Straight Up Now Tell Me.....

Are ya gonna come to the party or aren't you?

Oh, Oh, Oh.

Or do I have to buy too many hot dogs?

(Come on, you know you love Paula Abdul. She really hit the big time with American Idol, huh? I wonder what would've become of her if that gig hadn't come around for her?)

Seriously now.

I don't know why this surprises me as it happens every year, but I am still waiting for most everyone we invited to RSVP for the party.

The party is in three days and of the twenty-four families (yes twenty-four, I'm a glutton for punishment) invited so far three have confirmed they will definitely be there. Three have declined the offer and four others have given me the "we might show up, how long are you going to be there?" Oh really. When did maybe become an option? That, my friends, is just rude. Come on people, either you're coming or you aren't. Make a decision already. I know you are waiting for a better offer and even worse, so does my son. He asks every. single. afternoon if anyone else is going to be there to lavish him with gifts celebrate with him and I have to tell him I don't know because I really. don't. know.

We're having the party at the park. Again. We are serving hot dogs and coleslaw and deviled eggs and how the hell am I supposed to know how much of that crap to buy if no one responds?? I could buy for everyone I invited PLUS their families but then I might be eating hot dogs for months and I'm the only person in this house who likes deviled eggs. That could be a lot of eggs. Oh, and the gift bags. Damn the gift bag!!! Who came up with that? There were no gift bags when I was having birthday parties. Where the heck are my gift bags??? Last year I made enough gift bags for all who said they were coming because the year before I made enough for everyone invited and had little junk-filled bags all over my house for the rest of the year. Thirty bucks wasted. Yes, thirty bucks doesn't sound like much, but we're teetering on poor here with all these kids needing fed all the time, I don't have thirty bucks to blow. Last year, I was short seven bags. Maybe this is why the mamas at the school don't speak to me. It got around that some poor child had to leave a party without a pencil and a lead-filled trinket. Oh, the horrors!

Don't even get me started about the siblings.

What should I do? Is it rude to email EVERYONE and ask what they plan on doing? Should I just prepare for the yeses and let the maybes suck it if they get there and there's nothing left to eat? Is it wrong to fill the gift bags with leftover Halloween candy?

Help me, Obi-Wan Internets. You're my only hope.

Because, you know, it's a Star Wars party and I've seen every episode of the Star Wars saga at least ten times in the past month making me really, really miss Sir Topham Hatt who would tell those lazy parents, "You are causing confusion and delay."

Or as Yoda would say, "I sense much ambivalence in you, the invitation you must acknowledge."