My husband and I are attachment parenters.
We didn't start out to be that way, it just sort of evolved. We were Baby Wise parenters before the children were ever born. It seemed so simple, so right. Teach your child to adapt to your world and never, ever give them attention beyond the alloted time and your life will be a dream. Alas, Baby One had not read that book and didn't take kindly to any of that dude's suggestions. That's when our life became about 1. doing whatever made Baby happy and 2. doing whatever would give us the longest stretch of sleep. That's when we began holding our kid all day, feeding him on demand, and pretty much making him the complete center of our world. It worked for us.
I found the book Attachment Parenting while pregnant with Adam and was so relieved to find that what we were doing was an actual process and we weren't just crazy people flying by the seat of our pants. Ha! Ha! Family....we were trendsetters, followers of the almighty Dr. Sears, not weirdos.
So according to Dr. Sears, my first child is going to grow up to be a miserable mess who will be unable to contribute to society because he was formula fed. That was hard to read, but too late to do anything about. He can discuss it later in life with his therapist and I will go in and hang my head in shame at the grief I have caused him. So, I made plans to breastfed the second child and aside from the gut wrenching pain and lack of sleep, it went pretty well. I breastfed number 2 until he was 15 months old. I didn't try to wean him, he just quit on his own, and seriously, I may have breast fed him until he was three if he so desired, but I have no idea how that would have turned out as it didn't become an issue here.
On Monday nights, Jacob and I curl up in bed and watch Super Nanny. He loves Super Nanny. I mean, really, he's in love with Nanny Jo. He writes her love letters and wishes to know where she lives and would probably stalk her if he could. According to him, she is beautiful and fun and a good person. It doesn't hurt that she is teaching him some discipline while he watches either. But anyway, we were watching an episode last week where Nanny Jo was helping a family with two older boys and a baby girl. From what I could tell, the biggest discipline issues were with the middle boy, but I didn't get much from that. Nanny Jo started focusing on the fact that the baby was still breastfeeding and being held a good portion of the day at *GASP* fourteen months old! Jo wanted that baby weaned and sat down so that she could socially interact with her siblings.....her siblings who were like ten years older. What??? I couldn't bear to watch it in parts. At one point Jo is making this mom shove a pillow between herself and the baby to keep her from wanting that comfort nurse at naptime. AAHH.....it actually made me nervous, I had to change and watch a little Anna Nicole drama on CNN during that. I thought Super Nanny was there for discipline issues.....when is breastfeeding a discipline issue? I felt badly for that mom. I felt like she was railroaded into weaning that baby. At the end everyone was all happy because their family is so much easier to deal with now, but I never did see where they straightened anything out with those boys. Maybe I missed that while I was watching Nancy Grace, but she sure straightened that baby out. Bad baby expecting to be held and fed!
Now, I am most definitely not a member of the breast feeders only club. I formula fed Jacob and there were plenty, I mean plenty, of women who thought he should be in a foster home because I didn't. There were reasons behind that decision, but truly, it's no one's business but my own so I'm not going to get into it. I breastfed Adam and it was hard. I cried the first three months everytime he'd want to eat. I stuck to it because I didn't want anymore breast feeders to say I was a bad mom because I used formula and the kid never drank a drop of formula. I intend to breast feed this baby, but if it doesn't work out, I know where to buy the Enfamil. In short, I think you should feed your baby however it works out for you and the baby. As long as the baby is fed, everyone should be happy. That goes for how long you choose to do that, too. I, personally, don't think I would enjoy nursing when my kid is old enough to use the toilet on his own, but really, to each his own. It's hard enough raising kids without a bunch of experts and nosy bodies butting in deciding what is right for your family. I think you gotta go with your gut on this one.
With that being said though......
When is a child too old to be breastfed in public?
Don't send me hate mail, I agree breastfeeding women have rights and should be able to feed their baby anywhere they desire, I mean a baby has to eat and sometimes you just can't limit your outings to two hour trips. Been there, done that.
This is where I get confused.....
Last week I took Jacob and Adam to the preschool story time at the library. It's for kids aged three to six. While we were there one of the moms went over to the circle where the kids were sitting and listening and scooped up her precious, at least four year old, boy, plopped him into her lap and began nursing him right there. Honestly, I couldn't believe it. The kid had an AC/DC shirt on for goodness sake. The library lady about fell out of her chair. This kid was definitely no baby....in fact he was bigger than my six year old. I don't think he needed sustenance immediately at that moment or the moment ten minutes later when the kid trotted back for more. I don't condemn the lady for continuing to breast feed her kid, that's their family issue, but since it was clear the kid could eat and nursing wasn't necessary to his well being, was that appropriate? I just know it was uncomfortable for pretty much all of us there and I don't have problems with that typically. Where do we draw the line, or do we?
8 comments:
Intresting I mean was the lady on a strict breast feeding schedule or something I personally don't beleive a child that old should be breast fed but to each her own. If if he was thirsty he should have gotten a drink out of the water fountain, the other kids were not eating their lunch at the library. Anyways, another little tid bit, we applied to super nanny and got a call back. A producer from the show visited my home and took alot of video. My family was not picked b/c my kids were not bad enough!!
1. I've considered applying to Super Nanny, but my husband doesn't like her.
2. I saw the show you mentioned. The older boy was helped to a certain degree. I thought the part about getting the little girl out of the mom and dads bed was good. I think Jo's issue with the breast feeding was that the girl was latched on ALL day. She used her mom as a paci. I did think making her wean was a bit much. That's really a personal decision.
3. Breast feeding and how long is really a personal issue. I would never tell someone when to wean their child.
4. That being said, a 4 year old breast feeding in the library is too much. Not neccessary. Is the mom going to go to preschool with him for snack time too? If it's a comfort thing or a way to lull the child to sleep, then what goes on in your home is your business.
5. IMO: Breastfeeding an older child in public should stop when the child doesn't really need it for nurishment anymore or surely by age 2.
6. I was very pro breasting (still am), I just didn't produce enough milk and had to supplement and the kids weaned themselved after 7-8 weeks. I cried. (just adding that so no one thinks I'm anti-breastfeeding).
Out here in Californis it's anything goes. I've seen five-year-olds nursing in the park. No kidding.
With that said, my toddler is still nursing and while I would love for him to wean very soon, I am really ok with it. However, we stopped nursing in public before he turned one. Although we DO still nurse discreetly on planes. I am very modest. That's just me though.
FYI, my kid refused a bottle after the age of two months and is still not in love with the sippy cup. It makes him gag. I know it sounds like a great solution and it was for my older son but all kids are different.
Lastly, I really think that the where and when of weaning can really only be decided on an individual basis. I try not to judge anyone even as their first grader is unbuttoning their shirt to nurse. After what I've gone through with R, I'm learning to bite my tongue and keep my opinions to myself.
Hmmm. Nursing a 4 year old in public? Ah, not the most comfortable situation for everyone. IMO, for what it's worth, that's too old for that type of nursing. If he needs it at naptime or bed, or during a routine, fine. But seriously, that should be a very private thing. And if he was just sitting there? Strange. Maybe she was making a statement? Trying to see if someone would say something?
None of my kids would nurse much past 1 year, so I don't know how I would have handled it if one had nursed past 2, but I would say that it wouldn't be on demand anymore, and not so brazenly in public.
If there's not enough for everyone, you shouldn't get to snack in front of other kids. ;)
But seriously. I am not a mother and therefore don't have any opinion other than that of a bystander. But from that perspective, why does that kid get to eat just because his snack is attached to his mom? Totally unfair. If he was getting a cupcake, that wouldn't have been cool. Just sayin'.
Well...I am still breastfeeding Landon off and on. I tried to wean him, but when he looks up at me with those huge, puppy dog eyes of his, I just can't say no. He's almost 19 months old and I never thought I would nurse this long.
That being said, we only nurse at home, in private. I'm a very modest person anyway, and would always try to find a private location to do it..even when he was really little.
I would never tell anyone *when* to wean their child, but I do think nursing a 4 year old in public is just a little over the top. It's not like he was dying for his next "meal" and couldn't run to the water fountain to quench his thirst.
Crazy stuff
I think it should totally be up to the parents how and when they are going to feed their child. Period. From what I've heard, there are benefits to both breast and bottle feeding, so it's quite a toss up for me when figuring out how I am going to feed my little guy. It's such a personal decision...no idea what to do! As far as Nanny Jo goes, sometimes I think she's a little over the top. I mean, does she even have children???
Well it's cool that you "discovered" attachment parenting. The same kind of happened for us as well, my boyfriend's parents accidentally raised him that way as well, so he has always just assumed all the AP was the norm and hooked me on to it. I try not to judge other parents personally. I don't think I'll be nursing my daughter at 4 years of age, I have some issues with it now, but I can't just condemn someone else for doing it.
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