Out With the New

Look what Elizabeth can do!

No more newborn baby at my house. It's so sad. I love brand new, wrinkly red, lay like a lump newborns. I love that moment when you hear your baby cry for the first time and see her swaddled like a papoose with her beanie hat the next. I love the cradle cap and baby acne and crossed eyes. I can't believe there will be no more newborns for me. I could cry.

I do, however, enjoy watching my newborn grow into a baby. She's pulling up and trying to hold her head steady. She is smiling and cooing and turning her head to follow us around the room. She has a double chin and thunder thighs and a perfect belly button. I could eat her up, she is that delicious, but she keeps growing, she won't slow down and that breaks my heart just a little with every new skill and every little outfit she outgrows. She's my last baby and I am trying so hard to hang on to every moment of it.


Next week, Elizabeth will be two months old. TWO MONTHS OLD! That means only ten more months until her first birthday. Didn't I just have a baby yesterday? In the chaos that is round the clock feeding and crying, two months passed by, how did that happen? My body has healed and the maternity clothes have been packed away. I am wearing exactly the same thing I was wearing when I found out she was coming. I am slowly learning to clean and cook and live our lives with an extra person around, we have figured out our new normal. This is our now. The newness is wearing off. I love the newness. I miss the newness. Sniff.

Another Meme

Janeen tagged me for this one a few weeks ago. I'm moving slowly these days......geez, can't figure out why.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
June 1997: I was teaching third grade in Virginia Beach and just finishing up the year. I was also trying to sell my cool townhome and packing my things into a u-haul because I was quitting that job and moving to West Virginia to live in sin with my future husband.




What were you doing 1 year ago?
June 2006: We had just arrived in West Virginia to spend a few weeks with the grandparents. I was vegging and loving it. I did nothing but hang outside by the kiddie pool and knit. Sometimes I would go out with friends and each one of them asked if I was going to try for a girl and I laughed my ass off after I choked on my beer.



Five snacks you enjoy:


1. lemon or lime slices

2. white cheddar cheez-its

3. snow cones

4. a tall glass of ice and Pepsi

5. Spoonfuls of peanut butter



Five songs that you know all the lyrics:


1. Take Me Home Country Roads by John Denver

2. Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

3. Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks

4. 1985 by Bowling for Soup

5. The Goodnight Song on Noggin



Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:


1. Buy a ridiculously extravagent house in a nice neighborhood

2. Set up trust funds for the kids

3. Get fifty yard line seats to every WVU football game and tailgate in the expensive spots in my cool RV

4. Travel the US in the same cool RV without worrying about gas

5. Buy A Louis Vuitton bag for me and all my friends just because I could




Five bad habits:


1. Eating too much junk food

2.Swearing

3. Complaining, I'm getting better on that one though....too tired to bitch I guess

4. I can't leave things on the floor, I'm a neat freak

5. I waste too much money on clearance crap at Target




Five things you like doing: (Not in any order of importance)


1.Knitting

2. sleeping

3. Taking naps with Elizabeth and Adam in the recliner

4. Watching Food Network

5. Playing board games with Jacob



Five things you would never wear again:


1. a strapless dress

2. white pants

3. socks

4. bras, once the bre*stfeeding is over

5. a bikini bathing suit



Five favorite toys:


1. My Laptop

2. The digital camera

3. Jacob's Gameboy

4. Webkinz

5. Itunes and Ipod



Let me know if you want to do this one too.

Six Weeks

Here are all my babies at six weeks old.

Elizabeth

Adam

Jacob

Who do you think Elizabeth looks most like?

Sleep....The Impossible Dream

My husband broke my baby.

In fact, he broke all of my children.

Elizabeth will not sleep in her crib. She was doing pretty well when we first brought her home and I was cautiously optimistic that the beautiful and expensive crib might finally see some use.

Then I got the mastitis and some migraine headaches and the husband tended to the baby for a few nights so I could get some rest.....if you call one hour stretches rest, but anyway, after I took over again last week I noticed that placing Elizabeth in the crib resulted in strange banshee wails unless I rocked her silly for over an hour to ensure she was completely asleep and even then she would only stay there for about fifteen minutes before the wailing began meaning I was reunited with my new boyfriend Bobby Flay in the recliner for another hour. Lather, rinse, repeat all night long.

So this weekend the husband graciously offers to do the night shift with the baby (minus the nursing). The "nursery" used to be our guest room so it still contains the full size bed which works out well for the night shifter, no shuffling from room to room all night. So, on Saturday I was jolted awake realizing I hadn't fed my baby in over three hours (although that amount of sleep was heavenly) and went in to check on her. You won't believe what I saw......the husband drooling in a deep sleep holding Elizabeth on her stomach face down in a fluffy pillow while he was sprawled out in that bed. You have got to be kidding me! I was livid! Not only did the stomach sleeping pillow thing bother me, but dear Lord, he did the same damn all night holding thing with the other two kids and he still wonders why they don't like to sleep in their beds by themselves! Shit, Jacob was four before he quit coming into our bed and it took lots of Thomas trains and Chuck E. Cheese trips to make that happen.

So, I've been tramping up and down the stairs for weeks now working my ass off trying to get that little girl to be a crib sleeper, our first crib sleeper, and it was all for nothing. So last night I threw in the towel and figured we'd return to the old reliable co-sleeping regimen that worked with the boys and you know what? Elizabeth isn't interested in co-sleeping....hell, no. Elizabeth is only interested in being slung across a shoulder or snuggled in a lap all night long. She will sleep no other way. I slept maybe two total hours last night, it was a fight.....a fight I am losing because guess where she is now......stretched out on her stomach in my lap sound asleep while my legs tingle.

Why the heck can't my kids just sleep like normal children? What is wrong with them?

We WILL sleep in your bed and there's nothing you can do about it!



You put me down! How dare you not hold me in your arms! You will pay!



But you love me anyway because I am so darn cute and before long I will be this big and embarrassed by you, so keep on holding me while you still can.

Six Weeks Old

Because Sadie looked so cute in hers.....

I swore I would never subject my child to the headband.

I now eat crow.

Restaurant Meme

I was tagged by Sadie with the eating out meme. These are the rules:
1. Link to the name of the person who tagged you.
2. Include the state and country you’re in.
3. List your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location (locally).
4. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.



I live in Houston, Texas.



1. Gaidos in Galveston We dont' go there very often as it's a little damaging to the old pocketbook, but the food is good, the atmosphere is nice, and we enjoy watching the water from our table. I order the Shrimp Michael with Parmesan Tomatoes everytime. Geez, I would love some of that right this very minute.



2. The Mediterranean Chef We just stumbled upon this place one afternoon. It's in what appears to be a small house and you can just drive right past it and not know it's there. Wonderful hummus and awesome dolmas and the waitresses always give Jacob an order of baklava for free and he allows them to love all over him, even when he was two and hated ladies.



3. Capones Pizza Pub For the best NY style thin crust pizza, this is the place. It's close to home, too, so you can't beat that. They also have great buffalo wings. We don't eat in many places anymore, the kids make that experience less than enjoyable, but we'll take them into Capones with a thought. It has a great atmosphere, they have the table trivia games, and now that I am not pregnant, I can enjoy their pitcher specials one day.



4. La Casita An old work friend brought me here right after Jacob was born. I never would have found it otherwise as it's out in the boonies, in a neighborhood next to the owner's home. There's a picture of the casat of Apollo 13 on the wall who they say ate there frequently while they filmed at NASA. There is even a Tom Hanks special on the menu (three chicken enchiladas). We quit our old favorite mexican for this one.



5. Central Texas BBQ It's a little further away than I am willing to drive most of the time, but the meat is good and the sides are better. I could live on their stuffed jalapenos and potatoes.



I tag everybody because everyone lives somewhere different

Tuesday Tidbits

Can I just say that I am glad last week is over? Last week brought Tums swallowing, vitamin swallowing, a couch tumble, two severe head bumps, a car accident, a feverish two year old, an intestinally challenged infant, and a bout of mastitis. Yes, glad it's over with. No surprises this week please.

The girl has recently acquired neon green poop. Anybody out there have any clue what could be causing this?

Memorial Day was a bust. It poured and poured and poured. We had planned on grilling out and going to the pool, but instead we stayed in and took turns napping. I think I enjoyed that way more than a cook-out.

The speech people are supposed to be contacting us this week about evaluating Adam. Of course, now that we've got the ball rolling he starts saying more words. Last week he added this, look, bug, tea, boo-boo, and Beth. He does most of his talking to the baby so I guess he figured she didn't understand grunt.

I need a new sling, something less wintery thick as I don't want to fry my baby like an egg in the Texas heat. If you've used one and loved it, please let me know.

Oh Charlie, WHY??? How could you throw your life away like that? How can I watch Lost again without you? Will Penny save the islanders? What was the deal with the bearded Jack....future flashups?

I have a meme in the works. If you want to be tagged let me know.

Looks like our week is already starting off a bit better.....




Nothing better than a smiley baby......green poop and all.

Elizabeth at 1 Month

Dear Elizabeth,

What a ride it's been baby girl! Not only did you surprise us since the day we discovered you were joining us, you shocked us by missing some parts as well. Our darling Ethan (or Nate, Samuel, Andrew, or Noah) turned into an Elizabeth in the blink of an eye and we couldn't be more thrilled.

It took us a while to get used to changing girly diapers and the presence of pink blankies and pacifiers, but we are slowly getting the hang of it. I cannot tell you how much I love dressing you in sweet little dresses. My very own baby doll.

At one month old, you weigh about seven and a half pounds and are probably about 21 inches long by now. You wore preemie diapers your first two weeks and are now in newborn diapers, but we will switch you to size ones on our next shopping trip. You have begun to get little fat rolls on your thighs and I could eat up your double chin. You are still wearing newborn clothing and most of the 0-3 are too big for you, but I suspect in the next two weeks you will be wearing them just fine.

You were born with dark black hair and gray eyes. In the past week or so you have taken on a kind of calico cat do, you have stripes of black and stripes of red. It has been suggested that we call you Kitty. Your eyes are becoming more and more blue. You started smiling maybe a week ago and are doing it more and more. I think you might have a dimple like Jacob.

Life as a baby hasn't been easy for you. You cry. Alot. You shriek, in fact. It's a bit unsettling for us, but we'll try anything to calm you. You currently have a mylicon addiction and just seeing the bottle will soothe your cries. You do not like to be left alone in the crib, but you will sleep there about thirty-forty minutes before you wake up wailing. You must sleep in someone's arms and, where I love to hold you, it's hard to do all day with your brother in the house.

Speaking of brother....Adam adores you. He cried like, well, a baby, the first time he saw me holding you and I was sure jealousy would be a huge issue for him, but a few hours later he was kissing your head and calling you sissy and he has loved you ever since. You are the first person he looks for when he wakes in the morning and the last person he says good night to at night. I don't think I am his favorite person anymore.

We looked forward to your arrival for so long and are now absolutely giddy (when we're not bone tired) getting to know you and learn the girly way of things. I anticipate much more pink in the coming months. This first month has been pretty much the basic eat,sleep, poop, and cry of all newborns, I feel the real fun is just beginning. Can't wait to see what month two brings us.

He'll Eat That, but Refuses to Eat a Meal......

Ah....sorry about the rant yesterday. Lack of sleep does not make me a jolly person. I do appreciate the support and suggestions. It's nice to have an internet shoulder to cry on.



I didn't get any sleep last night either but for an entirely different reason.



We spent the night in the emergency room.



Don't believe it when a bottle says it has a child proof cap.



Sometime after the nightly bathtime ritual, Adam climbed onto a high shelf and retrieved my bottle of prenatal vitamins and apparently thinking they were candy and delicious had a few. He did that all in the amount of time it took my husband to take a leak, two minutes tops. We didn't know how many he had, or if he even actually swallowed any, but his breath had that rank vitamin smell so we called the pediatrician and she sent us downtown to the "best" children's hospital. This was at 8:30. We were cleared to leave at 3:30 after x-rays showing no iron mass, a four hour wait for an iron level blood draw, and being stored in a tiny room with a baby they thought had meningitis. Yes, my newborn infant shared air with a possible meningitis patient. You know I flipped out about that. I looked around and we were the only family sharing a room.....sharing a room with a kid who could be deathly, contagiously ill......why? I would have gladly waited longer to have avoided that scenario. I just hope at this point that baby got an unnecessary spinal tap and has a benign virus, but there's no way for me to know since we were discharged before they received their results. I am going to be a basket case for the next few days...hypochondria galore.



Anyway, Adam's iron level was 278 when it should have been 50-60. He probably got at least four of those tablets before we caught him. If his level had been 350 or higher he would have been admitted and given a charcoal treatment and social services would have been called. Needless to say the husband cleared our home of all medications, some hit the trash and the necessities are in a locked closet in a locked room and he will be pretty much tethered to one of us at all times.



Oh, the joys of living with a two year old!

Tuesday Tidbits.....sort of

Well, Jacob is on his way to his summer vacation. It is extremely quiet around here much of the time. I miss him terribly and Adam does too, although he is really enjoying playing with his brother's toys. The kindergarten graduation went well. They sang songs and recited bible verses and walked up to receive their diplomas like perfect little soldiers....except for Jacob who waved at me and blew kisses and yelled how much he loved me from the stage. Sometimes it's nice to have a kid with no social inhibitions.





With Jacob gone, that means Gammy is gone too. Also gone are morning showers, afternoon naps, lunch, and breakfast. I get about three hours of sleep each night and that's spread out over eight hours. My night is a series of thirty minute feedings, ten minute burpings, fifteen minute rockings, and the fifteen minute transer to crib-back pat-shushing routine and then she's up again an hour later to begin it all again, IF I don't have to go back to her ten minutes later to administer the pacifier shove and back pat routine. To say I am tired is an extreme understatement.



So I am alone all day now with two kids in diapers. I have only had to call poison control once so far and I only had to clean up one lotiony mess. I have gotten bitten, pinched, and slapped and have paced with a screaming baby for hours on end. The meals have stopped coming so we ate cheez-its and muffins for dinner last night. Tonight.....frozen waffles if I can find them. I have no earthly idea when I will ever make it to the grocery store again so I feel like the Lost castaways before they found the hatch with all the food. I am seriously considering selling those pearls so I can pay for a maid or at least some teenager who can come play with my attention starved two year old for a few hours each day. Mother of the Year I'm not.


The incessant crying is getting to me. It has gone from a two hour nightly thing to an all day/all night scream fest. I guess it was good Adam was such a great baby because had he been like this I would have ripped my own uterus out with a rusty fork.


Geez, I miss my big kid, at least he doesn't cry.


But with that being said...I do love these little creatures immensely. I am extremely lucky to have three healthy kids. I know I won't be sleep deprived forever and the crying will end eventually (won't it?) I truly do love the tiny infants and I know I will miss this stage when it's over. They may not be the easiest kids in the world, but they sure are the cutest......

Is This the Little Boy I Carried?

The cutest picture to ever make a mama bawl like a baby.

Is it just me or do you also see a high school senior standing there?

That wasn't nice to do to a hormonal woman.

Happy Graduation Baby! I hope the remaining school years drag much more slowly than this one did.

Greasy Goodness Part Deux

You think I would learn from past mistakes....


I have not yet mastered the art of chasing a two year old and nursing a baby simultaneously, don't judge me.


We lost Adam again this morning. I thought he was downstairs with my mom, she thought he was upstairs with me and when comparing notes discovered that neither one of us had a clue where he had been for ten minutes and a quick sweep found him in Elizabeth's room with an industrial, Sam's Club size jar of Vaseline....or what was left of the Vaseline anyway.

FYI....Vaseline is MUCH harder to clean than Vaporub and there's no pleasant smell to open your sinuses as you do.

So....today we bid farewell to two of Jacob's beloved stuffed animals (he hasn't noticed yet), a couple of pacifiers, the baby's ultracool aquarium play mat, and one very cute fishy green outfit that I was a tad attached to as Jacob wore it continuously his entire second year. The daddy is also going to be less than pleased to see the new shiny spots on the wall and carpet. He's also not going to like the broken, bent-up window screen either, but I am still wondering what it was doing in the house to begin with.

I am afraid to see what might happen tomorrow.

Tuesday Tidbits

American Idol......Melinda, Blake, or Jordin? I don't really care, I haven't kept up with it this year like I have in the past, but it would be wrong for Melinda to go home without something. She's by far the better vocalist in the whole group, although I probably wouldn't itune any of their songs anyway, so whatever.


My husband's job just switched his schedule to 12 hour days with every other Friday off. I am wishing this could have been done this past year because that extra time with Jacob would have been good for him, but hallelujah!, that's once every two weeks I don't have to drive the kid to school and might possibly be able to sleep in....well, if I didn't have a tiny piranha hanging off of me every two hours, but still, that has to end sometime right?

My baby will be a month old this week. Where did those weeks go? I am already missing the teeny newborn infant stage. She started smiling a bit and interacts more. I miss that lumpy baby! Would you laugh at me if I told you I wanted just one more? Yep, I really do, but I believe it's all hormonal as I felt like this after having Adam and by the time he was nine months old I was giving away some of our baby stash. Of course, my OB told me that it would be dangerous to have a fourth child as my uterus was completely worn out making me high risk for a rupture and I had to think.....how in hell is it that my uterus gave out after three but that Duggar woman is still going like the Energizer bunny expecting her 17th next month? Oy.

I watched the series finale of King of Queens last night. It was a good wrap up, but the whole Chinese adoption thing irked me. Not that they adopted from China but because three weeks after deciding to adopt from China they got a call and a picture of their four day old baby. Uh, that does not happen. Now I am no expert in Chinese adoption, but my friend is. It took her tons of paperwork and interviews and money plus thirteen months of waiting to bring her daughter home and that was two years ago. They are in the process again and she tells me that the laws have changed and they have many more hoops to jump through this time so it will be at least two years before they are even matched with a child. CBS dropped the ball on that one.

Sadie, I thought of you while my baby was being born. A Daughtry song was playing on the radio.

They cancelled Crossing Jordan. Was I the only one who watched that show?

My quest for the perfect Mother's Day photo didn't go well.....

I couldn't find Adam for a bit this afternoon. I checked his usual hide-outs with no luck.

Here is where I found him.

I don't care if his legs are dragging the ground, he's still my baby.

I have officially boycotted Mother's Day.

I think I will do this every year.

It has nothing to do with gifts and gratitude. My husband presented me with a set of pearls...pearls for a woman who wears shorts and sandals daily, but pearls...ok. There were stale donuts and glasses of milk and that was ok too.

What I would really have loved more than anything was for my son to keep his mouth shut for ten freaking minutes so I could have enjoyed it.

I am at my wit's end with Jacob. The medication isn't helping him. If anything, it has made him twice as aggressive as before. He speaks to me with such rudeness and disrespect that I have to stifle my first instinct to slap him. No punishment works with him so the behavior continues. I have charts and stickers and chores and rewards but he still acts like a sullen teenager and I have had enough. This morning I gave him the card he chose for his Gammy and told him to sign it, nothing else. He proceeded to throw a fit worthy of a two year old girl about how that wasn't his card and he wasn't signing it and it escalated from there. I put him in his room but that doesn't phase him. He went to church with his dad and apparently got all kinds of luxuries there so he came home and continued his fit when I wouldn't let him play on the computer as punishment for his tirade. Now Dad took the boys out away from me to "give me some peace" so I am spending Mother's Day pretty much alone. I still have the bottomless pit who loves me only because I am her human milk machine, but I am alone. No PF Changs, no fun activity, nothing.

Jacob is supposed to go to WV with his Gammy next weekend. He will be there until mid-July. This has been the plan for months, although he was supposed to come home late June but, naturally, my dad planned some sort of something and they can't bring him home until after the fourth. I am sad that I won't be spending the summer with my kid. I would love more than anything to take him to the pool, sign him up for sports, have lunch together, but I know even if he stays here things won't work out like that. I know he will fight me tooth and nail all summer long and it makes me sad knowing that where I will miss him, part of me will be relieved not to have to deal with that crap for eight solid weeks. This was our last weekend together. Instead of filling it with fun and love, it's turned into torment and disaster. No more Mother's Days for me please.

We finally figured out someplace to put the children in this shoe box of a house.

Two weeks ago, give or take, the husband took a cruise through the furniture store, just to look, and four days later the truck came with $1400 worth of bunk beds, dressers, and desks. Yes, the same husband that will not commit to even looking for a new couch when we so desperately need one, threw down the cash to make these boys a nice, new room.

We spent the weekend moving all of Adam's things into Jacob's room and pinkifying Elizabeth's room with the Good Will hand-me-downs that the neighbors, the one's who don't speak to us, dumped off on our porch the day we brought her home. Hey, free used pink crap, we aren't too proud to take it. I even got so bold as to hang all of her pink clothing and place a pink, flowery sheet on the crib. The Blues Clues banner is still hanging in there, but other than that, it's a nice place for a little girl. I might be able to show off my "nursery" yet.

I, personally, hate bunk beds with a fierce passion. The biggest reason being that right after they buried my grandpa in 1973, they buried a four year old girl right behind him, her name was Alicia, and she died falling from the top bunk of beds belonging to her brothers. I have been fearful of them ever since. Jacob is sleeping on the top bunk and I don't worry too much about him because he has always liked to hug the wall, but Adam believes he is Superman so we have to store the ladder in the closet all day long and then just pray that if he does wake up at night, he comes in for us rather than trying to get up with his brother. Did I tell you that my intelligent husband took Adam out "to play" and then drug a ladder to the roof so he could inspect the satellite dish and he turned around and found Adam on the roof with him? Yeah, we put the bed ladder up, but playing on top of the two story house is ok, but I digress.....

Another reason I hate the bunk beds is that the top one is impossible to make. Have I mentioned before that I just cannot function unless all the beds are made each morning? Jacob takes care of it pretty well, but he doesn't have time to do it before school, it's a tad more difficult so he does it when he gets home. I try not to go in there until school's out, drives me nuts. The husband swears he will do all sheet changing in that room, we'll see about that but I just know that I won't be doing it. Can you just see me crawling to the ceiling and scrambling about to put sheets on that thing? I think not. But as much as I despise them, they have freed up a ton of floor space in the room which means kids can play in the room again, toys can stay upstairs, my downstairs can cease to be a toy store somewhat. For that, I am really happy and you know what they say....If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Tuesday Tidbits

It's hard for me to get to the computer these days. I can effectively ignore my older two kids when I want to blog, turn on the other computer or a video, but the baby isn't into those things yet and she likes to be held and entertained all day long so my blogging time is limited. Sorry about that.


Did I tell you about our meeting with the psychologist? No? Well, basically, Jacob has ADHD and she recommended that we try medication rather than putting him in the transitional kindergarten next year. He has been on medicote, or something like that, for about two weeks now. I can tell a difference in the way he waits in line and can now carry on a phone conversation, but other than that I can't see that it's helping all that much. We were really relieved to find out that he 1. was not autistic, 2. had a great self-concept, and 3. it is no way our fault (take that family!). Hopefully we will get this medication issue figured out before first grade starts in August. How is it that he is old enough to be in first grade? Wasn't he just a baby?

I cannot get over the amount of pink things coming into my house these days. People we haven't heard from in years have sent gifts and cards. I am grateful for it all, but poor Adam only raked in two things when he was born and we may have gotten three cards. This is what I was talking about.....if Elizabeth had been a boy, I doubt others would be that interested in her. The biggest thing that peeved me was that my FIL sent five really cute outfits and a card, but he never did that for the boys, and could he have just dropped a note into the box for at least Jacob? Heck no. Oh well, at least my little one will be well dressed in six to nine months.

Since I was cleared to drive yesterday, I am hoping to pick up with my regular life again. I want to buy my own groceries and pick up my kid from school. The husband's birthday is this weekend so I need to go find a gift and, of course, I cannot forget my mother after all she's done for us the past few weeks. I have no idea where to begin. I do know that I won't have to cook any meals because between the few friends we have here, my MOPS group, and some of Jacob's classmate's parents we have had meals catered to us ever since we returned home from the hospital. We didn't have this luxury the last times and we are enjoying every second of it.

And because I am at a loss for words, sleep deprived and medicated you know.......pictures:

I Really Miss the Adjustable Bed....

I love going to the hospital. I hate the whole possible dying thing that goes along with it, but I find the hospital to be the closest thing to a child free hotel stay that I am going to get for a while. I mean, the bed can be adjusted...head AND feet, I get three square meals a day that I don't have to prepare and can be eaten right in that adjustable bed, even the clear liquid diet is good on those terms. When my child cries in the middle of the night, I can buzz for someone to come whisk her away so I can finish my slumber AND someone will come right to my bedside to administer good sleep inducing drugs....what's not to love about that?

Well, here are a few things I didn't really love about the last stay:

1. You know how each baby is fitted with an ankle monitor ala Martha Stewart after it's birth that is supposed to buzz bloody murder if some crazy person tries to run off with your kid? Well, one evening two nurses come barreling into my room after we sent the baby back to the pokey nursery for her daily weigh-in and they want to know if we have the monitor. Uh, no. Then they got all mad at us, like we took it off for a souvenir or something. Uh, no. Basically, the nurses lost my kids monitor, goodness knows how long she had been without it, then tried to pin it on us to keep from getting the axe or at the very least a strict talking to. It doesn't matter that eventually we found it under my fat, numb ass, but still, weren't they supposed to be monitoring her? Then, of course, my sedated mind went wild when I buzzed down for a nurse to come get my baby at 2 am and I heard her send the floor nurse in for her because she didn't have her badge and wasn't allowed to enter the room without it. My floor nurse was nice and sweet and took the baby and I went to sleep only to wake up two hours later in a sweat sure I had just let my sweet nurse hand my baby over to a deranged kidnapper. How would I explain that to Nancy Grace? Needless to say, she stayed with me after that one.

2. Just so you know....I have A+ blood. I have had A+ blood, oh, all my life, or at least known that fact since I started birthing babies six years ago. My doctor types everyone's blood at the beginning of pregnancy and the day before the birth (if you're scheduled) every single time. That means my blood has been typed, per his orders, at three different labs including the hospital, six different times. Five of those times I was A+.....the last time I was A-. How you ask? I have no freaking clue. I just know that the afternoon of Elizabeth's birth one of the nursery nurses came in and informed me that they were taking my baby to have some sort of test and shot because our blood type RHs didn't match. What? She then said I was a negative, she was a positive. Of course, I very politely disputed that and she got all pissy saying they had the results and they were shooting my baby up in ten minutes. I freaked out on her. I called my PA back at the office who called to straighten it out and they argued with her also, so OB ordered a retest....that came back negative. Then another, that came back negative. All day Friday they kept coming in typing my blood, all negative. My doctor finally came in dumbfounded and said the new lab manager told him that my blood had both negative and positive antibodies. WTF???? I flipped completely out. The lab was suggesting I change my blood type on everything....this made no freaking sense to me. I flipped out some more. OB ordered another type for Saturday morning and said we would discuss options after that. Saturday's type came back positive. Funny, but new lab manager didn't work weekends. Interesting, no? What scares me the most about this is who else's blood did he screw up who didn't know to argue about the findings? I hope there are no others, but if so, I hope they never need blood products based on that information. Really now, two blood types. Call Discovery Health Channel quick.

3. OMG.....the newborn picture girl! Why did they hire that girl? Where did they find her? She completely screwed up my only girl's first pictures....the ones I was going to hang on the wall next to identical spotted background ones of her brothers. First of all, she refused to use the spotted background and when I explained to her why I wanted it used she started that teenage eye rolling thing (because she couldnt' have been more than 15) and informed me that she didn't like it so she didn't use it. I kindly let her know that she would be using it. Then she took the baby over to a chair and started posing her on her belly all crazy like and I told the girl, hey, I just want the basic lying-on-her-back spotted background newborn scrunched up picture. Oh, no, she could do better that that so she proceeded to pluck all the flowers out of the only bouquet I received and try to surround her with them while she screamed on the spotted paper, then you know what she did? She dug in her pocket and found a pacifier and stuck it in my one day old baby's mouth! Oh no she did not! Did she not see the big fat sign on her crib that said NO BOTTLES OR PACIFIERS? I was pissed! When I explained I didn't want her having that she explained that she was such a baby expert that they all love it and take good pictures after getting one.....yep, that's the most important thing. Anyway, I keep asking for the picture I want and she posed her with the husband, complete with laptop in the background, took a picture of her wrinkly, purple feet, then laid her in that crib and tried to make her hold a pink rose like a dead person in a coffin and that's when I flipped out on her.....just take my damn picture already! Which she did finally, but I got the evil eye every time she trotted down the hall after that. OH, and that picture I coveted.....came from the company a few days later with a big ass C2 written right across it......forty bucks for a picture of my baby overshadowed by a huge C2.....asses. I called to have it replaced but haven't seen a thing yet. Good thing Derick took those hideous spotted papers off that crazy girl's hands so I can take my own now.


But even so, I still love the hospital. Every time I have ever been there on my brief vacations, I come home with the most wonderful little souvenirs.

What Day Is This?

I think in fragments these days. The sleep deprivation is getting to me. I get three straight hours a night between 1 and 4 and that's about it. Elizabeth is a night owl. Her witching hour begins at 9:30 and lasts until after midnight. She must be held, jiggled, fed, burped, and entertained with old Lost episodes during this period OR ELSE. She is also an early riser who wants to chit-chat at 5 am. If I didn't have two other kids who need attention this really wouldn't be a problem, but the whole sleep when the baby sleep thing is null and void unless you only have one child. I am not complaining, though. I knew this was my fate when I saw that tadpolish blob on the ultrasound screen in September. I kind of even like spending all that alone time with her, although it would be nice to condense into just one hour maybe.

The husband took all of last week off and "helped out". He was good keeping the boys entertained and trimming trees and mowing the lawn and running errands and moving furniture around so I shouldn't gripe........bbbbuuutttt......

Before I had kids of my own my WV friend started her own family and told me her husband was so in awe and grateful to her for giving birth to their son that he was like a new man, lavishing gifts, taking care of the baby, cleaning the house. She was kicking herself for waiting ten years to have kids. That lasted seven days and then her husband settled back into his old life and she wasn't that cool anymore. Apparently this is a phenomenon that most men go through. Mine does everytime, this time though, I was cool for only five days. By last Tuesday I was on my own during the night, pretty much, which was ironic given that the one person who wasn't supposed to be doing much (major surgery remember?) was doing it all while the rest of the house enjoyed uninterrupted slumber. Of course, he can use the old b***stfeeding argument, but, rocking a crying baby doesn't take bodily skill. I did get a pair of diamond earrings during the awe inspired phase out of it though.

The boys are doing really well with Elizabeth. Jacob kind of goes about his business as usual, but he was excited to share the news with his classmates and enjoyed passing out pink chocolate cigars to them his first day back at class. Adam is an absolute riot. Who knew a two year old could help out so much? He fetches diapers and wipes and always deposits the dirty ones in the diaper gen*e. He helps burp and pat and coo and sing and I crack up when he sniffs the baby vapor from the top of her head. He loves her immensely, probably more than me at this point. I have tried to sit in the chair with just him and he refuses. Sissy has to come too.

As for Elizabeth, I can tell she's gaining weight. When we brought her home she weighed five pounds, 15 ounces and we had to go out and get preemie diapers for her. The newborn ones fell right off her skinny rump. We only had one preemie outfit that belonged to Jacob that she wore the first couple of days until we had to twist my mom's arm to go out and buy some girl ones. She is already starting to grow out of those and into the three newborn things I have. We have gotten lots of clothes as gifts, but most of them are of the 6-9 month variety so they aren't doing us much good at the moment. I am eager to hit the Carters store once I am cleared to drive. How weird it will be to shop from the left side of the store!

I still have tons more to blog about, hopefully I will get into some sort of routine with the children soon so I can finish my birth thoughts....lots happened in that hospital....they almost lost my baby, they tried to pump me with the wrong blood type, it was loads of fun. So stay tuned, maybe I will get it churned out before summer.

My Beautiful Children

Uh, yeah, it's even harder to get a good picture with three kids.

She definitely takes after her brothers.

I think my dream of beautiful, magazine-worthy portraits on the wall has died.

Part Two - The Best Surprise

So, where were we?

Ah...a girl or a boy? That was the question.


You've heard me bitch talk about it several times and that morning was no different. Everyone wanted to know what we were having from the lady who took my pre-op blood to the nurses and passersby, anesthesiologists and doctors. No one could believe that in this age of technological breakthroughs we would decline the early knowledge of baby three's gender. So, when the doctor came in scrubbed and ready, he leaned down over my numb body and asked "the question." When I told him I didn't know he told me that he could not remember how long ago it was that he had been to a "surprise" birth and how excited he was that we were going to all be surprised that day. He asked my thoughts and I told him I thought it was a boy and he asked why. I explained that, aside from the obvious other two boys, that my favorite after-school television show was My Three Sons. The doctor seemed surprised that I even knew that show existed so we had a mini quiz-and-answer where I answered even the tough ones with ease. The doctor then pronounced that I was fated to have three sons and I agreed, although my anesthesiologist friends were split and the PA and nurse felt I needed a girl "for balance". It was actually quite fun and Elizabeth put in her two cents by flopping all over and impressing the crew with her acrobatics. I had been really nervous to find out the gender after all that waiting and I wondered what my reaction would be to either announcement. Part of me wanted a girl, being my last baby and all, and another part wanted a boy, because I just love my little boys so, but by the time they began the surgery I was ready. My husband was ready. People I had just met were ready. It took the doctor much longer to get to the baby this time, scar tissue and all, so the wait was a bit nerve wracking. He also took a long pause when he was ready to retrieve her to tell us this was it and she was on her way. I could feel them pulling her out and kept listening and he finally said "We have hair, lots of hair" I about jumped out of my skin because I was expecting boy or girl definitely NOT hair, so I proceeded to get excited about a hairy baby, having had only bald babies in the past, and almost missed the official verdict. In fact, I think I did miss it as the anesthesiologists and my husband practically pushed each other out of the way as she was being born to see for themselves when everyone started cheering and clapping...THEN I heard him say "It looks like a girl" and I broke down and bawled like a newborn baby myself. Apparently I wanted a girl more than I realized or maybe the excitement was just too much for me but, thank goodness, I wasn't strapped down because I truly needed tissues at that point.

What happened next, though, truly surprised me. I looked over to find my husband crying just as much, if not more, than I was. I was stunned. It never really dawned on me that he could have been wanting a daughter, but apparently he was. Like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes for him at that moment and I, naturally, bawled some more. Then I looked around and saw that the women were crying too. Once the husband took the baby out to meet the family (which I am sad I missed those excited brothers), the doctor told me that ours was the best delivery he had done in a very long time and that he rarely sees that pure emotion from the excitement of the surprise since most people don't wait anymore, and that my husband made his day over his uninhibited joy to have a daughter.

I am so glad we waited for the surprise. We had tons of fun throughout the pregnancy wondering who would be joining us. I know the husband wanted to know ahead of time and maybe that would have made us a little more prepared room wise, clothing wise, and name wise, but that fleeting moment when we met her AND found out what she was, was one of the best of my life. The last real surprise in life they say and for us it really was.

Part One

How can it be that my daughter is a week old already?



I guess I better get busy collecting my thoughts before they are distant memories in my mind.





It was a dark and stormy night......



Not really, but it was extremely early, 5 a.m., and dark.



I couldn't imagine why we needed to be there so early, figured we would have all kinds of time to kill, but they had scheduled the surgery for 7:30 (unbeknownst to me) and after filling out the papers (for the third time) and answering the same questions (Do you have a ride home?) and getting geared up, it was time to go. My mom barely had time to make it there with the boys, whom I deperately wanted to see as I was sure I would die and never be able to kiss them goodbye, but she did make it. Amazingly, I did allright being wheeled to my demise, accepted my fate I guess, but thanks to the wonderfully nice, well rested at the beginning of her shift nurse, I was able to remain calm.

So the husband had to dress in his alien suit and wait through all the surgery preparations. They set me up on the table to get the spinal and I started to freak. It was at this point last time that things began going horribly wrong, but my PA was there and explained that they were doing things a lot differently, new policies and all, and that I would not need an oxygen mask OR to be strapped down and that I would be getting the spinal versus the epidural and by then I had almost missed the numbing needle and my legs were going dead. OK, one obstacle down.

I have to say I loved my anesthesiologists. One was a lady with a Natasha from Bullwinkle accent and the other was her young, very young, intern. They were just so.....chipper. They were truly excited to be doing a c-section, not because they had never done one before (thank goodness) but because they loved being present at a new person's birth. Here I was, kind of feeling like been there, done that, and they were absolutely giddy about meeting my child. We talked like we were old friends and I felt when I was wheeled out almost like I should have gotten their phone numbers and met them for drinks after the whole breastfe*ding thing was over with. Anyway, things progressed quickly from there.....I was numb and draped and the husband was brought in as the doctor was beginning the surgery. I can't tell you how absolutely awesome it was to NOT have the oxygen mask and NOT be strapped down. It was actually rather pleasant, as far as major surgeries go, and I started getting a bit giddy waiting to hear the big gender announcement.........which totally deserves it's own post so I will get to that next time.

Day Two of Captivity

Well, we are still getting adjusted. It's going better than I had anticipated, but the sleep deprivation is already packing a wallop even though it's only been two nights. Apparently Elizabeth has her days and nights mixed up, but we're working on that.



I have tons of things I want to blog about last week, yet I don't have quite the time or free arms to do it all at once. I intend to plug it all out in installments, kind of the "As Our World Turns (into a chaotic freak show)" kind of thing so stay tuned.....Episode One:The Birth is coming soon, but until the day my medicine buzz allows me to have a clear coherent thought....pictures for you. Keep in mind that we are not photographers.

Short and Sweet....

Elizabeth Rachel

6 pounds, 9.5 ounces

19 inches

April 19 - 8:46 a.m.

Needless to say we were really surprised to hear the doctor say it was a girl, but maybe even more surprised to see that she has hair......black hair.

Our biggest thing now is trying to remember to call her she and her and find another nickname other than dude.

Baby is here

The new baby is here and it is...........................................................................................a girl! Born 8:46 AM, 6 lbs 9.5 oz. Mom and baby are healthy and Andria will post soon.

Can I Stay Pregnant Forever?

OK....

I have less then twenty four hours until I evict this baby.

I am freaking out.

I mean, I could die tomorrow! I am having a major surgery you know. Staph infections run rampant in hospitals and my husband has a killer case of athlete's foot that I am afraid to have near my gaping abdomen.....think I should make him wait out in the hall?



I had to go to the hospital this afternoon to sign all the same papers I signed at the "pre-registration" six weeks ago. They rid me of some blood, slapped some paper bracelets on me, and demanded payment. Everything is a go for 5:30 tomorrow morning. I think I might puke.



Breathe in.......breathe out



I really do need a drink.



But for now, this will have to do.

Update

Just wanted to let you know that I was still hanging in. I have officially hit that point where I am completely miserable 24 hours a day. This is new for me, I have never made it to the end before so I missed all this loveliness the last two times. I am plagued with restless legs at night so I can't sleep and I am barely moving during the day, I just hurt too bad. I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and had to endure the "check" which pretty much let me know I wasn't going anywhere until Thursday......6 AM Thursday to be exact. Unbelievable.

So, if I don't update before then, be patient. I will have husband bring the laptop to the hospital once I am moved to a room and hopefully I will be able to steal some access from the college next door. If not, MAYBE I will let husband into the inner workings of the blog to pass along the vitals and maybe a picture or two.

Last chance to guess what three is. Husband and I have a hunch and, amazingly, it's the same one this time so I'm ready to see if we're right, scared to death to parent three kids, but ready to meet our last child. Bring it on.

The Question

I'm still here...hanging on for dear life. Baby already screwing with our traditions, we were really wanting another Sunday baby, we don't have much to talk about at parties and saying all our kids were born on Sunday was kind of cool while it lasted.


But how about some more hormonal bitchiness?.....



One thing I will be glad to be rid of after this pregnancy ends is the people who constantly ask "Is it a boy or a girl?" Why does this fact matter to so many people?

I find it strange that Hilda at the grocery store asks me every week and I know she remembers me because I gave her a green bean recipe that she thanks me for every time. I go to my MOPS group every other week and those girls STILL ask me if I have found out yet, like I have 24 hour access to an ultrasound machine. I have explained, patiently, that we really did want to be surprised and they just don't get it.

What I like even less is comments such as:

Are you going to try for a girl if this one is a boy?
Don't you want to be prepared to be disappointed in case it's a boy?
I will die if you have another boy!
It will be so sad if you don't have a girl!
I'll feel so sorry for you if it's a boy.
I am so lucky to have one of each, I wish you could experience that.

Do people even realize how that comes across?

A mother of one of Jacob's classmates approached me the other day to let me know that she was pregnant as well and, of course, asked the "What is it?" question, to which I replied, "a baby, that's all we know." and she went on for twenty minutes about how she was expecting a girl after having two "wild" boys and how she would have keeled over dead if she were having another boy and won't it be horrible for me to find out at the birth that it's a boy? Yada, yada, yada...she is so lucky to be having a girl she must have done something right to be rewarded that way. Since she had her ultrasound at 16 weeks, I am secretly hoping that girl sprouts a pe*is, but what? I seriously don't think she is a malicious person and maybe I took all of that completely wrong, but I found the whole conversation unsettling....like, I don't want to show up at the kindergarten graduation with a third boy for fear of looking like the poor, poor woman with the three boys...let us pray for her.

Sometimes, now, when people pose the question to me, I have started saying "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" just to gauge the reactions. If I am alone and say it's a boy or a girl, the asker is pretty ambivalent, if I have even just one boy with me and say it's a boy, I usually get some head shaking, or tsking, or the inevitable, "you can always try again". If I say it's a girl they are practically throwing confetti at me. Saying you are having a girl always makes everyone happy. Why is that?

I know, I shouldn't take this personally, but I kind of do. I mean, this is my kid we're talking about. I created it, gestated it, gave up blue cheese for it. It's a part of our family no matter what parts it possesses. Why do people want to make me feel badly for not conforming to society's idea of a perfect family? Maybe I do want a girl. Maybe I don't. Either way, it just makes me feel bad like I'm disappointing everyone and purposely going against the norm.

My new answer: It's a baby. Period. It will be loved by it's family and protected by it's brothers. It might wear dresses or it's brother's overalls, either way it's ours, it belongs to us and we are happy about it.

One day I'll quit being hormonal...menopause is right around the corner isn't it?




Don't you feel so sorry for me?

The Home Stretch

If history repeats itself, I should have a baby tonight. Jacob and Adam were both born on Sunday mornings after having gone into labor on a Saturday night. This is my last weekend as a mother of two so this is our last chance. I wouldn't be against it, the labor ward is empty on Sundays, but I don't feel anything and I haven't dropped yet, so I think three is staying put. But just in case I don't have the opportunity again, here are my thoughts on the past nine months.....

Honestly, I still can't believe we are having a third baby. It just seems weird still. There was a time, eight years ago, when we thought we wouldn't have one baby let alone three. My first two pregnancies were hard. There was the every other day blood testing, hormone supplementations, and the biweekly miscarriage scares and dead baby checks. I didn't have any of that this time. My doctor says my body must have finally just "got it". Gee, would have been nice if it could have gotten it the first time, but I digress. Anyway, aside from the twenty weeks of morning sickness, this pregnancy has been absolutely uneventful. No emergency room visits, no preterm labor, nothing. You know, I have only been to my doctor's office for scheduled appointments, no "something's wrong" fit ins this time. It almost makes me want to have another just because now I know THIS is what it's supposed to be like and it's really not that bad...but not too much.

I still feel unsure about adding another baby to the family. I just don't feel like a mom to three, two fits me like a glove, but we'll manage. I do feel blessed to have been given this opportunity to have an easy pregnancy and a surprise baby, it's like a gift, really....a nine month long gift, but a gift nonetheless. In less than a week (or tomorrow) I will find out who we have been waiting for all this time, our little surprise who just had to come live with us..... poor thing, doesn't know what it's in for.

Blah...

I really don't have any relevant thoughts these days. But for what it's worth.....

Jacob finished up his evaluations yesterday. Now the husband and I go next Wednesday to rehash the results. I am nervous, yet not, because she scheduled it the DAY BEFORE I am going to have a baby. The fear of dying is trumping the fear of asbergers at this point.

We scrapped both baby names. They just weren't doing it for us. We were going to name Adam, Paul. I look back on that now and think, geez louise, is he in NO WAY a Paul. I need something great for this kid so I don't regret it later down the line, like I sometimes do Jacob since every single boy in the nation seems to be named that. The one name I really do like happens to be Adam's middle name. We loved both names so much and couldn't decide so we gave him both. That, in hindsight, was really dumb. The husband says we should just use it anyway, but I think that is a tad over the line and just plain weird. I am open to suggestions. Right now our plan is to wait until it's born and see what it looks like. Really. I didn't say it was a good plan.

Is anyone watching Desperate Housewives this season? I haven't seen any of them yet, they are all stored on my tivo, but the tivo is filling up and I need to make some room for all the things I will miss while birthing a baby and doing the newborn thing. I haven't heard much buzz about it this year so I am wondering if it is even worth it to keep them there. Should I just delete them and rent season two (or is it three?) one adventurous evening? Or should I just let it fall off my list of shows all together? I finally gave up on Lost and started watching again last night. I am six episodes behind. Can someone fill me in?

I am still dying for a banana snapple and apparently so are many other people because I get at least one hit a day from it.

When the doctor scheduled my section for the 19th, in my mind I kept thinking the 12th, like, the 12th was going to be the day. Doesn't look like that is going to happen, but I am really hoping it doesn't decide to come tomorrow....Friday the 13th. I would freak out.

I am addicted to soda again and this time I can't blame it on my mom because she gave it up and now drinks only water, ugh! I was sucked in at the grocery store picking up some diet coke for the husband that was almost five bucks a twelve pack BUT I could pay two bucks a twelve pack if I bought five of them. So of course, I bought five of them. That's sixty sodas. Now, I don't drink diet EVER, so the smart thing would have been to stock up on husband's soda, but no, only one twelve pack for him, I have a variety and have been scarfing on them ever since,then I wonder why the reflux is hitting me so badly every night. I never said I was smart. How have I lived this long without the black cherry vanilla cokes? Is there a quit patch for soda?

You gotta try this!

It didn't completely melt away my stress, I mean, it didn't make my whiny children and messy house disappear, but it was definitely a mood lifter.


And my top searches this week.......

weekend with the kids driving me crazy
Houston police calling and asking for money
she sits and smothers him
vidodin and staidol
her tatas move with each push (did I ever type tatas?)
and, of course, banana snapple

I'll Take Some Cheese With my Whine

In nine more days I will have a baby.

I should be excited about that. I am not really that excited about that.

I am worried and stressed and fearful, but excited, no.


First of all, I am scared to death of another c-section. My first one went allright, aside from the six weeks it took me to recover from it, but the last one was just horrifying. It started badly and went from there. The nurse struggled to place an iv for what seemed like forever and I still have scars on my arms and hands from it. I think she stuck me about twelve different places. They didn't want to epidural me too early and, God forbid, my doctor come in and deliver my baby before morning so they gave me a dose of staidol they said would wear off in two hours. Try ten hours. It screwed with me. Fast forward to the OR and the epidural dude couldn't get the needle in my back, he kept hitting a nerve making me jump, totally involuntary I assure you, but it didn't stop that bitchy nurse from screaming at me to stop one inch from my nose...yeah, it's nice when the nurses have some people skills. By that time I was in a complete panic attack with the highly competent nurse screaming at me to stop panicking (ever had a panic attack? yeah, can't turn those on and off) and then she pretty much threw me onto the table and strapped me down with all the force she could muster. I know I pissed her off by showing up that night because I heard her tell the nurse at the desk that "damn, now I have to work" but, come on. So, I'm laying there in a full panic attack with my mind still blowing in and out from the drugs when the drug guy behind me thought it best to give me an oxygen mask. Did I ever mention that I don't do things on my face? There is no Pin the Tail on the Donkey for me, no pinata time, no snorkeling on our Bahamian vacation. The face, off limits, don't know why, just is. So when drug guy put that mask on me and I couldn't free my hands to pull it off, let's just say it wasn't pretty. Really pissed off monster nurse. They finally freed me from the facial prison in time for my husband to show up and get started. The birth itself went allright, we were shown the baby, they cleaned him up and Dad took off for the nursery with him leaving me sprawled out on that table again. By this time, drug dude had given me "something to calm me" at the request of my doctor so I was doing better, although I still had that weird staidol hangover interfering with my calm off and on. After a while I start to realizing that it was taking a much longer time to stitch me up compared to last time and so I started paying some attention to the conversation in the room. Drug dude asked if my uterus could be saved, OB said he was working on it, Nurse Monster asked if more blood was needed, OB gave her my blood type and sent her on, Someone asked "what do we do now?" and I started to freak again. WTF??? It didn't help that the nice drug guy who had been talking to me and soothing me was starting to freak out as well. I just knew I was going to die there. I didn't ask what was going on because, frankly, I didn't really want to know, but eventually different nurse came over, explained that my bladder had ruptured while pulling the baby out due to adhesions from the previous section and my mind went back to the moment an hour before when I was signing all the waivers and being told that I had a 2% chance of adhesions and a 3% chance of death, at which point OB looked over the curtain and said he had repaired everything, no big deal, but I would have to stay in the hospital a while longer and get a few extra days of morphine (Hallelujah)....then he asked if I was having anymore kids because he really wanted to tie my tubes because he didn't really want to have to perform another c-section on me again. He even had monster nurse go fetch the papers, which you are to sign BEFORE surgery. He seemed okay when I told him I really didn't want to have to do that and I never thought much about that conversation again, having tried to forget every detail of that hour, until the past few months. I have this horrible feeling that we will be repeating the same procedure all over again. My doctor hasn't said a word about being worried this time, but what can he say? It has to be done, I can't stay pregnant forever. So, sometimes I think, what if I die during this c-section? What would happen to my kids? I have mentioned that I fear death right? Not so much the dying itself, but the leaving my kids and family and missing out on so much.

So, that dampers my excitement a bit.....

Also, what in the world am I supposed to do with this baby? We tried to put a car seat in my car and there was no way Jacob could strap in with it. If I ever want to go somewhere, I will only be able to take two kids. Or buy a new car. But my car is paid for and a new car would require another payment blowing out of the pocket book every month. Essentially, if we have to purchase a new vehicle, Jacob is going to public school and I do think he would get beaten up every day there what with his weirdness, ADD, and the fact that we live in a pretty rough neighborhood and he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. There is also no closet space, no drawer space, and although this baby has a crib, Adam is now out one room and I have no idea where he will end up.

Plus, I have been trying to cram in all kinds of one-on-one time with each of my kids to the point of exhaustion. Jacob and I went strawberry picking with some of his friends this afternoon...at a farm with lots of mud. We are doing a wildlife park later this week and I have promised Adam a whole morning at that wretched mouse place one day. I really feel I need to do this because I know my time will be limited very soon, but it's taking a toll. I hurt and I'm tired and trying not to let that make me cranky with my kids because, you know, if I die and everything I don't want them to remember bitchy mommy, nice and loving mommy would go over so much better.

This really turned into a complete whine fest, sorry about that. I am 37 weeks pregnant and highly hormonal, shoot, I am surprised I didn't cry while typing this. I guess one thing to be excited about getting this over with is the fact that I will go home with a scrip for vicodin (helps me sleep, really), the hospital has awesome food (and you can wheel it right up to your chin while you lay in bed!), oh, and that baby everyone is so ready to see. It won't be long now.

Happy Easter...it is Easter?

Here are my kids in their Easter outfits.....aren't they cute?

But, they never got to wear those Easter outfits as it was 38 degrees this morning. In Texas. In April. ????? Instead.......

Yo G....we busta move over all that tasty candy even if it is freezing outside!

Or better still.....yesterday's spring time Easter egg hunt....in Christmas duds...indoors.



What day is this? Is Santa coming tomorrow? Why am I holding this bucket? I'm so cold.




Ho! Ho! Ho! Nothing like a chocolate egg breakfast in your warm reindeer Christmas jammies.

Thanks Easter Bunny! Or Santa...whoever.

What About Adam?

Adam is my baby.

I cannot fathom a time when he will not be the baby.

I am sad knowing he can keep that title for only twelve more days.


Adam is my baby. He is my Mama's boy. He has been completely attached to me since the moment we met, to him my arms belong to him, ready to scoop him up at each beck and call, always there for him. How is he going to understand when a tiny baby is filling them great portions of the day? How do you explain this to a two year old?

Each morning after we take Jacob to school, Adam climbs into the recliner with me and we sit. Sometimes we watch tv (God bless him, he likes the Today show), sometimes I knit, most of the time we talk to Gammy on the phone, but daily we sit. Once I came home and started to get busy on housework right away and he took my hand and the remote and led me to the chair. That's when I realized that it was important to him, it was his routine. I never meant to start that with him, but he expects it and that's what we do. I love our time in the chair. Even though he doesn't speak, we have "conversations" and most of time I know what he's talking about. He rubs my hair and gives me kisses. He loves to see the big Smuckers jar on the tv when they are celebrating the birthdays. He is happy. I am happy. We are happy doing nothing, be it ten minutes or forty minutes. I keep thinking ahead and wondering how I will fit chair time into our day with our little stranger. I am not ready to give that up AND I am not ready to share it yet. Only twelve more days of undivided chair time.

About two weeks before Jacob was born, I sobbed one entire evening because I was not ready for his only-childedness to end. I just knew we were ruining his life by bringing in this new creature who would require time and energy and send Jacob clinging to the sidelines of the family like our poor animals had done four years before. I knew I could not love another child as fiercely and pure as I did my first born...how was that even possible? What had we done to our family?

I feel like that again. I want more baby time with Adam. I feel robbed of his littleness because I know how big he will become between the time they wheel me back to the OR and after I return from recovery. I know I will love this baby, but I don't feel it right now, instead I am filled with dread over losing my second baby. I'm not ready to share our chair.

It's a Soap Opera

Well, the teacher conference didn't go as well as I had hoped. It went about how I expected, but I was really hoping she would say that Jacob has matured immensely and is just the best all around kid that ever lived, I'm a dreamer that way, but no. It pretty much went down as I figured.

The teacher is still recommending transitional kindergarten emphatically. Of course, in the end it is our decision since academically she has no basis to hold him back, but really, I wish someone had just said HEY, this is the way it's going to be, deal with it. I am not a good decision maker. I mean, my newest kid is two weeks away from arrival and still doesn't have a name or a car seat, I'm supposed to carve my kid's future in a couple weeks?

We still haven't heard anything back from the psychologist who is doing the evaluations. In fact, she left a message pushing back the last part of the testing another day which has highly ticked off the dad. We wanted that information and advice before we had to decide what to do, like next week. I am pretty confident he will be diagnosed with ADD. The teacher still thinks he has Aspergers based on somebody's adopted Russian kid she met once, but given the scale I was given on both, I don't think that will be an issue. Here is where I am at with it: If he does prove to have ADD and need medication or even alternative coping skills would it be better to hold him back that year and deal with those issues while the work is still somewhat familiar to him and he's not dealing with the challenge that is first grade? OR, do we go ahead with first grade because, obviously, he can do the work and work with these behavior issues along with the newness of all day school and more seat work? Would that be too much for him? It's all lose-lose to me at this point. Hold him back, he's graduating high school at 19, seeing his classmates go on to the next grade, and not getting any more actual learning time. Send him on and his behavior could continue to be an issue, he may never catch up socially and lag behind his peers forever....but he might learn more math skills. OR, I could always home school him, but how is that helping him learn social skills? Dilemma......

I went up to the school this morning to attend chapel and when I found that they had cancelled chapel (thanks for telling me) went out and observed Jacob on the playground with the rest of the kindergarten kids. The teacher is right. He's a follower and less mature than the other kids. I knew that already, but it was interesting to witness what she sees everyday. In my experience as a teacher, you can learn a lot about a kid on the playground.

Now, this situation isn't a hopeless one. I know so many other parents deal with so much more than a little immaturity, but I think every parent just goes into it thinking their child will be the most popular, well-adjusted, intelligent human being ever to grace the earth, so it's hard to hear that some people think your child is kind of weird. The fact remains though.....he is a little weird. I love him, but God bless him, he's weird. So, for that, I am beginning to lean toward the transitional class. My husband, on the other hand, is not. We shall see how it turns out soon.....these, I am afraid, are the days of our lives.

Tuesday Tidbits

Am I a horrible person because I find a little humor on Deal or No Deal when the contestant pushes it until all the big amounts are gone and he gets an offer of, like, $900? I've got to figure it cost him more than that to get there. I'm the one shouting DEAL all the time. I know if I were looking at $200,000 versus the close to zero I have on hand now, I would go for the that and be happy about it.

I have figured out unborn baby's deal. It's trying to stretch out. HELLO! You can't do that. There's no room. Curl back up into your ball and go to sleep. Mommy has had enough, thank you.

Two more weeks. So far to prepare I have pulled the bre*st pump out of the closet (still haven't washed the parts yet), bought a size one pacifier, and had the husband move the crib mattress up (but it still has dirty sheets on it). I am on a roll, no? I am assuming I am nowhere near labor as there is not one iota of nesting instinct in my bones at this point. Now, I am a complete neat freak. A messy home just makes me physically sick and I am usually on top of things but now, well, I cannot do laundry as my belly is too big to get to the wet clothes. I cannot fold the laundry that does get done until my husband gets home to plop it onto the bed for me as I cannot bend down to dig the things from the basket and usually by then I am in no mood for folding. Dusting, too much reaching and sneezing. Vacuuming, too heavy. Mopping, forget about it, just the thought of busting my nine month pregnant ass on that wet floor causes me to sweat. I HATE a filthy house!

Jacob's school held an auction this weekend, fundraiser type thing ya know. I was under the impression that we were pretty much required to be there, you know those nudge, nudge kind of things, better donate our share as if the tuition wasn't enough of a kick in the checkbook each month. Of the sixteen families in Jacob's class only four of us showed up, the four poorest of us I might add, at least based on my impressions regarding cars, clothing, and bling-bling. I am hoping they just wrote a nice check and went out for a nice expensive dinner instead as we are now $75 more dollars in the hole "doing our part". It was tons of fun, though, I got ten hours of day care for five bucks....FIVE BUCKS! Oh, and two nights of pet sitting for twenty five! We might actually be able to go somewhere one weekend! Look out world, here we come! Anyway, it was might interesting to witness the live auction, where we actually thought we might have a chance bidding on the chance to name a new street in town or a week at a Galveston beach house. My goodness....the hummer drivers took all those good things. A pair of Texans tickets for ONE game went for 3,000 bucks and two families had a friendly bidding war over a sitting at a photographer and a few pictures and they were up to 3,000 on that when we left. Would somebody like to bid on our mortgage payment? I worry when I buy steaks.

We are meeting with Jacob's teacher in half an hour. He has had a bad two weeks at school. Anger issues and laziness which isn't the norm for him. We are at our wit's end, he's kind of driving us nuts. Now, common sense tells us that he is anxious about the upcoming change in our family, but all I get from him on that front is that he is really excited to meet the new baby and help out and for it to get big enough to play with him. I am hoping this is short lived because I really would like to nip this in the bud before I am preoccupied with number three so many hours a day.

Please people, do not vote for Sanjaya tonight.