Stop reading now if you don't want to hear me complain about the luncheon.
I got there early thinking I could slink into the fellowship hall and sit inconspicuosly and wait, but no, we had to stand in a line outside the classroom and wait for the teachers to bring the children out one at a time. I said hello to some of the moms as they came in, but at best I got a nod from them, except one mom who stopped to ask me if I wanted to buy a cook book that she is selling for a fundraiser for a....wait for it....stay at home mom group they organized with all the mommies of the preschool. UH HUH....I will just pretend they think I am Jacob's nanny and not secretly wish those cookbooks would catch fire in the Houston heat. Don't ask me to join, but be sure to ask me to support your cause, that's tactful. So, Jacob comes out and he has apparently been shown where his sweet little personalized placement will be and is told to walk me to our place at the table. He goes to what he thinks is his spot and seems utterly confused. Then he gets nervous and starts dragging me around. Seems he put our placemats between a couple of his buddies way up front by the food, but when we got in there, our placemats were way in back....at the very last table....with the teachers. Yep, the Stepford Mommies rearranged all the mats so they could all sit together. You should have seen those poor kids, everything had been rehearsed and everyone could go in and sit down orderly like and it ended up being a three ring circus, kids stumbling over one another to find their spot. It would have been comical if it hadn't been so noticable that they were all trying to get away from us. The buffet line for the food was hysterical. When the director told everyone they could come up and fill the plates, it was like a stampede of cattle running from the cowboys. There was salad, cheese, fruit, and koolaid....it was no Ryans people. I finally did get in line, at the very end of course, and Jacob runs up to the same damn kid who is always so rude to him and that little brat actually rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and turned around to face the wall rather than speak to my kid. Jacob was embarrassed, poor thing. Now, tell me, if it were your kid who did that, you would AT LEAST explain to him that his behavior wasn't nice and to at least say hi, but this mama (yes, same cookbook toting mama) just grinned a silly grin at me and turned around to gossip about the botox with the other mamas. I just explained to Jacob, as loudly as I could, that some kids are just unfriendly because their parents haven't told them they shouldn't be. They didn't hear me because I am invisible, but it made me feel better. I would rather have taken her to the ground by her fake highlighted hair, but I am above that and I had a dress on. So, we get our food, they served some awesome cake, Jacob and I had fun seeing how many cherry tomatoes we could eat because, geez louise, we can't afford them here at home, and I enjoyed talking with the teachers, who doted over my little dude and let me know how smart and sweet and FRIENDLY he is to everyone at school. SO, it wasn't a lost afternoon after all AND pro-divorce dedicated a blog entry entirely to me....definitely helps a girl's self-esteem!
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