had to stop and think. You know they are toddlers when you quit referring to their age in months. Makes me a little sad. At 13 months he weights 17 pounds even and is 28 1/2 inches. He still wears size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes. I purchased a cute package of 12 month onesies last week, I don't know why I did that because he will not be able to wear them until Christmas at this rate. Of course I already washed them so I can't return them. I don't think sometimes.

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Adam and I missed church again this morning...it really is a bad habit for us. At least Jacob goes with his dad, gotta get back in the swing of that...Anyway, while I was vegging at home I found a show on Food Network...Paula's Home Cooking....now I am totally devoted to Rachael Ray but I LOVED this show. She cooks family meals with her 2 grown sons who are so polite and southern and love their mama...makes me excited to see what the future holds for me in 25 years.

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They cancelled Love Monkey. I am bummed. Every new show I was interested in this year was cancelled. First Reunion, which I wish they would have at least finished the story arc so I could know who killed Sam, then The Book of Daniel and now Love Monkey. The music on Love Monkey was awesome too and the kid who played Wayne, if that is really him singing they should cut him a record deal fast or at the very least put him on American Idol which brings me to:

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American Idol!!!

Oh how I have missed it. I can't get enough of it, I see me totally ignoring my children every Tuesday and Wednesday night for the next few months. Last year when Adam was just a wee baby he went through a brief period in time where he got cranky and cried in the evenings. We found that he stopped crying on American Idol nights and seemed to enjoy when they sang ( he does love music in any form ). I had forgotten all about that until this week. I was nursing Adam in the chair (yes STILL) when I turned AI on. He was pretty much asleep but when he heard the music he bolted up and turned around and sat with me the entire show bopping up and down and clapping his hands. I can't tell who his favorite is yet, but I like Taylor a lot, something about him, and of course I will line up to buy Ace's album when it comes out because you know he is making it far, he's too pretty to vote off.

Pic of the Week

AARRGGHH....Adamzilla eat lego village, be very afraid.

Jacob's birthday is in nine days....he will be five. FIVE! How did that happen? Five just seems so....big. He will go to real school next year. I am not ready for this. Sometimes I look at him and cannot believe he is so old and grown up and boy like. Other times I swear he is still a baby, I can still sometimes catch his sweet baby smell if I sniff hard behind his ear when he is giving me good night hugs. He is just such a sweet boy.

We have scheduled a big party at the TRU, something he has been wanting to do for a while. It is going to cost us, but we figured we would have lots of kids to invite and entertain what with him going to preschool now and with all the parties we have attended in the past year we figured the kids would reciprocate and a good time would be had by all. I was wrong about that. I invited his entire class, fifteen of them and have yet to get an RSVP. When I drop Jake off in the morning or pick him up in the afternoon the mothers don't even look in my direction. I added my email address so they could avoid speaking to me on the phone and still nothing. To add insult to injury I listened as I waiting (couldn't help it they were in a bunch surrounding me) and discovered that boy B, who Jacob THINKS is his friend, had a big honking party this past weekend. Guess who was the only boy not invited?? I have a problem with this only because invitations and thank you notes were passed out in class last week and obviously my kid didn't get one and he wonders why. I think if you are going to pass them out at school everyone should get one. Also, why did one of the moms have to dig out that thank you note and read it to her kid outside the class this morning right in front of my kid? That couldn't have waited until you got home? Another thing to consider...if you cannot attend boy b's party drop your gift off at their house or for goodness sakes even ask his mom to come out to the car with you to get it DO NOT sit it on his name plate in the hall way for every other kid to see (and want). What the hell is wrong with these people?

SO, my kid rrreeaaallyy wants his school buddies to be at his party but doesn't look like that will happen. We aren't part of the rich clique so therefore we cannot associate with those children. That's okay for me, but I hate my kid has to experience this level of rudeness at such a tender age. You know, I am proud of the way I have raised him. I was so proud of him this morning....he got out of the car and greeting each and every child on the way in with a big smile and "have a nice day". Most of the kids just glared at him like he was crazy......snobby parents raise snobby children. He has said to me before, so and so isn't very friendly to me but thats okay, I like him anyway and I will be nice to him....now why can't we all be like that? I have a great kid, just wish others would take the time to notice that. Anybody up for a party next Saturday?

Can you just see how ornery they are?

Brothers

I couldn't help myself when I saw these shirts last week. Of course, I was thinking I would get a lovely shot of the two of them in their matching duds, smiling so sweetly at the camera, a picture worthy of a mantle position...I don't know why it never occurs to me that I will never be able to get them both to look at the camera at the same time, much less smile pretty. It's still cute though.

It's a Dog's Life

Today is my second baby's birthday.....Ezra, our dog turns eight years old today! He came after my first baby, Phoebe the cat, therefore rendering him number two. Didn't know I had four babies did you? Yes, we did buy him a gift and yes, he will have a nice dinner tonight.

Ez is a good old dog, although as of late he has taken to barking at phantoms and releasing deadly flatulance too often. I really do feel for him. He went from being king of the house, sleeping on beds and couches and basking in love and attention all day long to sleeping on the floor, eating in the garage, and MAYBE getting a walk every afternoon. Poor, poor thing. He is the protector of boys and our designated kitchen mop. He can clean the food Adam tosses in one swipe of the tongue. Jacob cannot go to sleep without him in the room, they are good buddies. He lets the kids crawl all over him and put stickers on him and cover him with blankets and I think he enjoys it. I know he misses playing tug the rope and fetch the frog and I wish I had the time back to spend with him like we used to...at least the boys can entertain him now. Ezra is my baby too, he is just the stinkiest baby.

The Mommy Wars

I read an article in a magazine last night entitled "The Mommy Wars". It was the debate between groups of working moms and stay at home moms and basically each group feeling badly about their choice around members of the other group. I found it kind of interesting, but I have never encountered this myself. My sister and my best friends are all working moms and I have never thought twice about their situation as I am sure they don't about mine. They think I work way too hard and I think the same about them. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes only because I know I couldn't do it. I stay home because it is what works for our family, I figure it is their family they can do what they want with it and for each of them it works just fine for them. Where I have encountered a "mommy war" is between stay at home moms. It started from the beginning when I was pregnant: was I having the epidural or not? Home birth or hospital? circumcision or no? Each person I came across had an opinion about what was best and they are entitled to it, but I didn't like being made to feel like a second class mom because of the doctor I saw or because I drank half a coke with my lunch. It got lots more fun when Jacob was born. We were in this new town, all my friends and family were back in WV, and I was alone daily with a newborn, pretty scary. I craved adult interaction so I went looking for mom friends. Jacob and I did a play gym twice a week and he had tons of fun. I found it very much like walking into high school again. Divide up into groups...breastfeeders here, formula feeders here...cosleepers here, crying outers here. It was odd. I never did quite fit in there, never made the mom I friend I was dreaming about...in all that time the only "friends" I made were a little girl's grandma and a stay home dad.

Having never had a child before I devoured information and advice like a sponge. I wanted to do everything I could to raise a wonderful child. I met women who made me feel inferior because I wasn't up at 5 am cooking a huge breakfast for my husband or ironing our sheets twice a week. SO, the only logical thing a half depressed new mom can do in these situations is make up for her shortcomings and do it all....oh yes, I crafted, I cooked three course meals from scratch nightly, I took my son to every little class/activity we could find and boy my house was clean! Still, there was always something I was doing that raised eyebrows in the few people I met and it just made me feel bad. I still kept looking for that mom connection and didnt' make it with anyone...although I tried, I invited women/kids over for playdates, lunches, zoo and was always met with an excuse. Really hurt the old ego, but I have learned a lot in the past five years, mostly that the whole mom thing is just an extension of the girl cliques oh so common in junior high/high school. What I have found in my little portion of the world is this:

1. the girl clique In my neighborhood we actually have an all girl play group. I don't know if that is done purely for my benefit since I am the only one with boys or if they honestly think that girls should only play with one another, but I found this extremely strange and rude. I also find that women with girls tend to feel sorry for me when they see I have boys and ALWAYS ask if I am going to try for a girl and this bothers me.

2. the rich clique Obviously I don't fit in here nor will I ever and from what I see when I drop Jacob off at preschool is that I don't think I ever would want to...thats not to say that if you are rich you aren't a nice person, just the ones I have encountered here tend to look down on me in my Target clothes and cheap vehicle and I didn't meet any rich people in WV, sad but true.

3. the crafty clique Now, I could probably belong to this if I wanted to, I like to scrapbook and I even used to make a card now and then before I had 2 kids, but I guess I just didn't like it enough because I didnt' quite gel with this group, although I tried for over a year.

4. the gym goers HAHAHA....no I don't exercise

5. The neighborhood I guess this all depends on where you are, but I find my neighborhood extremely weird. I come from WV, we sit out on our front porches in the summer and chat across the street and next door and watch each other's kids and share a beer now and then and worry when we haven't seen someone in a while. We have been here over 6 years and I couldn't begin to tell you half the people's names on this street. Not for lack of trying. The neighbors just don't seem to want to know us and I have finally decided that this is ok. I will have to elaborate on the neighborhood another time.


Well, once I had Adam I didn't have the time to do all these things and just let it go and became the mom I should have been from the beginnning....I do my own thing and I don't let anyone make me feel badly about it. I sleep with my baby, I still breastfeed, but I formula fed Jacob and I don't feel bad about that in the least. I will hold my baby all day if he wants and I let toys clutter my house because I know one day I will miss them. I sometimes feed my big boy happy meals and my baby has had a girl scout cookie. I am happy with my life and how we live it and finally found a group of moms who feel about the same way I do, having support helps so much. I hope the "mommy wars" with both groups and within each group can die out. I think every mom just does what they have to do to raise their own kids and that is the way it should be.

Happy Valentine's Day??

My attempt at valentine photos went awry yesterday. This one, honestly, was the best one I got, at least both their faces were pointed in the direction of the camera.

Happy Valentine's Day

I doubt I will get any Valentine's pictures this year since Adam has a fever AGAIN and Jacob is at preschool enjoying his first Valentine's Day party. He was so excited. They were filling big bags full of treats and cards when we got there, made him totally forget the cool present he is going to get this evening from his folks (Thomas video don't ya know). This picture was taken three years ago; Jacob was almost two. He received a valentine from Gammy with stickers inside. He used to LOVE stickers. We could eat a meal in a restaurant or hear a sermon in church if we brought a couple packs of stickers with us...ah, those were the days.

Happy Birthday Gammy!

Today is my mom's birthday. I miss her. She and my dad live in West Virginia which is quite a drive from Texas. I hate that she doesn't get to see my boys every day like I know she wishes she could. Jacob called this morning to sing Happy Birthday to her and she said that was the best gift she could have received...which is good because I didn't send one since she is at my sister's house right now. My boys love her to pieces and I am thankful they have such a close relationship although they are so far apart. I know this picture is bad, I still haven't figured this scanner out, but it is the best one I have of her and I know she wouldnt' like it if I posted a bad picture of her over the internet.

Attachment Parenting

When we first got pregnant with Jacob a friend of mine gave me the book Baby Wise. The author's point, at least how I saw it, was that the child was coming to live in your world, not vice versa and so had to be taught to live your way. This was pure genius in my eyes. Of course I didn't have any children then. Once Jacob was born the NICU nurses seemed to follow this same course of a 3 - 4 hour block of time in which baby sleeps, eats, plays. One of the nice nurses even commented to me that we would thank her later on because Jacob was so scheduled and could be laid (lay, lain?) down to sleep so easily. Then we brought him home. We tried to lay him down and go about our business but that didn't happen. We had a screaming, unhappy, colicky baby who apparently had not read Baby Wise at all! After consulting many books (I could open a library) we just experimented with different things until we stumbled across something that would work. This resulted in a co-sleeping, baby always held, fed on demand baby. It certainly wasn't the way we had pictured it, but it worked and the crying stopped so we went with it. Imagine my surprise when pregnant with Adam I ran across a book called Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears. This is what we had been doing with Jacob and it actually had a name so we didn't feel like horrible parents after all....this, of course, was the way we would raise Adam as well. It worked like a charm! Adam slept his requisite 3-4 hours, woke to eat and then back to sleep again. We didn't encounter the 6 hour crying jags that we did with Jacob. He was a much happier baby day and night so we were patting ourselves on the back for having done EXACTLY what this baby needed. Yada, yada, yada fast forward one year. I haven't slept more than 5 hours at a stretch in 12 months and I am still breastfeeding. Now that my sweet baby has been sick he wants to eat every couple hours, much like those first few weeks. I put my foot down last night when he awoke at 12:03 tugging at my shirt. Now according to Dr. Sears the way to break a night feeder is to look him in the eye, pull your shirt down, and say firmly, yet lovingly, no more boobies at night, nighttime is for sleeping, you may eat in the morning, good night (or something along those lines). Apparently Adam did not read Attachment Parenting either because this just ticked him off. Finally Derick took him downstairs to the chair to rock him, he wasn't having that either and forget about Dad, he wanted Mom and he wasn't letting go of that dream. SOOOO, the screaming continued most of the night. I think he finally fell asleep around 4:30 so to Dr. Ferber, crying it out doesn't work either. Please Dr. Sears tell me what to do now!!!

All Thomas, all the time

I asked Jacob a few questions this morning in the hopes that one day I can scrapbook pictures of him at four years old. I still haven't done his third birthday, I am really behind. Anyway...here are Jacob's favorites at four years old.
Favorite Book: Thomas the Really Useful Engine
Television Show: Thomas the Tank Engine and Toddworld
Color: blue
Movie: Thomas and the Magic Railroad
Toy: Trevor the metal train
food: Chinese food and enchiladas
drink: apple juice
animal: sheep
place: train toy store
What do you want to be when you grow up Jacob??? A Train Engineer, of course!!

quick note

Adam has a double ear infection with one ruptured ear drum. He ran a fever ever since he went to the doctor's office on Tuesday but I stupidly assumed it was from the vaccinations. On Friday he was fussy after not sleeping well Thursday night and again, I just figured he was tired. When his ear started spewing fluid I knew something was up. We went back to the doctor, third time in two weeks, and got the diagnosis. He is on oral antibiotic as well as cipro drops for his ears. Jacob has NEVER had an ear infection, in fact he is so rarely sick that all these doctor trips and fevers and fussiness is new to me. Weird, but my first one was formula fed and I can count the number of times he has been sick on one hand (knock on wood). Number two is STILL breastfed (another issue in itself) and he has already surpassed brother on the illness scale. Interesting......

Changing the subject....we tour a different private school close to us tomorrow morning. It is much cheaper and they have half day kindergarten (yeah!). Let's hope this is a good match for us.

Cake

So Adam is better finally. The snot is flowing like a fountain, but the fever is gone and he seems to be back to his easygoing self again. Thank goodness. I hate when my kids are sick. We never could get the tylenol to work on his fever so after the so called party on Saturday my mom went out and bought infant motrin and that fixed him up in 20 minutes. Why oh why didn't we think of that earlier? Anyway, he was raring for some cake once his fever came down and here are my obligatory shove the cake in your mouth shots. The kid loves cake!

Adam's one year appointment was this morning. He is doing well, aside from the river of snot. He weighs 17 pounds even and was 28 1/2 inches. He is a teeny thing thats for sure. He got 2 shots....I put off the MMR and varicella until 18 months, I am just weird that way. I taught autistic kids for a year and each and every parent thought those vaccinations were what caused their kids problems. I do not think that myself, but just on the off chance I delay it and it makes me feel better. I did the same thing with Jacob after talking with the doctor about it (ok, crying on her shoulder about it) and I know she was expecting me to do it today as well. I LOVE my pediatrician....she doesn't agree with me all the time, but she works with me and is great with my boys.

We are trying to decide if we are placing Jacob in private school next year...kindergarten, how did that come so fast?? I have narrowed to 3 schools, leaning more towards one, most expensive of course. I have until tomorrow to decide if I want to enroll him in the expensive one or pay an even more steep registration fee. I also found a school that is half day, which is what I would prefer, but I don't know much about the place yet and doubt I can find out more before end of business day tomorrow. SO, there are decisions to be made and I just hope I make the right one...easy as cake.

What a party....

Today was Adam's First Birthday party.....this is how he was through most of the party. Poor little dude woke up with a fever! Jacob was sick earlier in the week and I should have known this would happen, but Adam never seemed bothered in the least and I mistakenly thought he had cruised right through it...WRONG! It is just a cold, runny nose and cough, but the fever is knocking him out. I called all parents of small children early to let them know the deal and no one seemed concerned so everyone still showed up, but it was a pitiful sight. When he was awake he would try so hard to play with the other kids then just sit down sobbing because I know he felt so bad. He cried through the birthday song and wouldn't have any cake. Jacob got to open his presents, which suited him just fine. Poor guy fell asleep again right after that and has been pretty much sleeping ever since. His buddy Zane came all the way over from Baton Rouge and they couldn't play, it was just so, so sad.

After all the stressing I did over that cake, it really didn't matter in the end. He didnt' get a piece of it, wasn't able to have that typical first birthday smeared cake shot...in fact, I didnt' get many pictures at all, poor little guy. He got some nice gifts, amazingly all things Jacob doesn't already have so he is having a great time with them. It looks like it is going to be a long night, already made a run for the infant motrin and pediacare. At least Jacob has some new stuff to keep him busy.

Adam at One

I still cannot believe my tiny baby is one year old! Here are just some random thoughts on all he can do at one:
walks well, in fact he has a really cute penguin walk where he puts his arms down to his sides as he waddles along
runs, or at least attempts to
eats table food
points at things if you ask him to find something
can stack a few small blocks
gives "love" when asked to
climbs the stairs and can go back down
climbs up slide and slides down on his belly
waves bye bye
uses sign for eat and milk and made up his own sign for outside....waving and pointing at the door or window
can remove his shirt and diaper
can use a crayon, of course he only scribbles
recognizes familiar characters...Thomas of course
says mama, kee for kitty, vroom when pushing a car or train, woof for dog
can follow a one step direction, get your bear etc.
claps hands
dances

Adam is so different than Jacob. I see so many things Adam is doing that Jacob never did such as play in the toilet, put the remote in the toilet, chew hunks of paper off the toilet paper roll. Of course, this could be that I was so much more anal with Jacob and made sure he never set foot in the bathroom until it was time to potty train. He also can play trains and other "big boy" toys which Jacob didn't have access to at this age. Naturally, I think he is highly intelligent and cannot wait to wow everyone with his excelerated skills on his birthday party this Saturday. We are doing a Baby Einstein theme. I let Jacob pick it all out. FYI: You can get all the Baby Einstein dinnerware/decorations BUT no one can make a cake for you or give you a Baby Einstein balloon because those have copyright laws, go figure.

One Year Ago Today.....

My baby boy was born at 8:36 am on a dreary Sunday January 23, 2005. I had a c-section scheduled on the 27th, my Granny's birthday, but I guess he couldn't wait that long. I actually went into labor this time and it hurt, don't see how other women make it through the whole thing. The c-section itself was an ordeal. It took the anesthesiologist forever to get the epidural in and everytime he tried he hit a nerve making me jump, those nurses were starting to yell at me after a while to be still but it just wasn't happening. I cried and cried, the pain of the needle and the pain from the contractions was just too much for me at that point. I was mad at myself for putting myself in that position, I could have avoided it all if I had just not gotten pregnant. By the time they got it done and had me strapped to the table (which sent me into a panic attack)I was just praying for it all to be over, I wasn't savoring the moment like I wanted to, like I thought it would be like. In what seemed like a split second I was pregnant and then I wasn't....they held up that beautiful child and all that previous misery was forgotten. There is nothing like hearing your baby cry for the first time. My first impression of him was that I knew he was healthy and to me big...after having a preemie he seemed like the biggest baby I had ever seen, although he was quite small: 6 pounds, 1 ounce. He was so alert and alive it was hard to believe he had just made it to the world. They took him to the nursery and I didn't see him again for about 4 hours. When they finally brought him to me I couldn't believe how intuitive he seemed, like he just knew what he was doing there, figuring out all the things around him, and I swear he smiled, not a gas smile or a grimace, but a true, albeit small smile, right at me like he knew who I was, a mama's boy from the start. He has truly smiled since birth, we put in his baby book 2 weeks because that is the first time we have a picture of it, but he did smile and that foretold Adam at 1 year old....happy, smiling, sweet, and full of energy. What a good day it was and what a good day today will be.

362 days

I can't believe my little guy is going to be one in 3 days. It's a cliche, but I swear it seems like we just brought him home. We have had so much fun with him, having 2 kids is the best thing we ever did. I can't believe there was a time when I wanted Jacob to be an only child. Adam has been a pretty easy baby, he is easy going and happy and just loves life. I hope I can make it through Monday, I already cry thinking about it and I can't pass the hospital he was born in without having a mini panic attack. What a big boy already...time does fly.

It snowed....

at the park, in a big pile with people all around to trample on you!

Here are the boys at the WinterFest on Saturday. I was looking forward to this all week long. We took Jacob a couple of years ago and he had a blast, loved the snow and the rides, and of course the snow cones! I couldn't go last year as I was having a baby so when I saw the signs I was ready! I found the kid's mittens and dressed them in sweaters and got up early and went out. Again, I forgot how much the town has grown in the past 2 years. It was chaotic. The snow patch was a mosh pit, I was afraid for the kid's safety honestly. They divided the snow into an under 6 side and an over 6 side, but that didn't happen. There were snowball fights, mostly between adults and it got pretty rough. One poor girl got smacked in the face HARD with an ice ball. I saw her later that morning and her face was red and cut. We stayed long enough to get 3 pictures and left. Adam wasn't impressed and Jacob stayed with Gammy and Grampa last year for a bit and saw real snow that this just couldn't compare to. He was more interested in the rides and jumping things so for 2 hours we waited in line for 3 things. It was a bit of a let down...we had such an awesome time the last time and although it was some nice family togetherness time, it just wasn't the same. It is also weird to play in snow when it is 70 degrees out.....my boys came home with sunburns and changed into shorts. Where is winter???

This morning was Adam's dedication at church. We had to postpone it since Derick hasn't been in town on a Sunday for a while. They scheduled it at the end of the service. Obviously done by someone without children. Adam did well though. He made it through the sermon and hammed it up with the pastor during his dedication. I swear, I have my own Leno and Letterman over here.